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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #1051
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Speaking of Saturday, I have to attend an "admissions open house" this weekend. Only one hour and I will get free lunch, but still.

  2. #1052
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    Leaving for India on Thursday. Going through Charlotte NC, straight into the path of Florence

    My boss already left to take a weeks holiday in Europe. She was offered $800 by the airline to take a different flight. Hoping the same happens to me

  3. #1053
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Working in an office seems good. Today a woman came round with cupcakes and then in the kitchen there was a plate of “party food” with a sign saying help yourself so I had a few sausage rolls. Still not had my work email set up so there’s been very little work to do. I sat in a meeting today and was asked to take notes but I didn’t have a clue what most of them were on about so my notes were sketchy to say the least.

    I’ve been “working on” a spreadsheet for over two days now (read: staring at excel, it took me twenty minutes) so that’s kept me looking rosy. I just spend my time chatting to TEH LADS. One of them has been sampling all the non-alcoholic beers somehow recommended to him by Adrian “Adrian” Chiles and the other told me about how he makes his own mead.
    I'm a twit

  4. #1054
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Rather pick stone.

  5. #1055
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Was out at a UX conference all day today

  6. #1056
    I used to be funny.
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    Looking at Danny's post, I'm reminded the congressman or whatever of North Carolina's been emailing out evacuation notices ahead of the hurricane. If you're wondering how he got my address, some jobsite in NC must've nabbed it a while back.

    Our work is snowed under at the minute. Our usual work is so boring that a full day on it really hits it home. The union lot are currently balloting for the pay review. Can't imagine that'll go well.

  7. #1057
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raoul Duke View Post
    Was out at a UX conference all day today
    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post


    Rather pick stone.

  8. #1058
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raoul Duke View Post
    Was out at a UX conference all day today
    Was that UX Cambridge?

  9. #1059
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    Maybe he was just in Uxbridge and tries to make it sound fancy.

  10. #1060
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    I got a call yesterday about a job that would suit my field in a massive company that I've always wanted to get into. Any foot in the door and into the industry and you'd be well set. But it means going back to car ownership and I don't know if I could at this stage.
    Interview next week for this. It's been a while.

  11. #1061
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    Was that UX Cambridge?
    Yeah

  12. #1062
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Who knew work would go faster when I'm not on a massive come down.

  13. #1063
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    I've only made 1 sale in like 4 months.

    Am I going to be sacked?

    In fairness it was a £13,000 sale.

  14. #1064
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    If sales was your only role, then you probably deserve it. Even if their margins are 50% (which they definitely won't be), you'll have made the company a profit of £6,500 in 4 months. That's approx £1.6k per month, which is presumably considerably less than what they pay you.

  15. #1065
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Magic forgot to factor 'being a shitty salesman' into his 'I'm going to be rich' plan.

  16. #1066
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Yeah I can only sell via channel, so I've spent most of my time trying to get good channel and repair the damage done by years of fuckwits.

    My pipeline is looking good though. £134,500 over 3 years.

    And I've got more leads but I don't want to put them in to the pipeline because it would give a false impression. I hate telecoms.

  17. #1067
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    My pipeline is looking good though. £134,500 over 3 years.
    That's 45 grand a year in revenue. That's not looking good.

  18. #1068
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Got a job ad in my inbox advertising for a 'Motion Designer for Serie A' and got really hyped up. It's a company called Serie A not the league

  19. #1069
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    That's 45 grand a year in revenue. That's not looking good.
    No but I plan to add to that, obviously. I've been groundworking the shit out of channel since the end of June so I'm hoping that starts to bear fruit soon. Otherwise I'm fucked.

  20. #1070
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    ‘I can do you a cracking deal on WiFi extenders’.

  21. #1071
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Got a job ad in my inbox advertising for a 'Motion Designer for Serie A' and got really hyped up. It's a company called Serie A not the league
    You'd need to be some sort of alchemist to design any motion for that league.

  22. #1072
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    Submitted an application for professional accreditation which involves writing a report answering questions about scenarios and providing information on how you've done that.

