F1 2025: At Last, Ferrari's Year

[Jimmy Floyd]

We had a silly event last night which was redeemed only by Nigel Mansell being present. The cars look like this:

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I hate all of them, really. The Ferrari is a disgrace, and the Williams looks like a Ligier, which is extremely unpatriotic.

Driver changes: various people have been pensioned off. Bottas, Magnussen, things of that nature. Zhou Guanyu, we barely knew ya. In their place are various miniature children. 'Andrea Kimi Antonelli' is highly rated but to my intuition feels like a disaster waiting to happen. Many point to him being named after Kimi Raikkonen, but I would point to him being named after Andrea de Cesaris. Prove me wrong, Andrea Kimi. Oliver Bearman has an un, wait for it, bearable accent. Gabriel Bortoleto has a magnificent racing driver name to which he will likely not live up. Isack Hadjar, who knows. Jack Doohan... strewth.

Liam Lawson moves to Rid Bull, replacing Perez, while Carlos Sainz signs for Williams. Lewis Hamilton, the former world champion, is now at Ferrari.

Here is the calendrier:

16 March: Australia (Melbourne), featuring Oscar Piastri quite possibly becoming the first home winner for 45 years.
23 March: Red China (Shanghai), featuring the worst turn one imaginable.
6 April: Japan (Suzuka), featuring a magnificent circuit, and Yuki Tsunoda with a point to prove, but probably won't because he isn't that good.
13 April: Bahrain (Bahrain), featuring vanilla in the desert.
20 April: Saudi Arabia (Jeddah), featuring a rubbish and really quite dangerous circuit.
4 May: Miami (Miami), featuring a ghastly track that with terrible visuals.
18 May: Emilia Romagna (Imola), featuring a DRS zone that they always get wrong.
25 May: Monaco (Monaco), featuring a load of noobs complaining about the race because they don't understand anything.
1 June: Spain (Barcelona), featuring the 17th anniversary of when those fans blacked up in pre-season testing to have a pop at Lewis Hamilton.
15 June: Canada (Montreal), featuring probably some kind of pathetic rain delay and/or no one crashing into the wall of champions all weekend.
29 June: Austria (Spielberg), featuring three DRS zones in a row because the sport is broken.
6 July: Britain (Silverstone), featuring the British fans being forced through gritted teeth to cheer a Ferrari home to victory.
27 July: Belgium (Spa), featuring more dismay at the inability of these barges to run on wets.
3 August: Hungary (Budapest), featuring some kind of surprise winner because they don't design the cars for twisty-arse tracks like this.
31 August: Dutch (Zandvoort), featuring a load of orange-clad autists aghast at the fact that this will be only the third race in two months. Why?
7 September: Italy (Monza), featuring Lewis Hamilton trying to say things like 'andiamo ragazzi' and not sounding convincing.
21 September: Azerbaijan (Baku), featuring the silliest infield section on the calendar.
5 October: Singapore (Singapore), featuring the drivers losing about 5kg in weight because the race is about 10 laps too long.
19 October: United States (Austin), featuring a load of manufactured switchback 'action' and drivers pretending to like 'college football'.
26 October: Mexico (Mexico City), featuring a load of sad-looking fans lamenting via placard the absence of their useless hero.
9 November: Sao Paulo (Interlagos), featuring the best circuit on the calendar by a mile.
22 November: Las Vegas (Las Vegas), featuring a race I will never watch because it's timed horribly for literally every global audience.
30 November: Qatar (Lusail), featuring I can't even remember what happens here.
7 December: Abu Dhabi (Marina Bay), featuring Max Verstappen hoisting the Dutch flag aloft as he claims a 5th straight title by 100 points despite being in the 5th best car.

