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Thread: The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

  1. #5101
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Nonce.

  2. #5102
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    I told her I was pulling the plug with my penis.

  3. #5103
    Lost the old board bruhnaldo's Avatar
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    Should've just told her it was a footy biography or some shit

  4. #5104
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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  5. #5105
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    What did you say you were reading?

    Did you tragically overcompensate?

  6. #5106
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I'm a twit

  7. #5107
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    What did you say you were reading?

    Did you tragically overcompensate?
    The new me is open and honest, so whilst not telling the absolute truth, I told her I was reading a mindfulness book which I am, just not right at that moment. Still makes me out to be a complete mook, but not a desperately sad, lonely mook.

  8. #5108
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    I mean whether or not you look like 'a mook' really only matters if your only aim is a ride.

    Otherwise if you wanna have tea while reading in the bath then you own that shit and maybe you'll find the lovely, tea-in-the-bath companion of your dreams.

  9. #5109
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    That's very true. She was doing a law degree so maybe she'll appreciate it #noreplysofar

    This is going to turn me in to an incel eventually.

  10. #5110
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Maybe she can help you with the divorce proceedings. Win-win.

  11. #5111
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    The secret to online dating is securing the digits asap and communicating away from the platform.

  12. #5112
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manc View Post
    The secret to online dating is securing the digits asap and communicating away from the platform.
    How many digits? Middle 3?

  13. #5113
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    How many toes have you got room for?

  14. #5114
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    You should be going through solicitors. I'm gonna wipe the floor with him he called yesterday telling me he wanted to sell and wanted to pay me less and wanted money. Once all the debts cleared and the fees for selling and seperating there won't be fuck all left for him to get. Stupid cunts not thought about it at all before he left. I'm away to screw him up royally xxx

  15. #5115
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Well I sure know how to pick 'em. This thread will be kept alive by me forever and my disgraceful choices.

  16. #5116
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Wut?

  17. #5117
    Administrator John's Avatar
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    You certainly have a type.

  18. #5118
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Unhinged.

    Rattle her back doors off.

  19. #5119
    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    You should be going through solicitors. I'm gonna wipe the floor with him he called yesterday telling me he wanted to sell and wanted to pay me less and wanted money. Once all the debts cleared and the fees for selling and seperating there won't be fuck all left for him to get. Stupid cunts not thought about it at all before he left. I'm away to screw him up royally xxx
    Who?

  20. #5120
    Administrator John's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Who?
    From context, the girl he's talking to's ex.

  21. #5121
    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by John View Post
    From context, the girl he's talking to's ex.
    Is he buying a house off Magic?

  22. #5122
    Administrator John's Avatar
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    I'm out.

  23. #5123
    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    You should be going through solicitors. I'm gonna wipe the floor with him he called yesterday telling me he wanted to sell and wanted to pay me less and wanted money. Once all the debts cleared and the fees for selling and seperating there won't be fuck all left for him to get. Stupid cunts not thought about it at all before he left. I'm away to screw him up royally xxx
    Quote Originally Posted by John View Post
    From context, the girl he's talking to's ex.
    Quote Originally Posted by John View Post
    I'm out.
    I'm not quite getting how the ex of a girl he's talking to (for what can only be about 12 hours) is already at the stage of calling him and asking for money. And if you're talking about the right person I don't know what the paying and selling is meant to be about.

  24. #5124
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    That’s from the chick he is talking to. Sentence 1 is in response to magic spilling his story.

    The rest is her story about her getting ready to fuck her ex over in her own separation.

    That’s how I read it anyway

  25. #5125
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Set her to war against your ex.

  26. #5126
    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danny View Post
    That’s from the chick he is talking to. Sentence 1 is in response to magic spilling his story.

    The rest is her story about her getting ready to fuck her ex over in her own separation.

    That’s how I read it anyway
    Makes sense, I'll assume he deleted the preceding posts that got to posting her texts.

  27. #5127
    Lost the old board bruhnaldo's Avatar
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    Ya I've read that shit like 5 times and still don't get it so best of luck

  28. #5128
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Tinder is really not going well for me. Only trolls and far away people seem to like me. 10 matches and one of them is a psycho, most don't reply after a couple of messages. I thought this was supposed to be easy.

  29. #5129
    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    Is PoF still on the go? It would be way less shite than tinder.

