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Thread: The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

  1. #5651
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    Intervention.

  2. #5652
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    Oii bloke find someone you trust then have glorious bareback sex.

  3. #5653
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I had a rubber split on me during a 1 nighter and it's up there with the most scary experiences of my life. Thought I was going to get full knob rot. You don't explore unknown ground without your shoes on.
    Last edited by Spikey M; 15-09-2019 at 10:36 AM.

  4. #5654
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    I'm not a tough guy, but I'm stupid.

  5. #5655
    Senior Member mugbull's Avatar
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    You should start drinking, you might finally contract an STD that forces you to reconsider your decisions

  6. #5656
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Forget about me.

    Do you guys tell your partner when you are about to finish or do you just let it out and catch them off guard?

    I don't say anything. It is funny to me, that some people still announce it though

  7. #5657
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    So long as she’s announcing it you’ve nothing else to worry about.

  8. #5658
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    I can’t remember ever using a condom.

  9. #5659
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Both times we've tried for a kid the mrs got pregnant first time. If I did that I'd have about 60 kids.

  10. #5660
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    I've never tried for a child, but I've gone through the abortion process twice.

    Use protection kids

  11. #5661
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Just got an image in my head of Sincere solemnly telling an assembly hall full of youths about the abortions and repeated cases of knob-rot and telling them to learn from his mistakes before somebody asks him the best form of protection and he goes "What? Oh no, I still don't use any of that."

  12. #5662
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Both times we've tried for a kid the mrs got pregnant first time. If I did that I'd have about 60 kids.
    I’ve had a few scares but most are on the pill these days

  13. #5663
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Or that coil in their pussy or embedded in their arm.

  14. #5664
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Ive also sent off for my annual HIV test

  15. #5665
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    Yessir. We got it easy, bruh

  16. #5666
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    She is trying to line me up for round two. Still waiting on test results. It's really scary.

  17. #5667
    I used to be funny.
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    She knows.

  18. #5668
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Good news and bad news.

    Bad news is that you need to tell your wifes, girlfriends, mothers, nieces and aunties that Sincere is germ free and he is looking for some fresh victims.

  19. #5669
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    What's the good news?

  20. #5670
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel View Post
    Good news and bad news.

    Bad news is that you need to tell your wifes, girlfriends, mothers, nieces and aunties that Sincere is germ free and he is looking for some fresh victims.
    Sincere, genuinely, if you're going to engage in this sort of behavior, go to your doctor and ask them to put you on PrEP, it'll protect you and any potential victims. They shouldn't charge you if you admit to them that you engage in risky behavior as it's cheaper for them to give that to you then treat the disease for the next 50 years. If they won't just tell them you're doing gay or swinger party stuff as well and they'll put you on it there and then.

  21. #5671
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Victims

  22. #5672
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    What's the good news?
    I just saved a lot of money on my car insurance.

  23. #5673
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Sincere, genuinely, if you're going to engage in this sort of behaviour, go to your doctor and ask them to put you on PrEP, it'll protect you and any potential victims. They shouldn't charge you if you admit to them that you engage in risky behaviour as it's cheaper for them to give that to you then treat the disease for the next 50 years. If they won't just tell them you're doing gay or swinger party stuff as well and they'll put you on it there and then.
    It is already on the schedule.

  24. #5674
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    I went on a date last night. My first date in 11 years...maybe my first date ever, in reality.

    It was incredible. Without getting carried away.

    P. S found my next wife lololo

  25. #5675
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    How much are you going to pay her for your house?

  26. #5676
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    2nd date organised.

  27. #5677
    Bookie P_3's Avatar
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    Top work Magic. What's your secret?

    Had a date arranged yesterday, turned up at her town's train station and stood around like a twat for two hours waiting for her before heading home. First time I've been stood up. Feels bad man.

  28. #5678
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    She’ll have been there.

  29. #5679
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    Quote Originally Posted by P_3 View Post
    Top work Magic. What's your secret?

    Had a date arranged yesterday, turned up at her town's train station and stood around like a twat for two hours waiting for her before heading home. First time I've been stood up. Feels bad man.
    Nothing to lose, everything to gain. Be yourself. Know what you want.

    I had to do A LOT of self reflection to discover that. And also I was ghosted 4 times lol. Not in person but just before. So this was my last attempt before deleting, she messaged me on Mon, I asked her for a drink on Wed and we met on Fri.

    She's amazing. She's amazing because I was allowed to connect on every level. Of course it may not have been like that with someone else but at least I'd know straight away.

  30. #5680
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    She’ll have been there.
    Fucking hell.

  31. #5681
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Jesus Christ. Get a fucking grip, of you'll be married again to another cunt within the year

  32. #5682
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    she messaged me on Mon, I asked her for a drink on Wed and we met on Fri.
    Alright, Craig David.

