Domestic Abuse

[phonics]

What's the protocol?

The girl upstairs is rather loudly getting a few lumps from some Slavic type going off the language. It only seems to happen on the weekends and I've only ever run into her once in the year of living here so feel a bit out of place knocking on the door to find out if she's getting her head kicked in. This is the second time I've lived in the flat next to someone knocking their missus about and I never know what to do. This one's just left for the night so there's no doing anything now but have any of you intervened in some way?

[Lewis]

If it's only on the weekends then you should probably offer to cover for him during the week.

[Toby]

If it sounded serious or I was hearing it at all regularly I'd probably phone the police. Not a chance I'd intervene personally.

[Niobium Knight]

[Lee]

Tough one. Instinct tells you to go up and have it out with the wanker but he'll only take that out on her, probably more quietly, when that annoys him. And calling the police is pointless for the same reason as well as (depending on what the law says where you are) the fact that they can't touch him if she won't press charges, which she probably won't.

I like to think I'd go and have a word but I doubt I would in the event. The best approach would probably be to catch her alone, tell her what you can hear and be nice about it. She might tell you to fuck off and mind your own business though.

[Smiffy]

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[Spammer]

Women's Aid are a good shout. Their number is on their website and they specialise in this kind of shit: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

[Lee]

I'd be right round. No excuses for a man hitting a woman.

Yeah but you'd need to think beyond feeling great about yourself being the hard man. That sort of cunt is going to take any sort of humiliation out on her as soon as you've fucked off.

[Niobium Knight]

Next time you hear it go upstairs and bang on the door really hard until it stops.

[Toby]

[QUOTE=Lee;15136] And calling the police is pointless for the same reason as well as (depending on what the law says where you are) the fact that they can't touch him if she won't press charges, which she probably won't.
/QUOTE]

I don't think that's true. There are various things he could be charged with if there is evidence of physical violence, even if she doesn't want to give any sort of statement or press charges herself.

I also think its a pretty shot attitude to say she "probably won't" want to press charges, although I accept the point about it potentially getting worse if she doesn't.

[Smiffy]

.....

[John]

If she isn't just getting to fuck away or calling the police herself, it's probably a reasonable assumption that she won't be pressing charges if someone else phones them.

[SvN]

I knew there was a reason why the 16 year olds were all over Smiff.

[Lee]

[QUOTE=Toby;15142]

And calling the police is pointless for the same reason as well as (depending on what the law says where you are) the fact that they can't touch him if she won't press charges, which she probably won't.
/QUOTE]

I don't think that's true. There are various things he could be charged with if there is evidence of physical violence, even if she doesn't want to give any sort of statement or press charges herself.

I also think its a pretty shot attitude to say she "probably won't" want to press charges, although I accept the point about it potentially getting worse if she doesn't.

Lots of women won't press charges and will even go further and lie to protect the person abusing them, for all sorts of reasons. The best option is to support her to feel strong enough to do it herself. If it isn't her choice I'd suggest the chances of her following through on any action are vanishingly small.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Toby]

[QUOTE=Lee;15147]

Lots of women won't press charges and will even go further and lie to protect the person abusing them, for all sorts of reasons. The best option is to support her to feel strong enough to do it herself. If it isn't her choice I'd suggest the chances of her following through on any action are vanishingly small.

I know that, but a visit from the police could be the external prompt she needs to realise what's happening isn't acceptable or normal. Without that there's probably the fear that you won't be taking seriously of they won't believe, if they're turning up on the doorstep saying a neighbour has reported something that's a step in the right direction and immediately provides some backing.

[Gray Fox]

We used to live in a 2nd floor flat, above a woman that used to take regular beatings from a guy I'm guessing is her partner.

We'd call the police. They would come out, but she would have him back there the very next day. Rinse and repeat.

I'd say ring the police. The last thing you need to hear is the woman has harmed/killed herself because she thought there was no way out. You have to give her the chance.

[Lee]

[QUOTE=Toby;15150]

I know that, but a visit from the police could be the external prompt she needs to realise what's happening isn't acceptable or normal. Without that there's probably the fear that you won't be taking seriously of they won't believe, if they're turning up on the doorstep saying a neighbour has reported something that's a step in the right direction and immediately provides some backing.

