Game of Thrones Series 6: sponsored by Clarke Excitement Vacuum vs. Dinklage

[elth]

I think the issue the showrunners have is that Martin thinks backstory is more important than story. He spends most of the books establishing things, but thus far he's forgotten to advance the plot very far, which means the interpersonal drama is all the showrunners have to go with, which is why it all feels a bit Days of Our Lives except everyone died rather than getting amnesia.

The good news is that with only two seasons left of the show and Martin's meanderings now largely exhausted, the TV version can get on with things. The bad news is that so far when the TV version has freelanced it's largely ballsed it up.

I still find it very enjoyable, mind, but it's firmly trashy good rather than actually good these days.

[Mazuuurk]

Spot on, elth.

[John]

There's definitely a chance that they need the framework, such as it is that the books provide, but as far as I understand the book deviations they're about fifty fifty on those. The biggest, most fertile balls have all come directly from book material. Like keeping the Chewer of Scenery apart from the main action for a billion years.

They say there's two seasons to go but given where everyone is now it'll feel hugely rushed if it's done in twenty hours. If you meant two seasons after this one, maybe.

[Mazuuurk]

Am I allowed to put spoilers within spoiler tags, or just not at all?

[SvN]

I'm not sure why last night doesn't count as it having aired, to be honest.

[Byron]

I don't think it airs in the UK until 9?

[SvN]

It was on at 2am this morning.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Because who the fuck watches TV between 2 and 3am on a work night.

[phonics]

It was on at 2am this morning.

Ah yes, prime time viewing!

[SvN]

Easy enough to avoid the thread if you didn't watch it and you're opting to wait for the replay. Not a big deal at all, just unusual to ban "spoilers" even after it's been aired on UK TV.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Tbf, the threads on the old board were all at US pace.

[Mazuuurk]

OK, then fuck it. Not sure this is even a "real" spoiler anyway, as I haven't seen the episode, only read about what happens in it.

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Seems like fuck all is happening. Fuck that shit. Waiting for a few more to come out at least before I start to watch this. Still need to watch the last episode of last season as well, haven't been bothered with that yet

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EDIT: If I'm out of line here, anyone, then just delete this or whatever.

[Disco]

There's definitely a chance that they need the framework, such as it is that the books provide, but as far as I understand the book deviations they're about fifty fifty on those. The biggest, most fertile balls have all come directly from book material. Like keeping the Chewer of Scenery apart from the main action for a billion years.

They say there's two seasons to go but given where everyone is now it'll feel hugely rushed if it's done in twenty hours. If you meant two seasons after this one, maybe.

The books are at pretty much the same point, one or two plot points aside. There's either an awful lot that has to happen in a relatively short space or it's off in a direction I'm not expecting.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I think the books are in a little better shape but yeah, it seems that a lot has been left to somehow come together in a fairly short space of time.

[John]

They didn't seem to hammer the advertising for the simulcast the same way this year as they did last, so it would have been easy enough to forget they were doing it. I only remembered because I happened to scroll past the channel when an advert was on. Last year it was all over the football coverage and presumably everything else. I decided it was easier for the two people who did bother staying up to watch it to spoiler their thoughts than the thirty who didn't to remember it had been on and avoid the thread or die. I've acknowledged before that I'm overcautious with spoilers though, so if you all agree that the middle of the night counts then have at it.

As it turns out, the only spoiler tag so far is completely without value.

The books are at pretty much the same point, one or two plot points aside. There's either an awful lot that has to happen in a relatively short space or it's off in a direction I'm not expecting.

He's published five of seven, right? That would roughly tally with another two seasons, but I just can't see how it resolves from here in two years. For example, if the Eater of Toast is going to be the winner, how fucking rushed would it feel for her to just fly across and blitz everyone from here having spent five years dossing around with the slaves? They've spent five years setting up an emo girl with dragons to the south and an army of frozen zombies to the north. How do you not spend the same again resolving it from there?

By the way, the actor who plays the head of the Jotunheim crew was on that 'best of' program last night and he's a dead ringer for Martin Amis.

[Lewis]

SvN is right, but until everyone accepts it:

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That episode would appear to confirm what elth was saying further up, since more happened in that than the first eight of the last series. I thought the fruity Dornish prince was going to surprise us and be fucking mega, but... Oh. Right.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

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Could have done without seeing fucking female gollum naked though. Christ alive.

[Disco]

He's published five of seven, right? That would roughly tally with another two seasons, but I just can't see how it resolves from here in two years. For example, if the Eater of Toast is going to be the winner, how fucking rushed would it feel for her to just fly across and blitz everyone from here having spent five years dossing around with the slaves? They've spent five years setting up an emo girl with dragons to the south and an army of frozen zombies to the north. How do you not spend the same again resolving it from there?

