The All New Jobs Thread

[Jimmy Floyd]

Obviously within minutes of being the only one left again, I discovered a fuck up made by my colleagues, a Welsh customer had made an order two days ago and no one had had it sent out. The Welshman called and I told him what had happened. He sounded physically sick. I apologised and said I didn't really know any more about why the fuck-up had occurred, as everyone responsible was now off sick. He rang off.

Ten seconds later, the phone rings again. It's another Welshman, the owner of the company. I WANT TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE WITH AUTHORITY, he said. I said I wish I could arrange that but I'm the only one left. He said WHY WASN'T MY ORDER SENT. I said I'm not 100% sure as the person has gone now, but my apologies, it looks like they've just made an error.

THIS IS DISGUSTING, he said. I said I agree, it is disgusting. He said WHY WASN'T IT SENT. I said look, they've just made an arse of it. These things happens. He says IT MUST ARRIVE TODAY. I said it's not going to arrive today, it hasn't even left here yet. He said MAKE IT HAPPEN and slammed the phone down.

Phoned a magic carpet service in Newport, unfortunately they're fully booked until the new year.

[Yevrah]

Making soft shite gammons shit themselves over missing their dry turkey meat is more effective than explosives tied around our waist in this day and age.

That really got me.

And Jim, that is utterly ridiculous.

[Spikey M]

Obviously within minutes of being the only one left again, I discovered a fuck up made by my colleagues, a Welsh customer had made an order two days ago and no one had had it sent out. The Welshman called and I told him what had happened. He sounded physically sick. I apologised and said I didn't really know any more about why the fuck-up had occurred, as everyone responsible was now off sick. He rang off.

Ten seconds later, the phone rings again. It's another Welshman, the owner of the company. I WANT TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE WITH AUTHORITY, he said. I said I wish I could arrange that but I'm the only one left. He said WHY WASN'T MY ORDER SENT. I said I'm not 100% sure as the person has gone now, but my apologies, it looks like they've just made an error.

THIS IS DISGUSTING, he said. I said I agree, it is disgusting. He said WHY WASN'T IT SENT. I said look, they've just made an arse of it. These things happens. He says IT MUST ARRIVE TODAY. I said it's not going to arrive today, it hasn't even left here yet. He said MAKE IT HAPPEN and slammed the phone down.

Phoned a magic carpet service in Newport, unfortunately they're fully booked until the new year.

I watched Stephen Merchants "Click and Collect" the other day. Ring your man back and tell him that we have not just a solution, but an adventure. A Christmas Advinture.

[Ian]

He said MAKE IT HAPPEN

I love these.

As if the magic words will actually achieve anything.

[Giggles]

That’s when you tell them you forgot to pack your magic wand this morning.

[Disco]

I had someone yesterday (who's delivery had been delayed) claim that couriers vehicles don't break down.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ah yes, the famously indestructible DHL straight six engine.

The worst thing about what's been an already terrible day is that when I get home I have to listen to the rest of Jacques Villeneuve's album.

[Ian]

You have to do what, now?

[Jimmy Floyd]

My agreed forfeit for having had inferior F1 season predictions to Disco is that I have to review said album.

[Disco]

I'd have accepted a one line review but I respect the commitment. We can rig it shamelessly in your favour next time if you like.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The covid melt in the next room has finally lost his fucking mind. First of all he rang me this morning asking if I've complained to management about why we're still here. I said we've been here for two years, what makes you think it's going to change now. He said it's ridiculous, this variant could kill people. I said OK, fine, if you have a problem then speak to them, but I'm just chilling. He didn't like this attitude.

Half an hour later he rang me again. He said could I put the company stamp on the stairs for him. I said why do you want it on the stairs? He said I want to leave it five minutes after you've brought it so that the viral particles have had time to dissipate. So rather than him coming 15 yards into the room to get the company stamp, I took the stamp out into the lobby, put it on the stairs, rang him to tell him I'd done it, and then he waited five minutes and went and picked it up, used it to stamp a single quote, put it back on the stairs, then rang me to tell me I could go and pick it up.

Heads have gone.

[Spikey M]

love it.

[Spikey M]

My will to work is non-existent today. I've done basically nothing. These next few days need to fuck off pronto.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm with you on that. Got 22 emails pending. Customers screaming down the phone for deliveries. Not interested. I've done my bit this year. You should all have been better organised.

[Boydy]

I've got my feet up on the sofa with a cup of tea and a box of chocolates from the hamper work sent me. Just finished off my christmas shopping online.

[Baz]

I've got my feet up on the sofa with a cup of tea and a box of chocolates from the hamper work sent me. Just finished off my christmas shopping online.

I spent all morning chatting on MSN Teams to the "i cannot bear my life anymore" monday morning right on time girl, while polishing off some invoices (down to 15 outstanding now which is unheard of since the dawn of time) and then finished wrapping presents.

[Boydy]

I should be clear - I'm off, I'm not doing this on work time. Although tbh I doubt anyone would care if I did.

