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Thread: Crusader Kings 3

  1. #51
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    You don't have the cojones.

  2. #52
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    I think it should almost skip the dynasty thing. Like you can't move onto your heir, you get given a random new character somewhere else in the world.
    I mean you can just do that yourself if you want. The odds of your actions having affected even your medium-distance neighbours are so slim that 99% of the time it'd be little difference to just starting a brand new save in the same year as your last one ended.

  3. #53
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry View Post
    You don't have the cojones.
    Maybe I will just shag his daughter.

  4. #54
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Shagging Gorm's daughter.

    If you do that he breaks free of the game and deletes your System32 folder mate.

  5. #55
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Not Gorm's, I would never even think of that. Cord's.

  6. #56
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    And of course, we are talking about CK3 virtual Cord here.

  7. #57
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Threatening to nonce a kid he doesn't even have.

  8. #58
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    This conversation lead to me to decide what my next quest would be. It involved this google search.



    Could everyone who hasn't already post the names of 'their' selected characters? I am going to ignore conquering land, in favour of something far more valuable, hearts.

    I am going to go on a world tour of cucking the globe starting with the characters in this thread/friends from discord. Just breeding the juiciest boys and gals in the land.

  9. #59
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    I'll find mine when I log in. I already have the handsome / beautiful trait baked in I think.

  10. #60
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Aren't the initial stats random?

    I don't remember the name of my lad. Whoever is the ruler of Brittany at the start of the game.

  11. #61
    Senior Member Vercetti's Avatar
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    At the risk of outing myself as the gimp kid who shows up with his Gola trainers, while you're all shambling about in your Adidas predators, I've started a game on CK2, having discovered it was free on Steam.

    I started as the King of England. Having no idea what I was doing, I was starting to get bored with nothing happening, and my Bulgarian wife refusing to bear me a child, but I hung in there. I'd been plotting to off the frigid cow, but nothing had happened for months, so I cancelled the plot, and made peace with my lot in life. Eventually, she gave me a son.

    Within half an hour of boredom starting to set in, I'd been killed by some traitorous scumbag, who then assumed my position with the ice queen, and allowed someone else to take the throne.

    Playing as my son, Eric, from the age of two, was uneventful, but I harboured ambitions of coming of age, and eventually fucking their shit up. Sadly, the new King, wise soul that he obviously is, imprisoned me, until I died aged 20, in the oubliette. The jokes on them, though. I went through puberty down there.

    I then ended up playing as the traitorous scumbag. I was made Commander of England, but ended up going into hiding, aged 70, and then swiftly died.

    I still have absolutely no idea how anything works.

  12. #62
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    That sounds worse than my playthrough.

  13. #63
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vercetti View Post
    I still have absolutely no idea how anything works.
    This is exactly the right way to play it.

  14. #64
    Senior Member Cord's Avatar
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    Interesting revelatory thought: Gavelkind (or the stupid new name they've given it), is the worst idea ever invented anywhere. God it's a load of old shite. Like really properly awful. Why must I essentially lose every game of Crusader Kings I've ever played to a bloody bit of shit legislation. Yes, lets give all the soldiers to the younger brother that'll work. Keep halving the realm every twenty years? Splendid idea. I bet those giant Viking bastards next door won't take it as an ideal opportunity to bum me into the next century will they.

    Also, Pepe

  15. #65
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Hark at Disco advocating playing not knowing what you're doing when his AARs used to featuring him lolling off the Golden Horde with one half of his empire and giving most of Europe wedgies with the other.

    Also that is a piping hot take on Gavelkind, Cord.

  16. #66
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Started a new game in Bretagne, this time as the ruler of the Leon region instead of the 'Petty King' (I didn't know you could do that), with the goal of conquering Bretagne and then trying to keep those French bastards off my lands.

