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Thread: 01/2020 Football: V League Special

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    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    01/2020 Football: V League Special

    Happy new year, everybody! It's that time of year when people start to think of how they should change their lives or better themselves. I mean, probably. I won't but some people pretend they're gonna do that.

    And with that in mind the question on everybody's minds is: With their new season just a couple of months away what are the new year's resolutions for each V League team? Well, you need wait no longer! With the help of some questionable Wikipedia research I have all the answers you need.

    Becamex B́nh Dương Lots of people hope to find a long term relationship in the new year and Becamex should be hoping for the same.... with a manager. They're not far removed from a league double, and while their finishes have improved year on year for the last few years they've also got form for rattling through managers in short order since their formation in 2002. With Carlos Olivieira now joining maybe it's time for them to give themselves a chance to LOVE, y'know?

    Dược Nam Hà Nam Định Đội bóng Thành Nam, or "The Wall" if you haven't been keeping your Vietnamese up to scratch, showed us last season just how tough in can be in the tightly contested midtable of V.League 1. Just 13 points separated 3rd and 13th and the club fluctuated between the relegation battle and AFC Cup qualification battles. Their resolution should be to keep journeyman Diogo Pereira, who has found his goalscoring niche in the V. League, in and around the goals as they strive for consistency.

    Hà Nội The catchily-nicknamed Purple-Yellows just need to keep doing what they're doing. With three league wins in the last four seasons, a whopping TWENTY players who have their own Wikipedia pages and seven of those having pictures you can tell they're a force to be reckoned with. If their media team resolve this New year to get every player a Wikipedia page we could be looking at one of the great sporting dynasties.

    Hải Pḥng The Red Tide need to enjoy playing at home more. Last season they won more away than at home which frankly is disappointing for the team who so memorably won the Vietnamese Cup a year after their foundation under the management of club legend Dylan Kerr.

    Hoàng Anh Gia Lai The halcyon days of the early 2000s behind them, they just need to try not be so bloody boring. 9th, 13th, 12th, 10th and 10th again in the last five years. That is some mid-2000s Fulham bullshit right there. Nobody wants to be mid-2000s Fulham, aside from perhaps 2019 Fulham.

    Hồng Lĩnh Hà Tĩnh They've only existed since 2015 and this is already their third promotion and seem to have been helped by their links to Ha Noi. Ride those coattails, lads!

    Quảng Nam I'm already gaining a new admiration for John Arne managing to stay so interested in the V. League and I'm only halfway through.

    Sài G̣n Keep the snazzy colour scheme for their kits. After the dark days of trying to find something to write about Quảng Nam the hot pink of Sai Gon's shirts has really lifted my spirits. Look at this snazzy number from 2018. If manager Hoàng Văn Phúc can channel that flamboyance into their play they could escape the midtabe quagmire they've been in since their promotion in 2015 and make an impact further up the table.

    SHB Đà Nẵng I was going to write a bit here about their manager Lê Huỳnh Đức as he seems to have gone from being one of Vietnam's best ever players through to being one of the country's better managers. But then I saw they have a player called Nguyễn Thế Hưng. 'The Hung!' He sounds like a medievel king who chose his own royal nickname because he had a, ahem, large opinion of himself. JA can fill in the gaps I'm sure.

    Sông Lam Nghệ An Inspire a more dedicated hardcore of fans. Their current supports have not even bothered themselves putting the team's V.League finish for 2019 on their Wikipedia page! Fear not though, I am here to tell you they finish 7th, with about a third of their home games being 0-0 draws. No wonder the fans can't be arsed.

    Than Quảng Ninh After a few years tickling the balls of the idea of getting into that AFC Cup group stage qualification spot. They should get a few more Nguyễns in to make sure they have enough players for the extra fixtures as I'm not sure the 9 Nguyễns they already have will be enough.

    Thanh Hóa Prepare for life without Italian manager Fabio Lopez. Not because he's amazing and going to get poached. In fact, in spite of his apparent excellent grasp of Lithuanian and his experience of Bangladeshi football Lopez seems unable to fully capitalise on his two years of experience as a professional goalkeeper and now appears to specialise in managing a couple of different clubs per year. Thanh Hóa will be hoping for the skills he showed when he took the Al-Ahli U23s from 6th to second in the glory days of 2018.

