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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #7401
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Shag the entire office IMO sounds the best idea. Or go nuclear like I did and escalate to the CEO.

  2. #7402
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    At least lick their arseholes.

  3. #7403
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikó View Post
    Shag the entire office IMO sounds the best idea. Or go nuclear like I did and escalate to the CEO.
    A bold and very entitled move. But if I was placing bets I’m going to say you’ll come up smelling of roses and about two levels higher in the company.

  4. #7404
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    I didn't really escalate to the CEO. In my situation, I hope I can just move into a role where my boss isn't this much of an arse and be able to do what I'm paid to do. Banking corporate titles are very flat so if I went two levels up I'd be a managing director (which is pretty much the highest other than the board).

  5. #7405
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Junior Vice President.


  6. #7406
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    I've just been lectured to by 50 year Vietnamese tax auditor about how it's super important that foreigners do the right thing in Vietnam, pay the right thing, stay on top of the law and behave respectfully and responsibly in this glorious country.

    Which is all well and good if I hadn't just handed over a couple of grand "lunch money" to him.

  7. #7407
    I used to be funny.
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    He knows what you're up to.

  8. #7408
    Senior Member igor_balis's Avatar
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    Ł2000 lunch?? Alright kiko!!

  9. #7409
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    A couple of grand [in dongs] is 7p.

  10. #7410
    I used to be funny.
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    No wonder they got rid of coins. Costs more to mint them.

  11. #7411
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niko_cee View Post
    A couple of grand [in dongs] is 7p.
    JA has small dong?

  12. #7412
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    When I had @igor_balis problem, I created the TTH knockout competition. Put some effort in and make a video WDYTOE or something.
    I'm a twit

  13. #7413
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    When I had @igor_balis problem, I created the TTH knockout competition. Put some effort in and make a video WDYTOE or something.
    Follow this advice if you want to climb the ladder as high as Baz, @igor_balis.

  14. #7414
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    I'll offer odds of 4/6 for Floyd winning the TTH knockout.

  15. #7415
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    He won the last one but is it harder to win the double?

  16. #7416
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    And more importantly, can he do it on a wet Wednesday night at Stoke?

  17. #7417
    I used to be funny.
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    An in-person TTH awards would be something. Can we get Tony Pulis to host?

  18. #7418
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Panda Bear View Post
    Follow this advice if you want to climb the ladder as high as Baz, @igor_balis.
    Oi we’re on the same team, aren’t we.
    I'm a twit

  19. #7419
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Oi we’re on the same team, aren’t we.
    I wouldn't take pot shots if we weren't.

  20. #7420
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    The two roles I've gone in for are managed by two ex colleagues (indirectly). Hopefully they don't remember that I'm a knob.

  21. #7421
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I've just had the MD legitimately moaning at me and another guy that we're putting too many orders through, and it's not leaving any warehouse capacity for others.

    Just sat there and shrugged. You employ me to work in sales, mate. Too many orders. Black is white, up is down, the Arab speaks fluent English and never makes anything needlessly dramatic. Not sure where to go from here.

  22. #7422
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    So he wants you to work less? Mega, get that in writing.

  23. #7423
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Did you not just tell him to get more warehouse staff then?

  24. #7424
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Did you not just tell him to get more warehouse staff then?
    I did, in a diplomatic way.

  25. #7425
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Rip Jimmy. Hopefully Korea will take you back.

  26. #7426
    Senior Member igor_balis's Avatar
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    I was in an hour long Teams thing earlier where two people were explaining their roles and future marketing plans (more for the benefit of two totally new starters, but I'm new to the role so I think they thought fuck it Igor can come along too).

    It wasn't an interactive thing though , just listening to the two people talk. I dunno if it's bad Teams etiquette, but I almost instantly turned my camera off. I couldn't think of anything worse than having to look attentive for an hour straight, smiling and nodding at appropriate times. Wow that's a really interesting story, nice one.

  27. #7427
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    They all thought you went for a wank.

  28. #7428
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    And probably weren’t wrong.

  29. #7429
    Senior Member igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry View Post
    They all thought you went for a wank.
    Listen, I know your experience of live video chats is probably quite different to mine, but an excruciating hour of the marketing strategies for different supporter segments is something even I can't wank to.

  30. #7430
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Phwoar.

  31. #7431
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    At the weekend I was eating with a few people, one of whose steaks was taking ages to arrive. For some reason I delivered the gag 'The chef's still waiting for the cow to finish sucking him off' and as the words left my lips, I swear to you that igor's avatar appeared to me on the restaurant wall, like that thing in Belshazzar's Feast. No one laughed, two people said: 'Erm, are you feeling ok?' and I was forced to admit that I probably wasn't.

    So, yeah, phwoar.

  32. #7432
    I used to be funny.
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    On the ropes, lad.

    First day back at work for a fortnight and it looks like the new faces have had no impact. We'll probably have overtime on at the weekend. Also I remembered all my passwords. Working late in the office on Thursday, though. I'd be mad about that but it does get me out of babysitting.