Those driver lineups in full:

McLaren: Norris / Piastri
Ferrari: Leclerc / Hamilton
Red Bull: Verstappen / Lawson
Mercedes: Russell / Antonelli
Aston Fartin': Alonso / Stroll
RB: Tsunoda / Hadjar
Haas: Ocon / Bearman
Alpine: Gasly / Doohan, with Colapinto waiting in the wings like the General Belgrano in port
Williams: Sainz / Albon
Kick Sauber out of F1: Hulkenberg / Bortoleto

Enjoy your season in this thread.

[Giggles]

That Ferrari is horrendous, far too dark a red and far too little of it.

Merc leading the way as always, with Aston not far behind them.

[Waffdon]

I see they’re making Monaco have more than 1 stop. Should do it more at the tracks people just ‘save’ their tyres tbh

[SvN]

Gabriel Bortoleto has proper Rubens Barrichello vibes.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

25 May: Monaco (Monaco), featuring a load of noobs complaining about the race because they don't understand anything.

Checking in early for this

Thank you.

[Ben]

The only decent livery is the Alpine. Shame they're nothing more than an unpatriotic directionless tractor outfit these days.

Ferrari is, as noted, diabolical.

[Pepe]

I like the blue one on the second row and the white Red Bull is ok too.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I just can't abide the amount of naked carbon fibre that there is. Knowing engineers, they'd probably all be happy for all 20 cars to run around in identical black liveries.

[Gray Fox]

The Ferrari might have got away with it, if it wasn't for the hideous HP branding being completely off colour. I like the Alpine, but they have a tendency to do this and then tell us later this is a special livery that will be ran only for 2 races. Their normal one will be another black on carbon fibre effort.

Enforcing mandatory pit stops onto Monaco is also quite lol. Probably brought to you by the same lot Jim mentions who do not understand the race.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Ferrari / HP meeting must have been a riot.

'Does the car have to be red?'
'Yes-a.'
'But our corporate values are white and electric blue, we think it's important our values are reflected on the car.'
'It's-a red-a.'
'Let's circle back on this tomorrow.'

[Adramelch]

A big offender on that is also that the actual logo is at the very top of the stripe, so you just have a big white space for no reason underneath it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It represents all the test pages I've had to produce from their useless printers over the years.

[Adramelch]

To give them the benefit of the doubt, none of the other companies are any better. Consumer-grade printers (for wont of a better term) must be the single most dysfunctional technology product, both in terms of hardware and software.

[Giggles]

Need the fag sponsors back, they just worked.

[John Arne]

I reckon I know what 5% of those sponsors make/do.

What or who is OKX?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The Ferrari might have got away with it, if it wasn't for the hideous HP branding being completely off colour. I like the Alpine, but they have a tendency to do this and then tell us later this is a special livery that will be ran only for 2 races. Their normal one will be another black on carbon fibre effort.

Enforcing mandatory pit stops onto Monaco is also quite lol. Probably brought to you by the same lot Jim mentions who do not understand the race.

FALSE.

We'd be happier with qualifying staying and the race being cancelled.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Appendix 1: full list of sponsors as they appear visibly on photos above, what they do, and country based in

Sauber
Stake: gambling (Australia)
Mascot: industrial workwear (Denmark)
Sensetime: AI software (Hong Kong)
Fix Network: aftermarket car parts (Canada)
Web Eyewear: sunglasses (Italy)

Aston Martin
Aramco: state-owned oil (Saudi Arabia)
Boss: fashion (Germany)
Cognizant: IT consulting (USA)
Maaden: state-owned mining (Saudi Arabia)
Glenfiddich: whisky (Britain)
Coinbase: crypto (USA)

Williams
Atlassian: software (Australia)
Komatsu: heavy machinery (Japan)
Betway: gambling (Malta)
Gulf: oil (USA)
MyProtein: supplements (Britain)
Kraken: crypto (USA)
Jackpot City: gambling (unclear)
Duracell: batteries (USA)

Mercedes
Petronas: oil (Malaysia)
Signify: lightbulbs (Netherlands)
Solera: software (USA)
TeamViewer: software (Germany)
IWC: watches (Switzerland)

