Like Cristiano Ronaldo I have returned late from my summer off football.

Unlike him I not angling for a move. What other message boards even are there at that point? I don't fancy trying to parley my joint third funniest award into a transfer to Mumsnet or something.

And speaking of mums* it's the women's Euros this month. I expect the group stages are going to feature a number of one-sided games but I really enjoyed the knockouts of the World Cup and anything's better than another few weeks of reading about United being "near" to signing de Jong.

I had it in my head the World Cup meant the Premier League was kicking off at the end of this month so frankly learning I don't have to watch United again for a further month is a blessed relief.

* That is a Grade A segue.