    Decided to focus on the monies (stewardship?) and building up my main city. Claims were fabricated, armies were raised and the regions right above and right below me were conquered. They did not put too much of a fight, to be honest. Unfortunately, while this was going on, the French bastards conquered Nantes, reducing my potential lands.

    After that there was a period of waiting. I needed to increase control of the newly taken lands and build up my army, since Mr. Petty King had a bigger one than me. While waiting for the preparations to be completed, my main man decided to shag his daughter in law. For the stress, you know, since he had the trait 'lustful' right next to the trait 'shy' (so, same as like 90% of the internet). You see, talking to people stresses him greatly, but stealing his son's wife keeps things in balance. Five children were also produced, in total. Two boys and three girls.

    Before I could launch my attack, Mr. Petty king died, so Vannes and Rennes where divided among his two kids. Tried to assassinate one, because why not, but failed miserably. Whatever. Once my army was built enough I launched my all-conquering attack.

    The siege of Vannes was going well but, in what has to be a troll move, those wankers decide to convert to a weirdo religion before I was done with them. Their new faith was not enough to stop my pointy sticks though, so my man became the Petty King of Brittany, which was now divided into two religions.

    I though that I would now rule it all, but instead, the two conquered kiddos kept control of their regions and, understandably, hated their ruler (-100 opinion, both of them). I tried to force one of them to convert back to catholicism and he refused, which meant that now I could imprison him, but with only a 16% chance of success, I haven't done that (yet).

    A few years later, my character died. Now Brittany is divided with my new character as the petty king in Leon, his brother in control of two other regions, and the two other regions controlled by the loser brothers that hate me. The goal now is to ensure control of my Duchy (I think that is what it's called) by converting those cunts back to catholicism, either offing or charming the loser brothers, and building up my defenses before any shenanigans begin. Also, my prestige is basically at zero and my faith (piety?) at -170 or something like that, so I will need to figure out a way to deal with that.
    Last edited by Pepe; 17-09-2020 at 12:24 PM.

  17. #67
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    I though that I would now rule it all, but instead, the two conquered kiddos kept control of their regions
    What cassus belli did you use? Was it subjugate? I think if it's that you're basically just forcing them to join your gang.

    You might be able to revoke their titles and give them to some bootlickers but that, of course, comes with its own risks.

  18. #68
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    I have no idea what I used. It just said "your claim" or something like that.

    I will try to imprison one of the cunts. The other I don't know what I'll do with. We'll see. Maybe I will shag his daughter.

    Oh yes, I forgot to mention that I married my new character's son and heir to his own cousin, who is currently the first in line to inherit. My cunt brother better not decide to have a son, or I might have to do something about it.

  19. #69
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Bit of inbreeding, very regal.

  20. #70
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    Hark at Disco advocating playing not knowing what you're doing when his AARs used to featuring him lolling off the Golden Horde with one half of his empire and giving most of Europe wedgies with the other.

    Also that is a piping hot take on Gavelkind, Cord.
    Well I only posted the ones where I won.

    +1 for gavelkind being shit, I could never quite get away from trying to paint the map so I always switched away asap.

  21. #71
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    What's gavelkind? Not sure I have run into it, but it sounds like I want to avoid it.

  22. #72
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    It's where your eldest son/child gets your primary title and your other children/heirs get the rest split between them. Fine for spreading your dynasty but personal holdings tend to get more disparate and therefore less efficient. It can also break up your nation if you have more than one title of the same level as your primary one (ie a Duke with a second duchy or a King with a second kingdom then you'll lose one if you have more than one eligible heir).

  23. #73
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Hmmm. Isn't that the standard mode? The one you start with? When my original char died, my heir got my capital, but the other kid got my other two regions.

    If it is bad, how do I get rid of it?

  24. #74
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    I'm only going by CK2 but there should be a tab that shows your crown laws, one of which will be inheritance, it should also then give you options to change or will tell what hoops you have to jump through to do so. It always used to be linked to crown authority which is a bugger to raise so the meta options was always to go Elective (pick whoever you like) early then switch to Primogeniture (eldest son gets everything) later as that was the easiest way to keep your shit together.

