So should I re-send so she has a fresh copy, or no?
Serious though that sounds a bit fucked. Even if she didn't initiate, a naked picture isn't just sent out of the blue to someone who is known to be married with a kid.
Probably need to give it a few days and some space Andy to get your head around it before rushing into something.
She messaged him and explained it wasn't on and that I've seen it. He said it wasn't intended to be sent.
I said lying cunt and she's packing a bag as we speak.
Also imagine if our kid had clicked on it when she was watching youtube or something.
Does she seem to feel bad at all? It sounds as if she's trying to brush it off a bit too much to me.
Hard to gauge though really cos if she comes across as sad and apologetic it's like she's actually done all the bad things you fear, but if she's too nonchalant it doesn't wash as really if nothing was going on she should be like 'omg what the hell?' and be encouraging you to go round and have your head kickboxed off, but making it known it's not on and that she's not into it so he better stop or else you'll have his broadband cut off.
I'm a twit
Lawyer up and kick out the jams.
Henry will be straight round, man. Losing battle.Originally Posted by Baz
I agree with lawyering up in the first instance, particularly given the current situation.
No it seems like she's angry at me for making a big deal out of it.
Yeah I recon she's done sumat. Pretty shit mate sorry to hear it.
Is this really the time for snide little remarks?
Sure sign there's a lot more to it.No it seems like she's angry at me for making a big deal out of it.
Disco makes a good point. If the trust is gone, its probably only a matter of time anyway. You should definitely have a lawyer in the waiting, but only you know her well enough to figure out whether you trust her and whether the marriage can work.
The photo being sent by mistake sounds like bullshit, and her deleting the conversation is suspect. How does she know this bloke?
School. I don't know more than that.
None of us can judge the situation as a whole, but there are about 5 pointers towards her being a manipulative cow here and very little evidence to the contrary.
Do you want the marriage to work for any reason other than your daughter?
No. That's probably grounds for divorce really isn't it. Good job I'm not a coward.
Magic
It seems like you'll be a good dad no matter what, but you'll be a better dad for being happier. If the marriage is as depressing as it seems then its probably best to move on.
Keeping marriages for the sake of the kids doesn't work imo. Better to see your parents separately but happy. It is not as if they don't realize you're fighting.
I'd agree with that. My relationship with my dad was definitely better post-divorce. Did a lot more things we probably wouldn't have done if I didn't have planned visits.
Yeah, get out and let her do all the boring discipline shit during the week and you can be the fun one on weekends.
It's easy to say, but once some cunt wades in and is living in your house acting daddy then it's a lonely sad world I'd imagine. It's just a shit situation with only horrible answers, I just hope Magic has someone there he can reach out to because it has got to be hell.
I would have hated it if my parents had stayed together for 'my sake'.
Both at the time because it's horrible living in a household where you know your parents aren't getting on, but also later when I found out (which inevitably will happen at some point) because of the guilt of knowing they suffered through it for me.
You could easily blame your ME on them, so I'd call it even.
Yeah, my parents got married because of me and all I remember is them screaming at each other then being miserable after separating. Ultimately they're bellends that never figured out to be happy which meant I adopted a lot of those traits and have been slowly discarding them since. They're a large part of why I don't want to live in Jersey. So, basically, do what you have to do to be happy and just remember that children aren't as stupid as they seem.
If/when you do separate, try not to project any hatred or negative emotions you feel towards your wife onto your daughter.
My Dad used to do that when he got drunk when I was a kid. It was fucking brutal and a prime reason as to why I'm such a mess.
I'm serious let's make it happen.
Also apologies for the black out posts on the other page. Very very cringe.
Dude that fucking sucks I'm sorry. I have family connections in Turkey (not kidding) if you want to seriously consider banging a bunch of Russians / Ukranians for a few months. It would set your mind straight.
And in case it isn't clear, there's a hard 0% reason for you to trust her. Have you tried talking to her mother? If you contacted her independently and described the situation she might do well as a mediator / knock some sense into her daughter. It's possible, and if there wasn't a kid I would never even suggest it, that it really is just a flirtation and which she now deeply regrets and wants to move on again as normal. People work through this stuff and it gets back to a reasonable relationship. There was shit with a family friend a few years back with the wife accusing him of some things, I don't think the guy in question ever did anything but I think there was definitely a woman who was sending him messages that he initially hid. They seem fine now it was just a minor scandal that everyone moved past when the next shiny social gossip came up (although it is seemingly psychologically different when it's the man being sketchy)...
Also, what's the background of your relationship? How did you two end up married in the first place? Was she a former slag? Was she ever 'fit'? How old is she? Has she recently lost weight? Are her friends single?
If anyone cares for the latest, it's that we've decided to bury it and pretend it never happened. I'll just have to accept it was a mistake and she didn't actually want it. I do wonder what would have happened had I not seen it, I'm just going to have to blind trust her.