  30. #5130
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Can't see it being any good in a place like this. Bumble is atrocious and Hinge is just as bad in terms of population nearby. Tinder is the most popular but its full of time wasting ego boosting cunts. I signed up to Match but you have to pay for even basic usage, and I've already spent nearly 100 quid on Bumble and Tinder.

  31. #5131
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    I thought Tinder and Bumble were both free? or do you pay for extra things?

  32. #5132
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    Can't see it being any good in a place like this. Bumble is atrocious and Hinge is just as bad in terms of population nearby. Tinder is the most popular but its full of time wasting ego boosting cunts. I signed up to Match but you have to pay for even basic usage, and I've already spent nearly 100 quid on Bumble and Tinder.
    U wot m8

  33. #5133
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    I thought Tinder and Bumble were both free? or do you pay for extra things?
    I pay to see who likes me thinking I'd get a much better idea and more matches.

    That hasn't turned out to be the case, and I've plumbed new depths.

  34. #5134
    Senior Member igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    I thought Tinder and Bumble were both free? or do you pay for extra things?
    Bumble I don't think it makes much difference, but from personal experience Tinder without paying anything is like playing on super hard difficulty. I matched nowt but Russian spambots and 20 stone ladies I accidentally swiped right on for the couple of months I didn't spend anything, whereas with the boosts etc I might match with and have stilted conversation with a handful of 5/10s in the same amount of time.
    Last edited by igor_balis; 23-06-2019 at 11:44 AM.

  35. #5135
    Senior Member igor_balis's Avatar
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    I also find that i go through peaks and troughs without any rhyme or reason on that stupid app. Around April it was going amazingly, and I managed to somehow end up going on 3 dates in 3 days ( @Boydy can vouch that one of them was unfeasibly fit as well), then a few months of not even matching when I lowered my standards a bit, and now it's suddenly gotten good again. Got a date with an interesting German girl lined up for next week - she's funny and smart and I really, er, dig her vbes or whatever, but the photos are quite hard to judge. Or to be blunt, she could be anything from average weight to borderline obese. I quite like curvy ladies so as long as it's not too far along the chubbiness spectrum I have highish hopes.

  36. #5136
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Forget about miss right and go for miss right now.

  37. #5137
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel View Post
    Forget about miss right and go for miss right now.
    I can't find miss anything apart from miss fucking hell.

  38. #5138
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Fancy Miss Eastern Europe?

  39. #5139
    Bookie P_3's Avatar
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    I reckon POF is best. You can talk to anyone without matching and if you put even a little thought into your message, they will respond. There's more bots but just ignore them.

  40. #5140
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Or go a pub and chat in rl.
    I'm a twit

  41. #5141
    Lost the old board bruhnaldo's Avatar
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    Baz you pull a lot at the bar do you?

  42. #5142
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    TBF Baz would have a decent lad banter game if he didn't look like such a threat to society.

  43. #5143
    Senior Member igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bruhnaldo View Post
    Baz you pull a lot at the bar do you?
    There was a photo he took of this absolute babe he'd been chatting with in the Krazyhouse in Liverpool, she's even flitatiously flipping him the bird. Still got the photo, @Baz ??

  44. #5144
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bruhnaldo View Post
    Baz you pull a lot at the bar do you?
    I’ve been with my wife for over ten years so a bit rusty.
    I'm a twit

  45. #5145
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    I’ve been with my wife for over ten years so a bit rusty.
    Empathise with me then you bastard.

  46. #5146
    Lost the old board bruhnaldo's Avatar
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    Feel like dating is a lot different now than 10 years ago tbf but I also couldn't tell you as I've been single just as long

  47. #5147
    Senior Member igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    Empathise with me then you bastard.
    i'll wank you off for a fiver

  48. #5148
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    Empathise with me then you bastard.
    I just feel like you were quick to get on the dating apps. Don’t you have mates to go out for a few pints with and approach girls while you’re out?

    Apologies if you don’t.

    Maybe I just think it’s easier than it actually is, as I don’t have to do it. Sorry, I’ve never been in that situation to really know what it’s like, I suppose. Good luck though.
    I'm a twit

  49. #5149
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Get Mahow to do it. It might boost his self-esteem.

  50. #5150
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    Just resort to dick pics like the rest of THELADS magic.

    Or alternatively find friends of friends introductions are good.

    As an aside, my girlfriend keeps getting drunk and asking me if I love her. Pretending not to hear or understand her isn't fooling her any more. Awks.

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