Listen, IT Cunt. You lot don't know what you're doing. To you it's just a new laptop. To me, it's every system forgetting my login details, the mouse being sightly more/less responsive, having to pair my headset again. Oh, what's that, another update? Wait, why do I need 2FA to use the fucking calculator now. Oh cool, a new email, Oh, no, it's just another Phishing test.Originally Posted by Ian
Leave us alone you horrible bastards. We have actual work to do.
What colours it?
I'm a twit
I set 300 colleagues up to work from home virtually when Covid hit. Oversaw a team of 6 doing it. Worst nightmare I've ever fucking experienced. The amount of people that don't even know what a browser is is baffling so asking them to install Teams and internal systems was fucking horrendous, all via phonecall.
Spikey is definitely one of those who asks "But can it run my Facebooks" when he rings IS.
Did you not have remote admin privileges set up, DS?
I don't phone them unless it is completely unavoidable. I also have 2 A levels in ICT, tyvm ttfn livelaughlove.
Nope. I technically wasn't IS, our entire IS operation was one guy so they banged me on it as a Senior. So it was literal they get laptop delivered, me and my team ring them.and guide them.throigh downloading everything over the phone and inputting proxies etc. Took an average of one to two hours per call as half of them were Karens who wanted to talk about the weather.
Absolute fucking crapshoot.
Alright Mavis, have a cup of Ovaltine and settle the fuck down.
My brother did IT help desk for quite a while and he said that the majority of people when asked to restart their computer would turn the monitor off and on again.
When people ask me if they can disable 2FA I reset their password as a bonus for the sheer impudence.
Yep, absolutely. Luckily we're able to catch them in the lie because we can see when their computer restarts so if they lock it or just log out we can tell them to actually do what was asked of them.
At DuPont a Corporate Vice President responded with 'Whats that?' when I asked him to open the My Documents folder on his Desktop.
I spent today reminding someone to lock their PC when they left their desk. Other than that, my trainees are usually clued in enough.
Life was a revelation learning windows key + L
I'm a twit
Windows key + L is a top 5 shortcut I reckon.
Windows key + D must be a close second.
It's finally happened. Barney has handed in his notice and taken a job installing fibreoptic broadband.
Victory is mine.
I'm giving Barney the win on this one.
He has to work with the general public every day. He's definitely not winning.
Barney seems to me, at least via the portrait you have painted of him over the years, to not be well suited to anything requiring a modicum of technical skill.
They're unlikely to be French though.
Barney is the one who fell and broke his arm, right? He's going to be installing broadband? Doesn't that usually involve going up a ladder these days?
He has to go to people's houses, drill holes in their walls, splice cable together and lay it down to where they want the router. If he doesn't fall over again by day 3 I'll be shocked.
"Finally got that £44k a year you wanted? No... Oh okay."
Barney living his best life.
I've just realised he might be working with Magic and/or Henners. The victory is somewhat on the ropes.
Does he come across as handy?
I'm a twit
Is he the really old lad that Jim travels with?
Nah he is Jim's office nemesis.
Dealing with a swarm of flesh-eating ants would be better than dealing with most of the people you describe, Jimmy. Not saying Barney's in for a dream life or anything but it'll have its benefits.
I fully expect Barney to drill through a water pipe on his first day.
The Arab (fresh from a 4 week business trip to the Kingdom, rather him than me) declared that Barney is an idiot because the job isn't even on a fixed salary. You don't get assigned a job that day, you don't get paid. He's probably not wrong.
Surprised they haven't implemented that at your spot, if you don't sell anything you don't get paid.
"We've implemented a policy where any time you spend working in sunny countries is unpaid as that's basically a holiday.
Incidentally, Jimmy, please find enclosed your travel documents. We're sending you to Kenya."
Good news then that my next trip (in about a month's time) is to the opposite of a sunny country, Poland.
I mean, they're having a heatwave over there.
Has been 30c a few days lately.
Although September is usually quite cool.
The old fella taking Jim to a bar for lunch in Krakow where there is a stripper on the table
Plenty of prostitutes on the roads too for him.
Tough for you Jim. Fantastic looking women with square headed meatheaded men. No eyecandy phwoar etc.
About 40% of the boss's stories revolve around motorwayside knocking shops in the mid 90s. Probably still beats the Arab's dad, who refused a prostitute supplied for him by a customer in Egypt and lost a $100,000 order as a result.
Fun fact.
Prostitution is legal in Poland and it's the only profession in the country that isn't taxed.
And I thought a guy I know having to eat squid to avoid offense and close a deal was tough.
Barney having a massive barney about the fact he hasn't been paid any commission this month.
Probably because you handed in your notice the day before payday, you fucking moron.
Justice for Barney.
Schoolboy error from the Barnster.
Since Barney's fucking off, his one commission territory - Ireland - will soon be up for grabs. The runners and riders sweepstakes has truly begun while he's still here. First of all the two shithouse UK sales blokes (the blokes) made it clear they were each up for taking it. Then (and I'm not sure how this happened) rumours started that I would be getting it. They asked me if I wanted it. I said sure, I'd do it if asked, but happy to go with whatever the company decides. This made them seethe about as they were hoping I'd say no, but I wasn't born yesterday.
Next thing that happens is that in front of everyone, the Arab suddenly pitches to the sales director that he wants Ireland. The blokes started seething and argued that since he has Iraq, UAE and Saudi Arabia, why should he randomly get Ireland as well? The Arab claimed that he likes the Irish because they 'talk a lot', as does he.
It'll be fascinating to see which way this goes. I don't really want it, I think I'll be a bit too Trevelyan to do well over there, but the Arab attempting it in between trips to the Kingdom would be hilarious.
Please tell me you're going to say 'break a leg' to Barney as he leaves for the last time.
Surely you’d rather frequently go to Ireland than Poland.
I'm a twit
There's about five times the money in Poland.
Poland is mega you cunt.
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