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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #4951
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    One of them asked if I'd received 'recognition' for 'sticking it out'. I just lolled. The answer's yes.

  2. #4952
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    No recognition for sticking it out in my spot, I could've stayed in Ops chain eating takeaways whilst shielding at home on full money and no work.

  3. #4953
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I’ll have you know, those of us fighting the good fight at home are also sticking it out.
    I'm a twit

  4. #4954
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    I’ll have you know, those of us fighting the good fight at home are also sticking it out.
    Working from home and protecting the NHS. One day we will get the recognition we deserve.

  5. #4955
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Return to the office. Protect our Pret.

  6. #4956
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Absolutely no idea when I'm due back. @Don

  7. #4957
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    You can laugh all you like at Pret and its stupid overpriced sandwiches, and pots of granola that cost three quid, but their young, diverse workforce won't be 'working from home' any time soon. I suppose you could redeploy them all on Deliveroo mopeds and really crush their dreams while still bringing the middle class the disappointing food they need.

  8. #4958
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Mock Pret? Never.

    In fact I'm going to start a campaign that we clap for Pret.

    11.37 every morning so the time of the tribute matches the price of one of their bacon brioches.

  9. #4959
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I don’t even really know what Pret is. I’m only presuming it’s that Pret A Manger place but I’ve never been to one and don’t know what they even sell. Is it just like Costa?
    I'm a twit

  10. #4960
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Adapt or die bishes. #Capitalism

  11. #4961
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Isn't aware of Pret, doesn't wank in his loft. Give up.

  12. #4962
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Yeah, no sign of a full return yet. I suspect it will come closer to winter. Lunches out in a sunny packed London square full of tings everywhere, it's days like this that we really need to mourn over.

  13. #4963
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I would be disappointed in Pret if they'd gone anywhere near St Helens. I think the map of their outlets scans directly onto the Remain voting map.

  14. #4964
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I love a Pret.

  15. #4965
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Be gone scrounger.

  16. #4966
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Full office back today seems mental. None of the guidence changes indicate that working situations should change at all.

  17. #4967
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Self made men are above the guidance. If you've made a few million and employ 60 odd people then why should you give a fuck what the government say.

    Same reason they all dodge tax, I think.

  18. #4968
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    Full office back today seems mental. None of the guidence changes indicate that working situations should change at all.
    My wife's spot has had a full office since the end of last summer.

  19. #4969
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    When I went back to Liverpool for graduation my mum and her weird boyfriend came. I obviously went out and got smashed with the handful of mates I'd made, and was desperate for a disgusting fry up the next morning, and DAVE insisted on us going to pret. Vivid memories of sitting on some bench pecking at a pastrami on rye as I tried not to shit myself.

  20. #4970
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I just took a call for a colleague that's off sick and I hope he's fucking terminal because it's ruined my week.

    His tenant moved into one of our properties at the start of March but hasn't been able to get her stuff moved from her old property because she's shielding and can't have a load of removal men around her. She's now "spitting with rage" because the council won't pay both lots of rent for her and there's "nothing she can do about it".

    Well, you could have thought about that beforehand... and you could have waited for there not to be a pandemic on... and you could just sit in the garden while they move your stuff in... but yeah, other than that you're blameless.

    Fuck me.

  21. #4971
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Isn't shielding over now?

  22. #4972
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc...mp/uk-56584380

    Today apparently. Not that it will make any difference to her.

  23. #4973
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    My Sister moved whilst shielding. She'd either be in a different room or outside in the car when the movers were around.

  24. #4974
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I suspect the difference here is that your sister is willing to shoulder some of the inconvenience in an inconvenient, but necessary situation.

  25. #4975
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Reminds me of a friend of mine that complained it was impossible to lose weight. Told him to start with small changes that make a difference, such a cutting down drinking, using low fat marge instead of butter, eating fruit instead of biscuits/crisps as a snack, etc.

    "But I like them."

    Oh, alright then, as you were.

  26. #4976
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Bloody fat people.

  27. #4977
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Fruit's a fucking con tbf. Bought some apples recently thinking they'd be a healthy snack but they're like 70 calories for a small apple.

  28. #4978
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Nobody in the history of time got fat on apples.

  29. #4979
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Your mistake there is thinking calories aren't a con.

  30. #4980
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    The hard part is just finding good quality fruit/veg. Supermarkets should have to pay a fine for every bit of manky produce found. Even Waitrose over here has been a shambles recently with manky fruit everywhere. Give me Aldi any day of the week.

  31. #4981
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    70 calories is nothing, right? My sandwich at lunch (BLT) had 561. I'd have to gorge myself on 8 juicy Braeburns to reach that number.

  32. #4982
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    70 is fuck all. Doesn't the average human burn over 2,000 a day sat on their arse?

