Now that sounds rapey.
Now that sounds rapey.
Did Mrs Kiko have a lager?
I'm a twit
Bam probably tells his wife he's watching porn when he's on here.
No need for profanity.
Shame she packed her bags afterwards 😪
They've just had a US style fly over after the anthem before the All Ireland final. I never thought we had planes so fuck knows where they got them.
EDIT: 24 aircraft apparently. Fuck me, we should invade someone.
You can have Wales if you want.
Can they have Luton too?
Let’s not push it.
Liverpool and Luton? No wonder you can't agree a deal with our German overlords.
I'm back
5 cities in 9 days. Made the rookie mistake of not booking Monday off as well though so it's off to work tomorrow.
I have no idea where to post this so:
Some guy just tried to convert me to Christianity. Full blown evangelism. Adam and Eve was real, Noah's Ark happened and he had to kill all of them except Noah. ('Thou shalt not kill' doesn't apply to God apparently.) The works. He called me a slave to Satan if I didn't repent my sins. I said wouldn't that just make me a slave to God and he said 'Yeah but who wouldn't want to be a slave to a God?'
Wild shit. I'm just here waiting for my drug dealer dude.
Sorry, thought you seemed the type.
Sounds like that div who inhabited Oxford Circus for years (probably still does) with his sandwich board and his megaphone.
There was an Indian mob in the high street that had been conned into accepting Jesus. They were singing Christian songs with a Bollywood twist sans any actual singing ability. It was hilarious.
I spent half an hour this evening installing a virtual machine of windows XP so I can use an antiquated chess game I got off amazon. Surprised by how nostalgic I felt when it played the startup noise.
Igor, not to be rude but you know you can just right click on the .exe for XP right?
PS: BattleChess is the greatest chess game of all time.
I'm dog sitting. He was sulking because I went to the gym, but I gave him a vanilla slice and he's alright now.
If I gave my dog anything that had been past the beady eye of Mr Kipling, she would literally shit herself with excitement and then vomit it back up moments later.
If he wasn't meant to have all the things you aren't supposed to give dogs, why isn't he dead? #hadenoughofexperts
Our old cat used to eat stuff off my mum's plate, cus she could never face telling it off (sure you'll all be gobsmacked to hear this wasn't dissimilar to her approach to parenting), and once the cat had a big bite of a piece of fucking lemon instead of the fish she was presumably going for. Got a good laugh out of the cat's stupid face, then another one for the ridiculousness of my mum telling me off for "being mean to the cat".
Cats should be punched long before they get near a table.
A few games later, I'm starting to get the hang of it, I still don't know what an opening move is but I've got a solid closer.
edit: In that game I managed to outdo my shameful attempt at this game they called Chess against Igor by making the right move 14% of the time (while he hit 40%) by only making the right decision 9% of the time.
If anyone wants an immersive interactive experience you can use the wetherspoons app and buy me and my mates drinks. Table 19 rugby spoons x
Managed to put my foot in it quite spectacularly last night.
Me and three of my pals were eating dinner prior to watching some comedy show, and were moaning about some bloke we all know. He used to make really lame and stupid songs back in the day, and I sang a bit of one of them to take the piss out of him, and somehow my brain instead went for a song that one of the fucking people sat next to me had made instead.
It was on his youtube page and was a song he'd made as a video job application for some charity years ago, that he'd NEVER shown any of us and would have no reason to believe anyone would have ever seen. I found it years ago, and had obviously watched it a lot of times to know it off by heart. In that brief brain fart moment, I revealed to him that I'd been loling at him behind his back for fucking years, and I think he would have known I'd have shared that video with pretty much everyone I know at some point, because I'm the kind of cunt who would do that.
I obviously had no way to weasel out of it and just had to roll with it. Rest of the evening was quite tense, with him never talking to me, and our interactions limited to him making sarky comments like "oh yeah, lets go to a pub IGOR wants to go to, he'll DEFINITELY know a good one", and he HATED the comedy as well. Loudly talking to one of our mates about how it was the worst thing he'd ever seen and HOW COULD ANYONE FIND THAT FUNNY. I mean, fair play really.
Today I'm meant to be back in London for his SISTER's birthday party, at which I know nobody except her and him. I think I'll probably be sacking that off.
Shag his sister. You’ve got to double down at points like this.
Well that basically happened already about 10 years ago, and had added a slight tension to our friendship that HAD just about disappeared at last. Maybe we're just not meant to be mates.
You have the weirdest fucking life inside that head.
Use the song as your ringtone.
I went back to look at it when I got home and he's deleted it off youtube. Sad. The fact I'd never thought to make backups is pretty out of character for me.
Your only mistake there was not having lolled at the video all those years ago. My friend used to go out with somebody whose best mate was discovered on a dating site looking for other couples to swing with, and, although the news got around, nobody ever mentioned it to them that they knew. How would you not bring that up for a lol at the the first and every subsequent opportunity?
Aye, I wish I'd just laughed about it to his face, like I had done the two times I found embarrassing stuff on his computer when we were fourteen. The amputee porn off limewire was pretty bad, but once I saw an mp3 called "hannah" in a weird folder with nothing else in it, and played it while he was having a piss and I just heard him scream and run back to his bedroom to turn it off. Obviously i hit windows+l and restrained him while me and my mate howled with laughter. Turns out it was some song he recorded to win the affections of some girl. Somehow that feels more honourable than this cus at least I didn't do it behind his back.