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Thread: Things You Could Do But Realistically Won't

  1. #1
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    Things You Could Do But Realistically Won't

    In your entire life that is, so time barred only by death and realism stopping it happening. I'll kick us off.

    Go to Socotra

    Why would I want to go?

    I mean, fucking look at it.

    Toggle Spoiler


    Why won't I?

    I mean, fucking look at it.

    Toggle Spoiler


    Chances of it happening? Armed escorts are possible, but I'm guessing they can also be bribed. So 3/10




    Write and Perform Stand Up

    Why would I want to?

    I think it would be an amazing buzz and I (perhaps wrongly) believe I have enough material to do it.

    Why won't I?

    I struggle to start stuff and would struggle even more as soon as it hit 'job' territory as I already have one of those (hey Bam) and it would be difficult to do the two. It would be also be utterly terrifying performing it. I might be crap at that and I might also be bad at writing it.

    Chances of it happening? On any scale? Probably 3/10. Actually making a success of it, in a pin money at least way? 2/10




    Write the sitcom and get it commissioned

    Why would I want to?

    I've got a corking and semi-original idea. In the mould of an After-Life style show rather than an out and out sitcom. Do they even exist these days beyond Mrs Browns Boys?

    Why won't I?

    I could write it, but it'd be seriously hard work, so the problem above homes into view. Then if I have, commissioning it would be very hard without some sort of 'way-in'. As much as Gervais came from nowhere he had a failed band so obviously knew media types. Hence, I'd probably need to do the above first.

    Chances of it happening? 1/10

    Over to you....Let's do the British thing and crush each other's dreams.
    Last edited by Yevrah; 23-07-2021 at 11:02 AM.

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    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Start a business selling handmade chocolates

    Why I would want to?

    I need to have a creative outlet and medicine doesn't supply that. I can of course keep making chocolates (and cooking/baking) as a hobby, but I genuinely believe 2 of the recipes I've developed over the last few years are properly good and I'd like to test them out in the "real world". The dream would be to keep working part-time as a doctor and do the chocolates as a small business on the side.

    Why won't I?

    Laziness. An understanding that turning a hobby I love into a job might ruin it. More laziness. While I enjoy every other aspect of chocolate making, I HATE tempering which I would have to do a LOT of. Lack of time.

    Chances of it happening?

    2/10

    What I would like to do is find out if amateurs can enter any of the big chocolate awards.

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    Can you bake? Would entering the GBBO be a way in?

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    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Want: Win millions on the lottery
    Why: To quit work and have a permanent tan and feel great
    Chance: Yeah I reckon. 9/10
    I'm a twit

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    Baz.

    You know you don't need to win the lottery to have a permanent tan though, right? If you're ok with an increased risk of cancer you could get one in two weeks.

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    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by randomlegend View Post
    What I would like to do is find out if amateurs can enter any of the big chocolate awards.
    I'd refer to Don on this. He's really into the amateur big chocolate scene.

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    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yevrah View Post
    Can you bake? Would entering the GBBO be a way in?
    I can bake but I don't have a broad enough knowledge base for GBBO (I have basically zero experience with bread for example); I'm not sure I really want to spend the time learning the bits I'm not interested in. I doubt I have the most palatable personality for TV either.

    I think I could do well though, if I really put my mind to it.

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    Well, if you did you'd get the best type of exposure you could for your new business. Look at Clarkson's Diddly Squat Farm.

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    Senior Member -james-'s Avatar
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    Live in another country

    Why yes: I have the means, and a job that can be done from most places. Might be fun.

    Why not: It's a massive faff and nowhere ticks enough boxes to overcome the inertia that's keeping me here.

    Chances: 5/10. I suspect it will happen eventually.

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    Has Brexit made that harder James? I have considered it myself recently.

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    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yevrah View Post
    You know you don't need to win the lottery to have a permanent tan though, right? If you're ok with an increased risk of cancer you could get one in two weeks.
    If I had a permanent tan in my current situation people would know I’d been on the sun beds and peoples estimations of me would plummet. Plus sun beds are bad news. Whereas going on holiday every school holidays, exposing myself to the [sunny] elements, that’s the life.