It would be standard fantasy doorstopper fare for him to suddenly decide one of those remaining novels needs to be split into two, he did it with Storm of Swords by simply taking half the POV's and sticking them in one book so you had half the plot advancing and half standing still. Not such a problem for publishers as an extra book is another £8.99 from everyone but it would royally bone the continuity of the series. He's just generally unreliable, hence my posts about waiting until it was finished, or at the very least giving him a longer head start.

It's not quite Babylon 5 levels of dickery but it has the potential to be up there.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It would be standard fantasy doorstopper fare for him to suddenly decide one of those remaining novels needs to be split into two, he did it with Storm of Swords by simply taking half the POV's and sticking them in one book so you had half the plot advancing and half standing still. Not such a problem for publishers as an extra book is another £8.99 from everyone but it would royally bone the continuity of the series. He's just generally unreliable, hence my posts about waiting until it was finished, or at the very least giving him a longer head start.

It's not quite Babylon 5 levels of dickery but it has the potential to be up there.

That really was batshit mental, especially considering Storm of Swords featured all the shit characters.

[Browning]

Sorry I thought we were talking about DWD. I can't remember Swords being split up.

[GS]

It was Feast for Crows (#4) which featured the 'less popular' characters, rather than Dance with Dragons (#5).

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Of course, Storm of Swords was actually the best of the lot.

I'm not even sure how I made it through Feast for Crows.

[GS]

Whatever else you want to say about the series or the author, the books themselves are incredibly readable. I read them all within a month last June or so.

[Disco]

Oh yeah, I gave up on the series sometime during the second one but I'm gagging for more of the books. The dicking around only makes it all the more frustrating because the end product is so compelling.

[Browning]

Yea, originally I posted saying DWD was better simply because it had no Bran but then I got confused why we were talking about Storm of Swords, which is the best one. FFC was the worst but I still enjoyed it other than Bran.

As to the new episode (which was already on Demand on NOW TV when I woke up which is nice).

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Found it quite disappointing, although I guess my expectations were probably too high. It seems to be setting stuff up for later, which is probably fine. The highlights were probably Podrick turning up with a sword and Dinklage's delivery of "Because you have no cock".

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[Jimmy Floyd]

Why is this all so fucking dark? I can't see a thing.

[Ian]

Just finished. Yawn.

[Bernanke]

Fucking lol @ the Dornish storyline. I want a montage of all of those scenes as standalone just to experience how bad it is.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's like they've cast all the worst actors they can possibly find.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Why is this all so fucking dark? I can't see a thing.

Indeed.

Lost was the worst for this though, trying to see what was happening in a dark jungle on a laptop was the fucking pits.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm in a large room with a large TV but I've had to employ 1940s air raid conditions to have any chance of seeing what's going on.

[Kikó]

Ending with a depressed old naked woman was quite an apt ending.

[Cord]

The first episodes are always just about checking in with everyone rather than anything exciting happening.

Dorne (or more accurately, the Sand Snakes) remain awful shite however. Good job on disposing the sole potentially interesting character in that whole nonsensical timewaste of a storyline.

[Browning]

I really can't see where the Dorne storyline goes from there. Killing off Myrcella already had it feeling even more pointless than it already was.... now they may as well just pull the plug on it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Dorne thing is confusing. The Human League member who stabbed Doran to take control with her absolutely awful sidekicks and then do what?

Daenaerys back in a tricky position with Dothraki and various bearded men looking for her, might as well not have had the last four series.

[Cord]

I was at least slightly relieved when the Dothraki fella turned out to be fairly reasonable. If it had been another cartoon evil stereotyped foreigner to take the piss out of her right up to the point at which he gets eaten by a dragon, it would have been an exact copy of all her other storylines.

He'll still get eaten by a dragon, though. But at least he might be reasonable about it.

[John]

The Dothraki scene was the second best thing in that episode, after Tyrion and Varys doing an exhausted State of the Union address to eachother. Hang around a while, Moro. We just clocked the real Red Tits for the first time and your sums might need redoing.

Wasn't that Prince who got Sand Snaked in the nostril in Westeros? How did those two shithouses get there to fill him in without the massive ship with Jaime's Incest Express spotting them?

Bit of a shame that they've dispensed with Alexander Siddig already. He's a great actor, and could definitely have fit seamlessly into this show the same way Oberynn did in the quieter moments. As it is we've got Luther's shit wife and her inexplicably 2011 bitchy daughters running the show there now, which means more arse and more tit and more crying and less quality.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oberyn was an absolute don.

[Lewis]

I'm not sure what Dorne can do for 'revenge' that them tarts couldn't have done on their own. Didn't they preserve their independence and customs precisely because they have never been run by hot-headed clowns?

[John]

Oberyn was an absolute don.

The best short term character they've had. I reckon if Martin's books had already expired by that point they'd have kept him around and fucked the zombie Mountain idea off as the nonsense it is.

