These things are great just to read back through my own shit over the years, tbh. Feel like I should say that so people are at least aware that I'm writing this for my own reference as much as anything else.
This year can be split into two halves. The first half can probably largely be defined by me coming to terms with the break up with the then 'Mrs Hammerstein' in January. I didn't just sit in my room and wallow but getting over it was mostly what was on my mind when I had a spare moment. I was feeling pretty low for quite a while, especially as I didn't know many people in Leeds when we broke up so it was quite lonely. Then I grew some balls and started doing things that I've always been curious about but which I'd never have done with her - namely the swingers and fetish clubs. Both were sheer curiosity to begin with - for the thrill of it - but more generally it was something I figured I should explore while I was single, and getting involved on the fetish scene in particular has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. The excitement of exploring all these things completely put the ex out of my mind, and knowing that I could only explore them so freely because I was single made me forget about the whole thing completely on a day to day level. Looking back, the stuff I've learned has made me view the break up as one of the best things that could have happened, as it enabled me to go exploring and learning.
That was a huge turning point in the year. The swinging thing I didn't do much but it was still a liberating experience, while the fetish scene has been genuinely amazing, both on a personal level and socially. From dipping my toe in I've managed to explore almost everything I was curious about, and I've become part of a local community made up of some of the most interesting and genuine people I'm ever likely to meet. From being something buried in the back of my mind, it's been brought to the forefront and I've realised that, although I'd always be careful who I'd tell, being interested in that shit is nothing to be ashamed of. That's been quite a big deal. I'm not bothered about exploring anything so much anymore as my curiosity is satisfied but just going to those events and chatting to the people is something I'd like to carry on doing. It's somewhere people can go and express any weird fetish they like without fear of ridicule or judgement, which to me is just so wonderful and life-affirming that I think I'd miss it if I cut all ties entirely. Everybody there is making themselves a little bit vulnerable in some way so there's a level of candidness in people that I've found rare in general. I'm so much more comfortable in my own skin than I've ever been and I largely owe that to exploring all the stuff that I'd previously kept bottled up in my head. It's been very therapeutic, and that atmosphere of complete acceptance is so rare that I'd miss it a lot if I lost touch with it.
Coincidentally it was around the half-way mark, the time I stopping wallowing and started exploring, that I also moved house. Despite the warning I got from the ex (and a few people on here), I moved into a 8 person house in January, which was a nightmare. I moved again in May into a flat with a couple of Christian lasses and it's been awesome. None of us knew each other when we moved in but one of them has become one of my closest friends. She's become someone I can talk to for hours with about anything - proper friendship and that - and is generally a bit of a legend; the other is a bit of a spoilt cow but she's alright to live with. Either way, a massive step up from before. The one I get on with takes the whole God thing massively seriously (the other one is a bit of a part-timer) and doesn't believe in sex before marriage or anything like that, but she's also completely non-judgemental and we've had some really fascinating conversations about the fetish stuff and everything else.
*****
Relationships - Broke up with Mrs Hammerstein 10 days into 2015, which at the time was a massive kick in the teeth but looking back it was definitely for the best. Feeling really good that I view it as on the whole a positive thing to have happened. I've been seeing a few lasses but never anything serious or anything I was bothered about, until this last month or so. Currently seeing someone I'm very keen on and who it feels really good with, and if I play my cards right I'm hoping she can be a bit more involved in next year's one of these
Jobs - Got a job confirmed within a week of last year's entry. Passed probation, recommended to push for a promotion but can't because I'm in college a lot nowadays and the hours I need are unrealistically specific. Managed to get em for my current job so I'll probably hold tight until I finish the course. I enjoy the job though so I don't mind. Money could be better but I've got enough to live on.
Friendships - This has been a big improvement. I'm very happy with my social life at the minute, whereas this time last year I hardly knew anyone in Leeds at all.
I'm on a counselling level 4 course now, as I managed to skip a year. I'll be qualified after this has finished. Didn't think that was possible. All looking really promising.
Highs:
- Going back to The Philippines and seeing everyone I know there
- Exploring the fetish scene and my own interests in that department, and generally just becoming a lot more comfortable in my own skin as a result of it.
- Meeting someone I want something serious with. Early days yet, fingers crossed, but it's nice to have that feeling again.
- Moving into a great flat with decent housemates.
Lows:
- Breaking up with the girlfriend. Thought we'd end up together, thought our issues were a temporary blip and that we'd work through them. She didn't think so and binned me off 10 days into the year. Probably for the best in retrospect but it was a pretty big one and had a big impact for quite a while.
Aims:
- There's nothing in particular that I think will happen that's going to be massive, but I don't mind. 2015 had enough excitement. I want to sit tight in my job, get through the first year of my course, and generally just carry on what I've been doing. I have no plans on moving house, although the flatmate I'm close with is moving out so making sure her replacement is decent is vital. Also hoping to have a chat with this lass I'm seeing about making it a proper relationship and not just as casual thing. That might (probably will) happen before 2016 but whatever, it's going in here as it's an aim. I also want to carry on with my writing and I've been invited to do a triathlon in July which would be pretty cool, although I don't know if I have the motivation to do the training for it.