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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #6751
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    My favourite old colleague at the bank went with "do you like marvel" as an opening salvo, then when I said no, proceeded to show me photos of his "man cave" packed with action figures and posters and shit anyway, I admired his refusal to change his predetermined conversation. He was obsessed with cricket, football and NFL though so maybe I'd look back on that moment less fondly if he'd continued to talk at me about iron man for the next four years.

  2. #6752
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    My work colleagues peaked when I discovered the production chemist “chemical Dave” also spent his weekends putting on hopeless £2.50 football accumulators.

    Those Monday mornings talking about how Rotherham or Hull had fucked us out of £200 were bliss.

    Some absolute nerds work in engineering though, as you can imagine. I used to spend every graduate event I attended working my way round asking everyone who their team was until someone actually answered. Found a Man City season ticket holder no less. But the amount of drivel I listened to about skiing or cycling was not worth it.

  3. #6753
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Our office football chat was alright between me, the one normal Evertonian (probably helps that he isn't Scouse), and the POMPEY BOYS. Now we've got an annoying West Ham fan who says things like 'Chelski' and pretends he thinks Rio Ferdinand and Frank Lampard were shit.

  4. #6754
    I used to be funny.
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    The bloke that exclusively talked to me about games was a bit much. He didn't have much conversation outside that and sounded like he was one bad answer away from walking into the sea.

  5. #6755
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I normally just pretend I don’t watch something, even if I do, so I don’t have to engage.

  6. #6756
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Oh yeah, I forgot that the MD always tries to talk to me about cricket as he knows I like it (even though I literally never bring it up). He knows nothing but he's one of those wankers who reckons he can hold court on any topic. 'How about that England wicket, then!' Fuck off, mate.

  7. #6757
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Everyone on my team is into football, thankfully our latest addition is too aswell as loving snooker. It's a good mix too, obviously I support Arsenal due to being groomed into it as a toddler then we have a scouse Liverpool fan, a scouse Everton fan, the new lad supports Blackburn.

    The senior team member however makes us all look plastic having been to over 500 away games following Leeds and only needing to visit 8 grounds to check off watching Leeds play at the current complete set of Football League grounds (he used a day's holiday to attend their friendly against Forest Green, purely for this purpose). Used to get a good laugh out of him going to Cardiff away on a week night only to see them lose 3-0 and not get back home until 2am due to being boxed into his parking spot, then rolling into the office at 9am like he had been licking piss off a nettle for breakfast.

  8. #6758
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    I normally just pretend I don’t watch something, even if I do, so I don’t have to engage.
    This is the best way.
    I'm a twit

  9. #6759
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Day two of my exile and the old team are already asking for my help. How do I politely tell them to lick my balls?

  10. #6760
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    I normally just pretend I don’t watch something, even if I do, so I don’t have to engage.
    The worst thing - possibly in the world - is when someone talks to you about something they have no idea about. Women during a World Cup being the prime example.

  11. #6761
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    There's one lad in work keeps asking me about brewing just to annoy me about something so I always say I don't do it any more. Even though he has a face on him every time I bring in some samples for a couple of other lads, he never has the minerals to call me out on it the next time I say I don't

  12. #6762
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    There's one lad in work keeps asking me about brewing just to annoy me about something so I always say I don't do it any more. Even though he has a face on him every time I bring in some samples for a couple of other lads, he never has the minerals to call me out on it the next time I say I don't
    Why don’t you like him? Seems a bit snide.
    I'm a twit

  13. #6763
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    I've got a lad in work who still opens conversations to me with "Hi mate!" and attempts small talk despite the fact that about two years ago I did the ultimate rookie error and described him as a lazy timewaster in a chat to him when I got my IM tabs mixed up and didn't notice until I'd hit enter.

  14. #6764
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    brutal.

    What did he reply? Or did you pass it off with a quick haha so it could be confused for a joke?

