Ben Stokes plays back and is bowled.
Ben Stokes plays back and is bowled.
The current headline on Cricinfo might as well stay in place for the next few weeks.
The great man has spoken.
http://www.cricket.com.au/news/featu...pie/2015-10-11
There needs to be some sort of Misbah trollface combo produced and repackaged in smiley form. He then applies the coup de grace on cricketing orthodoxy thus:Losing that series 0-3 would have been a bitter experience for them and will no doubt make them more determined this time. Their spinners back then, Graeme Swann and Monty Panesar, were more experienced and destructive and I feel England are going to miss them. They had some big-name batsmen too, in Kevin Pietersen and Jonathan Trott who will be missed.
England’s strength however lies in their pace attack, and we all saw what they did to Australia in the Ashes. They were extremely good with the new ball and also showed their skill with reverse swing. Even in the 2012 series here, albeit it was during the winter when the pitches had moisture, their pace attack didn’t let us post big totals. We struggled against their seamers hence surviving against new ball will be a key factor in this series.
The inexperience of their squad in the Asian conditions will be their weakness. Most of their players are touring the UAE for the first time. It will be a challenge for their batsmen to bat on the slow pitches against our quality spin attack.
Among fast bowlers, I have faced world class bowlers like Glenn McGrath and Brett Lee but the one who I found most threatening was Jason Gillespie. His rhythm and action was too tough to handle.
Yasir Shah has missed out with a back strain. That said, Hafeez and Shoaib Malik are already on their way to compiling a handy score, so we're fucked.
Zulfiqar Babar to run riot.
Rashid getting some tap already
Bumble hits the big issues: 'There's some sand 'ere, in't there? We're surrounded by sand.'
Oh, Stuart.
Really have missed Ramiz Raja and his bizarre speaking style. "So Beefy, who's going to win this match? Who's going to win the session? Come out of the trenches and sneak up on the opponent"
Ramiz is fucking awesome. He has the best hair in cricket, and talks absolute bollocks, often contradicting himself in the same sentence, but keeps getting work. Good on him.
On that note I was watching the Presidents Cup (golf, USA v rest of the world) at the weekend, which was in Korea, and who should suddenly appear on commentary but... Alan Wilkins. His banter style didn't really translate across sports, I'll be honest.
'Have you been to the Grand Mosque, Beefy?'
'No, but my wife has. She says it's fantastic. I might go next week.'
'Absolutely, it's on the must-do list. Those arches are Moorish in nature.'
God bless you, Ramiz.
Wilkins is terrible. Fair play to a guy with a relatively modest playing career now rubbing shoulders with greats of the game though. When he was toiling away with Glamorgan did he one day think we would be exchanging white hot banter with Wasim Akram at the Under 19 World Cup? Maybe he did, who knows.
Cricinfo's Indian Army are going to town on our bowling attack after a session of play.
Calm your passion lads.
The innings handicap is currently set at 503.5.
Younis Khan must be about 80.
Misbah comprehensively sawn off there.
TV umpire - S Ravi (India)
Ah.
So Ronald already owes the team about 2 years worth of runs?
Bodes well.
The second one was real last days of Rome stuff unfortunately. You won't get an easier slip chance than that in Test cricket.
Can't wait for us to make this track look like a minefield.
I feel we've under-bowled Bairstow here. And Cook.
Have I really just watched Stokes bowling spin?
Okay, so Ben Stokes will bowl the last over before lunch... And it will be an over of offspin.
Seamers 8-199 off 82
Spinners 0-297 off 69
To celebrate, they've flown Chris Jordan out there.
I realised earlier that last time we were out there Monty was donning it.
I assume it's mere coincidence that the only no-ball bowled in nigh on 2 days of toil was one that took a wicket.
Something really needs to be done about umpires ignoring the rule.
Reiffel just gave one against Wahab this second. On a ball where an appeal was going up, naturally.
They must be telling them not to look. It's just a basic part of umpiring. You have loads of time to look back up.
We've got these fuckers right where we want them.
There was a quality moment on the Verdict when Colvile asked Big Bad Bob if he'd ever tried his hand at off breaks.
*long pause*
'No, Charles.'
I don't like the set-up for the Verdict for this series. As much as I love Bob it's awkward as fuck watching him look as if he's gone into standby mode when anybody else is speaking.
Moeen nicks off for 35 after being on the pitch for 15 odd hours.
Ronald now arrives to try and salvage his career.
Bell now facing the left arm spinner and all of a sudden the sheer terror of 2012 is with us again. Four appeals an over. He looked plumb out just now but nobody realised it was pad first.
The deadly slow, straight, non-spinning pie.
Bell 1* (35)
Shoaib Malik now bowling, this will fuck us up.
He's now done enough to earn a classic Ramiz 'smooth operator'.
"Chef" is going to be the all time best overseas batsman in Asian conditions after this.
Commencing jinx in 3, 2 . . .
Then Root can come in and bat for a few days.
We might as well attempt to bat for the rest of the match and just see if we can break some sort of record. Cook's only 267 away from Lara's record as I write this.
Is this a back-to-back test set-up? We could probably try and kill off this bowling attack.
The match score is currently 758 for 9 off 240 overs.
The seven spinners (including Stokes) in total have bowled 115 overs, 0 for 403.
Hello.Wahab Riaz to Cook, FOUR, too wide again, and Cook doesn't play this quite so convincingly, but there are enough gaps in the cordon for that to fizz to the boundary again. Two fours in a row. Scenes
http://stats.espncricinfo.com/ci/eng...s;type=batting
Look who he's bearing down on. All those runs were for the team, too.
Flower above Pietersen
Out to a wide half-volley on 63, right before the end of the day. Ian Bell is more committed to staying in character than a 1970s wrestler.
I have to say, watching that full day of Cook batting was a joy. Not a foot wrong.
He does seem back to his relentless, plodding best. I wonder how many Test runs he'd have now if he never bothered with that pointless foray into ODI cricket. It was an unnecessary distraction and almost certainly caused him technical issues.
A couple on Pointless just had to name people who scored runs for England in the 2010 World T20 victory.
Their first guess was David Campese.
I remember one from ages ago where they had to name Ashes centurions or winning captains or something and some geezer plumped for 'Ronnie Bopara'.
After Campese, they plumped for Jonathan Trott, only to find that was wrong and so they returned to the much safer ground of Rory Underwood.
And people say cricket has lost relevance.
Trott's relevance though The People's Champ.
Imagine Trott on this pitch.