    TP Hồ Chí Minh Try not to be such a heap of shit against the two relegation-spot teams. If they hadn't dropped five points to the 13th and 14th teams last year they'd.... well, still have been second on goal difference. But still, losing at home to Sanna Khánh Ḥa BVN. You'd be fuming wouldn't you?

    Viettel Viettel are the army team, so I turned to reading less on their form over previous seasons, how many Nguyễns they have, etc. and looked at Vietnam's human rights record. It's not pretty reading so I'm pretty sure Viettel could turn a 6th place finish of last season into a title challenge this year with a few tactical midnight raids into suspiciously talented opposing players.

    Next month: As requested by Spikey, next month's subject will be looking into what the state of Southend United tell us about modern football.

    For the benefit of Sincere and Bruh who waited until October or whatever to decide they had an issue with me not putting fixtures in the opening post I can confirm that this month a number of teams will play other teams in a plethora of different combinations in matches of varying importance and interest. Some of these matches will be good, others will not.

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    Senior Member Pleb's Avatar
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    You what mate.

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    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Alright I was beaten to it. This was for John Arne.

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    Senior Member Pleb's Avatar
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    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    This is some effort and cements Ian as the true owner of these threads.

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    Senior Member Pleb's Avatar
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    This thread is probably more better because it has a detailed recollection of the V League.

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    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Fucking tryhard.

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    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Ian's on the ropes.

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    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    I'll still be doing Spikey's request even if I'm late again. Dedication.

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    Senior Member Pleb's Avatar
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    Leap year this year

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    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Well done, this thread was my first proper laugh of 2020, and it had strong competition from the Hootenanny transitioning directly from Rick Astley's 'Never Gonna Give You Up' into Stormzy's 'Vossi Bop'.

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    That was great. And more accurate/informative than most of the local newspaper coverage over here.
    Fuck Saigon
    'Mon the Ho Chi Minh City FC
    Whilst you mentioned the link between Hanoi and Ha Tien and Saigon, the corrupt bastard owner also owns Quang Nam, Quang Ninh and Danang. Although he had just sold Saigon.

    Also disappointingly Thế Hưng is pronounced 'Tay Hun'.

    Top effort.

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    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Is that a guy or a firm, JA? I spotted some stock company appearing a few times in ownership chat but couldn't be arsed going back through it to dig up what was happening there. /journalism

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    Administrator John's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Well done, this thread was my first proper laugh of 2020, and it had strong competition from the Hootenanny transitioning directly from Rick Astley's 'Never Gonna Give You Up' into Stormzy's 'Vossi Bop'.
    That was quality, as was Vic Reeves seemingly pissed out of his mind, repeatedly telling everyone to buy toilet paper in bulk when asked for his thoughts going into the new year.

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    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    This is the first year I've appreciated the whole fever dream vibe they're going for, with Stormzy properly delivering I need all the homage could you pay me some, man dropping bangers on your baby mums etc to a bemused white audience, and then it pans straight to Ally McCoist enjoying some banter with Dick and Dom while Ainsley Harriott looks on.

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    I used to be funny.
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    White rap audiences are my favourite. It made Kanye's set at Glastonbury even more daft.

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    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    The live text man is seething about VAR in the Brighton game.

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    Administrator John's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    This is the first year I've appreciated the whole fever dream vibe they're going for, with Stormzy properly delivering I need all the homage could you pay me some, man dropping bangers on your baby mums etc to a bemused white audience, and then it pans straight to Ally McCoist enjoying some banter with Dick and Dom while Ainsley Harriott looks on.
    I enjoyed watching the bloke who played one of the slavers, I think, in Game of Thrones straighten up and get ready for his moment every time Jools Holland bimbled over to Celebrity Corner only to be completely ignored because Jools obviously just thought he was someone's mate.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    The live text man is seething about VAR in the Brighton game.
    You want to see the goal Grealish had ruled out after 10 minutes. It's a disgrace. Fortunately it's 1-0 anyway.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    Is that a guy or a firm, JA? I spotted some stock company appearing a few times in ownership chat but couldn't be arsed going back through it to dig up what was happening there. /journalism
    It's a guy, Đỗ Quang Hiển, who owns T&T and SHB (the big two). He also owns Saigon-Hanoi Securities (SHS), Saigon-Hanoi Fund Management (SHF) and SHB-Vinacomin Insurance (SVIC). It's a bit of catch-22. Without his backing some of the smaller teams may have died already, but then it creates uneven competition, and the fact the he invested in these teams in the first place was just to win favour (and contracts) with the local government.

