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Thread: The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

  1. #6201
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Is Hinge not answering outside London?

  2. #6202
    heavy like led Dark Soldier's Avatar
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    Is hinge a new euphemism for gash?

  3. #6203
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Tis a dating app. Tinder and Bumble were still alive as of start of 2019 and I know the former is still fine but Hinge rules supreme in London now I think.

  4. #6204
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    On Match.com you have to pay coins which is fine, but you cant even send one message to a nice cunt without paying a subscription

  5. #6205
    heavy like led Dark Soldier's Avatar
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    Met the missus on Bumble tbf, its really good (well was three years ago) if you're serious rather than wanting some slightly out of date fanny.

  6. #6206
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    I have been out of the game for a long while but my mate was getting so much action through Tinder in Leeds he uninstalled it for a rest, and that lad makes me look like Brad Pitt.

  7. #6207
    I used to be funny.
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    Tinder was going alright for me until it wasn't. I need to get back on it.

  8. #6208
    heavy like led Dark Soldier's Avatar
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    Tinder has its positives but its basically the equivalent of being the sad cunts who linger around the supermarket staff as they chuck almost out of date produce on the 'special' shelf at half price.

    You're reaching for a 30p pack of pork pies that'll give you the shits the next day.

    Fanny is still fanny though.

  9. #6209
    heavy like led Dark Soldier's Avatar
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    PoF is digging around in the bins after closing for a moudly pack of bread and some seeping corned beef. You'll have a good time but you ain't ever coming back from that.

  10. #6210
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    I met my wife on PoF

    And my ex girlfriend who comically lived across the street. She was terrible for me but she had a pair of GGs so I was never not going to at least investigate the contents of that bra. But yeah in the main I think PoF was a bit of a pain as a lot of women are deluded about what they actually want, at least Tinder is/was more direct from what I understand.

  11. #6211
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    +1 for Bumble.

    Tinder was gutteral.

    Hinge was decent but full of geeks.

  12. #6212
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    sorry wrong thread

  13. #6213
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    sorry wrong thread
    The post you deleted about Grindr? Probably be ok here too.

  14. #6214
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Just matched with someone on tinder who had the bio "just here to argue with men".

    i said i'd had a good argument with my mates the other day about when the simpsons started to get shit.

    "i'd say s14-28 is good, new ones are weird and i can't deal with the old animation style".

    I believe her bio now.

  15. #6215
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Ah, so being objectively wrong about the Simpsons is what she's really into then.

  16. #6216
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Sounds like you need to raise your minimum age, you nonce.

  17. #6217
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    If it was all meta and she was deliberately trying to pick just about the most bizarre opinion to spark an argument I'd be impressed at nailing such a provocative simpsons opinion, but when i ed she was like "what? i love the simpsons man", so either she's a div or is committing to this more than i am capable of. I get donned enough on here and in my real life to deal with that.

  18. #6218
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Sounds like you need to raise your minimum age, you nonce.
    she's 24 you cunt

  19. #6219
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    You need to keep going to find out if she's serious. Then have her sectioned if she is.

  20. #6220
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Quirky!

  21. #6221
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Just cut to the chase and ask her for nudes.

  22. #6222
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    She’s probably posting elsewhere about the zany cunt they asked her about the Simpsons as a chat up line.

  23. #6223
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    She's obviously on the wind up. You need to out-twat her.

  24. #6224
    Senior Member Spoonsky's Avatar
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    She sounds like a perfect match for Igor tbf.

  25. #6225
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    What a bunch of nonsense.

    It’s noods, not nudes.

  26. #6226
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    How much is her only fans?

  27. #6227
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    How is it all going for you? Im not involved in any type of relationship at the moment.

  28. #6228
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel View Post
    How is it all going for you? Im not involved in any type of relationship at the moment.
    i've been on one date in the last year or so, being naughty during lockdown 1.0.

    it was this pretty large girl in norwich, we had been sending gross stuff to each other over social media, presumably with the understanding we'd never meet each other. when i told her i was moving back to the midlands she was like "lol shall i just come to your house and shag you?" i agreed, not really taking her seriously. then she showed up about 10 mins later. took her upstairs after brief, awkward introductions to housemates. when we got down to it, she was...i mean, it wasn't her size as much as it was the SMELL, like genuinely she smelled like poo. I made some excuse about how i didn't like shagging on the first date (the faecal smell had, contrary to what you'd all probably think, prevented me from achieving let alone maintaining an erection). she then said "WELL I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU MAKE ME CUM", and i had to robotically rub her fanny with a motivation to make a girl have an orgasm i'd never had before - wanting her to fuck off. it was a bit like that peep show scene with mark and that army woman.

    as i was trying to escort her from the premises, my housemate who had done a couple of lines and had totally misread the situation (he thought we were a thing), offered her a glass of wine. WHICH SHE ACCEPTED, presumably just to wind me up. Had to sit there making conversation with this stinky poo girl i could probably #metoo, and this absolute coked up gobshite for about 45 minutes. so yeah, going pretty well thanks mate.

  29. #6229
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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  30. #6230
    Just Luca, but still a DJ Luca's Avatar
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    Igor wanted to go full DS but didn’t have the balls. Sad.

  31. #6231
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Stunning.

  32. #6232
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Just tell her you need a piss, rub some vicks in your mask, tell her you're playing safe, and get down to businesses.

  33. #6233
    I used to be funny.
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    Frig. Sometimes it pays not to be polite.

  34. #6234
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Just tell her you need a piss, rub some vicks in your mask, tell her you're playing safe, and get down to businesses.


    You have to tell her she stinks lad. You cant just brush that off. And you still fingered her. Fucking legend.

    The stench from the underneath of a vegan is awful but poo is clearly on another level.

  35. #6235
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Fucking hell Igor 😂

  36. #6236
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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  37. #6237
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Christ, I randomly had a flashback to a girl I poked with bad breath once (only on occasion, other times she was fine) but yeah you're a trooper for fingerblasting a bbw shit wafter out of politeness

  38. #6238
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Ah shit, the nice gay lad who used to work in a pub I sometimes went to just FB messaged me asking if I fancied a date. Not the first gaydar false positive I've triggered.

  39. #6239
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    The old Igor would have gone along with it for a laugh.

  40. #6240
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    If he's hot why not?

  41. #6241
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    The old Igor would have felt obligated to toss him off.

  42. #6242
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    If he doesn't smell like shit, he's better than your last date.

  43. #6243
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    She touched my wood and it was all over. It was about 30 seconds of foreplay. I just laughed it off. She saw the funny side of it also, but the chances of seeing her again are slim. I could see the utter disgust on her face.

  44. #6244
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    If anything it is a compliment.

    If she is a half decent person she won't care.

  45. #6245
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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  46. #6246
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Why didn't you wank before?

  47. #6247
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    Why didn't you wank before?
    Because he is 30?

  48. #6248
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Queenslander View Post
    Because he is 30?
    Seconds.

  49. #6249
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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  50. #6250
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Queenslander View Post
    If anything it is a compliment.

    If she is a half decent person she won't care.
    Only time will tell.

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    Why didn't you wank before?
    Ive never really like doing that. I dont like to go too long anyway. Wanking before just means there will be more work to put in once your in the real session.

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