[Manc]

I'm finishing on Friday for two weeks. I know this, my manager knows this, and her manager knows this. As of immediately they have decided the rest of the week will be best served by me taking on an entirely new project. Fuck. My. Life.

[Spikey M]

I've just had to sit through an eviction panel with Social Services, and had a weeping tenant shouting repeatedly that they "can't be arsed with the agg. Just fucking evict me!" Then, upon being told we were hoping to get help in place because we don't want to evict her she replied "I can't believe you want to evict a single mother at Christmas".

We're not even close to eviction. She just had a warning letter and panicked to her "support worker". Just let the gas man in to sort the boiler and the plumber in to sort the pipe that's pissing into the communal area downstairs.

I just want a Selection Box and Wallace and Grommit, leave me alone you mountain of cunts.

[Spikey M]

Oh for fuck sake. I can't do this.

I'm helping someone make a claim for something and need evidence that the operation they've had means they can't work. I was expecting a doctors note, but no, I've just received 3 photos of her freshly stitched armpit wound.

I'm opening the Roses. Is Wallace and Grommit on iPlayer?

[Jimmy Floyd]

The useless cunt working from home just sent me a Teams message asking if I'm alright, because I've 'seemed stressed lately'.

Will send a reply in about 4 hours' time once I've stopped laughing.

[Manc]

Any hole is a goal.

[Ian]

Oh for fuck sake. I can't do this.

I'm helping someone make a claim for something and need evidence that the operation they've had means they can't work. I was expecting a doctors note, but no, I've just received 3 photos of her freshly stitched armpit wound.

I'm opening the Roses. Is Wallace and Grommit on iPlayer?

Oh no.

More importantly - what's your favourite Wallace and Gromit?

[Baz]

Grand Day Out. The rest care too much.

[Ian]

I think I would tend to go for The Wrong Trousers but they're all good. Other than the bread one, that was pretty meh.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I like A Close Shave as a film, but the penguin in Wrong Trousers is probably the most terrifying villain in the history of moving pictures.

[Ian]

And Feathers McGraw is a cracking name, not least because it could also be the name of a 1980s pro wrestler.

[Lewis]

The train scene in Wrong Trousers is the best chase in any sort of film.

[Spikey M]

Oh no.

More importantly - what's your favourite Wallace and Gromit?

The Wrong Trousers, but I will watch them all over the next week. Top tier TV.

[mo]

I think I would tend to go for The Wrong Trousers but they're all good. Other than the bread one, that was pretty meh.

Lots of top Wallace and Gromit opinions here, but have the decency to refer to 'the bread one' by its proper name - A Matter of Loaf and Death

[Ian]

That was it, I couldn't remember. Sticks in the memory less because a) everything sticks in my memory less these days and b) I've only seen it once.

A Matter of Loaf and Death is still comfortably the weakest of the lot.

[mo]

Yeah it was my daughter's favourite for a while, hence my remembering it. Wrong Trousers is clearly king though.

[randomlegend]

This bit with the football is one of my favourite things in anything ever.

[Baz]

Baz, can I have an update on the major babe? Have you spoken to her? become friends? is she still a babe?

She has left the team.

Apparently it was too fast paced for her.

[Ian]

Probably too knackered from all the shagging amirite?

Phwoar!

[Ian]

I don't think I've seen Quincy post in weeks, actually, so he might not even see that. Fuck's sake.

[Spikey M]

Please don't objectify our sisters.

[Ian]

I'm suggesting she simply has a healthy, fulfilling sex life.

Women are allowed those too, granddad.

Toggle Spoiler

Or maybe she's just already sick of hearing about Baz's spreadsheets, I dunno.

[Lewis]

Please don't objectify our sisters.

He looks like he's watching a woman balls up a simple task.

[Yevrah]

The internet reckons Simon Pegg's Net Worth is $25m. How on earth is it so low?

[Jimmy Floyd]

He burns it all on smashed avocado and lattes.

[Lofty]

Didn't Joss Whedon wear one of those shirts and then call Gal Gadot a splitarse?

[Baz]

I'm suggesting she simply has a healthy, fulfilling sex life.

Women are allowed those too, granddad.

Toggle Spoiler

Or maybe she's just already sick of hearing about Baz's spreadsheets, I dunno.

I've never interacted with her. That'll be it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Had a teams video call just now with the 79 year old man in Mexico. He noticed that the new girl in shipping had emailed him with something. Let's call her Betty.

'Eh up, who's this Betty?' he asks me. Oh, I say, she works in shipping now. Replaced Emma, who left. 'Oh right,' he says. 'Is she good looking?' Now as you'll understand, this line of questioning fills me with deep-seated panic. I said 'John, I couldn't possibly comment'. John said: 'Oh, couldn't you?' I said no, John, I couldn't, especially not when she's sat ten yards away.

I hate people.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You should have just responded with "Phwoar".

[Giggles]

The old fist in the elbow was needed there.

[Manc]

There's life in the old dog yet.

[Baz]

Is she good looking?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I couldn't possibly comment.

[Adramelch]

So one of the letters that was e-mailed to us today had a link that was a good five lines long. I tried to click on the link to check some data only to realise that they sent a scanned copy.