    If we ever reach zero Covid [in nice countries] I genuinely reckon I’d attempt it for a year just blowing all my money, annual leave dependent, but the resulting holiday blues would probably be unrecoverable.
    I'm a twit

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    Senior Member -james-'s Avatar
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    A little but I don't think it's too bad. I could probably wangle a Greek passport if it came down to that.

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    Senior Member Bernanke's Avatar
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    Socotra was on my bucketlist 5-10 years ago as well, but I kinda forgot about it when things kicked off in Yemen.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    If I had a permanent tan in my current situation people would know I’d been on the sun beds and peoples estimations of me would plummet. Plus sun beds are bad news. Whereas going on holiday every school holidays, exposing myself to the [sunny] elements, that’s the life.

    If we ever reach zero Covid [in nice countries] I genuinely reckon I’d attempt it for a year just blowing all my money, annual leave dependent, but the resulting holiday blues would probably be unrecoverable.
    On a similar note, the company and group of companies I work directly for is about to be sold (already announced to the City so I'm not saying anything I shouldn't). If I lose my job (and I don't know whether I will and it'll likely be next year if I do) I'm so tempted to rent my house out, travel the world for a year or two and write some of the above. A tan would absolutely happen.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bernanke View Post
    Socotra was on my bucketlist 5-10 years ago as well, but I kinda forgot about it when things kicked off in Yemen.
    Yeah, it's a real shame, with that and the Gulf of Arden I can't see how it will be a place one can go without the serious threat of ending up on the internets in an orange jumpsuit in my lifetime.

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    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Brew professionally.

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    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    The one thing I want to do but feels like I'll never achieve is get to a level of competency in a foreign language. I always thought it would be Italian but if my work move comes off, maybe I'll have a chance at German.

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    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Does your wife not speak Portuguese?

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    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Yes she does.

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    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Seems like that might be an easy way to learn it.

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    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Aren't they doing something on channel 4 at the moment where a bunch of celebs are doing memory shit building towards learning a new language in a week or something?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Seems like that might be an easy way to learn it.
    It's not.

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    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    I think having millions of these things is the absolute definition of being a white middle class cliché, myself included.

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    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I am a right jack of all trades.

    Languages: I can speak Spanish/French well enough to be understood, but not well enough to be respected by natives. I use them both every day at work. What's stopping me from being properly 100% fluent is I just don't come across enough different vocab. If you want to chat about engines, I'm your man. But I need to immerse myself in it to get any better than the current 'decent'.

    Guitar: I can play. I am musical. But my fingers just don't allow me to do barre chords, which keeps me at campfire strumming standard forever. If I made this my main hobby and put hours into making my fingers more flexible, I could probably get there. But I like sport more than I like guitar, so this will likely not happen unless I lose my legs in a freak accident.

    Golf: I love golf. It is poetry to me. The ultimate A to B challenge. The feeling off the clubhead when you strike a ball properly is like nothing else. I putt and chip very well for a player of my overall standard. But I'm no good with the long game. I hit down on it. I slice it. These are all problems that come from a lifetime of cricket, which is far more handsy and reactive than golf. I don't have the time or money to solve it.

    I would give myself a 3/10 chance of mastering even one of these three. I would absolutely love to do so.

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    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yevrah View Post
    It's not.
    Okay, not easy because learning a language isn't easy but easier than learning something off duo lingo or going to a weekly class or whatever.

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    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    I'm not sure it is. Teaching a language from scratch isn't that easy without planning it properly. Maybe when she starts talking baby Portuguese to the little one then I'll learn but otherwise it's a language app.

    Re guitar: I really wish I could play more varied stuff but I'm too lazy and can't be arsed going beyond what I know. Not listening to much new music probably hampers it as well.

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    Yep. I lived with a Finn and her boy for two years. I know about three words and one of those isn't an actual Finnish word.

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    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    It's almost impossible to learn a language as an adult unless you parachute your way into a place and have no choice but to learn it or die alone in a gutter.

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    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I've tried getting my Polish from "decent" to fluent using various programmes throughout the years but it's seriously tough.

    Had an extended stretch on Duolingo not too long ago but it's only really good for teaching you some vocabulary. The grammar side (which is what I struggle with) there was almost no help.

    They'd "teach" you the various endings of words but not why they're being used in said sentence.

