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Thread: Christmas 2018

  1. #51
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Jesus was a real bloke, so that must be a right crank effort.

  2. #52
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    He might have been, but Mohammed definitely was. Convert her.

  3. #53
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Had my first mince pie. #mincer

  4. #54
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    wtf is a wine gum

  5. #55
    I used to be funny.
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    It's a dental disease associated with alcoholics.

  6. #56
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    There was a woman offering samples of chopped up mince pies in Asda earlier, and then this old Chinese woman just bowled up and took one of the unchopped whole ones. The Asda woman tried taking it back and going 'No, those are mine', like she was telling a child off, but she just went in again like at Imjin River and got it the third time.

  7. #57
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bruhnaldo View Post
    wtf is a wine gum
    Imagine a piece of 'candy' that squeaks when you chew it, renders your mouth as dry as the Sahara and tastes like pure sugar with a hint of unidentifiable fruits.

  8. #58
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    In fairness you basically just described most Candy right there (that isn't chocolate, anyway).

  9. #59
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Nothing is as bad as a wine gum. The texture is vile too.

  10. #60
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    As usual, Giggles is correct.

  11. #61
    I used to be funny.
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    I always preferred fruit pastels.

  12. #62
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Agreed. I like the soft fruity bullshit sweets but the hard chewy ones are bollocks.

  13. #63
    Senior Member mugbull's Avatar
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    My favorite British thing (apart from the electronic music) is probably all those Cadbury chocolates that defy the laws of sound when you consume them.

  14. #64
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I’m pretty sure everyone prefers fruit pastilles over wine gums, hence it really sticking with me when my colleague said otherwise.
    I'm a twit

  15. #65
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    Wine gums are the business. You lot are all trolling.

  16. #66
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Wine gums sticks your mouth together and then causes aids.

    I'm pretty packed now until Christmas. Playing some RAF team in the AFA CUP today which is RAF Halton. Absolute mission. Next weekend to the Sportsman in Whistable then my mates wedding on the 23rd (what sort of date is that) in Manc. Then off for three weeks to Argentina 😎

  17. #67
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I've everything bought now apart from my Da. Just waiting on it all to arrive but it's all going to the office so I've a deadline of the 21st or I may go up on the 22nd and 24th and wait there for the couriers and post.

  18. #68
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Our family has made a dramatic change this year in that instead of buying a present for everyone, you buy a bigger present but for one person. Absolute godsend for me as I don't really care about receiving presents and buying them is an absolute pain in the arse. And more time for drinking on the day, of course.

  19. #69
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Hopefully they all pick you.
    I'm a twit

  20. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikó View Post
    Wine gums sticks your mouth together and then causes aids.

    I'm pretty packed now until Christmas. Playing some RAF team in the AFA CUP today which is RAF Halton. Absolute mission. Next weekend to the Sportsman in Whistable then my mates wedding on the 23rd (what sort of date is that) in Manc. Then off for three weeks to Argentina 😎
    Eh? You talking about fruit gums? Fruit gums are like trying to eat chewing gum. Wine gums don't do that at all and are delicious.

  21. #71
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Fruit gums are better than wine gums.

    I honestly don’t mind wine gums, it’s just that there are much better options. Sports Mix are pretty good.
    I'm a twit

  22. #72
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Just finished scooping at the Christmas party.
    Left the boss downstairs rising murder. Fucking pieces.

  23. #73
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Just got the breakfast and ready for home

  24. #74
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Dealz (Poundland) have bloody gone and put a Santa voice on their self service checkouts.

  25. #75
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Tesco did that a few years ago and it disappeared in days, presumably because of threat of world war. Didn't stop South West Trains changing their departure boards so that the stations near me were shown with Christmas puns - so Woking became 'Wo Three Kings', Clapham Junction became 'Clapham Jingle Bells', Chertsey 'Chertsleigh' and so on. On balance I think that was when the UK bottomed out.

  26. #76
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Festive.

  27. #77
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Is he at the vet?