Or Mr Wanker (if he isn't still there) gets wind of it and knocks seven bells out of her again. It's not an easy call.

What we should do is chip in for her to live on Smiffy's Super Anti-Domestic Violence Street where the locals will club together and batter abusers but absolutely not any woman at all. No. Never. I bet even the criminals only harm their own kind as well.

[Niobium Knight]

We used to live in a 2nd floor flat, above a woman that used to take regular beatings from a guy I'm guessing is her partner.

We'd call the police. They would come out, but she would have him back there the very next day. Rinse and repeat.

I'd say ring the police. The last thing you need to hear is the woman has harmed/killed herself because she thought there was no way out. You have to give her the chance.

Agreed. Better to do something than just sit and ignore.

[Lee]

Agreed. Better to do something than just sit and ignore.

I don't think anybody is saying you ignore it. I reckon you're more likely to get a positive outcome if you speak to the victim and let them know that if anything is kicking off and you hear it that you'll happily call the police for her. That way she's consenting and at least has some control over the situation. There's no scenario with which you can guarantee not making her situation worse, unfortunately.

[Toby]

[QUOTE=Lee;15153]

Or Mr Wanker (if he isn't still there) gets wind of it and knocks seven bells out of her again. It's not an easy call.

What we should do is chip in for her to live on Smiffy's Super Anti-Domestic Violence Street where the locals will club together and batter abusers but absolutely not any woman at all. No. Never. I bet even the criminals only harm their own kind as well.

I'm definitely not saying it's an easy call.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Spammer]

I say ring the domestic violence helpline on that link. They do this stuff for a living, they'll know what they're talking about. Whereabouts do you live Phonics? It's somewhere random isn't it? I'm sure there'll have something similar.

[Lewis]

I'd stand outside their door cutting promos on him until he decided to fight me.

[Toby]

Sorry for ballsing up the quotes here...

[Smiffy]

.....

[phonics]

The bloke looked like an Eastern European Drake and even then I'm not sure I could have taken him. The cops seem to largely do nothing here. I think I might go with Lee's advice or be typically British about the whole thing and ignore it.

[Boydy]

Sorry for ballsing up the quotes here...

Yeah, nice one, dickhead. The thread's a mess now. What's more annoying is you both kept quoting each other and neither of you fixed it.

[igor_balis]

[Toby]

Yeah, nice one, dickhead. The thread's a mess now. What's more annoying is you both kept quoting each other and neither of you fixed it.

I'm on my phone, which is terrible for anything but the simplest of posts.

I'm glad I've done it now though, you preemptively deserved it for your rudeness.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Lewis]

Please cut said promo now for our amusement.

'Let me William Tell you something, brother! While your bitch is Toblermoaning...'

And that's all I've got. Luckily for me he doesn't take much provoking.

[Lee]

I'm not foolish enough to think everywhere is like my street but we look out for one another. It's a good thing so take your super duper shit elsewhere.

I don't think it's not a good thing. I just don't believe it's true.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Niobium Knight]

I'd never heard that before. Good song. Fucking weird though.

[Smiffy]

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[Boydy]

I'm on my phone, which is terrible for anything but the simplest of posts.

I'm glad I've done it now though, you preemptively deserved it for your rudeness.

Don't be a precious little bitch like Magic.

[Niobium Knight]

Warning to others. Do not Google 'Toblermoaning'.

"I [20M] watched incest porn in adolescence and I'm worried it had lasting damage on my relationship with my family."

he seems like a sensible, well-rounded individual to me.

[Pepe]

I'd go with Hammer's suggestion.

[Magic]

He should have went at least semi detached first.

[Mazuuurk]

Have you considered they may just be fucking, Phonics?

[Benny]

Offer her your bed for the night, for safety.

Toggle Spoiler

[Mazuuurk]

Phonics why don't you play to your strengths here and make a cool, snappy poster saying something like "Abusers are losers!" and put it up in the entrance hallway?

[Magic]

He could use that picture of himself (which he's now taken down on TD because I just checked) where he looks like a rape victim.

[Mazuuurk]

Good idea, gives a nice "I know what I'm talking about" vibe.

[phonics]

He could use that picture of himself (which he's now taken down on TD because I just checked) where he looks like a rape victim.

Taken down? Please.