[Lewis]

That fight they had was the best bit of the entire programme by miles.

[John]

The best scene was Oberyn telling Tyrion about the time he saw him as a child with 'a little pink cock', closely followed by Tyrion losing the plot in his trial. The fight was quality, but I reckon it'd have been much better without the 'twist', had Oberyn just wiped the tall twat out. Even the storylines that would have opened up are more interesting than the ones they've pursued.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The Dothraki scene was the second best thing in that episode, after Tyrion and Varys doing an exhausted State of the Union address to eachother. Hang around a while, Moro. We just clocked the real Red Tits for the first time and your sums might need redoing.

Wasn't that Prince who got Sand Snaked in the nostril in Westeros? How did those two shithouses get there to fill him in without the massive ship with Jaime's Incest Express spotting them?

Bit of a shame that they've dispensed with Alexander Siddig already. He's a great actor, and could definitely have fit seamlessly into this show the same way Oberynn did in the quieter moments. As it is we've got Luther's shit wife and her inexplicably 2011 bitchy daughters running the show there now, which means more arse and more tit and more crying and less quality.

Tystane was the one who was betrothed to Myrcella.

The only Dornish that went to Westeros were Oberyn and Ellaria I believe but she is the one who killed Doran.

[ItalAussie]

Alexander Siddig may just be the most wasted actor any series has every employed.

Also, I feel like them burning the ships was a deliberate middle finger to people who would like the Danaeryereys plotline to actually go somewhere.

[ItalAussie]

Other stray thoughts:

Two of the most recognisable people on their planet, Tyrion and Varys, were just wandering around Meereen talking about how causally people are being murdered while wearing the thinnest disguise ever worn (we're merchants!). Then wandering in the direction people were running from like it's no big thing.

When the dogs caught up with Sansa and Theon, I was about ready to lose it entirely. They spent so long getting away from the castle that if they got taken straight back, I don't know how I'd have dealt with it. Now I just want the four of them to run away and be happy somewhere. Sansa can hook up with Pod - I'd be totally alright with that.

Arya was fun, but she'd better not have a second successive season-long training montage. Give her a stick, play the Rocky music, then let her loose on Westeros. There was something amusing about everyone else's total disinterest to the girl beating up on the blind peasant, though.

Sparrow is playing Margaery like a fiddle. No way does she see the season finale.

Trystayne died like he lived. Stupidly.

Are we going to see Bran this season? Or Rickon ever again?

EDIT: And "Fuck everyone who isn't us" should probably be the series motto.

[John]

Alexander Siddig may just be the most wasted actor any series has every employed.

Also, I feel like them burning the ships was a deliberate middle finger to people who would like the Danaeryereys plotline to actually go somewhere.

John Hawkes' cameo on Lost is in the conversation there. Andre Royo had a one episode part on Fringe too actually, which is another contender.

It would have been interesting to see how someone different, with genuine power but a more thoughtful nature would have dealt with all the conflicts going on in that world, but I suppose Jon Snow represented the same 'type' and met the same fate, so that's this story's answer to the question.

When the dogs caught up with Sansa and Theon, I was about ready to lose it entirely. They spent so long getting away from the castle that if they got taken straight back, I don't know how I'd have dealt with it. Now I just want the four of them to run away and be happy somewhere. Sansa can hook up with Pod - I'd be totally alright with that.

Where did the dogs go? They were straining at their leashes trying to get at Sansa, being prevented from doing so only by their masters, but the minute Brienne appeared they seemed to either run like fuck or be killed off screen. That's the sort of seemingly minor detail that pulls me out of a scene.

[ItalAussie]

Where did the dogs go? They were straining at their leashes trying to get at Sansa, being prevented from doing so only by their masters, but the minute Brienne appeared they seemed to either run like fuck or be killed off screen. That's the sort of seemingly minor detail that pulls me out of a scene.

I get why they did that, to be honest. Nobody wants to see people killing dogs. Dogs are great. Even death-bearing murderhounds.

[John]

I get why they did that, to be honest. Nobody wants to see people killing dogs. Dogs are great. Even death-bearing murderhounds.

They showed the Direwolf getting biffed at the Red Wedding, didn't they? Without a scale comparison that's just an alsatian.

I do get why they did it, but as I said it's just the sort of minor detail that I tend to bump into.

[ItalAussie]

I was more worried about the teleporting Sand Snakes. Wasn't Trystayne on a boat? And are they now stuck in King's Landing?

They should off a random minor Lannister every week just to move the plot along.

[John]

I was more worried about the teleporting Sand Snakes. Wasn't Trystayne on a boat? And are they now stuck in King's Landing?

They should off a random minor Lannister every week just to move the plot along.

I raised that earlier but Mahow booked me to death.