    And 'bad' is relative, Gavelkind tended to be unpopular because everyone expects Primogeniture to be the norm, it's more predictable, and players tend to like map painting rather than dynasty spreading.
    Last edited by Disco; 17-09-2020 at 06:39 PM.

  25. #75
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Well things were going smoothly but slightly boring-ly. Fended off a foreign invader who was after a county, increased my kingdom with another Duchy or two, etc.

    And then I went and got murdered by own son. if I only I could have foreseen that the ambitious sadist would turn on me!

    Toggle Spoiler


    That hat / tache combo though.

    Also basically all of my vassals loathe me because I did not get away with the murder unknown.

    Also my own brother attempted to murder me.

    And is my heir as I have no kids.

    This is about to get interesting.

    EDIT: Me and Cord were talking about Gavelkind and I think the thing with it is is that while it probably made sense in real life for the dynasty spreading reasons Disco mentions it's an annoying game mechanic because you suddenly lose half your shit.

  26. #76
    Senior Member Cord's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Disco View Post
    I'm only going by CK2 but there should be a tab that shows your crown laws, one of which will be inheritance, it should also then give you options to change or will tell what hoops you have to jump through to do so. It always used to be linked to crown authority which is a bugger to raise so the meta options was always to go Elective (pick whoever you like) early then switch to Primogeniture (eldest son gets everything) later as that was the easiest way to keep your shit together.

    And 'bad' is relative, Gavelkind tended to be unpopular because everyone expects Primogeniture to be the norm, it's more predictable, and players tend to like map painting rather than dynasty spreading.
    This is basically how it still works, though they've renamed the standard Gavelkind to Confederate Partition or something. It seems to be even harder to get rid of this time around, as I can't even raise my crown authority at all yet as my current culture group (Anglo-Saxon) hasn't yet come up with the idea.

    Pepe - basically the benefit is that theoretically you get less rebellions from within your family as most should be kept happy by inheriting something, but in my experience it just leads you to having bitty lands where either a neighbour will end up more powerful and start hoovering you up, or one of your relatives will inherit enough to decide to challenge you for your characters primary title. It's always been a bit of menace.

  27. #77
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    I will have to look into it later when I fire up the game.

  28. #78
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Yeah Gavelkind is an innovation that unlocks Confederate Partition, which starts out by doling everything out equally and then you can weight it more towards the heir getting more stuff.

    To get rid you need:
    - The Royal Perogative innovation as this lets you increase your crown authority to change the succession laws appropriately.
    - The Primogeniture innovation, which isn't one of the Innovation options until much later in the game than I currently am (late 900s) so I'm not getting rid of partition succession laws for a good while yet.

  29. #79
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Are there any good Let's Plays anyone can recommend? Ideally more on the explanatory/tutorial side of it

  30. #80
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Hm. Many A True Nerd did videos on "A Practical Guide to Torture, Madness, and Profit" and "The Ultimate Lifestyle & Character Build Guide" before he started his actual playthrough (in which he does also explain some things as he goes) but honestly the tutorial on this one's alright. It's very much "teach you the basics NOW GO PLAY AND WORK SHIT OUT" but the tooltip system is also pretty good it seems to me. Basically just popping up as and when a thing happens for the first time going "Right, here's what the fuck just went on."

    I've not sought out anything like that beyond the in-game tutorial though because as this save proves I am a master of the game. (Getting this in now before my character gets strung up or subjected to endless rebellions.)

  31. #81
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Paradox seem to have a knack for making games where you can fairly safely ignore the systems you don't understand but then also reward you when you actually get around to learning them.

  32. #82
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Yeah most of what I knew (not much) in CK2 I learned just by playing because the tutorial was diabolical.

