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Thread: The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

  1. #4501
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Nobody wants to lick you, you flirt.
    Well you have to ask.

  2. #4502
    Senior Member 7om's Avatar
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    I've only sporadically read your posts in here, Igor, but you must be getting to the point now where you're tired of casual shagging?

    Also, weirdly, the first thing I thought when reading your latest escapade was that DS woulkd be proud of you.

  3. #4503
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 7om View Post
    I've only sporadically read your posts in here, Igor, but you must be getting to the point now where you're tired of casual shagging?

    Also, weirdly, the first thing I thought when reading your latest escapade was that DS woulkd be proud of you.
    I'm not actually that successful with women, I just share it with you lot when I am. It's less that I'm tired of casual sex, more that I'm tired of very intermittent casual sex and wanking.

  4. #4504
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Wait...you ate a one night stand's butt? Yeck.

  5. #4505
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    When even Magic thinks that you are a bad one you know things are serious.

  6. #4506
    heavy like led Dark Soldier's Avatar
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    Marry her igor. Thank me later.

    Filth needs to be tied down.

  7. #4507
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    Wait...you ate a one night stand's butt? Yeck.
    You fucking animal.

  8. #4508
    I used to be funny.
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    We're going to have an AIDS graveyard with Hammer and Igor buried side-by-side.

  9. #4509
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    I'm still undecided if these things actually happen to Igor.

  10. #4510
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    Wait...you ate a one night stand's butt? Yeck.
    It wasn't some random sket I met in a nightclub though, she's my best mate's girlfriend's best mate. Their vouching for her implicitly includes vouching for her bumhole afaic.

  11. #4511
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    Tbh it's them vouching for her bumhole that should perhaps worry you above everything else here, then.

  12. #4512
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Fucking savage.

  13. #4513
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Is sincere randoming it, calling people animals who don't like touching human faeces, or just having an episode?

  14. #4514
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Is sincere randoming it, calling people animals who don't like touching human faeces, or just having an episode?
    Im struggling to think how there is any benefit to this time of sex act

  15. #4515
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel View Post
    Im struggling to think how there is any benefit to this time of sex act
    That's why I was puzzled that you called magic an animal for saying the same thing.

  16. #4516
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    I should have quoted the original post from Igor

  17. #4517
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dark Soldier View Post
    Marry her igor. Thank me later.

    Filth needs to be tied down.
    Or tied up.

  18. #4518
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    It wasn't some random sket I met in a nightclub though, she's my best mate's girlfriend's best mate. Their vouching for her implicitly includes vouching for her bumhole afaic.
    Insanity. I'd need to build up a full understanding of toilet habits, hygiene, diet, any outstanding tract issues etc before I even contemplated that. This gives me a framework that when followed, won't see me take on a tapeworm when the project is complete.

  19. #4519
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    I'd lick anything that doesn't smell too bad.

  20. #4520
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    As a so-called Doctor you should know you can't detect parasites with your nose.

  21. #4521
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Worth.

  22. #4522
    Senior Member mugbull's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    @mugbull it's Edinburgh lads. August 17th - 24th. Game?
    Could probably make it for a few days out of that ye

  23. #4523
    Senior Member Bam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Never put a tongue in before a finger , only once touched poo

    Great advice.

  24. #4524
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Eating ass should not be done on a casual basis otherwise you'll just get known as a shit sniffer.

  25. #4525
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    Speaking from experience, shit sniffer?

  26. #4526
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    It looks like party girl might actually have some potential. She text me to say she had fun and told me to message her whenever I'm next down in London. I told her I'll be down in 2 or 3 weekends time anyway to see friends (true, but plans obviously only contrived to facilitate seeing her), and she's just said that she's always around and just to message her.

    I'm not very spontaneous and I'm quite autistic about getting everything meticulously planned (which people are generally surprised about, as an aside), so I'm somewhat paranoid I'll get the train to euston, tell her I'm around and be told she's fucked off to Oxford for the weekend or whatever it is posh girls do. Aside from that I'm obviously very pleased with the outcome - she's seemingly very keen to shag again, without any clingy pseudo-relationshippy baggage.

    I'm also using a lot of willpower to not fall into the cycle of mindless small talk asking her about her day etc, as I think that will actually be counterproductive this time.

  27. #4527
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Ask for a picture of her oil seal and post results.

