The All New Jobs Thread

[Jimmy Floyd]

Some cracking office politics going on here atm. As keen readers of this thread will know, I've had a verbal agreement for about 18 months that I'm going to take over from the ancient South American sales manager, though have nothing in the way of concrete offers or a clear timetable for this to happen, so I'm taking it with a pinch of salt.

Meanwhile, 'the boss', who you may remember from me having gone around Spain for a week watching him leave all his food, has come under pressure from our new South African owners. They've kept him on - but it seems to be shit or get off the pot time for him in terms of driving a big increase in European sales. He phoned me this morning to issue a big dressing room rallying cry - we need to get every deal, and the ones we don't you need to send an excuse to management as to why we didn't. He's also promised to bung me even more money than he currently does (he sends me illicit monthly payments to keep me on his team) if we do well each month.

Finally, he said: "Oh, and I asked them about your South American gig". I said yeah? He said "Yeah, the intention is still for you to take over." I said well, fine, but there's no timetable, is there? This has been vaguely promised for 18 months. The boss said "Well, you know, you've got to think about your own prospects. You could turn around and say you're better off with me."

I'm now wondering who is trying to play me and why. I'm guessing the best move is just to sit tight and see what happens, as it usually is in life, but I might be in a stronger position than I thought I was.

[Ian]

Why is he paying you to stay on his team? Is that your choice?

I just assumed you'd be getting told who you're working under.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's complicated - he's not an employee but an agent who runs European territories for the company, whereas I am an employee (paid by the company). He likes that I am assigned to his accounts, so he decided to start paying me side bungs, presumably to disincentivise me from asking to move to other accounts / leaving the company / whatever. I don't quite get it - I'm competent, but I'm not sure I'm bung-worthy in comparison to others, so there must be something else going on.

It's not like he's going to blackmail me with the fact I've been accepting side-payments (since it's him who's making them), so I don't really know what he's up to.

[Baz]

That's dodgy.

[Ian]

It's not like he's going to blackmail me with the fact I've been accepting side-payments (since it's him who's making them), so I don't really know what he's up to.

I genuinely have zero idea whether there's anything questionable going on here either morally or professionally but if there was anything iffy about the payments you surely can get in as much bother (if there is any bother to be had) for accepting them?

People don't get let off for just being the one who took the bribe.

My gut reaction is that there's something deeply weird about all that but I've no idea what or how I feel about it (other than the weirdness, obviously.)

[Manc]

Are you sucking him off in the car park?

[Pepe]

Family-run operations.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The only way anyone's going to find out about them is if either he or I spill the beans, and for either of us to do so would reflect badly on the bean-spiller so it would have to be a truly desperate situation - and I don't get into desperate situations.

I just don't know why a) he feels the need to make the payments in the first place, and b) why he's now hinting he'll up them if I push back from the South American gig.

[Spikey M]

I genuinely have zero idea whether there's anything questionable going on here either morally or professionally but if there was anything iffy about the payments you surely can get in as much bother (if there is any bother to be had) for accepting them?

People don't get let off for just being the one who took the bribe.

My gut reaction is that there's something deeply weird about all that but I've no idea what or how I feel about it (other than the weirdness, obviously.)

It it's seen as bribery it can carry a prison sentence.

[Boydy]

Is he giving you these payments in cash?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bribery is in exchange for improper behaviour. I haven't done anything even approaching improper - just carried on doing my job as before.

[Pepe]

why he's now hinting he'll up them if I push back from the South American gig.

It seems to me like you basically do his job for him. Therefore, he wants you to continue doing it.

He probably saw how much he sold before you joined his team, then how much after, noticed the latter number is much larger, and figured that giving you a little extra on the side is worth it to keep you around.

[Spikey M]

Bribery is in exchange for improper behaviour. I haven't done anything even approaching improper - just carried on doing my job as before.

From what I learnt about it, Bribery law is weird and confusing as fuck. You can give gifts or certain values in certain circumstances, but if you cross a poorly defined line you're fucked. I won't pretend to be an expert and I have absolutely no idea if what you're doing would cross said line, but I'd be very careful with it.

[Pepe]

Be careful how? He either takes the money, or he doesn't. He already took it, so now what?

[Spikey M]

I have no idea, I would just be considering what I'm doing. A contractor receiving a salary from a company, then making payments to a company insider looks dodgy as sin. I've no idea what - if anything - he should do about it. I would probably have declined in the first place, but then maybe I'm just a massive mug.

[Ian]

It it's seen as bribery it can carry a prison sentence.

This, and your other post, are what I mean when I say I've just no idea if there's anything up with it or not.

I suppose if, as Jimmy says, one of them spilled the beans it'd be up to the company to decide if they wanted to accuse them of that?

I've no idea.

[Pepe]

What I am gathering is that, if it comes down to it, shoot first.

[Kikó]

Wouldn't have expected Jimmy to be the one doing time but here we are.

[Ian]

What I am gathering is that, if it comes down to it, shoot first.

You've got mixed up with the relationships thread mate.

