Counselling probably a good shout, either couples counselling for both of you or just for you for own stuff.
But then, I would say that.
Counselling probably a good shout, either couples counselling for both of you or just for you for own stuff.
But then, I would say that.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Heros-Choic...ero%27s+choice
I'm going to try that.
We sat down to dinner together tonight for the first time in years (at the table). I made tea as usual on a Tuesday night (as she's got zumba) but usually we either watch the telly or watch different tellys.
I found myself...screaming at myself internally don't you just have a fucking conversation? Talk normally? You fucking retard. What the fuck is wrong with me? I felt...uncomfortable and wanted to escape the situation. It's how I feel with my family (apart from my step-parents and step-brothers/sisters). Desperately wanting to escape their company and every conversation is awkward.
Fucking Romanian lass has bailed! She mentioned how there's a lot going on in her personal life at the moment and she needs to 'set her ducks in row' (lol) before she thinks about anything dating-wise. Dang!
She was probably out of my league and it probably wouldn't have been anything serious, but dammit it could have been fun. Shit.
I bet you're still posting shit like that in 40 years' time. Grow up and engage in an adult relationship with responsibility.
I was seeing someone I really liked over Christmas in fairness. I was basically in love with her, actually. We talked about how much we liked each other (and she felt the same way) but then she had an anxiety attack and sacked me off. It was proper weird, she was hyperventilating and everything, and it messed me up a bit. She had some problems of her own. Not really met anyone since then that I give a shit about.
There's a lass on my counselling course who I think I could be pretty happy with and we get on really well, but she's got a fella so I’m not touching that.
Staying together with the child seeing and knowing that they hate each other so much is worse. Divorce is shit but it is the right thing at times.Originally Posted by Mert
...and no pegging.
If you're a mature adult I don't see why you couldn't make it work. Seriously. I feel like as long as my wife was in decent shape, relatively attractive and intelligent we could talk through every problem. Even if you don't 'love' them, you could absolutely work together as a team (like a work colleague) to further the common goal of raising the child.
Right, because a mature adult would obviously care about how good looking someone is when a child's future is at stake.
I couldn't psychologically care enough about her to be a mature adult, I need to have a base level of attraction.
Well, have you seen Magic's wife?
You guys watch separate televisions? Are they near each other? Different cable packages?
If it's that bad end it. No point in an unhappy relationship that you can't recover. Just be there for your kid and hope she doesn't find a better surrogate father when she hooks up.
Wtf. It is supremely selfish to literally fuck up the emotional development of your child for life because it's getting hard to make it work. Marriage is hard, but it's also about sacrifice.
Western civilization is fucked.
My dad left when I was 7 and I connected with him when I was 24 again. The world goes on, people adapt.
How did that come about?
As long as her nose is the right shape and she doesn't hit the chippy too hard.
The leaving or the reuniting?
The former, he stopped coming because he started having a new family and my nan is a pain in the arse so probably have him a horrible time every time he visited so stopped.
The latter was through finding my half sister on Facebook and contacting her. From there we ended up meeting at my house and just moved on. I held no grudges, he fucked up but he now was trying to make amends so gave him the chance. He's been a good guy since and I now have two sisters and a brother in my life.
I'd say it fucks them up more if parents stick together that are genuinely unhappy together.
My parents split when I was 5, I don't remember much before my Mum left but it was the right decision. I love them both equally and hated it when they spoke shit about each other (that never actually went away). It would have been so much worse had they stuck it out.
The parents do need to actually try and salvage it though but if they can't splitting is the right decision. Once that happens just be there for the kid and make sure they know how much each parent loves them.
I didn't know a single person in my fraternity at Duke who's parents had divorced. Take from that what you will.
If she does not remain in good shape for her age and make a reasonable effort to look attractive throughout the course of the marriage then she has abandoned her responsibilities as a wife. She has no right to expect the husband to fulfill his responsibilities in turn.
And fuck the child. Your needs are more important. Good.
If I beat my wife, my wife is not responsible for divorcing me afterwards. Same principle.
You entered this thread saying that a 'mature adult' would be able to make it work for the sake of the child, now you're saying that if either party neglects their marital responsibilities then fuck the child, with those responsibilities defined as looking good for the woman and not punching the woman for the man.
Is she responsible for divorcing you if you get fat?
Sorry to hear this, Magic. Hope it works out.
I would not fault a woman for divorcing me if I did not make a reasonable effort to remain attractive to her physically. That would 100% be on me.