Her parents told her if I didn't believe her then there are obviously deeper problems with trust etc, knew I could count on those fuckers to swing it back to me. I explained if I told any cunt else it would have been total opposite (for example my dad).
I've decided it isn't worth the relationship being destroyed over (this time I am almost sure 100% I am staying for my daughter). It's hard not to be swept up on a sea of paranoia but I have to stick to the facts here rather than filling in blanks. The whole thing pretty much sucks but I'm in Spain next week family free so that'll give me some time to reflect (and her to properly screw loads of people no doubt! lol).
NO! What are the chances that the one time you happened to be looking at her phone was also, in the exact same moment, the one time she received a nude picture on her phone. The chances of a coincidence like that are not fucking existent imo. And her parents are right, there are deeper issues of trust but there well should be if this is how she acts.
And how will it affect your feelings toward your daughter if she's the only thing keeping you in this messed up life (the relationship permeates everything)? I know you love her but subconsciously surely there will be some problems?
Yeah, go to Spain, breathe some fresh air but fuck, I don't see how you can stay with her in the long run. You're destroying yourself like this.
Ultimately it's your choice MJ. If you do forgive her though you can't bring it back up now, you have to really forgive it and try to move on. Have you thought about marriage counselling? I don't know if that works but might be worth a go?
The alternative. Both my step-parents are cunts and I really dislike them. Living on my own, losing my dream house in my dream area, there's a lot to lose. If she actually did anything I'd be filing no doubt, or if she was the one sending pics.
It's all proper confusing really, I didn't think I'd ever be in such a betacuck situation as this. It's like a fucking story out of one of those relationship help things in broadsheets.
Lawyer up and see what the sacrifices would be in the event you need to proceed with filing. If she's the one being dishonest / adulterous, then that surely puts you in a decent position if the worst comes to the worst.
You definitely shouldn't just assume the outcome if the marriage ends, without having a very blunt conversation with a lawyer. At least give yourself as many facts as possible before concluding on the best way forward.
I have absolutely no evidence of dishonesty nor adultery.
Oh shit, you could legit hire a spy. Now that's pretty cool. You should do it.
Yeah, you really need to be getting legal advice now in case it does properly go down the pan with no road back. Be prepared for fuck's sake.
Mate... She deleted her chat history with him after you saw the photo. Say that back to yourself.
I'm calling bullshit on that. If that happened she'd just pretend to be annoyed at you until you caved and decided that you were making a fuss about nothing.
If you're staying in an unhappy relationship for the sake of your child then you're going to fuck her up. Don't bullshit yourself on this - that is what will happen.
If for some reason you want to stick around, then marriage counselling is probably the way forward because it all sounds fucked to me. If you give a shit about your child you'll either give that a go at that or end the whole thing. Don't just flounce around moaning on here about her instead of actually dealing with shit.
How? There's no ambiguity there.
There is ambiguity here.
Everyone else is looking at it logically but it's a big thing to end a marriage and fuck three people up on the basis of a maybe, regardless of what anyone thinks.
You've got to go with your gut Magic.
I thought I was comfortable with the outcome (block and delete of the perp and move on) but I feel genuinely sick now.
I also am not comfortable with 'my gut' because I'm an emotionally retarded gimp who makes incredibly rash and stupid decisions.
I don't think you should allow yourself to be trapped in a relationship because it's the closest thing you have to a functioning family. Take the time to actually reflect. She should have to work for your trust because ultimately she's the one who has created the mistrust.
There's ambiguity only because she's deleted the conversation. Why would she do that?
Yeah I'm with Adamski on this. It might definitely look like the right thing to do, but ending any relationship is hard enough. Let alone a marriage with a child. It may still come to it in the near future but at least he can look at himself in the mirror and his child in the eye and know he tried at least.
An option I'd really look at Magic is a move away. It'd be a big undertaking but, even though you can understand them looking out for their own, her family sound toxic to the whole relationship. I'd put it to her at least.
Kikos is a good point. By all rights she should still feel bad about it and show some remorse and make a massive effort to ensure you're OK. If that's not happening and she wants to act like it's not happened then that's worrying.
I think the question is whether people will get fucked up more by separating or by staying together.
Has she though? Maybe she had done genuinely nothing to receive that and this guy was just testing the waters?
If some bird I'd been chatting with had sent me a nudey pic out of the blue I'd be a bit taken aback, and if she saw it I'd probably have a hard time explaining it.
I thought the contrary. Surely that shows guilt?
I don't know mate. It seems a bit weird why she had no hesitation to open it and her reaction was not one of AHA! CAUGHT!. Unless she was genuinely bluffing. Which isn't like her. Tbh is it like her? I don't fucking know anymore.
I think you do, although I understand why you'd rather not countenance it.
Speaking to a lawyer to understand the situation isn't committing you to any particular course, and you're not definitely going to make a decision either way on the back of it. It's about giving yourself as many facts as possible to inform that decision. It's a no brainer at this stage, I'm afraid.
Not an option mate, unless you mean me individually?
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