My mate Simon, his mum turns 50 in about two weeks. It's well-known amongst my friends, and to her, that I think she's fit.
Let's get the charm and wit of TTH to come up with something I can write in her card. She's having a 50th birthday party; its actually a joint one for her and her husband, but I'm not gonna put him on the card because a) I don't fancy him and b) his birthday was actually about two months ago.
So picture the scene: party happens and everyone has a few drinks and it's fun. Her husband goes off to town afterwards with myself, Simon, and a few others. My mates mum, I call her DQ, goes home on her own with her presents and cards. She's had a few wines so is a bit tipsy, but decides to open her presents and cards before bed. She ain't getting a present off me. But a card, yes. What does she read that makes her think mhmmm saucy thoughts.
Whatever is decided to be the best will be written in a card (I'm yet to buy it) and given to her. No holds barred, so give it your best shot, you smarmy sexpests.