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Thread: The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by AE View Post
    Funny, I'm actually about to get tested now. I always do it once a year. So damn awkward though.
    Is it? I thought it'd be alright with the doctor being super clinical and stuff. I've never done it before, as I hadn't slept with anyone I wasn't serious with until this year.

    I got with someone at the weekend and the condom broke, and today I have an occasional shooting pain in my balls, so I'm going asap.

  2. #52
    Bookie P_3's Avatar
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    RIP Hammer.

  3. #53
    Senior Member 7om's Avatar
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    I heard that if you get pain in your balls it's automatic castration.

  4. #54
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    I found it surprisingly chilled, really. Filled out a form, answered a couple of questions, got given a cup to piss in (in the toilet, to be left on a shelf), then got my blood taken. Really fit blonde girl and a really fit black girl came into the waiting room while I was there, which made the time go quicker regardless of the context.

  5. #55
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    How long after did you get your results? I really can't be arsed to be dealing with AIDS at my age.

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by 7om View Post
    A fucking encyclopedia before sleep? Read her some Disney rubbish or whatever it is the kids love these days.
    It's presumably a children's illustrated one, so I really doubt a kid that age is going to differentiate much.

  7. #57
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hammer View Post
    How long after did you get your results? I really can't be arsed to be dealing with AIDS at my age.
    A week.

  8. #58
    Bookie P_3's Avatar
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    I thought that was a joke. As if Magic ever read a book let alone an encyclopedia as a child.

  9. #59
    The African Prince AE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hammer View Post
    Is it? I thought it'd be alright with the doctor being super clinical and stuff. I've never done it before, as I hadn't slept with anyone I wasn't serious with until this year.

    I got with someone at the weekend and the condom broke, and today I have an occasional shooting pain in my balls, so I'm going asap.

    Yeah, I'd definitely go ASAP... Worst I've got is burning sensation when peeing.

  10. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Toby View Post
    It's presumably a children's illustrated one, so I really doubt a kid that age is going to differentiate much.
    It's this one:



    She loves it. It's important for kids to understand the world around them. Nevertheless, a good dose of Disney doesn't go amiss at all.

  11. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by P_3 View Post
    I thought that was a joke. As if Magic ever read a book let alone an encyclopedia as a child.
    I was an avid reader. I used to read Dickens as a child.

  12. #62
    Bookie P_3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    I was an avid reader. I used to read Dickens as a child.
    Where has it all gone wrong?

  13. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    It's this one:



    She loves it. It's important for kids to understand the world around them. Nevertheless, a good dose of Disney doesn't go amiss at all.


    That one for me, I fucking loved it.

  14. #64
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    My parents had a prolonged and abusive breakup which ripped our family apart just before I started secondary school. At such an important part of my life I had no one to guide me. After 1st year and aceing everything it all went to complete shit. I blame them solely for all my mental issues.

  15. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mahow View Post


    That one for me, I fucking loved it.
    Fuck sake.

    *sets fire to Encyclopedia*

  16. #66
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    I had Mahow's one too, although it was an atlas that I was obsessed with until I was old enough to move on to Horrible Histories.

  17. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by Toby View Post
    I had Mahow's one too, although it was an atlas that I was obsessed with until I was old enough to move on to Horrible Histories.
    Oh yeah I had an atlas too, and a proper globe with bumps and raises for mountains and hills.

    Horrible Histories was awesome.

  18. #68
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    There was a picture round of Horrible Histories covers on University Challenge last night, for one of the extremely rare occasions where I get a complete set of questions correct.

  19. #69
    Senior Member wullie's Avatar
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    I was tested about two months ago and the testing itself was fine, it was the waiting room and meeting eyes and wondering that I didn't like. And the extortionate parking fees.

  20. #70
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    Bloody hell that was unexpected.

  21. #71
    Senior Member 7om's Avatar
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    So would you rule out divorce, even if you come to hate your wife, just for the kid?

  22. #72
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    What the fuck? That's an extreme question.

    Ordering some new child's Oral B heads now, fucking hell they're expensive given they only last about a month.

  23. #73
    Senior Member 7om's Avatar
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    And one you must answer immediately.

  24. #74
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    Yes.

  25. #75
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    This isn't fun anymore.

  26. #76
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    Ask me if I'd take them all out if she left me. Go on. Fucking ask me.

  27. #77
    Senior Member 7om's Avatar
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    I'm scared.