  33. #83
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Right, so going into a morning session here's my actual status. Firstly, here's the Kingdom of Pagan as it stands:
    Toggle Spoiler

    Which I'm pleased with. With a mix of war and diplomacy most of the de Jure Kingdom of Pagan is now mine with just one Duchy holding out. That Duke doesn't despise me but he has a lot of allies in my kingdom which is bad for various reasons which I'll come onto.

    Next up, the patricide / regicide double-whammy I've just taken over:
    Toggle Spoiler


    On the facial hair and hat front he's rock solid. He's a solid steward and decent in Intrigue which might help him but his education trait is for Stewardship so I'll likely steer him into that. There are some perks in there which pertain to control, vassal opinion, etc. which are going to be handy for him if he can get his hands on them soonish. As discussed he's an ambitious sadist, the latter of which means people just don't like him much on a base level though it does give him a fairly high Dread score, which means people are scared of me and a bit less likely to join factions against me and do as they're told, which could come in handy but might not be enough. This is where I like CK3 because to survive as this guy I might really need to lean into what this guy's strengths are as a character (rather than the state of his kingdom) if I'm going to survive this because..... well..... everybody fucking hates this guy.

    Let's have a rundown of some vassals, shall we?
    - Duke Zarni fucking hates me. Lowest possible opinion of me, -100. He didn't like my dad, I get negative opinion because I'm a sadist and a known murderer, he considers my branch of Buddhism to be astray, wants a seat on my council (the only thing he's good for is Spymaster and even I'm not stupid enough to give that job to a vassal who hates me) and just basically wants more power.
    - Count Pyit. One of my champions, which is worrying, COULD hate me less but not much. He also wants a seat on the council as well as just disliking me for my fascinating array of personality defects but is a buffoon so he's not getting one.
    - Count Zarni (not to be mistaken with the Duke further up) is the de jure liege of one of the duchies I personally hold. This might abstractly be a good thing if he kicks off about that and starts an uprising I can't win if it means I can just give it to him for a nice opinion buff but obviously this would also make a man who hates me more powerful. Hm. This is going well, isn't it? Next up....
    - Count Bayinnaung. Currently imprisoned by me. He was put there by my dad and holds it against me too. I'm sure he tried to rebel against the father but he still thinks that murdering him was a bit stiff, old boy, what. Tempted to just execute him to get a bit more dread. We'll see.
    - Count Kyit. Doubly hates my sadism because he's got the compassionate trait. Good stuff, I sense we'll be friends.
    - Another Count Zarni? Where are these fuckers coming from? Anything, this one has a sweet, sweet 0 opinion of me. Useful given he's my spymaster. There's a further smattering of counts and whatnot who merely sort-of hate me and one who ACTUALLY LIKES ME but is only a mayor so honestly who cares. But then we get to the problematic one.
    - Prince Tannet is my brother, a Duke, doesn't much care for the fact that I offed our dad but also tried to murder me so yeah, we're not the best of buds and I suspect I will never get his opinion above -100 because while that's the lowest it can get his total tallies up to....
    Toggle Spoiler

    -203. Excellent.

    On top of all that my religious leader hates me which means I won't get levies from "church" holdings, though I'm not sure they actually amount to much right now. On top of all this there's some fella over in India who I had to beat up enough to get a White Peace in the last save before the character was murdered so I could fend off another rebellion or whatever it was, which means he still has his claim.

    The cherry on the cake of all this is that while my military is theoretically pretty strong some of my vassals are stronger, especially if you include their allies including the duchy to the South who would be prepared to take me down with about half my vassals currently.

    The chocolate sprinkle on top of the cheery on the cake of sadness is that I don't currently have an heir. Well, a correction: I don't have a child. My heir is my brother who tried to murder me. My wife is pregnant though, so I may have my own heir soon if I can just survive long enough.

