March Football: Tommy Tuchel Clocks On

[Jimmy Floyd]

In February's thread, I promised that many issues would be settled during the month. This proved correct as Liverpool secured the Premier League crown for the second time. Congratulations to them, now just eleven titles behind Manchester United's all time record.

League action continues, but with top and bottom sewn up, the only real action is in the middle. Top five will get you a Champions League place this year and there are still numerous clubs in with a chance of that. Further down the table, the race for 11th rolls on, with both Spurs and United taking huge steps forward with recent wins.

It's not all good news for the Old Trafford club, however. Out of the FA Cup, they face a two-legger against Spain's 'Real Sociedad' in order to keep up their hopes of silverware this season. Also still involved in Europe are various other clubs from various countries in the following combinations, and this is what will dominate March soccer in the club arena.

Champions League
Paris St-German v Liverpool
Club Brugge v Aston Villa
Real Madrid v Atletico Madrid
PSV v Arsenal
Benfica v Barcelona
Dortmund v Lille
Bayern Munich v Leverkusen
Feyenoord v Internazionale

Conference League
Betis v Vitoria Guimaraes
Jagiellonia v Cercle Brugge
Celje v Lugano
Panathinaikos v Fiorentina
Copenhagen v Chelsea
Molde v Legia Warsaw
Pafos v Djurgarden
Borac v Rapid Vienna

Europa League
Viktoria Plzen v Lazio
Bodo and indeed Glimt v Olympiakos
Ajax v Frankfurt
AZ v Tottenham
Roma v Athletic Bilbao
Fenerbahce v Rangers
Fake Steaua Bucharest v Lyon
Real Sociedad v Manchester

The humdrum dullness of club football will thankfully depart us in the second half of the month, as internationals return. World Cup qualifying is on the agenda - somehow the WC is only a year and a bit away now - and here is the form:

Asia
Asia is the furthest along already, with Japan, Korea and Iran looking good and three more automatic spots available. Uzbekistan and Iraq have a decent home fixture each this matchday and can make progress towards their first finals ever/in ages respectively. Australia have more work to do and may need a win in Red China to keep things moving.

Africa
We're 40% of the way through the groups which return after a 9 month break. Most of the big boys are there or thereabouts as they look the finish in top spot which gets you to the finals. One exception is Nigeria who have made a right balls of it so far with 3 points from 4 games. They, as Arsenal have urged them to do for so long, Visit Rwanda in the first game with the hosts currently in top spot, defeat there would leave the super eagles looking less super than planned. Group B looks among the most competitive, with Sudan leading Senegal and DR Congo at the moment.

South America
All you need to know about this interminable league is that Chile and Peru are terrible, while Argentina lead and everybody else is meh. Luckily there are 6 auto qualifying spots so in most cases, meh will be more than enough to make the finals. Paraguay are currently in the last of the auto spots, and they have a 4 point gap to Bolivia and Venezuela, who are dicing for the single playoff place. Brazil's determined mediocrity continues, they are currently 5th and they will travel to face Argentina at the Monumental this matchday for what could be a marquee drubbing.

North America
Despite having made almost no progress at all with the qualifiers for their home World Cup, they aren't bothering to play any this time either. Why bother? Kick back, push some tasteless beans around a pan, mañana mañana. Instead they're playing the nations league FINALS.

Europe
The European qualifying kicks off this matchday, although some of the groups playing still don't know what teams are going to be in them, which is a bit of a mess if you ask me. Fortunately, England's group has no such ambiguity and Thomas Tuchel kicks off his time in charge with tough tests at home to Albania and Latvia. Will he survive until the World Cup, or be hounded out of his job by the press? Like and subscribe to find out. Wales also play twice in their group. Other teams are involved in the Nations League playoffs.

Steal a MARCH on third-month football in this thread.

[Gray Fox]

Manchester United have never actually won the Premier League btw.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Last Premiership was 06-07, so I think they have. Unless we're declaring the Barclays to be a separate entity.

[Danny]

Won it before Barclays when it was Carlin and no sponsor (so also just Premier League).

[Kikó]

Looking forward to watching us play again. Hopefully the RAT FACED ONE can set up Obi for some Spanish fun.

(2-0 defeat)

[niko_cee]

Just seen Amazon have gone for PSV v Arsenal for their Tuesday game. A poor choice.

[Waffdon]

They’re always going to pick the game with an English team involved

[phonics]

We are massive.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'd happily sacrifice viewer count just to see what Arsenal fans would do.

[-james-]

I was just looking at Australia's most recent squad, and bloody hell they've fallen off. I applaud anyone that can name more than one member of it.

[Luke Emia]

Suspect we may get done by PSG over there whenever it is. They seem like they have gotten their act together, once again I've seen us win the Champions League it would be lovely to win it but if we get knocked out and then it's one game a week for the rest of the title run in I'd be reasonably ok with that.

JUST DON'T FUCK THE LEAGUE UP! Which may be ridiculous bearing in mind we are 13 points clear but I just don't trust us to get it done.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'll repeat, Liverpool are confirmed champions. The trophy has already been awarded in a brief ceremony at the town hall.

[Shindig]

JUST DON'T FUCK THE LEAGUE UP! Which may be ridiculous bearing in mind we are 13 points clear but I just don't trust us to get it done.