[Ben]

I just re-read the Prison Thread in the archives the other day. Quite enjoyed it, so am happy we might get a sequel.

[Ian]

Jimmy would just end up turning it into an inspirational story where he finds redemption by captaining the prison cricket team or something, and teaching the inmates something about sportsmanship, teamwork, fair play and The Spirit of the Game along the way.

[Spikey M]

He will teach his cellmate - played by Nicholas Cage in the Movie - to read, too.

Jimmy will be played by a bald Martin Freeman, of course.

[niko_cee]

Becoming 'The Boss's' protege sounds a more appealing prospect than the South American gig, which just sees you kidnapped by organised crime or as a political prisoner when whichever military junta takes over wherever you happen to end up stationed.

[Pepe]

He will teach his cellmate - played by Nicholas Cage in the Movie - to read, too.

Jimmy will be played by a bald Martin Freeman, of course.

*Morgan

[Ian]

Why not both? Martin Freeman to play current Jimmy, Morgan Freeman to play fictionalised future Jimmy looking back on it.

And if anybody points out the obvious we just call them racist.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Becoming 'The Boss's' protege sounds a more appealing prospect than the South American gig, which just sees you kidnapped by organised crime or as a political prisoner when whichever military junta takes over wherever you happen to end up stationed.

This is the sort of insight I need, not veiled threats of prison from Essex bailiffs.

I did take advice from some wise old owls when he gave me the first envelope, and they all said take the money.

[Pepe]

I disagree. If you go to South America, you become 'The Boss' yourself. You can them bribe some latinos to be your proteges.

[Spikey M]

I don't think even the Drug Lords of Columbia would take on a hardened criminal like Jimmy.

[Lewis]

Your boss sounds like the sort of person new/sensible owners will smoke out sooner rather than later, so overtly throwing your lot in with him probably isn't that wise a move.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Can the movie explore the South America gig AND the prison story?

[Spikey M]

I've got the guy that played Dennis Nedry penciled in to play Jimmy's boss. We'll have to stick with Joe Pesci for all South American gangsters. It's tradition.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Your boss sounds like the sort of person new/sensible owners will smoke out sooner rather than later, so overtly throwing your lot in with him probably isn't that wise a move.

There is that, but then he also makes them two and a half million a year, so...

I think my best bet is to hang tough and if he gets the bullet I'll be well placed to inherit some of his empire, rather than the South American guy's raggedy kingdom. If nothing happens I'll probably just leave in a year's time anyway.

[niko_cee]

I've got the guy that played Dennis Nedry penciled in to play Jimmy's boss. We'll have to stick with Joe Pesci for all South American gangsters. It's tradition.

For me he's more of a Gene Hunt, but maybe fatter and more sanguine through years of [not] eating in the med.

[SvN]

What makes you so sure he won't hang you out to dry if he gets the bullet?

[niko_cee]

What makes you so sure he won't hang you out to dry if he gets the bullet?

Why would he?

[Jimmy Floyd]

The boss is Ray Winstone meets Bob Hoskins.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Bob Hoskins would be a dream. Wouldn't even hurt the budget too much.

[Spoonsky]

Your boss sounds like the sort of person new/sensible owners will smoke out sooner rather than later, so overtly throwing your lot in with him probably isn't that wise a move.

This is good advice for Jimmy, bad advice for the the board (and the Movie).

[Lewis]

Jamie Foreman as the boss, some bald lad who works cheap as Floyd.

[niko_cee]

The boss is Ray Winstone meets Bob Hoskins.

So are we looking at Sexy Beast II or more of a Long Good Friday feel to the film?

[Jimmy Floyd]

So are we looking at Sexy Beast II or more of a Long Good Friday feel to the film?

What I'm looking for is someone who can contribute to what England has to offer. A little bit more than biltong, you know what I mean?

[Giggles]

Why would he?

Because he can and has zero to lose.

[Spikey M]

So are we looking at Sexy Beast II or more of a Long Good Friday feel to the film?

A Long Bad First-day.

[Lofty]

You reckon they'll let you post from prison, Jim?

[Shindig]

Becoming 'The Boss's' protege sounds a more appealing prospect than the South American gig, which just sees you kidnapped by organised crime or as a political prisoner when whichever military junta takes over wherever you happen to end up stationed.

But it means more uneaten meals and Spanish conversations.

[Panda Bear]

This is the sort of insight I need, not veiled threats of prison from Essex bailiffs.

I did take advice from some wise old owls when he gave me the first envelope, and they all said take the money.

I want to hear the wisdom credentials of these owls.

[Panda Bear]

There is that, but then he also makes them two and a half million a year, so...

I think my best bet is to hang tough and if he gets the bullet I'll be well placed to inherit some of his empire, rather than the South American guy's raggedy kingdom. If nothing happens I'll probably just leave in a year's time anyway.

Are you willing to realpolitik and 'kill' the old man if need be?

[Spikey M]

You mean "disappear"?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Are you willing to realpolitik and 'kill' the old man if need be?

I can't imagine any scenario in which that will be necessary.

[Spikey M]

This film is going to be shit unless you pull your finger out.