    Developed it with my 'mentor' and then got a separate 'fellow' of the organisation to review it before submitting. There's five sections, each with 2-4 sub questions.

    The feedback from the person who reviewed my report? 'Provide more examples' for every single sub section. I'd given a detailed response to each question with a single example. Apparently that's not at all what they're looking for, they basically want a ramble of multiple examples loosely connected to each query.

    Great. I'll re-write the whole thing then.

  23. #1073
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    You don't need to re-write the full thing. Just provide more examples.

  24. #1074
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    You don't need to re-write the full thing. Just provide more examples.
    I was already pretty close up against the word count limit.

    Tbf, it doesn't really help me with anything and I submitted it opportunely. I'll sort it at some point.

  25. #1075
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    My job today involves listening to a panel of Emmanuel Macron and Bill and Melinda Gates. I want to jump out the window.

  26. #1076
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Ask Bill Gates why, if he thinks wealthy people like him should pay more tax, he hasn't handed his foundations over to the government.

  27. #1077
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Got randomly pulled into the manager's office today to be told that I'm brilliant, 'eat work faster than anyone here', and that he can 'promise me' a great end of year pay review.

    I've been around the block enough times to know that this only means one of two things, 1) someone's getting fired and not replaced, or 2) he's about to take some countries out of someone else's sales portfolio and give them to me.

  28. #1078
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Ask Bill Gates why, if he thinks wealthy people like him should pay more tax, he hasn't handed his foundations over to the government.
    I'm not at the UN, I just have to listen to it.

  29. #1079
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Not really a 'job' that mate, watching telly.

  30. #1080
    I used to be funny.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Got randomly pulled into the manager's office today to be told that I'm brilliant, 'eat work faster than anyone here', and that he can 'promise me' a great end of year pay review.

    I've been around the block enough times to know that this only means one of two things, 1) someone's getting fired and not replaced, or 2) he's about to take some countries out of someone else's sales portfolio and give them to me.
    3) Keys to a tractor.

  31. #1081
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Revelation: TTH works in work.
    I'm a twit

  32. #1082
    Senior Member Alan Shearer The 2nd's Avatar
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    I was moaning about my job being crap a while ago (it still is) but today I got a 22% pay increase so that's certainly a plus.

  33. #1083
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    You work for Amazon or something? 22 sounds mental.

  34. #1084
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    Well that shits all over my 3.5%.

    Yesterday the head announced he was leaving. Which is a shitter, as he was a decent head, god knows what we'll end up with. Maybe another embezzler.

  35. #1085
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Do you work for one of the big US brands?


    .
    Last edited by Giggles; 03-10-2018 at 05:08 PM.

  36. #1086
    Senior Member Alan Shearer The 2nd's Avatar
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    American oil company.

    It was a big rise for the vast majority of guys in the workshop. That many have been leaving in the past year (think we were in the teens at the last count) that the new manager has restructured the pay and grading- I say restructured, there was no structure, it was an absolute cluster fuck, almost nobody on the workshop floor had the same salary and recently qualified apprentices etc. had been criminally underpaid for a couple of years. We got a derisory pay rise in the Spring after a 4 year pay freeze, I wasn't the worst at 3% but plenty only got 1%.

    All the while you hear of next to useless office staff that know bugger all about the equipment getting 10%+ pay rises along with productivity bonuses. Not sure how many other companies have a bonus like that in place for the non-productive staff only yet the guys that actually turnover the equipment just get offered overtime as if it's some sort of holy grail.

    It's been a long time coming, fair play to the new manager though because it's him that's been the driving force behind it putting the case forward to upper management. One of the guys I work with is now on £10k more than he was before that crap pay rise earlier in the year.

  37. #1087
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    I got a 9% bonus this year and don't know what to do with it. I can't imagine jumping 22 in a year.

  38. #1088
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    We don't even get annual pay reviews because we're already above what people at our grade in other departments are.

  39. #1089
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I'll never get a payrise, but I found out today in my mini-annual review that I'm about seventy per cent through my annual targets after three months, so maybe I'll just stop turning up after Christmas.

