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Thread: The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

  1. #1
    Senior Member Lee's Avatar
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    The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

    Mine's better than ever, lads.

    And I definitely don't spend most of my working life eye fucking other women.

    How about you?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    So you haven't actually fucked fit accountant yet?

  3. #3
    Senior Member The Merse's Avatar
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    Yes.

    This has been the thread of the year so far, easily.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Lee's Avatar
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    I have not, although rumours abound. I might as well fuck her given how some twats at work have been talking over the past few days, but I won't.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Might as well.

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    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Why don't you fuck someone else, to really stick it to them?

  7. #7
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    You should fuck a patient.

  8. #8
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    I actually booked a long weekend to Leeds v Brentford on our 5 year anniversary and didn't realise until the Monday of said week when she asked what we were doing for it. So LOL at that.

  9. #9
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    You should fuck a patient.
    Terminal, preferably. Less people that ultimately know the better.

  10. #10
    Senior Member The Merse's Avatar
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    Considering we've had about 20 folk turn up, it's reassuring that it includes such Relationship big hitters as Lee, Hammer, Magic and Mahow.

  11. #11
    Just Luca, but still a DJ Luca's Avatar
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    Alright, LADS.

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    There goes my most successful thread.

    I've had shocker recently. Went on a couple of dates with a girl only for her to pan it all off claiming she had no time to date. That same day she pops up as a new user on Pof.

    Fan fucking tactic.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Lee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    You should fuck a patient.
    Have you seen the average Nuneaton resident?

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    Senior Member 7om's Avatar
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    Told the wife about your escapade out in only your boxers yesterday. Our shared enjoyment of the story has made our marriage as happy as ever, so thanks.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lee View Post
    Have you seen the average Nuneaton resident?
    I thought you were a public servant.

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    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    I thought you were a public servant.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Lee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    I thought you were a public servant.
    I'm not risking AIDS for it though.

  18. #18
    Senior Member Lee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 7om View Post
    Told the wife about your escapade out in only your boxers yesterday. Our shared enjoyment of the story has made our marriage as happy as ever, so thanks.
    It's a good story. I still think it was funny. So did Lauren's mum when she told her so I'm chalking it up as a win.

  19. #19
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lee View Post
    I'm not risking AIDS for it though.
    Have a shower afterwards then.

  20. #20
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    PMSL so the wife's just come in as my step-mum was supposed to be watching her do my little sister's eyelashes so she could copy and do Mrs J's. Anyway she was pissed so wasn't properly paying attention and has really badly glued these lashes on to the wife's pus and it looks awful but it's glue and she's too nice to say no. BAHAHAHA. And we're going out tomorrow for her birthday.

  21. #21
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    and has really badly glued these lashes on to the wife's pus
    She what now?

  22. #22
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Fucking HELL lads.

    Went round to the wife's grans (I don't have tea there because it's so bad I'd rather eat the venerial disease off a deceased homeless man's cock before I tucked in to the half-fat sausages and triple overcooked veg that old age whore plates up) to pick little M up.

    It was the wife's birthday and thankfully we didn't see her disgusting family all weekend () so they bought her a small cake last night and had candles. They were moaning they were waiting on me, well it takes me 30 mins to get there and I don't finish work at half 5 so you can fuck off. I didn't want the cake because I'm trying to diet until my piroformis syndrome subsides and I can lift again then they moaned again. What the fuck? Arseholes. I'd had it by this point, so bathed little M got her dried and jammies on then went to go home.

    Then the cunt Wife pops up with 'you'd be as well cleaning her teeth here' and yep, that was my fuse lit. She knows I hate cleaning her teeth there because the brush is so overused it looks like pubes, she isn't a fucking baby and baby toothpaste isn't strong enough (I have a thing about teeth having had 6 removed over my life).

    "I'll do it when I get in"
    "She'll fall asleep in the car though"
    "No she won't, honest it'll be fine I've got it just relax"
    *insert CUNT-IN-LAW HOW FUCKING PREDICTABLE, HOW DARE SOMETHING HAPPEN WITHOUT THIS SPAWN FROM HELL PIPING UP WITH HER HENRY LIKE OPINION*
    "Just do it here there's no point in waking her up"
    "...she won't fall asleep it's fine"
    *background noise from the cuntwife, probably in agreement with her slut mother*
    "No I'll just do it when I get home"
    "You're so stubborn, just frigging do it here"
    "...*lost for words*..."
    "...*ignores what has just happened*..."
    "Right are we ready to go? Bye everyone"

    Raging. What a pig ignorant fucking wench.

    Anyway when the cuntwife came home after doing a wedding trial I simply said:

    "And that tonight...that is exactly the reason I will never, EVER go on holiday with your fucking family"


  23. #23
    Senior Member Benny's Avatar
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    Why don't you get a new brush for her?