    That's one small sliver of good news so let's see if I can find any others:
    - While I don't have kids of my own there other unmarried children in my family so I should be able to get some alliances (not necessarily good ones) quite quickly by betrothing them.
    - I'm starting with 415 gold. This is a good starting point if I need to save up for some mercs in the event of a rebellion.
    - As I mentioned before, I've got a good dread stat currently. it's 45/100 so while I am widely despised this might be enough to stop at least some people actually having the balls to step up to me.
    - My council is actually pretty decent, with a couple of unlanded guys in there it might be worth me giving some titles to.

    In short, things could be about to get spicy. The time of the murderspirals might have been a long time coming but it could be upon us because honestly some of these motherfuckers are going to cause me nothing but problems. And I'm already a known murder so honestly.... how bad could it get?

  34. #84
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    That initially promised to be as lively as I expected but it's since settled down.

    A few things: I immediately made some alliances by marrying off half-siblings and whatnot but sadly despite their strength I had to prioritise other alliances ahead of this house with the excellent motto:
    Toggle Spoiler


    Secondly, it did not take long for the first attempted murder on my life:
    Toggle Spoiler


    However, as you can see I survived and of course tried to arrest the brother which I thought would be harder and I might have to go to war over it but...
    Toggle Spoiler

    He's so fucking scared of me I got a massive buff on top of my military advantage.

    I executed him of course, but first I thought I'd try my first bit of torture as my character is enough of a mental that this sort of thing really chills him out and reduces stress.
    Toggle Spoiler


    However through torturing him and then looping his head off my dread is now 89/100 so I think that's why it's all calmed down. Everybody's simply too terrified to risk fucking with me. I'll be interested to see what it's like when I get the chance to try and really lean into the religion but it really is great that there are more legit approaches this time around. I don't remember tyranny being that viable an option in CK2 unless you were so powerful you could just roflstomp uprisings because you just ended up being taken down by rebellions sooner or later but in this there are ways of doing it either through being a psycho as this character is so far (important caveat!) or as I briefly saw with my martial-focus character where you can just have such strong control over the populace it's hard for anybody to rise up against you. That on top of pure diplomacy and stewardship being good options without just resorting to fabricate > invade > rinse repeat.

  35. #85
    Senior Member Vercetti's Avatar
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    I started again, this time as a mustachioed Georgian geezer, with delusions of playing out Uncle Joe's origin story. If he were a time traveller.

    Not too much happened early doors, until a plot by my brother was discovered. Apparently, I have the ability in this system to imprison any of my subjects, and the ability to castrate them. So I imprisoned and then topped my brother, earning me recognition as a kinslayer. Castration didn't come up as an option, sadly.

    Eventually, having launched one failed attempt at taking over another patch of land and not much else, I died in a freak accident, at the age of 42.

    Next man up was my other brother. I tried to keep my head down, this time, and concentrated on trying to sire an heir. Within a year or two, however, I was invaded and bummed by some Albanian gimp who systematically took my defences apart, and wouldn't accept my offer of peace. In the end I lost one of my three patches of territory, got maimed, and spent my last few years of life struggling to get around, before another accident took me, aged 45.

    I'm not actually sure who the current bloke is, but I imprisoned and then killed the child who was ruling the patch of land I'd lost, thereby inheriting it back, and reuniting my kingdom, like a fucking hero. With my tail up after murdering a child, I fancy bowling into Tiflis and succeeding where my original geezer failed. I'll probably end up dropping dead after being gored by a midget, though.

  36. #86
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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  37. #87
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    There's a nudity setting, automatic Game of the Year. And I wish I could tell you I wasn't starting my first game in Cumbum because of the name yet here we are.

  38. #88
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Yeah the nudity is great fun when it says "Oh your daughter's dead FYI" and shows you a maimed corpse with its tits out.

    Hadn't seen Cumbum but there's a place near my kingdom called Bumthang which is good.

  39. #89
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    I forgot to update for a few days.