  15. #6765
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Why don’t you like him? Seems a bit snide.
    All he wants to do is engage so he can lead up so saying something smartarsed, so I just cut him off before he gets the chance.

    Anyway, it's up to me who I talk to and don't regardless.

  16. #6766
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    The honour is all mine.
    I'm a twit

  17. #6767
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    brutal.

    What did he reply? Or did you pass it off with a quick haha so it could be confused for a joke?
    Oh no, I very pointedly apologised for sending it to him but did not apologise to what I'd actually said. The guy is an absolute willy so I decided if I was going to make an arse of myself I may as well get something out of it by way of him not speaking to be any more. Sadly I underestimated his complete lack of spine and he now acts like it never happened.

    I can't remember exactly what he said in reply, I think it was 'Thanks, good to know' or something like that. I said it was a cunt move to send it to him but as above, not for what I'd actually said. There was then a pause and he asked why don't I like him and rather than list his many personality flaws (he's a compulsive liar, a creepy bastard, workshy, a bigot, the list goes on) I just said sometimes you just don't get on with people and that was that for the day.

    But yeah, now it's like he wants to be mates again. I'm not sure if he just has no self respect or if he thinks that eventually I will cave out of awkwardness.
    Last edited by Ian; 18-01-2022 at 09:42 AM.

  18. #6768
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Send him another message saying "fuck sake, he keeps talking to me." And include a made up flaw, like "do you think he knows his breath is that bad?" or something.

  19. #6769
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    There's enough real stuff I could use if I was going that route. Like the original Banksy artwork he claims to have in his hallway or any number of other easily disproven lies he's told.

    It's not like he somehow doesn't know I don't like him either as he asked one of the other guys about it one day.

  20. #6770
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Years ago, in my first job out of uni, my boss told me a story on a night out about an incident that happened between colleagues that I was totally unaware of.

    There was a woman in her 30s who worked on reception who regularly used to wear ridiculously low cut tops (probably to distract from her pretty average face). I'd go as far as saying she dressed completely inappropriately for work, and was braless half of the time as well, so you'd regularly see a hint of nip. Whenever a visitor came to the building, you'd always see the double take and shock at the fact that a pair of tits was staring back at them.

    Anyway, he told me that a few years previously, she'd put in a complaint about a junior member of staff because he IMed her accidentally saying "Have you seen them today? Hanging out completely." She asked him what he meant, and he deleted the message and just ignored her. She went ballistic, went to the boss, and he managed to get her to accept an apology from the guy.

    The funniest thing about it all? The message was actually meant for my boss .

  21. #6771
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Pics?

  22. #6772
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Just google 'breasts' and click on the 'images' section.

    Never done it but I'm told they've got some good stuff.

  23. #6773
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Can confirm.

    My boss sent me two cunty messages yesterday as I changed my work from home day in the morning on the HR system. Considering I hadn't been logged in for three weeks it could have been taken as my first opportunity but instead she made a song and dance about "I'm not sure what HR policies are like in England but they're more serious here" and when I offered to come in as I live 5 minutes away said she "doesn't like the yo-yoing" and "it's not professional."

    I've basically said fuck all to her all day in the office so what a fucking waste of time that is.

  24. #6774
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    The backlash begins

    They may have been too soft to join in on the battles on our streets for our freedoms but rest assured they won't sit by and be made to commute without spilling blood.

  25. #6775
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Found out today I was successful in the two stage interview process for the other job

    It's about 4k more, but cus I'm now deemed capable of paying back more than about 50p a year on my student loan etc I'm only £200 a month better off. Still chuffed though. After ten years of full time employment it's the first time I've been promoted internally rather than sacking off a job to make a sideways move to somewhere else, which I was starting to worry may never happen.

  26. #6776
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Nice one. How long do you plan to leave it before going mad with power if you get this?