  24. #24
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Way to bypass the the entire story, poindexter.

  25. #25
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Anyway we used to carry one about with us but she doesn't really need a changing bag anymore and it's a remnant from the past. I ALWAYS take her home and do it if we're at her great-grans and anywhere else for that matter really.

  26. #26
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    Magic I feel a little sorry for you sometimes Your life doesn't seem so happy. Or, your'e largely exaggerating how much small things seems to fuck you over and/or rip you and your wife apart.

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    Senior Member igor_balis's Avatar
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    Delighted to find out that I don't have AIDS or any other STIs today. Fucking bosh.

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    It just sounds like he's stuck in a cycle of thinking everything is shit and/or going against him. Buy a new toothbrush to keep at her grandparents ffs, or at least have the bollocks to say, "I'm not doing it here because that toothbrush is fucked".

  29. #29
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    The real reason is because I just wanted to leave anyway they are only supporting reasons.

  30. #30
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    Brushing her teeth would have been quicker than throwing a wobbler over it.

  31. #31
    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    My ex woman's Da used to be a nosey cunt like that. Always had a better way of doing everything, and you were the worst in the world if you ever said a thibg about 'Daddy'.

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    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    But not with the facilities there.

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    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    You sound like you blow up over the stupidest little things which doesn't sound very healthy at all

  34. #34
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    I didn't blow up. Have you even read the story?

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    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Toby View Post
    "I'm not doing it here because that toothbrush is fucked".
    I don't understand why you didn't just say that, instead of basically saying "I'm not doing it now for no reason whatsoever."

  36. #36
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    What?

  37. #37
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    I understand Magic here, as (your own) parents and other peoples opinions on how and what to do with your own child is almost as annoying as slow walkers in the middle of the sidewalk. They should really just mind their own business about that.

    Now having read stuff Magic posted before, it seems this is not the first time he goes through this, and it does grow exponentially more annoying with each situation, to the point where a trivial occasion such as this toothbrush story is the drop that topples the iceberg or whatever the fuck the expression is.


    Still, I do also think Magic seems a little miserable in his life and that that affects how he handles this stuff and maybe more importantly how much he lets it get to him. Normally, the key to managing annoying grandparents is to have your lady on your own side, and if I were Magic I'd work on that stuff asap with his wife before their relationship completely collapses (which is the image I get from it).

  38. #38
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Yeah she never takes my side with that shit. Still I handled it superbly.

  39. #39
    Senior Member igor_balis's Avatar
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    Magic's posts about minor social irritations should be read with a grin and curb your enthusiasm music in your head. Chill out lads, yeah?

  40. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Delighted to find out that I don't have AIDS or any other STIs today. Fucking bosh.
    I got that on Thursday. Do they need a blood test to test AIDS?

  41. #41
    Senior Member igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hammer View Post
    I got that on Thursday. Do they need a blood test to test AIDS?
    Yes.

  42. #42
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Magic's posts about minor social irritations should be read with a grin and curb your enthusiasm music in your head. Chill out lads, yeah?
    Exactly. I didn't realise it made me look like I'm about to murder/suicide?

  43. #43
    Less is more
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Magic's posts about minor social irritations should be read with a grin and curb your enthusiasm music in your head. Chill out lads, yeah?
    Ha, was just about to type Magic has a very Larry David feel to his outbursts.

  44. #44
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    I bet she fell asleep in the car.

  45. #45
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    And Larry David ended up divorced in Curb.

  46. #46
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    No she didn't, she was fantastic as per we had a great chat then I cleaned her teeth with some professional Oral B electric brush and soft head and proper toothpaste, she wanted to floss so there and then we read the Encyclopedia I had when I was a kid, we read about 'Our Bodies' and she was pissing herself laughing when we were on about Belly Button is because of umbilical cord scarring. Inees Outees etc.

    She'll look back after winning a Nobel Peace Prize and wish that her Dad had gave her Pepsi and taken her to McDonalds but that's a price I'm willing to pay.

  47. #47
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    Exactly. I didn't realise it made me look like I'm about to murder/suicide?
    It sort of does, at least to me, yeah.

  48. #48
    Senior Member 7om's Avatar
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    A fucking encyclopedia before sleep? Read her some Disney rubbish or whatever it is the kids love these days.

  49. #49
    The African Prince AE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Delighted to find out that I don't have AIDS or any other STIs today. Fucking bosh.
    Funny, I'm actually about to get tested now. I always do it once a year. So damn awkward though.

  50. #50
    The Airport King Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 7om View Post
    A fucking encyclopedia before sleep? Read her some Disney rubbish or whatever it is the kids love these days.
    We alternate.

    Also wear protection you fucking dirty scoundrels.

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