From one career pessimist to another, it's sewn up. You could have the whole squad retire tomorrow (seriously, that would make the League Cup final interesting) and still win it.

[Gray Fox]

Even I'm accepting that it's done.

If we had prime City after us I would never declare, but this is Arsenal. They were 9 points behind before their injuries began.

[niko_cee]

WW3/nuclear apocalypse inbound.

[Gray Fox]

I also imagine an invite to the parade will be made to Klopp, who will reject. Apparently Slot has been keen to get him to a few games this year, but he's said no every time.

[phonics]

I don’t think I’ve ever gone more proper football man then seeing Merino receive a through ball 3 yards to the right of the penalty spot only to see him turn around for a cutback.

[phonics]

What a back and forth 15 minutes. Could be any combination of score from 2-2 downwards if the situations were a combined 2 yards different.

[phonics]

Nwaneri is quite good. How do we have two seemingly generational players that play in the exact same position.

[niko_cee]

lol at Perisic giving it the biggun before this shitshow.

[phonics]

lol at Perisic giving it the biggun before this shitshow.

"It's the history of the Tottenham"

[niko_cee]

You're not allowed to call them Tottenham anymore, apparently. Style guide is Spurs or Tottenham Hotspur.

[phonics]

You're not allowed to call them Tottenham anymore, apparently. Style guide is Spurs or Tottenham Hotspur.

Fine.

"Lads, it's Spurs"

There can't be many clubs in the world that have quotes from seperate eras that summarise that the outside world views your club as generational losers.

[phonics]

That legitimately might be the worst goal ever scored.

[Waffdon]

That’s a stonking finish from Alvarez

[Luke Emia]

Post in the right thread you bunch of cunts. It’s March.

[phonics]

Post in the right thread you bunch of cunts. It’s March.

First piece of admin work I've done in years

[phonics]

I cannot wait for the rapist to get out of the club.

[Lofty]

Won't be long if his attempts to evade justice there were an indicator of things to come.

[phonics]

He's out of contract in the summer and it looks like they won't be renewing him thankfully.

Will be interesting to see what happens if we do go through considering the next leg has to be in Spain.

[phonics]

I missed the first 5 minutes and it's 5-1?

[Jimmy Floyd]

How modern football it is that Arsenal are five-one to the good and yet the twitter trending topic is 'Odegaard' as fans whine that he is shit and needs replacing in the summer.

[phonics]

How modern football it is that Arsenal are five-one to the good and yet the twitter trending topic is 'Odegaard' as fans whine that he is shit and needs replacing in the summer.

One of the most bizarre vendettas I've come across in quite some time. Any sane person should be able to watch him on the ball for 5 minutes and understand he's a top 1% player in terms of technique and then you factor in that he's the guy organising and leading the press as well so you can't call him lazy. Never understood the issue.

[Lofty]

Basically he was rushed back from injury and had to play half fit having just had a new baby with an unfamiliar setup around him due to the injuries and chopping and changing, but the knuckle draggers can't work out he won't be playing the same level as when him Saka and White are basically doing blindfolded rondo drills in down the opposition's flank.

[niko_cee]

I'm not sure what is worse, the idea of a halftime show at the world cup final, or the idea of Coldplay curating or, god help us performing at, it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Coldplay ft. David Guetta ft. Pitbull. Maybe Infantino spitting some bars over the bridge.

[niko_cee]

Rubiales as background 'Bez' dancer / crotch grabber-in-chief, his own that is, I guess the other read on that title has probably be claimed by another in chief both generally and for the event.

[Pepe]

If we need to have such things just have Shakira do all of them. Her music is made for it. Or ask Jennifer Lopez to sing let's get loud every single time. Same dress and everything.

[niko_cee]

What's the deal with PSG now then? Are they no longer the cheese-eating surrender monkeys they once were now they've been shorn of their BIG NAMES or are they still flat track bullies starved of meaningful competitive conditioning?

[Waffdon]

It’s hard to tell.

Desire Doue is a future Balon D’or winner though and I hope he starts. Think they may try and opt for a bit more experience though as the team is fairly young outside of a couple defenders and Dembele

[Jimmy Floyd]

How many ballon d'ors are you giving out over the next ten years?

[randomlegend]

gEnErAtIoNaL!1

[Mike]

It would be a little amusing to see PSG win the CL after Mbappe left to go win it with Madrid.

[Waffdon]

It’s hard to tell.

Desire Doue is a future Balon D’or winner though and I hope he starts. Think they may try and opt for a bit more experience though as the team is fairly young outside of a couple defenders and Dembele

Still time for Rice, Hudson-Odoi and Gilmour

[Waffdon]

This genuinely hasn’t been close. Liverpool can’t get near this front 3

Ffs, McCoist had me thinking that goal wasn’t getting disallowed. Salah fluke in bound now

[Magic]

Lol goodbye.

Edit: what? I thought he was off?

[Waffdon]

Stonewall foul. No idea if it was in the box or not but should really be a red as it’s last man

[Waffdon]

How is this still 0-0

[Luke Emia]

How is this still 0-0

Alisson.

[randomlegend]

Nunez on that counter

He's woeful.