General Election 2024: Gone on the 4th of July

[Jimmy Floyd]

That's right, PM Rishi Sunak has called a general election on the day so cherished in his beloved country, and we'll all be voting. Here is the current state of the parties:

344: Conservatives, led by pocket rocket and Indian secret service plant Rishi Sunak
205: Labour, led by charismatic socialist firebrand Sir Keir Starmer
43: Scottish National Party, led by some jock or other, it's hard to keep track.
17: Independents, most of whom are sex offenders or racists who have been punted out of the above parties.
15: Liberal Democrats, led by charismatic socialist firebrand Sir Ed Davey
7: DUP, who only have one of their seven up for rape presently.
7: Sinn Fein, who don't take their seats.
3: Party of Wales
2: Alba Party
2: SDLP
1: Green
1: Reform, which is Lee Anderson - though this is a potentially crucial party in the election for how many former Tory voters they may drain away.

326 seats wins you an overall majority, so Labour will need to make approximately 120 gains to take power. I expect that they will make many more. Discuss your favourite parties, politicians, voting intentions and exciting campaign events here as the United Kingdom and Great Britain and Northern Ireland allows itself to be cleansed by the coming of the red tide - though, for some, it's probably not nearly red enough.

[niko_cee]

on the day so cherished in his beloved country

Nice.

This'll be my first general election vote since a failed anti-Emily Thornberry vote in 2010.

Not sure anyone will even stand against the electoral titan that is the Rt Hon Jeremy Quin MP, or, in fact, if he is even standing himself. Think it's fairly true blue here with enough coastal oldies wanting to stop the boats to prevent anything silly from happening, other than returning a Conservative MP, which is probably quite silly. Think that anti-Tory thing has the Lib Dems as your tactical choice but fuck that.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

1-0 Starmer.

[Magic]

Indyref2.

[Clunge]

Farage ducking an eighth consecutive election hiding. Lol.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Smart decision from Farage, he'll be much better deployed as a roving TV attack dog than having to spend his days talking about bin collection in some coastal shit tip.

Again it's weird how he mentions America in his statement, all these people are just obsessed with the US.

[Spikey M]

Honestly don't know how I'm going to vote. It should probably be Labour just to get the Tories out, but they fill me with no hope whatsoever, so I could easily be swayed by another party.

That said, if it's anything like the council election, no other cunts will run here anyway.

I wonder what my far right English Democrat mates have to say.

[Ben]

I think my constituency remains fairly safe Tory (bizarrely, given its history), although that might be scuppered if Reform fly in a wacko to steal the vote of the Carling crew.

[phonics]

Think I might vote Green just to continue my run of losing every election I've ever voted in. Would vote Tory for the lols but Worcester loves a Tory so to keep the run going I have to go for an outsider. Maybe an English Democrat

[Lofty]

Is there anywhere offering a market on the Tories to return less MPs than the Lib Dems because it would be hilarious and I'd like a fiver on it.

[SvN]

There's a "Most seats without Labour" market.

[Luke Emia]

There is some local posho running as an independent to unseat Liz, I don't think that he's likely to win, but it might just combined with Reform(I think that my area was one of the top 5 Brexit voting areas in the whole country) be enough to reduce her vote and enable me to hold my nose and vote Labour to get rid of her. If there is no chance of her losing still then I might just spoil my vote again.

[Spikey M]

Maybe an English Democrat

If anyone is going to appreciate their home page, it's a graphic designer. Enjoy.



Get them added to the poll, Jimmy.

[phonics]

It was already an absolute disgrace and then I scroll down to see "Are you interested in funding AND delivering our leaflet?"

edit: .party is hilariously small time as well.

edit2: Every time I look at it there's more. Putting "Go Gold" on a black background felt like an odd choice but I figured maybe they're too thick to find the hex code for gold. THEN DIRECTLY BELOW IT IS A GOLD BUTTON.

[SvN]

The news page is absolutely brilliant Full house on my bingo card.

1. Pakistani grooming gangs
2. Woke blacks trying to get rid of wigs in court
3. Costs of illegal immigration
4. Gender identity being taught to kids
5. Swiss army knive to go bladeless (!)

[Spikey M]

It reminds me of the website I knocked up using notepad when I was doing my IT A Level.

(The style, rather than the leaflet begging).

[Jimmy Floyd]

That leaflet question is amazing stuff.