RB
Red Bull: soft drinks (Austria)
Visa / cash app: payments (USA)
Hugo: fashion (Germany)

Red Bull
Red Bull: soft drinks (Austria)
Oracle: software (USA)
Mobil: oil (USA)
1password: software (Canada)
AT&T: telecoms (USA)
Rauch: soft drinks (Austria)
ROKT: software (Britain)

Haas
Moneygram: payments (USA)
Orinoco: health insurance (USA)
Playngo: gambling (Malta)

Ferrari
HP: computing (USA)
Peroni: beer (Italy)
Rayban: sunglasses (Italy)
Unicredit: banking (Italy)
Shell: oil (USA)
IBM: computing (USA)
VGW: gambling (Australia)
Richard Mille: watches (Switzerland)

Alpine
BWT: water treatment (Austria)
Eni: oil (Italy)
Microsoft: software (USA)
Infinox: trading (Italy)
ApeCoin: crypto (unclear)
MNTN: advertising (USA)

McLaren
OKX: crypto (Seychelles)
Chrome: software (USA)
Velo: nicotine pouch (USA)
Dell: computing (USA)
DP World: logistics (UAE)
Workday: software (USA)

[John Arne]

Noice.

OKX... Cypto. Of course.

[SincereTheRebel]

Looking forward to this season.

[Waffdon]

It should be incredible which gives me the fear as last season we all had low expectations and then were blown away. Any 4 teams being able to win would be brilliant.

It’s a shame McLaren are doing a 2023 Red Bull though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Piastri WDC at 10/1 looks value to me.

[Ben]

Jimmy's on a roll with his thread subtitles, so I'm all in on Hamilton.

[Pepe]

I hope Ferrari does well, but I would lol immensely if Mercedes or, even better, Williams end up with a faster car.

[Waffdon]

Piastri WDC at 10/1 looks value to me.

1 win last year in the best car and it’s Norris that got pelters all year round.

[Jimmy Floyd]

With about a quarter of the experience. Move horses while you still can, he's the much more complete talent.

[Waffdon]

Well, he’s just not. He’s got the Verstappen gene of not giving a fuck over Norris but not much else. It’s not like he’s doing a Leclerc and not taking advantage of his speed, his form in quali is just not great and the H2H record has not been pretty whatsoever.

Bookies are never wrong. 10/1 for a reason.

[Giggles]

Piastri WDC at 10/1 looks value to me.

That was my vote anyway. More killer instinct in his little finger than a whole Norris.

[Waffdon]

16-8 to Norris last year whilst being wiped out by Verstappen in 2 races. Not even in the same league.

[Shindig]

Norris seems handy in qualifying.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He has good simulator pace but he's a slow thinker. Very few slow-thinking world champions in history. Rosberg jr and Hill jr, possibly. Can happen if they get a big car advantage in the right year, but Piastri is a tiger learning his craft, very different proposition.

I'd rate Russell a better long term WDC bet than Norris.

[SincereTheRebel]

Im putting together a F1 predictor with the lads for £. Just a few questions and whoever gets most of them correct at the end of the season wins the pot. Questions such as

Will Hamilton outscore Leclerc?
Will Sainz finish on the podium?
The newb with the most DNFs?

Since Hamilton is in red, it seems more people for me are taking interest

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

How many times will Max lose his temper and take out Lando to stop Norris from winning a race?

[Gray Fox]

Since Hamilton is in red, it seems more people for me are taking interest

The Hamilton aura is unmatched.

I'm looking forward to seeing how him and Charlie boy match up. Has he gone over the hill or was he just checked out in those last few races? Leclerc for me is undeniably the fastest guy if you need that single lap set. He's probably spent too much time close to France to be able to have a prolonged challenge at anything though.