    I think my last update had my original character conquering all of Brittany, but being hated by the two cunt brothers. Well, the cunt brothers decided to form a rebellion, but I completely donned them. Proceeded to imprison and execute the two cunts. Then I set myself to retake Nantes from the French, which was going well but my character died before the war was over (not during battle, he just died).

    His son took over and sealed the deal. The next several years were spent converting weird religion idiots, securing the area, squishing peasant rebellions, and building shit. I also conquered two more little regions.

    That character died at some point and was replaced by my current character, which is a bit of a don. He is particularly excellent at war stuff, but I don't have anything for him to go conquer. France fell apart and is now a complete mess, but currently what remains of France and the kingdom of Aquitaine are allies and in charge of all the neighboring regions. While I [I]could[I] take each of them individually, together they would squish me. Therefore, my character just sits there waiting for some battle to be had, but he will probably just spend his entire reign twiddling his thumbs. Maybe if the pope declares a Holy war I can send him to kill some Arabs so at least he has something to show for himself.

    His heir has a stutter, and I married him to a woman with a lisp. Their son is bound to be a star.

    I will bring some screenshots next time.

  40. #90
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    The Holy War was a good idea. My sister is now the Queen of Jerusalem.

  41. #91
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Given I've done a fair bit now with Stewardship and have an idea of the benefits of diplomacy (especially if you're trying to hoover up stray counties) I would like to have a good bash at a piety/learning playthrough or character because everything else seems genuinely viable so far.

  42. #92
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    In a bit of a conundrum:

    My first son and heir is pretty average. Not bad, but not particularly good either. His younger brother, while not all that either, is decent at stewardship and ok at diplomacy, so he would probably make a better ruler. Can I disinherit the first son? I know the answer is yes, but how easy is it? What will the consequences be? I guess I should probably just try and see what happens.

  43. #93
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    Given I've done a fair bit now with Stewardship and have an idea of the benefits of diplomacy (especially if you're trying to hoover up stray counties) I would like to have a good bash at a piety/learning playthrough or character because everything else seems genuinely viable so far.
    My current man is doing Learning, buying claims with Piety feels pretty tasty.

  44. #94
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Oooh, that sounds good. How are things in lovely Cumbum?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    In a bit of a conundrum:

    My first son and heir is pretty average. Not bad, but not particularly good either. His younger brother, while not all that either, is decent at stewardship and ok at diplomacy, so he would probably make a better ruler. Can I disinherit the first son? I know the answer is yes, but how easy is it? What will the consequences be? I guess I should probably just try and see what happens.
    The son will hate you, I dunno if anybody will much care? This game's pretty good for telling you consequences to stuff before you actually pull the trigger but I dunno, I've not done it myself. I considered offing my heir as I'm still playing as the patricidal sadist just now but the alternatives aren't a lot better so whevs.

  45. #95
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    I've started again somewhere where I understand all the terminology and the names are at least parsable. Currently doing a 1066 game as the Duke of York, the classic can we keep Harry on the throne challenge.

  46. #96
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Isn't 99% of the terminology just a different word for something else anyway?

    Get back to Cumbum and get messy, you coward.

  47. #97
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Well yes but when the game refers to Knights and I spend half an hour trying to work out what it means only to discover it's got an alternate cultural name it gets a bit annoying.

    I also lost Cumbum via inheritance, one of my unpronounceable sons lives there now.

  48. #98
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    It's a pity your Cumbum game isn't as strong as your EXCUSES game.

  49. #99
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    What can I say, it gets the most practice, rest assured we will return to Cumbum with fresh knowledge.

    For now, I've barely unpaused the game and my (unmarried) brother the Duke of Mercia and Lancaster is killed in the first battle against the Norwegians so my holdings are embarrassingly large.

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  50. #100
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    I also found this in my screenie folder which I shall post just to make Webly feel inadequate.

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