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Thread: The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

  1. #6251
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Such a considerate lover.

  2. #6252
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Magic lights a candle for a wank.

  3. #6253
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Magic lights a candle for a wank.
    Dim the lights and set the mood

  4. #6254
    I used to be funny.
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    "Wank is murder."


  5. #6255
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    And I've had orgasms only Zeus could dream of.

  6. #6256
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Wanking before.

  7. #6257
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    And I've had orgasms only Zeus could dream of.
    Socks off?

  8. #6258
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Ive seen her every day now and it is all laughs and giggles. Also being the little spoon is my new thing.

  9. #6259
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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  10. #6260
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Awww Sincere is in love.

  11. #6261
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Have you checked her tyre tread yet Sincere?

  12. #6262
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Have you checked her tyre tread yet Sincere?
    20p coin check and passed.

  13. #6263
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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  14. #6264
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel View Post
    Ive seen her every day now and it is all laughs and giggles. Also being the little spoon is my new thing.
    Told you pegging is the way forward.

  15. #6265
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Slow down. Im not a wild boy.

  16. #6266
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Is anyone a parent to a child thet isnt their own? Living with your girlfriend/wife together as a step-dad to a seed that isnt your own. What is that like?

  17. #6267
    Senior Member 7om's Avatar
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    Seed

  18. #6268
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I was with a single mum for a little while after I left Uni, although we weren't together long enough for me to meet the kids. I generally just went round once they were both in bed.

    Fond memories of hearing one of their Buzz Lightyear toys give it the big "TO INFINITY AND BEYOND" and having roll off his mum like a naked ninja.

  19. #6269
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    If it goes well enough you bond with the kid the break up is twice as worse, to be honest.

  20. #6270
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    The kid will at least be used to the trauma.

  21. #6271
    I used to be funny.
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    Tune in next week for new episodes of My White Kid.

  22. #6272
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Only betas bring up other alpha children.

  23. #6273
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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  24. #6274
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    Don't rush moving in.

  25. #6275
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Im struggling to see any type of benefit from a step-dad perspective.

  26. #6276
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    Only betas bring up other alpha children.
    Or get pegged.

  27. #6277
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel View Post
    Im struggling to see any type of benefit from a step-dad perspective.
    When you reach a certain age it's a case of choosing between used goods or broken goods.

  28. #6278
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    Woah woah woah

  29. #6279
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    My younger sister's been married to a Scotsman for nearly 4 years, they live in Edinburgh (they were together for some years before that). The wedding was great, and he's always been fun to be around, spent a couple of Christmases here etc. I drove them back from their honeymoon. They own a flat (his family has money so stumped up for it I think), they've just bought a new car etc. Three weeks ago they were down here for a post-lockdown visit, all seemed exactly as normal.

    This week, out of the blue, he's told her it's over. Even I'm shaken, so christ knows what she must be like. She's legged it back south. My mum knows what's behind it but is so angry she can't even bring herself to tell me on the phone. Could be another woman involved I guess, but for him that would be REALLY weird and out of character. 'Duplicitous bastard' was the phrase used but that sounds weak for adultery. It's truly bewildering.

    I think everyone's going mental. I'm really not sure what to do. This sort of thing has never happened in our family.

  30. #6280
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Is your sister Andie MacDowell?

  31. #6281
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Freshly on the rebound in time for the summer of love would ordinarily have got a but it looks at serious risk of being postponed.

  32. #6282
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Maybe he’s confessed his love for her brother.
    I'm a twit

  33. #6283
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Double life?

    I had a similar situation last year when my wife's sisters long term partner dropped the bomb that they were splitting up (not his choice) in the middle of a warhammer related email chain. Rest of the family didn't find out for 6 months so that was fun when it happened.

  34. #6284
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    No saving throws for that bomb.

  35. #6285
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niko_cee View Post
    I had a similar situation last year when my wife's sisters long term partner dropped the bomb that they were splitting up (not his choice) in the middle of a warhammer related email chain.
    What.

  36. #6286
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niko_cee View Post
    Double life?
    I've always loved a good double life (see John O'Farrell novel The Best a Man Can Get) so if it's this I'll be a bit torn.

  37. #6287
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    What.
    Seriously.

    We converse on and off on the subject and he just replied to my last email talking about painting or when we might play or some shite with a message to the effect that "X has called it off, no longer loves me, I'm probably going to have to move out and sell the little men, do you want any". Bolt from the blue to say the least.

    Covid has actually kept them living together thus far.

  38. #6288
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    "Oh man that's terrible..... er, do you have any rat ogres?"

  39. #6289
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Yeah, pretty much. Said I'd take the lot.

    Not rat ogres though, think I have a box of about 30 of them in the loft already. :/

  40. #6290
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Well, who doesn't?

  41. #6291
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    I've always loved a good double life (see John O'Farrell novel The Best a Man Can Get) so if it's this I'll be a bit torn.
    He's not a kickboxer is he?

  42. #6292
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    Well, who doesn't?
    Normal people.

  43. #6293
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    My younger sister's been married to a Scotsman for nearly 4 years, they live in Edinburgh (they were together for some years before that). The wedding was great, and he's always been fun to be around, spent a couple of Christmases here etc. I drove them back from their honeymoon. They own a flat (his family has money so stumped up for it I think), they've just bought a new car etc. Three weeks ago they were down here for a post-lockdown visit, all seemed exactly as normal.

    This week, out of the blue, he's told her it's over. Even I'm shaken, so christ knows what she must be like. She's legged it back south. My mum knows what's behind it but is so angry she can't even bring herself to tell me on the phone. Could be another woman involved I guess, but for him that would be REALLY weird and out of character. 'Duplicitous bastard' was the phrase used but that sounds weak for adultery. It's truly bewildering.

    I think everyone's going mental. I'm really not sure what to do. This sort of thing has never happened in our family.
    I don't know your mum but "duplicitous bastard" sounds pretty strong to me.

  44. #6294
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Maybe he’s confessed his love for her brother.
    I thought gayness (not for Floyd though). Maybe kick the coming out into the very long grass.

  45. #6295
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I am lolling out loud at 'I don't know your mum but'.

  46. #6296
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    He clearly knows someone's mum.

  47. #6297
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I'm now imagining Jimmy's mum with the mouth of a dockers wife.

  48. #6298
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    My cousin once pulled the mother of all double lives, living with his fiancee he had been with since school. He decided he actually preferred other women but rather than call it off went into some mad shagging frenzy where he had 4 other women on the go at the same time. In a small town it was never going to end well, somehow he managed to keep them all ignorant of each other until it all came crashing down.

    My favourite was the girl who's parents had him on their car insurance

  49. #6299
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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  50. #6300
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    I don't know your mum but "duplicitous bastard" sounds pretty strong to me.
    Surely if it was cheating you'd go bigger than 'bastard' with no proper swears. Who knows, I'll soon find out.

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