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    heavy like led Dark Soldier's Avatar
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    Been with the missus over three years and I know four words of Romanian. Her family and mates all speak English so what's the point.

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    Making 1000% on one trade.
    Retiring by 40.

    Losing 1000% on one trade.
    Living in a homeless shelter.

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    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dark Soldier View Post
    Been with the missus over three years and I know four words of Romanian. Her family and mates all speak English so what's the point.
    "nu mai mânca lebede"

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    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yevrah View Post
    Yep. I lived with a Finn and her boy for two years. I know about three words and one of those isn't an actual Finnish word.
    Finnish is notoriously one of the hardest languages to learn.

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    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Yevrah spending two years failing to step-dad some selectively mute Finnish sperg is another piece in the puzzle.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Yevrah spending two years failing to step-dad some selectively mute Finnish sperg is another piece in the puzzle.
    We’re still great friends, so not really. It’ll all be in the sitcom though.

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    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    In an alternate universe, this is the Finnish Yev trying to learn English to better understand his English girlfriend's friends and family


  37. #37
    I used to be funny.
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    He sounds like Mika Hakkinen. It's amazing.

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    Now in technicolor Pen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yevrah View Post
    Yep. I lived with a Finn and her boy for two years. I know about three words and one of those isn't an actual Finnish word.
    Out of curiosity what are the words you remember?

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    Now in technicolor Pen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    He sounds like Mika Hakkinen. It's amazing.
    Since this is probably the first ever time Finnish has been brought up here I can be of some use and tell you that when someones English is bad (like above) it’s called ’rally-English’ in here due to the likes of Häkkinen and many others.

  40. #40
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I also know 3 Finnish words (Perkele, Emanta and Isanta) from watching a load of Dudesons when younger.

  41. #41
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Is the "Hoodraulic press" guy Finnish?

  42. #42
    I used to be funny.
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    I need to find a good load of lessons for German.

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    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Why would you learn the least useful language in the world?

  44. #44
    I used to be funny.
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    You asked the same question last time. I'll answer the same way. I want to visit useless countries.

  45. #45
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by randomlegend View Post
    Is the "Hoodraulic press" guy Finnish?
    He is.

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    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    You asked the same question last time. I'll answer the same way. I want to visit useless countries.
    Wales is right there.

  47. #47
    heavy like led Dark Soldier's Avatar
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    I kinda wanna write a novel and/or screenplay, not sure what medium it'dbe in yet. Got the idea in my head all fleshed out alongside stuff in a notebook.

    Probably won't because I'm an absolute lazy fucker.

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    Senior Member Bam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dark Soldier View Post
    I kinda wanna write a novel and/or screenplay, not sure what medium it'dbe in yet. Got the idea in my head all fleshed out alongside stuff in a notebook.

    Probably won't because I'm an absolute lazy fucker.

    Do it.

  49. #49
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dark Soldier View Post
    I kinda wanna write a novel and/or screenplay, not sure what medium it'dbe in yet. Got the idea in my head all fleshed out alongside stuff in a notebook.

    Probably won't because I'm an absolute lazy fucker.
    Same. Problem with screenplays are you lose all creative control when it gets optioned and you have to write with a budget in mind, for us nobodys that is ultra low budget. Novels you have no worries on that side but a lot more to write.

    I keep thinking it is a pipe dream and I know it probably is, but then I see people like The Critical Drinker talking about how he wrote his first books working full time and having kids to look after, and now he just writes and does youtube videos for a living and seems happy enough.

    The problem I have is I have a lot of good ideas, which are worthless if you don't action them, but I usually start strongly on them then tail off as enthusiasm wanes and eventually put stuff down never to be seen again. I have 10,000 words of a near future sci fi novel lying around somewhere which is exactly that, starts strongly then has a bit of a wobble when the plot doesnt know where it's going.

    It would be nice to at least finish one and see something come of it at least.

  50. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dark Soldier View Post
    I kinda wanna write a novel and/or screenplay, not sure what medium it'dbe in yet. Got the idea in my head all fleshed out alongside stuff in a notebook.

    Probably won't because I'm an absolute lazy fucker.
    I took a notepad to the pub last night and just started scribbling stuff down when things came up. Other patrons thought it was weird, but my God do you get some gold that way just reminiscing with a couple of mates you've known for decades.

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