  33. #5683
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    Quote Originally Posted by P_3 View Post
    Top work Magic. What's your secret?

    Had a date arranged yesterday, turned up at her town's train station and stood around like a twat for two hours waiting for her before heading home. First time I've been stood up. Feels bad man.
    This is rough. Who does that?

    Did she message you at any point to explain or just flat out stand you up and ghost you?

  34. #5684
    Senior Member Bam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Alright, Craig David.

  35. #5685
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Monday
    Took her for a drink on Tuesday
    I was kicking off by Wednesday
    And on Thursday and Friday and Saturday
    She bailed on Sunday

  36. #5686
    Bookie P_3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foe View Post
    This is rough. Who does that?

    Did she message you at any point to explain or just flat out stand you up and ghost you?
    There was a bit of messaging as I was on the train over, something about her ex slashing her car tyres as she went to see him and drop off his stuff and calling her dad to help. Then it all went silent from her end. I sent her a quick message this morning to at least let me know she's ok, next thing I know I'm blocked on WhatsApp. Whilst waiting for her, I did see a car with an older man in the driving seat and someone else in the passenger seat wait around for 10 minutes without dropping or picking anyone up. Maybe that was her.

  37. #5687
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    How was Dundee?

  38. #5688
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Slashing tyres

    She’s a fucking spoofer.

  39. #5689
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Had a weird bit of synchronicity yesterday. There was this cute Greek girl (I say girl, she's actually mid-30s but looks a lot younger) who used to come into my place of work quite regularly ages ago. I'm pretty shit at picking up on signals, but I always had a sense she fancied me. She came in one day, and started fucking doodling on my hand with a pen, and five minutes later i was kicking myself for being too much of a pussy to give her my number, but told myself I definitely would next time she came in. That was about 18 months ago and she never came in again.

    Well, she didn't until 12.45pm yesterday, i.e. 15 minutes before the end of my VERY LAST shift before I move 150 miles away. I was a lot more relaxed and devil may care cus i was pretty hungover and about to leave, so I was flirting pretty heavily and suggested she came and checked out Norwich when she was saying how bored she was of living in the Midlands. After I served her I was all "well I guess I'll never see you again, then", to which she blushed and suggested we exchanged numbers to stay in touch. As she was leaving she turned around and said "about 2 hours in the car to Norwich, yeah?".

    She ended up adding me on facebook, and was sending me audio clips of her saying rude greek words under the guise of helping me learn the language. I mean, it's not the most convenient of booty calls but I'm pretty chuffed. Mostly just the insane odds of her coming in yesterday, rather than a Saturday I wasn't working or after I'd left.

  40. #5690
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    It's more like three hours so unlucky lad.

  41. #5691
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    Jesus Christ. Get a fucking grip, of you'll be married again to another cunt within the year
    Not really. Approaching situations without judgement allows me to see things for what they are. I don't transfer my past pains or blind myself with what I want to see instead of what is present.

    Let's see where it goes, but I am very impressed so far.

  42. #5692
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by P_3 View Post
    There was a bit of messaging as I was on the train over, something about her ex slashing her car tyres as she went to see him and drop off his stuff and calling her dad to help. Then it all went silent from her end. I sent her a quick message this morning to at least let me know she's ok, next thing I know I'm blocked on WhatsApp. Whilst waiting for her, I did see a car with an older man in the driving seat and someone else in the passenger seat wait around for 10 minutes without dropping or picking anyone up. Maybe that was her.
    Looking back, did you see this coming?

  43. #5693
    Bookie P_3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    Looking back, did you see this coming?
    Not really, because she seemed keen to meet. The whole tyre slashing thing was a bit weird and I should have just cancelled there and then but assumed she'd just get a lift home then come to meet as planned. Women, eh?

  44. #5694
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Being blocked on Whatsapp didn't seem off?

  45. #5695
    Bookie P_3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry View Post
    Being blocked on Whatsapp didn't seem off?
    That was this/Sunday morning. Date was last/Saturday night.

  46. #5696
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I read that as happening on the day and you still turning up.

  47. #5697
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    She's done you a favour there. Obviously bonkers

  48. #5698
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by P_3 View Post
    Not really, because she seemed keen to meet. The whole tyre slashing thing was a bit weird and I should have just cancelled there and then but assumed she'd just get a lift home then come to meet as planned. Women, eh?
    It sounds like if that is true she did you a favour, mate. Maybe you should consider that admirable.

  49. #5699
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    And maybe you should flag it up to the police, too.

  50. #5700
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    2nd date complete. Shit film that went on for AGES (IT Chaper 2), so it kind of dampened things and it didn't end until midnight so we were both knackered.

    3rd date on Sat. Still not banged.

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