[Giggles]

Biggest name driver in the biggest team. Looking forward to seeing it myself.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think it will be very difficult for him at this age, but definitely rooting for him. Also for Leclerc tbh. Likeable Ferrari will take some adjusting. Already gone some of the journey as I do like Sainz.

[Pepe]

Who has the most dislikable pair? It's red bull by a wide margin, isn't it?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Easily.

Max, for me at least, is just so much worse than anyone else.

I don't think I actively dislike anyone else on the grid actually.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can do without Tsunoda personally. Whiny little bitch. Albon loves a whinge too.

Hold up. Alonso/Stroll. No likeability there.

[John Arne]

Yup... Tsunoda is an insufferable little turd.

[Gray Fox]

I don't find Max anywhere near as annoying as a lot of the rest. Yes he moans a lot, but he has the generational talent to back it up. His dad may also be a scumbag, but at least he doesn't have to buy the team to keep his lad in a job.

Ocon I find grates on me lately too.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I can do without Tsunoda personally. Whiny little bitch. Albon loves a whinge too.

Hold up. Alonso/Stroll. No likeability there.

I don't mind Tsunoda, maybe because he's so small.

Alonso I like as he's a bit of a don.

I just can't hate Stroll. He shouldn't be in a car and he's only there because his Daddy has money so that should be enough for me to hate him but he's a complete div which just makes me lol at him instead.

When he fucked his car during the formation lap it was just beautiful.

[Giggles]

I'd have to agree on the Tsunoda and Albon ones anyway.

[Waffdon]

I think it will be very difficult for him at this age, but definitely rooting for him. Also for Leclerc tbh. Likeable Ferrari will take some adjusting. Already gone some of the journey as I do like Sainz.

Fred comes across as a right Don as well

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think Verstappen is a horrible cheat / autistic Dutchman with no understanding of nuance whatsoever, but I simultaneously think he has a deep respect for and understanding of the sport which most of the others don't. I wouldn't be surprised if I become a convert to him once he's the elder statesman.

[Shindig]

I'm almost at that point with him already. Although I felt like Vettel was a 'put him in any car and he'll smash it' type and that just didn't quite happen. You know what? I think Russell's a twat.

[Gray Fox]

He's had quite the similar career arc to Vettel so far. Both turned up and did incredible at junior Red Bull team. To age it you could even remember it was because Vettel flew by Hamilton in a damp Interlagos that we ever needed an "is that Glock?!" moment.

Both then got into the Red Bull car to then win a first title, before dominating a regulation change immediately after. Both won 4 titles on the spin and then both have started a family around that time too.
Let us not forget Vettel had that same ruthless streak/lack of nuance in his younger years, but once the kids started coming he softened massively.

I don't know where Max stands on wanting to break records, because really he should break them all. Though I get the impression that while he enjoys the racing, he hates everything that comes with it and this could see him walk away before he does break them.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Verstappen is a vastly better driver than Vettel ever was. The latter was quick but very fortunate to get the blown floor Newey cars when he did.

Here's a thought. The last 18 world titles, and 29 of the last 31, have all gone to drivers from what you would call northern Europe (Britain, Germany, the Netherlands or Finland). I don't think that's a coincidence. The same countries picked up only 4/22 titles in the years before that. Those runs basically pivot around the emergence of Adrian Newey. Gotta be a cold-headed protestant to drive these aero monsters to victory.

[Disco]

I'm almost at that point with him already. Although I felt like Vettel was a 'put him in any car and he'll smash it' type and that just didn't quite happen. You know what? I think Russell's a twat.

Russel has more than a whiff of the utter cunt about him, he was almost exposed last season and it's only a matter of time before the mask is off. Brundle loves him too, which says it all really.

[Giggles]

Russel is great because he owns being a cunt. Norris is as much of a one but always has the slimy media front on. I'd much rather the former because of it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Norris just leaves me cold rather than dislike.

Russell is just confident and enjoys his life, not everyone's cup of tea but you can't knock it.