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  1. #351
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    The pilot or the entire thing?
    Both. It'll never end up the way I see it if I don't.

  2. #352
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    The vape scene thing was going to be a recurring thing (think Fast show, "that seat's taken mate") of going into the local shop and having to deal with shit like that, sometimes he'll just give up and go for Marlborough instead, sometimes he won't.

    But completely agree, that length has not been earned for an opening scene.

  3. #353
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yevrah View Post
    As for Jim's post, comments below. Tried to avoid making this a multi-quote fest, hence why it's just musings, so hope it makes sense.

    "Please can I have?" definitely needs to go.
    Vape scene is too long and I don't have anywhere near enough description of stuff in there. It's in my head, but not on the page
    The scene itself was trying to establish that there are things in life that fuck David off, that being one of them, but lack of description of his reaction means it doesn't do so enough
    So he's frustrated / annoyed at life? Then cut out all the stuff about item no / price, and have him say 'Jeez, it's the blue one, right in front of you'. That one line (or one like it) gets the character over far better than another three minutes of pointless dialogue.

  4. #354
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    In this case, Mark just saying 'I am the Lord of the Bus said he', having just successfully run for a bus in the first few seconds you meet him, on its own gives you a great idea of the character before anything else has even happened. It's an example of good, concise writing. The rest of the scene is then setting up future plot as much as anything and can do more or less as it pleases because the audience immediately have an idea of who they're dealing with.
    Makes one realise that Peep Show's thinking out loud mechanic was not only funny, but an absolute work of genius. It does so much of the legwork.

  5. #355
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    So he's frustrated / annoyed at life? Then cut out all the stuff about item no / price, and have him say 'Jeez, it's the blue one, right in front of you'. That one line (or one like it) gets the character over far better than another three minutes of pointless dialogue.
    Yep. Although they genuinely do have all of the same packaging, the only distinguishing thing is the name and the strength.

    I'm gonna sketch out the rest of it this week, post that and then go back and fuck with the stuff already posted.

  6. #356
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lofty View Post


    Yev, I know you don't care for it but drop a tenner on Bob Saenz's That's Not The Way It Works screenwriting book. It's not an epic tome, you could get through it pretty quick and it has a lot of good stuff about formatting and similar to Jim's stuff about subtext and exposition.

    Here is a good example (admittedly not sitcom) of subtext:

    Thanks Lofty, I'll check it out.

  7. #357
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Listen, lad, unless you are intending on getting copious amounts of ethnics, women and aspirational homes in gentrified London locations into the mix, just save us all the bother. The amount of shit like Starstruck that gets released to wide acclaim almost purely down to those factors is mad.

    The missus' best mate is a manager of OnlyFans talent. By manager, I mean she chats with the Mahows and manages the account, all the actual girl does is post up the odd bit of content and meet specific requests from the manager. Some of the tales she has write themselves. Vials of spit for £50, dates with 70 year old sugar daddies who 'just want company', some of the fan art...add in the dynamic that the central character is a muslim girl and you have what can only be described as the perfect storm for a sitcom that will take the world by storm in the coming years.

  8. #358
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    Flicking through Sky and the first episode of Peep Show is on Gold now.

    And your mind is a terrifying place Don.

  9. #359
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yevrah View Post
    Both. It'll never end up the way I see it if I don't.
    Then you should plan to be the executive producer too.

  10. #360
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    Then you should plan to be the executive producer too.
    Why do you say that?

  11. #361
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Because I doubt that anyone is investing any amount of money and letting someone who has never directed anything to take the role. Do you plan to do the photography yourself too?

    I could be wrong, of course. I am sure that someone will come up with some example of this or that who did just that.

  12. #362
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    Because I doubt that anyone is investing any amount of money and letting someone who has never directed anything to take the role. Do you plan to do the photography yourself too?

    I could be wrong, of course. I am sure that someone will come up with some example of this or that who did just that.
    https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0290978...?ref_=tt_cl_sm

  13. #363
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    There you go.

  14. #364
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    Gervais himself calls it a watershed as it had never happened before, but they filmed bits of what it would look like first in order to seal the deal.

  15. #365
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    But and in any case, there's no point concerning oneself with any of that now.

  16. #366
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Ricky Gervais and Steve Merchant were reasonably well-known showbiz figures with a fair bit of telly under their belts (I don't know why he's so ashamed of Meet Ricky Gervais), and it was also made in an era when the BBC comedy people were probably allowed to take punts on all sorts of shit with no budgetary oversight. A better model would be This Country, which was largely commissioned off YouTube stuff and a failed pilot, although they had to work with better-known writers and a director (and are probably glad they did). Unless you knock out literally the best script in twenty years, insisting that you get to control everything sounds like the surest way to make sure nothing ever happens.