  33. #7433
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    At the weekend I was eating with a few people, one of whose steaks was taking ages to arrive. For some reason I delivered the gag 'The chef's still waiting for the cow to finish sucking him off' and as the words left my lips, I swear to you that igor's avatar appeared to me on the restaurant wall, like that thing in Belshazzar's Feast. No one laughed, two people said: 'Erm, are you feeling ok?' and I was forced to admit that I probably wasn't.

    So, yeah, phwoar.

  34. #7434
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Top Tip for Teams and Zoom and whatever else: Pretend you couldn't connect and just phone in instead.

  35. #7435
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    My laptop is docked behind my monitors, a ready made out I figured out day 1 of WFH.

  36. #7436
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    At the weekend I was eating with a few people, one of whose steaks was taking ages to arrive. For some reason I delivered the gag 'The chef's still waiting for the cow to finish sucking him off' and as the words left my lips, I swear to you that igor's avatar appeared to me on the restaurant wall, like that thing in Belshazzar's Feast. No one laughed, two people said: 'Erm, are you feeling ok?' and I was forced to admit that I probably wasn't.

    So, yeah, phwoar.


    Not just a joke not landing but people actually thinking there's something wrong with you. Beautiful.

  37. #7437
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    RIP Jimmy. Phwoar.

  38. #7438

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    A bloke at my work has just got back from holiday. He went to Iran. Didn't know it was such a tourist hotspot for white folk.

  39. #7439
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    What is he, a nuclear inspector? Gahahahahahah

  40. #7440
    I used to be funny.
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    Is he known to MI5?

  41. #7441

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    He is now. He left his personal laptop at work in case the Iranians confiscated it. I thought he must have been going because his bird was there or something, but no, he just fancied it. Peculiar fella.

  42. #7442
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Sounds like an oddball, Benidorm must have some good rates rn.

  43. #7443
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I make notes for myself for most meetings I attend, with the thought that only I’ll ever see them.

    Turns out Office 365 has been recognising the title matches the name of the meeting and sending my notes to all other attendees, cos they’re saved on a “share point.”

    Fucking hell, hopefully nothing bad comes of it. Hopefully Sam from Bolton isn’t offended by my “Sam (female, I think)” note from last week.
    I'm a twit

  44. #7444
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    The pen is mightier than the all seeing eye.

  45. #7445
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    I'd rather go to Iran than most hotspots like Turkey or Egypt. Where's your sense of adventure?

  46. #7446
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    I make notes for myself for most meetings I attend, with the thought that only I’ll ever see them.

    Turns out Office 365 has been recognising the title matches the name of the meeting and sending my notes to all other attendees, cos they’re saved on a “share point.”

    Fucking hell, hopefully nothing bad comes of it. Hopefully Sam from Bolton isn’t offended by my “Sam (female, I think)” note from last week.
    I hope that's the worst of it. I'd be on a deleting spree. Have they all been able to see your notes since the get go?

  47. #7447
    Senior Member Adamski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adamski View Post
    Yeah, I’m not too concerned about that. Just annoyed I’ve had to play the game in work for six weeks and still got a notice period to go. They’ve said it’ll be sent tomorrow now so we’ll see!
    Sorted at last. My boss was decent about it as I knew she would be.

    Someone else resigned the other week before I could so the timing overall is spectacularly awful but can’t be helped.

  48. #7448
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mo View Post
    I hope that's the worst of it. I'd be on a deleting spree. Have they all been able to see your notes since the get go?
    Presumably since we changed over to Sharepoint on 1st January.

    It's not that they can see them (I always used the public drive) its the fact that Outlook or whatever is actively sending them to everyone else from the meeting.
    I'm a twit

  49. #7449
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    This afternoon we were whisked to the local posh golf club for the old man's 'Retirement Do', i.e. just sold the company for 12 million quid celebration party. It was one of those things where pretty much every sentence in the speeches could be being said about a dead man, even though he was standing right there.

    The MD started, thanking everyone for being there and eulogising about the old man's achievements over his 60 year career. As a joke he mentioned when he had first joined the company and the old man had ticked him off for going to the pub at lunchtime. People laughed, and then someone (probably warehouse) shouted from the back: "Sounds like you've had a few too many today, mate!" It didn't really work, as the MD didn't sound drunk at all, not to mention the minor faux pas of shouting such a line at the company's managing director in front of the whole company on what was meant to be a jovial/sentimental occasion. I suppose if you're going to go out, go out with a bang.

    Anyway, after the speeches and the giving of the traditional crap retirement gift of a glass box with an engine drawn on it, it was time for the 'mingling' bit. I absolutely cannot stand mingling - I'm good to give speeches to 100+ people, but small talk with two people gives me anxiety shivers. We had been given express instructions to each go up to the old man at some point and thank him personally. Eventually I found my window to do this, and approached him to shake his hand and say thanks for the opportunity.

    "How long have you been with the company?" he asked.

    "Just over four years," I said.

    "Oh," he said. "I was there for twenty-nine years."

    And with that, he turned away and disappeared into history.

  50. #7450

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    This the same bloke who told you to stop selling so much?

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