  28. #4528
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    Find out if her tyres are bald.

  29. #4529
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Ask for a picture of her oil seal and post results.
    I can rely on my memory, there was no evidence of leakage, though it sounds like I was quite lucky with my timing.

    In the morning she was a bit off, and when I asked if I could have a shower she politely suggested I do so at my mate's house. She had to get the train at like 1pm so I just assumed she wanted me to fuck off so she had time to chill alone before that, but my mate's girlfriend told me with some glee that she'd told her it was because she'd had a massive stinky dump in there and didn't want me going in there after that. Bless.

  30. #4530
    Senior Member mugbull's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    I'm also using a lot of willpower to not fall into the cycle of mindless small talk asking her about her day etc, as I think that will actually be counterproductive this time.
    Ya matey, don't do this. It's counterproductive most times.

  31. #4531
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Good luck with the oil seal next time.

  32. #4532
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    IMO if you have misgivings about the state of hygienic upkeep of the girls you’re hooking up with, better to stay home, lift some weights, hit your daily macros and try again in a few months.
    The only decent part about being an admin is seeing the posts people decide to delete

  33. #4533
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    I can't imagine anyone but mert saying "hit your daily macros", but I'd have thought he'd pride himself on not being enough of a 'beta little cuck' to delete his posts so I'm stumped.

  34. #4534
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Impossible to know who might have posted that.

  35. #4535
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Sorry lads.

  36. #4536
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I thought Mahow.

  37. #4537
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Unluckly @Boydy, I saw your post before the ninja delete

  38. #4538
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Fair advice though, mate.

  39. #4539
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Brown white privilege was my first thought too.

  40. #4540
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Christ you just know in between you going down to London again she'll be getting her piles chewed by some other bearded ginger twat who falls for her vile dirty bumhole.

  41. #4541
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    "piles chewed"

  42. #4542
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    Christ you just know in between you going down to London again she'll be getting her piles chewed by some other bearded ginger twat who falls for her vile dirty bumhole.


    I know I can always rely on you for the best advice, MJ.

    In my defense, in the taxi she said "you don't do this kind of thing a lot, do you?", and even asked "you don't just see me as a London conquest, do you?" as we walked up the stairs to her flat. She was hesitant about actually shagging me, and said "we barely know each other, I don't even know if you remember my name" (WHICH IS A WHOLE OTHER STORY), which all suggests her asshole is at least a fairly selective establishment, though when I told m8's gf all this she rolled her eyes and said "oh fuck off [girl's name], she used to shag loads of people at uni".

  43. #4543
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Igor, she quoted the whole 'I don't usually do this sort of thing' chapter out of the Sluts Handbook to you.

  44. #4544
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Mulva?

  45. #4545
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    She let a stranger finger her shitpipe, so she's clearly seen more prickends than weekends. Though it still wouldn't stop me getting a train.

  46. #4546
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Mulva?


    The foreplay had been great, really organically leading up to what I assumed would be inevitable sex (I find it can be very awkward and shit on one night stands, especially when you're both really drunk), then she got a bit angsty and said the thing about me not remembering her name. I knew her fucking name, and had known it all evening, but the stress of being asked it whilst she was sat on me all naked fucked with my head and I did not have a fucking clue. if I'd actually tried to guess it, it would have been like Mrs Doyle and Todd Unctious.

    Spent about 5 minutes with her saying "just say my fucking name", sounding close to tears, as I blagged "well I know your fucking name, obviously, but I'm not going to say it, that's bollocks. this is stupid", etc. Horrible, and I am surprised she didn't just kick me out. When she eventually just went "my name is fucking [___]", and I said WELL I KNEW THAT, she said oh fuck it I still want to fuck you, but by this point I was somewhat deflated by the stress of what had just happened, and it took a while to get back into the swing of it.

  47. #4547
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    She let a stranger finger her shitpipe, so she's clearly seen more prickends than weekends. Though it still wouldn't stop me getting a train.


    It absolutely wouldn't stop me either, but I think (based on her behaviour but also what was said by her and my mate's gf the next day) she shagged LOADS of lads at uni, but doesn't really do it as much these days. But nah, I don't particularly care either way.

  48. #4548
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    I reckon if you dig deep you will find she has some kind of trauma in her past...

  49. #4549
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    *arse

  50. #4550
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I would love it if she goes for a hot curry the night before you go there next.

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