  28. #78
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    Why? It's what you want, isn't it? ISN'T IT?

    God Damnit.

  29. #79
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    What's the worst that could happen if you (or anybody else for that matter) just told the in-laws that they're bastards and that they do your head in? Surely if you get dumped over it then you're better off (see: Giggles).

  30. #80
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    They don't though, in reality. They do a lot for us, it's just the cunt-in-law is prone to scenes of absolute cuntery (such as the one above) which destroys any positive feeling I had towards her.

    The best way I've found to deal with the abrasive bitch is just to nod and agree and utterly ignore anything that comes out of her mouth. Same with the father-in-law.

    They both know I rule the roost and that probably upsets them as that cow is the absolute executive branch in that household.

  31. #81
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Funnily enough her old man was the one on my doorstep asking me to sort things out when I did a runner one weekend once he found me. I enjoyed telling him where to go.

  32. #82
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    It's this one:



    She loves it. It's important for kids to understand the world around them. Nevertheless, a good dose of Disney doesn't go amiss at all.
    I think the closest to anything educational I did before school was watch The Really Wild Show.

  33. #83
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    And look at the state of you now; you can barely have a wank without downing seven co-codamols.

  34. #84
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    I'm a physical wreckage, but I doubt that's because the dictionary wasn't considered a bedtime story in my house.

  35. #85
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    The Guinness Book of Records was a good one. 1997's edition was the best one they ever made.

  36. #86
    Senior Member Spoonsky's Avatar
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    I'll bet you 2008 was better.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mahow View Post


    That one for me, I fucking loved it.
    Fucking hell. Did you watch the videos too? With the intros that flew in through that crazy glass greenhouse with an old plane tied to the ceiling. What times.

  37. #87
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    This shit?

    If so, I hated it. I just read the encyclopaedia constantly.

  38. #88
    Senior Member Spoonsky's Avatar
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    My description was a bit off, this is what I mean:


  39. #89
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I only had the book and the absolutely woeful CD.

  40. #90
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    I had Encarta for a bit on my PC. I remember laughing at foreign national anthems and watching a video of that lizard chasing you with its face all open like that little dinosaur from Jurassic Park that spits in that bloke from Seinfeld's face.

  41. #91
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    Anyone else have Mavis Beacon on their PC?

  42. #92
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    I think I had that too at one point but never looked at it. I think Wikipedia was emerging by then.

  43. #93
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    I've always wanted to go back and play Myst to see if I'd actually understand it now. It was on the computer in one of my very early primary school classes when we were far too young to get what was going on.

    Other than that it was all BBC Micros. The Football Manager game on that was class and I imagine the first ever made?

  44. #94
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Toby View Post
    I've always wanted to go back and play Myst to see if I'd actually understand it now. It was on the computer in one of my very early primary school classes when we were far too young to get what was going on.

    Other than that it was all BBC Micros. The Football Manager game on that was class and I imagine the first ever made?
    Don't, it's terrible. Controls are terrible, puzzles are terrible with random or obtuse solutions.

  45. #95
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    On a similar theme I got a box of old books from my parents, some of which were my old wildlife books.

    The sealife one has pictures of whales getting butchered.

  46. #96
    Senior Member Sam's Avatar
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    Educational games on PC? Never.

    My old man was letting me play Diablo, Quake, Doom and so forth from when I was able to access the PC, which from family videos was the age of two.

  47. #97
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    Don't get me wrong, I dabbled in a bit of Duke Nukem 3D and Wolfenstein 3D afterwards.

    Must have been the in thing at that point so stick '3D' after the end of the game name to make it sound cooler.

  48. #98
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Or, you know, they were made in 3D rather than 2 or 2.5D

    And if we're going back to the BBC days, Granny's Garden ftw

  49. #99
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mahow View Post


    That one for me, I fucking loved it.
    I won this book for winning the Kent County Show Costume Contest. I was one of Bill & Ben

  50. #100
    Senior Member Sam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    Don't get me wrong, I dabbled in a bit of Duke Nukem 3D and Wolfenstein 3D afterwards.

    Must have been the in thing at that point so stick '3D' after the end of the game name to make it sound cooler.
    Still have both of those installed on my laptop. The updated engine mod on Duke Nukem 3D is fantastic and makes train journeys fly by.

    Magic Carpet as well, what a game that was.

    Was pretty heavy into shooters through my youth, competed in Barrysworld leagues when I was 11 .

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