  17. #367
    Pretty Much Amazing Mike's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yevrah View Post
    I would love to see a clip of Baz explaining how he got to be a mental health first aider and what that entails. I don't know whether I could work it in but I think it could be un-intentional comedy gold.
    I can film him doing this.

  18. #368
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    If you and Baz are up for that then great.

  19. #369
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    Like they've written it about this.

  20. #370
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    Interesting. I need to play on that hugely then I think. I am not a writer, let alone a famous one.

  21. #371
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post

    It's like thinking that you should drop college because both Bill Gates and Steve Jobs did. Well, sure, but how did dropping out turn out for the other thousands that did?
    On this point, it isn't, as I'm not dropping anything to do it. It's a free time project and will stay as such until it's worth being more. Which it may well never be. I'll have lost nothing.

  22. #372
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    It wasn't meant to be similar in that way. Also not necessarily directed at you. It was more of a general point that thinking that you will be the one to do things differently (because one outstanding person has managed before) is a bit foolish. Chances are, you are not the special one. Again, I don't mean you you, but you as in anyone.

  23. #373
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Can you two stop tickling eachother's balls like utter repressed melts? Fucking seeing Yev's 6 word sentences as he tries to restrain himself whilst Pepe has 4 caveats for every 3 words used to protect himself. This is what happens when society is softened to this degree.

  24. #374
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Weren't you the one who chimped out and left for a few years because we mocked your new username? Go sit in the corner with Magic.

  25. #375
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    Don.

  26. #376
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    I would watch his thing with the onlyfans. @Don, I will help you with the pilot.

  27. #377
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    How is there not an online tool for writing scripts? Are people seriously still formatting their own shit like it's a 2010 uni dissertation? Put down the artistry paintbrush and work on making something like that that can incorporate basic storyboards too.

    One of my mates has gone deep into the reddit virgin community whilst writing scripts too so it must be a very in thing to be getting involved in judging by TTH numbers.

  28. #378
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Scripts seem so boring to me.

    Suburban street, ext. DAVE and GLADYS stand beside a wheely bin. A cat is sat on a nearby wall.

    DAVE
    Put the cat in the bin, would ya?

    GLADYS
    Sure thing, darlin'.

    GLADYS puts the cat in a bin. DAVE laughs. Enter BORIS.

    BORIS
    *loud pig-like noise*

    So, so boring. Each to his own, I guess.

  29. #379
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    They're not meant to be read.

  30. #380
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Exactly, so fuck wanting to write one. Might as well want to write machinery manuals.

  31. #381
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Scripts seem so boring to me.

    Suburban street, ext. DAVE and GLADYS stand beside a wheely bin. A cat is sat on a nearby wall.

    DAVE
    Put the cat in the bin, would ya?

    GLADYS
    Sure thing, darlin'.

    GLADYS puts the cat in a bin. DAVE laughs. Enter BORIS.

    BORIS
    *loud pig-like noise*

    So, so boring. Each to his own, I guess.
    Would watch. Get it made.

  32. #382
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don View Post
    How is there not an online tool for writing scripts? Are people seriously still formatting their own shit like it's a 2010 uni dissertation? Put down the artistry paintbrush and work on making something like that that can incorporate basic storyboards too.

    One of my mates has gone deep into the reddit virgin community whilst writing scripts too so it must be a very in thing to be getting involved in judging by TTH numbers.
    There's plenty of specialist software and more general software that does the formatting for you.

  33. #383
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Exactly, so fuck wanting to write one. Might as well want to write machinery manuals.

  34. #384
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Scripts seem so boring to me.

    Suburban street, ext. DAVE and GLADYS stand beside a wheely bin. A cat is sat on a nearby wall.

    DAVE
    Put the cat in the bin, would ya?

    GLADYS
    Sure thing, darlin'.

    GLADYS puts the cat in a bin. DAVE laughs. Enter BORIS.

    BORIS
    *loud pig-like noise*

    So, so boring. Each to his own, I guess.
    True for the majority, but when done well I'd argue they can paint as vivid a picture as the most considered prose. Look at the opening of Secondhand Lions, not even a full page and how arresting it is with so few words:


  35. #385
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Has this died?

  36. #386
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    Not quite. Life took over and having been back at work this week haven't felt like doing much on it in the evenings.

  37. #387
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    You need to get back into your shag - write a scene - shag process, clearly.

  38. #388
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    That was a great night. Not sitcom worthy, but great nonetheless.

  39. #389
    I used to be funny.
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    Nobody has 'so shit it's funny' sex.

  40. #390
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yevrah View Post
    That was a great night. Not sitcom worthy, but great nonetheless.
    You're only a faulty condom away from TV's first comedy abortion. (Or was that Miranda )

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