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    Senior Member Gray Fox's Avatar
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    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Clear and obvious.

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    I used to be funny.
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    Letter of the law, not spirit.

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    Senior Member Pleb's Avatar
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    VAR

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    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    That decision is fucking mental.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gray Fox View Post
    Strange that the defender is given a thin line, whilst the attacker is given a thick blue line - you'd have thought using the same thickness of line would be appropriate.

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    Brighton fans giving it the old 'oooooooh you're shit, ahhhh' on goal kicks is very 90's non-league, and very shit.

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    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    Tidy.

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    What's the point of a drop ball if you cant contest it? Might as well just give the team a free kick.

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    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    Chelsea vanished in that one.

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    Lampard doesn’t know how to win against the shite anymore.

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    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    We beat Arsenal just the other day.

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    Senior Member Gray Fox's Avatar
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    I think Wolves have just been done by VAR again.

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    I used to be funny.
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    Nigel Pearson's a managerial juggernaut.

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    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gray Fox View Post
    What are people angry about here? This happened all the time pre VAR too?

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    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    There is something off about that Brighton goal. It's the bicycle kick of a man who has never even attempted one before. He basically falls over into it. And yet it's so graceful.

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    The BBC's write up of the Brighton game is a laugh.

    Chelsea were absolute wank, their worst ever performance in the LGBTQIA derby and had their 'keeper to thank for the point in the end.

    Reece James was total bobbins so quite where his apparent MotM performance came from, who knows? All he seemed to do was leave it on all and sundry whenever he went up for an aerial challenge. Abraham was poor as well. Chelsea are going to end up with all their slightly better than average youth players on 200k a week in short order. United should piss their way to 4th, sadly.

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    I used to be funny.
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    We're going to slide back into the dogfight at this rate.

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    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    What's behind Southampton's recent change in form?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    What's behind Southampton's recent change in form?
    Dropping Yoshida and that absolute lump, Vestergaard, I imagine.

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    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    Was Mourinho trying to read what the fella on the Southampton bench was writing?

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    Pearson for Manager of the Year, then.

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    Senior Member Max Power's Avatar
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    No Vardy, no problem. Choudhury’s strike a great moment and a lovely goal.

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    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    What's behind Southampton's recent change in form?
    Not many would have stuck with the manager these days either. Good to see it pay off.

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    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    He's blamed the ball boys for slowing the game down as well. Football 'eritage.

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    Mourinho creating side stories after his side have just been beaten. Surprising stuff.

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    Quote Originally Posted by niko_cee View Post
    The BBC's write up of the Brighton game is a laugh.

    Chelsea were absolute wank, their worst ever performance in the LGBTQIA derby and had their 'keeper to thank for the point in the end.

    Reece James was total bobbins so quite where his apparent MotM performance came from, who knows? All he seemed to do was leave it on all and sundry whenever he went up for an aerial challenge. Abraham was poor as well. Chelsea are going to end up with all their slightly better than average youth players on 200k a week in short order. United should piss their way to 4th, sadly.
    Why do all Brighton fans support two teams?

    Also, Man City at home again. They had an away game this year?

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    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    Hopefully this tubby Finnish lad has a mare so Idah gets a run.

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    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    Also, Zaha never deserves a big move for modelling his head on Jason Lee.

  50. #50
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Not many would have stuck with the manager these days either. Good to see it pay off.
    Yeah, before I posted I actually checked to see if they'd got rid of Hassenhuttl as I thought it seemed like a new manager bounce.

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