You're fundamentally a bad person
No. I just don't lie to myself. Others would divorce their significant other without being able to pinpoint the exact reason and would rationalize it away. I recognize how humans work and I state my expectations knowing how I would react emotionally.
If I'm bad so is the rest of humanity, on top of being fundamentally dishonest.
Moved in together August 2015.
Engaged April 2016. (I rolled over on the couch one night and said, "I don't have a ring, but wanna marry me?")
Got a puppy on Friday.
Marriage is planned for summer 2018.
Pretty different from a couple years ago.
Yo that's dope, congrats man.
Mert, I don't agree with you on the principle that your partner must remain physically attractive throughout the entire marriage. I would say that your partner must remain attractive throughout it all, though, because that implies continuing emotional work between both people.
As for the rest of you, Mert's probably ahead of the game in communication. If Mert's in a relationship with someone else who shares the same values, then he's probably explicitly talked with her about what he expects from her in a relationship and asked her what she expects from him. If he is regularly checking in and working with her to go to the gym and eat right, then he's probably doing the same with other aspects of the relationship.
If he's not, come on, dude.
Why are you planning a marriage so far in advance dude?
Congratulations panda. Must have been attracted to the way you walk.
I proposed spontaneously; wasn't planning to do so until the end of this year. I don't want us to worry about a wedding until our job situations settle down. I'm looking for a different job, and she works at a private practice that is still growing.
To you too!
Unfortunately, no. She's an occupational therapist, and she diagnosed me with a small degree of ankle inversion.
Absolutely. I'm very clear in what my expectations are sexually / physically with girls. Always; in return I take it upon myself to satisfy her and ensure that I work hard to remain attractive in her eyes. If she doesn't agree with what I need in a relationship, that's great, just means we're not compatible and I go on my way. There are plenty of girls out there who would be more than happy to conform to my expectations.
Believe it or not this saves a lot of headache however 'mean' it's perceived as being.
And those expectations apply to things like how to meet emotional needs and being supportive, right?
Mert has spent the last four years calling anyone who even knows what emotional support is a 'Beta' so he can't really win with that question.
You were surrounded by cunts?
Your not a bad person. You are just a bit of a dick. That's a subjective opinion of mine. I think you place way to much importance on the superficial and not at all on the substance of anything in life.
You appear to be the type of person who is happy to be dying inside, slowly rotting away at the core but don't give a fuck as long as the body looks good and your "peers" adjudge you to be "alpha".
The crash when it happens dude is going to be hard. In that you have my sympathy.
I would describe it instead as understanding the importance of presenting myself in a certain manner because I understand how superficial the outside world is, so that my inner desires can be fulfilled. For example, let's say I like a girl. When I like a girl I want to compliment her and do nice things for her to get her attention. However, I recognize that instead I have to act / look / dress / achieve certain things to get her to return my affection. So I work towards that end.
On a separate note:
I think I'm still about 10 pounds away from really being God mode again. I banged a girl (probably soft 6) and made out with two others last week that I picked up at bars, but that was in North Carolina and at the University of Maryland where everything is a bit easier. It's fun though, I'm attractive-ish again, just not quite slayer level. I really really should just detach myself from life for 5-6 weeks and really finish up my cut...but every time Thursday-Saturday rolls around it's so tempting to just go out again...
Divorce isn't evil nor does it automatically damage a child.
Is Dad Emperor on his third wife or something?
Lol. Of course it does.
My friend's dad used to go around joking that he wasn't legally married to three stone of his wife, and then he got prostate cancer.
He needs to work on that punchline.
Why are you talking about this? Are you Married? Do you have kids?
Until you have kids, you know fuck all about what it is to make a relationship work with them. And yes, in principle it sounds very selfish for parents to get divorced or separated and "abandon" the kids, but oftentimes staying together in an unhappy relationship can be even worse for the kids.
What you don't realize is that nobody stays the same and retains the same values, even you won't, for a 20-30 year period. If you're planning on having at least 2 kids, that's the period you're committed to staying together.
And I'm sure you can accompany your girlfriend to the gym and make sure she eats veggies today. Try that when you both have jobs, have to pick up at kindergarden when exhausted from sleep depravation, work, and have a cranky kid that you just need to feed (no wait, that was yourselves). All of a sudden its 9PM and you're both exhausted and about to start a fight over who's turn it is to do the last of the house chores.
But yeah, maybe you can program her to do squats while folding the laundry.
Sounds like you need a divorce, Maz.
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