  28. #78
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    He was. They said they are taking pictures of all the dogs for their Christmas tree and he's going on the top.

  29. #79
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    They say that to all the girls.

    Anyway, took our daughter to see Father Christmas today and got mugged off by some spotty oik dressed as an elf for not singing along with the magic elf song. Little cunt.

  30. #80
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    I haven't bought presents for 3 years now, and it's amazing. I only have to worry about my wife, which I sorted months ago.

  31. #81
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Since we started doing the kris kringle thing in work it's so much handier.

  32. #82
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    I'm struggling for ideas this year. I think I might try and push for what Jimmy's family are doing. I normally put in effort to get presents and half the people just give money/vouchers anyway so don't know why I'm even trying. My cousin was a bellend this year and got me 'joke' presents for my birthday after I got him a good hoodie for his, so I might as well just burn £20 for him. If anybody is interested it was this and this.

  33. #83
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    Just remembered we’ve done a Secret Santa for siblings & partners and I drew my brother in law, who has no real personality. Scanning amazon for anything halfway decent and in budget. Reckon it’ll be chocolate, as he’s into cars and I’ve no clue there.

    Wife has said we’re doing a family stocking too, which was news to me.

  34. #84
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Offshore Toon View Post
    I'm struggling for ideas this year. I think I might try and push for what Jimmy's family are doing. I normally put in effort to get presents and half the people just give money/vouchers anyway so don't know why I'm even trying. My cousin was a bellend this year and got me 'joke' presents for my birthday after I got him a good hoodie for his, so I might as well just burn £20 for him. If anybody is interested it was this and this.
    You don't need that person in your life.

  35. #85
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mo View Post
    Just remembered we’ve done a Secret Santa for siblings & partners and I drew my brother in law, who has no real personality. Scanning amazon for anything halfway decent and in budget. Reckon it’ll be chocolate, as he’s into cars and I’ve no clue there.

    Wife has said we’re doing a family stocking too, which was news to me.
    How about this and this?

  36. #86
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    You don't need that person in your life.
    He asked earlier if we were bothering with presents as he's "not too fussed tbh this year," so there'll be no revenge attack, which is probably for the best as I'd no doubt be left seething after getting more shit making it 2-1 to him, then I'd kick off a bit and get the usual "ALEXANDER!!!!!" as if I'm in the wrong. You know what makes things worse? A month or so before my birthday he won about £5k in some pub game. I guarantee a penny extra won't have been spent on anyone else.

  37. #87
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    How about this and this?

  38. #88
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Just landed in to work and there's a banoffee, tub of Quality Street, and two boxes of biscuits all sitting open. Thankfully I'm heading for Cork shortly or I'd have diabetes by ten o'clock.

  39. #89
    Respect the point. Byron's Avatar
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    I'm WFH today as feel like shite (as I was yesterday)

    On balance this is probably what's saving me from an early grave.

  40. #90
    Senior Member -james-'s Avatar
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    Lol at some teenagers/russian spies getting Gatwick shut down.

  41. #91
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    Broke up at lunch time today. What a fucking relief.

  42. #92
    Pretty Much Amazing Mike's Avatar
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    Finished until January 7th! Did well for presents too

  43. #93
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    How we going lads?

  44. #94
    Senior Member Pleb's Avatar
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    Off till Thursday being the madman I am

    Off to the local pub tomorrow for a roast

  45. #95
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Our Christmas Eve feast is going to be a lot quieter this year. A few have pulled out and said they'll come on Christmas day instead.

    Oh and we're doing this for Christmas day pudding:

    https://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/...-pudding-tart/

    Looks fucking amazing.

  46. #96
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Jamie Oliver is scum.

  47. #97
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    RIP in pieces turkey twizzlers.

  48. #98
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    We're doing steaks again.

  49. #99
    I used to be funny.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Jamie Oliver is scum.
    All his kids' names are recipes.

  50. #100
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    I had it in my head Christmas was today so here I am rocking up to work on Christmas Eve in yesterday’s clothes

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