  33. #4983
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    2500 for a man, 2000 for a woman if I recall.

    1200 for a Boydy.

  34. #4984
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    Reminds me of a friend of mine that complained it was impossible to lose weight. Told him to start with small changes that make a difference, such a cutting down drinking, using low fat marge instead of butter, eating fruit instead of biscuits/crisps as a snack, etc.

    "But I like them."

    Oh, alright then, as you were.
    It's possibly I've told this story before but a guy we went to uni with one day came with us to the union for lunch. Had the sort of stodgy fare that was usually on offer. So for the sake of argument like lasagne with potatoes or steak pie and chips or whatever. He had a big helping of pudding which was usually some sort of sweet pie or cake with cream/custard/ice cream, and was washing this down with a bottle of Irn Bru.

    He then went back and got himself an apple and we asked why after all that he was also having an apple. "Well, I'm starting a diet" came the response.

    Turned out he genuinely thought you just added fruit to whatever you normally eat rather than actually replacing something with fruit.

  35. #4985
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    That's like the girl I used to work with that pretended she thought the moon was just the sun at night time. I say pretended, because there's no way she actually thought that. For some reason, some people just think it's cool to be thick.

    That has to be the case here. Nobody could possibly believe that's how it works.

  36. #4986
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Did any of you ask her how eclipses were supposed to work?

  37. #4987
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Sorry... Lasagne AND potatoes?

  38. #4988
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    Did any of you ask her how eclipses were supposed to work?
    That's how she "found out". People were talking about when the next eclipse was, she pretended she didn't know what one was and then pretended to think the sun and the moon were the same thing.

    The office had a book of "Choeism's" where they collated all the totes hillair things she used to say.

    I hated that cunt.

  39. #4989
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    I can't say I've ever encountered somebody doing stupidity for attention to quite that extent (well, not in real life anyway) but it's impossible to believe she'd really got to whatever age she was still thinking that.

  40. #4990
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    I can't say I've ever encountered somebody doing stupidity for attention to quite that extent (well, not in real life anyway) but it's impossible to believe she'd really got to whatever age she was still thinking that.
    Indeed. Other "CLASSICS" include "are there different types of Cow like there's different types of fish?" then pretending not to understand the difference between a "breed" and a species.

    And

    Wondering how they baked crustless bread.

  41. #4991
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    https://www.theguardian.com/business...g-covid-crisis

    First credible mention of VR headsets I've seen. All is on track.

  42. #4992
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    Reminds me of a friend of mine that complained it was impossible to lose weight. Told him to start with small changes that make a difference, such a cutting down drinking, using low fat marge instead of butter, eating fruit instead of biscuits/crisps as a snack, etc.

    "But I like them."

    Oh, alright then, as you were.
    Were you testing him before letting him in on the slimline Pizza Express pizzas?

  43. #4993
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    70 calories is nothing, right? My sandwich at lunch (BLT) had 561. I'd have to gorge myself on 8 juicy Braeburns to reach that number.
    Quote Originally Posted by Yevrah View Post
    70 is fuck all. Doesn't the average human burn over 2,000 a day sat on their arse?
    Yeah but you can have some bags of crisps for about 90 so fuck apples.

  44. #4994
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Yeah I mean when counting calories, it's more about doing things like picking the 250 calorie 'lighter' egg and cress depression sandwich over the blt, and not drinking alcohol and other shit things like that than pissing about with what snack you have.

    Much more effective to be generally strict with portion sizes at dinner and the main bits of your meals. When I lost a bazillion stone a few years ago I found letting myself have a chocolate bar and a bag of crisps or a few pints when I fancied it made it a lot easier to stay motivated having cous cous every day for lunch, and having 75g of pasta instead of 100g etc is a piece of piss anyway.

  45. #4995
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    I want the most bang for my buck with every calorie I have.

    Fuck apples.

  46. #4996
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Yeah that's bollocks, she sounds thicker than our fit grad girl from a while back who was genuinely an idiot coasting on her attractiveness. She once took a call and decided to spell something using phonetics for clarity, except she didn't know phonetics (literally a daily usage in our industry, a tested requirement in some roles) so just freestyled it, much to the amusement of those around her. N for Netflix and S for Simpsons were highlights.

  47. #4997
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I panicked and did M for Motel once. A low point.

  48. #4998
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    I can top that I reckon. I did N for Nike when on the phone to the bank. Though I suppose that was at least a personal call. Was M for Motel for personal or work reasons?

  49. #4999
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Work, to a customer. I corrected myself to Margaret. It's a bad letter.

    I just tried to read them all out from memory, A-F fine, then for G I went Gangrene. What is going on?

  50. #5000
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Gangrene.

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