Thanks everyone.

I've had a complete and utter nervous and mental breakdown. I didn't eat for 3 days, I cried like hell, I didn't sleep etc. I truly bottomed out, worst I have ever felt. I actually did contemplate taking my own life. Won't lie.

So, I'm starting my recovery. I want to be friends with my wife, we're actually really good friends anyway but we just can't live with each other, too different. We haven't gotten on this well for years and years. I am really happy with this outcome. I am still hurt and angry about the messages but I would have been quite happy to tootle on being miserable because I was so content. Not fair on either of us.

My meds are helping, I feel way more organised I've actually created a Google calendar to do the weekly schedule. We know we'll be busy (especially me re-discovering myself) so we're taking an ad-hoc approach to looking after Amber, and will utilise our extensive network of babysitters wisely. Going to meet the teacher next week to explain about our decision and my diagnosis so if she has even an inkling of it we can action it straight away.

I have to find new hobbies, I'm joining the council gym, I've got a book on my Adult ADHD and I'm going to start a journal of my feelings so I can see progress.

Just thinking about all this is literally making me feel sick, but it's that homesick kind of feeling, sort of like first day of a new school rather than absolute dread and not wanting to live.

Overall, holy shit this actually might have been the right thing to do. However, I still feel desperately afraid, nervous, anxious and stressed. But there is hope I feel. decision and