  27. #6777
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    Nice one. How long do you plan to leave it before going mad with power if you get this?
    Oh I've definitely gotten the job, maybe I wasn't clear. Unfortunately there's no power to go mad with, I've not been promoted to a supervisory or managerial role, it's just my current admin div role is a D grade, and the new one is still the most junior in the team I'm moving to, it's just deemed a proper enough role to be a C grade.

  28. #6778
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Ah I wasn't sure if there's another stage.

    Still, that's a bonus. The power to go mad with can come later.

  29. #6779
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    A real man would go mad without the power.

    (Congrats).

  30. #6780
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    Ever try going mad without power? It's boring. No one listens to you.

  31. #6781
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    After eight months of not teaching, I am finally back at it tomorrow. I started preparing the course this morning. Changed the dates on the syllabus, reviewed my notes. Done in an hour. My motivation is non-existent.

  32. #6782
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danny View Post
    Ever try going mad without power? It's boring. No one listens to you.
    You don't get many quotes from the movie. Good work.

  33. #6783
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Left my ‘never away on teams’ macro spreadsheet running and must have accidentally clicked outlook as I wandered off and it’s slowly gone down my emails one by one, marking every single one of them as read, including the ~40 I’d purposely left historically unread as I needed to eventually sort them out.

    Fucked it.
    I'm a twit

  34. #6784
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Hoisted by your own petard.

  35. #6785
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    40 unread emails? I couldn't sleep.

  36. #6786
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    47% of my work told the people survey that they have been 'bullied or harassed'. I think it's down to 1) barely anyone filling it in; and 2) the people that did fill it in being more likely to take being told they're wrong about something personally. Whatever the reason, people are coming in to talk to us about it lol.

  37. #6787
    I used to be funny.
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    Ah, the Great Place to Work Survey. "When we refer to management, we mean your immediate line manager. Not some imagined goblin who is perceived to the be source of your problems."

  38. #6788
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Someone didn’t come to a meeting today, saying she had to attend a different one instead. I was also invited to the other, but I don’t think she knew.

    This meant I had to chair the first meeting, which I didn’t mind cos I breeze through and get half an hour back, usually, and was the case today. I then joined the other meeting just to show my face and say hello, and she hasn’t even attended it, so I had to provide our local update too.

    Same woman also told me she’s had an afternoon nap most days since working from home so she’s the real WFH Champion here, credit where it’s due she’s played a blinder.
    I'm a twit

  39. #6789
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Telling both meetings that she is attending the other one, what a don.

  40. #6790
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    The Apathy Champion.

  41. #6791
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    How are you going to "accidentally" let this slip, Baz?

  42. #6792
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    How are you going to "accidentally" let this slip, Baz?
    He's already fired off emails to most of the managers.

  43. #6793
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    How are you going to "accidentally" let this slip, Baz?
    I don’t know where my reputation as a whistle blower has come from. I literally do my best to avoid all contact with anyone senior.
    I'm a twit

  44. #6794
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Day three of my new surroundings and I've had to deliver a big uncomfortable NO to the new manager. Ugh.

  45. #6795
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manc View Post
    Day three of my new surroundings and I've had to deliver a big uncomfortable NO to the new manager. Ugh.
    Did you want us to ask you about this?

  46. #6796
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Just a moan. Doesn't read back very well. Can confirm I've not been raped.

  47. #6797
    I used to be funny.
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    I'm going to be back in the office training the agency staff. Looks like I have a couple of weeks before that kicks in.

  48. #6798
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Our office hasn't even been restocked for printer paper or blue roll, the heating has been turned off and my line manager has gone off on presumably long term sick. Never going back, lads

  49. #6799
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    That's me done for the week. Couldn't have gone slower.

  50. #6800
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    The South Africans are flying in on Monday, and the rumour mill is properly churning. The Boss just rang me up and told me that he might be 'sailing off into the sunset', while another guy told me over a garlic chicken lunch that his own contract was 'under review' but that I had nothing to worry about.

    Can't wait for the Supreme Laager of Justice to roll into town next week.

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