  40. #1090
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alan Shearer The 2nd View Post
    American oil company.

    It was a big rise for the vast majority of guys in the workshop. That many have been leaving in the past year (think we were in the teens at the last count) that the new manager has restructured the pay and grading- I say restructured, there was no structure, it was an absolute cluster fuck, almost nobody on the workshop floor had the same salary and recently qualified apprentices etc. had been criminally underpaid for a couple of years. We got a derisory pay rise in the Spring after a 4 year pay freeze, I wasn't the worst at 3% but plenty only got 1%.

    All the while you hear of next to useless office staff that know bugger all about the equipment getting 10%+ pay rises along with productivity bonuses. Not sure how many other companies have a bonus like that in place for the non-productive staff only yet the guys that actually turnover the equipment just get offered overtime as if it's some sort of holy grail.

    It's been a long time coming, fair play to the new manager though because it's him that's been the driving force behind it putting the case forward to upper management. One of the guys I work with is now on £10k more than he was before that crap pay rise earlier in the year.
    Quality. Do you have a decent bonus / share scheme?

    It's kind of the opposite for us. The guys offshore get paid loads because of the rotation, then get paid loads if they ever come into the office to work. We office technical support staff get effectively underpaid overtime to go offshore on a helicopter, be away from home and in a more hazardous environment.

  41. #1091
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I've just been asked to do some infographics.

    Feel like @phonics.
    I'm a twit

  42. #1092
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    I got a 9% bonus this year and don't know what to do with it. I can't imagine jumping 22 in a year.
    You start being an adult and invest it in some ETFs.

  43. #1093
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Panda Bear View Post
    You start being an adult and invest it in some ETFs.
    Lol yeah right. 20% of my salary already goes into my pension and we’ll all be dead before I get to use that anyway.

  44. #1094
    Senior Member Alan Shearer The 2nd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foe View Post
    Quality. Do you have a decent bonus / share scheme?

    It's kind of the opposite for us. The guys offshore get paid loads because of the rotation, then get paid loads if they ever come into the office to work. We office technical support staff get effectively underpaid overtime to go offshore on a helicopter, be away from home and in a more hazardous environment.
    No.

    There was an employee retention bonus in place previously which was good, every 6 months it was 10% of your gross earnings thank you very much. I didn't get many after finishing my apprenticeship when they stopped it due to how the industry went.

    Always managed to coincide with a massive car bill too.

  45. #1095
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    We're on for just over £100k profit this year, which is our best year ever outside of 2015 which was a bit of a freak. What's great is that this is despite 2 big projects horrendously overrunning - if we can eliminate those from happening next year, we should beat it significantly.

    I'm moving back to the Midlands in about 12 months so I can be in the office every day. I don't think I'll miss Southampton.

  46. #1096
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Will that become your salary then? Or are you planning to expand/spread the wealth in bonuses?

  47. #1097
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    I take a salary anyway, so any dividend will be on top of that. I own 42% of the company so I'll be entitled to 42% of whatever dividend I decide to issue. Staff will definitely get bonuses.

  48. #1098
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alan Shearer The 2nd View Post
    No.

    There was an employee retention bonus in place previously which was good, every 6 months it was 10% of your gross earnings thank you very much. I didn't get many after finishing my apprenticeship when they stopped it due to how the industry went.

    Always managed to coincide with a massive car bill too.
    Shame. We've got a pretty solid share scheme. I signed up to a 3 year scheme where you get an option price, chuck £250 a month at it and at the end have the option to take back your money, or buy the shares at the option price. There's 11 months left, and currently the share price is double the option price.

    Bonus scheme isn't bad either.

  49. #1099
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    Ps congrats SvN.

    Have you seen much expansion, or has it been pretty steady?

  50. #1100
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Having a proper hating life day at work. Bad enough that they're all stupid, but why must they all stink of shit. Best are the ones who complain about direct debits bouncing. 'WHY HAS THIS NOT GONE THROUGH, I'M MOVING BANKS', it's because you've spent all your money you daft twat.

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