'Are you interested in funding and installing my new kitchen?'

[Giggles]

Could the government not just have done what ours have done and recognise Palestine to distract all the mongs from what's happening?

[Ben]

That’s a logical step from your lot. 140 countries already recognise them so anything other than a two state solution isn’t going to happen. Unfortunately we will be the last to do it, just after the Americans.

[niko_cee]

If you really wanted to spice things up you'd recognise Taiwan.

[Lewis]

I will be spoiling my ballot like a proper hero. Turnout will be shit, the polls will narrow, and Labour will win a majority of about seventy. Reform won't do anything.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I could vote anything except Lib Dem. Will probably vote Labour just to defy the bar chart leaflets.

[niko_cee]

Richard Tice has just outed himself as a Liverpool fan on Newsnight.



I'm choosing to interpret Awkward Rishi football chat as some quality low key trolling of the Welsh.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Corbyn v Labour.

[mo]

Wiltshire is as safe as they come for Tories, Labour never get a sniff. Another tactical vote for Lib Dems to try and get rid of Donelan.

[niko_cee]

Rishi bringing back national service. There aren't enough lols.

[Lewis]

There should be national service for pensioners.

[Shindig]

Yes, give the dangerous drivers access to firearms.

[niko_cee]

It's just going to be cleaning chewing gum off the pavements/graffiti off walls, probably through some Grant Shapps/Euan Blair owned third sector enterprise at enormous cost to the public purse.

[Ben]

The only people who think this is a good idea are the fossils who will vote for them anyway as they try to cling to their massive estates. The Tory advisors need taking to the guillotine for their incompetence.

[niko_cee]

Labour talking about expanding the vote to under 16s on the same day is mega fishy, like they had an inside scoop on this policy.

Can't get Chris Morris saying Bring back borstal out of my mind.

Death penalty inbound.

[Lewis]

I'm not opposed to sixteen year olds voting in principle, but how do you justify it when they aren't even allowed to buy lottery tickets, let alone drive, etc.? The shit about 'Well they pay tax...' Wouldn't a seven year old pay tax if they happened to work?

[niko_cee]

They should just make tax payable at 18. There can't be that many Luke Littlers who would be escaping the exchequer.

[Lofty]

The only people who think this is a good idea are the fossils who will vote for them anyway as they try to cling to their massive estates. The Tory advisors need taking to the guillotine for their incompetence.

Spoke to my Tory diehard in laws tonight, they said they don't trust Starmer because 'his eyes are too close together' and they think Rishi won't be corrupt because he's already minted. They complain like fuck about everything but will vote for the status quo again, I swear it could be Jesus Christ himself running for Labour and they'd justify voting Tory.

[Manc]

Jesus did have his flaws tbf.

[niko_cee]

Jesus famously non-committal on the triple lock

[Shindig]

His stance on Israel is bizarre.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm not opposed to sixteen year olds voting in principle, but how do you justify it when they aren't even allowed to buy lottery tickets, let alone drive, etc.? The shit about 'Well they pay tax...' Wouldn't a seven year old pay tax if they happened to work?

https://www.theguardian.com/technolo...en%20published.

And they might not even be able to have smartphones, lol.

[Shindig]

Can you not just lock smartphones down with parental stuff?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm sure you can but that would involve effort.

I'm sure big corporations could also do a better job of safeguarding children but again, effort.

[Lofty]

Lock social media off kid's smart phones and they won't want them, not sure how much of the market they are but I suspect these days it's more than a few sales.

[niko_cee]

The idea of banning smartphones is just plain stupid, in the style of hysterical reactions of the past when criminals were using 'the internet' or 'mobile phones' for their nefarious purposes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

All this is too soft on the feckless youth, we need to kill 50 a day and burn their bodies to heat pensioners' homes.

[Spikey M]

Just imagine the problems Covid could have solved if we'd let it run free.

[Shindig]

I mean, we did (kinda) let it run free and it just adapted to be more benign. The oldies would've more likely died from negligence on the wards, probably.

[Magic]

Just imagine the problems Covid could have solved if we'd let it run free.

The problem is the boomers now.

[Shindig]

Plus, given the North/South divide, you'd lose a fuckload of Labour voters that way.

[Lewis]

I saw one theory that this and the proposed smoking ban is to keep young people fit for pensioners harvesting their organs.

[phonics]

Good stuff.

[Ben]

Nice.