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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #6451
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gray Fox View Post
    You're much better off Googling your local community centre or whatnot, then calling them yourself to see if they need any help. Tories don't give a fuck for these people.
    I assumed this. I just stopped in on my way to Waitrose to see what the public services of the country were like a decade and a half into this great parties reign.

  2. #6452
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Nobody has ever been to the job centre and then to Waitrose in the same day
    I'm a twit

  3. #6453
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    There's a fair chance the staff have.

  4. #6454
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Nobody has ever been to the job centre and then to Waitrose in the same day
    I’m an enigma.

  5. #6455
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Nobody has ever been to the job centre and then to Waitrose in the same day
    Probably have on the rob.

  6. #6456
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Of the twelve occasions I've been requested to work from the office, I've only shown my face on three occasions. The seeth from the wider team is superb. Hopefully Bojo gives the WFH order today whilst they cry into thier meal deals.

  7. #6457
    I used to be funny.
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    Has that got any chance to catch up to you?

  8. #6458
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Nope. I'm surprised more people haven't tried it on tbh. My manager hasn't even completed her induction.

  9. #6459
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Some of us have a sense of togetherness and respect for our peers.

  10. #6460
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Poor fuckers. Must be terrible.

  11. #6461
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Christmas Party postponed

    Amazingly, we won't lose a penny - we'll reschedule for the new year.

  12. #6462
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Ours was rearranged to a better spot and the two I couldn’t listen to all night aren’t going but I wasn’t asked to the new one

  13. #6463
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Ours was rearranged to a better spot and the two I couldn’t listen to all night aren’t going but I wasn’t asked to the new one
    Why would you have to be formally re-invited to the new one when it's merely been rescheduled? It doesn't make sense that you would be uninvited.

  14. #6464
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Presumably he’d declined the original.
    I'm a twit

  15. #6465
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    So they're rearranging for the people that accepted. Just fire off a quick email saying "the new date suits me alot better. Can I come please?" and job done.

  16. #6466
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Anyone originally not going were removed from any correspondance about the new one and they've booked the rooms for people now anyway. Not really pushed (and in fairness knowing me I wouldn't want to go when it came to the time) but I'd probably have said yes originally if I'd known the venue and lineup.

  17. #6467
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Been told all the stuff we are working on which is massive volumes of data that needs sorting to tight deadlines right across christmas is probably not going to be used now, but we have to do it anyway

  18. #6468
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    We have been told that we can work from home if we 'feel uncomfortable coming in to work', but, with a couple of possible exceptions, we've all got far too much self-respect to go for it.

  19. #6469
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Impromptu half day + Monday off = glorious scenes.

  20. #6470
    I used to be funny.
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    No change to the working patterns. I'm mildly annoyed.

  21. #6471
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I just had a truly cringeworthy moment. My colleague and I were discussing a problem, and neither of us knew the answer, so matey said he was going to consult the Indian guy (at that moment, away from his desk) who knows everything. He said what's the word for that. I said the word for what? He said you know, those Indian guys who know everything. I said what, guru? He said yes. I'll call him that. I said don't call him a guru. He said why not? I said just don't. He said I don't understand, why can't I call him a guru? I said because, you know, it's difficult. You can call other people a guru, but probably not him.

    So the Indian guy comes back, and matey steams up to him. Apparently I can't call you a guru, says matey. I'm not a guru, says the Indian guy. Oh well, I'll have to call you something else, says matey. What was your question, says the Indian guy.

    Proper full-body cringe.

  22. #6472
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    You've got an hour to work 'curry favour' into a sentence.

  23. #6473
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Surely you can call him a guru if he knows everything. You’re calling him a guru cos he knows everything, not cos he’s Indian.
    I'm a twit

  24. #6474
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    I had a similarly dodgy moment the other day when I said a colleague had 'saved my bacon'. He was a dirty gammon and I a jew so I'd really landed myself in it.

  25. #6475
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    Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's alright to call an Indian guy a guru (maybe not all the time and all Indian guys) if he does happen to know everything on the topic you were discussing.

  26. #6476
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Jimmy is properly out of touch.

  27. #6477
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    Don't worry, Jimmy--I understand what these colonials don't.

  28. #6478
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manc View Post
    Jimmy is properly out of touch.
    Nope. You lot are.

    If you call him a guru, you might as well be calling him an elephant walla. If you called someone of another ethnicity a guru - perfect.

  29. #6479
    Just Luca, but still a DJ Luca's Avatar
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    Jimmy has taken “How Not to Get Cancelled in the Workplace 101”

  30. #6480
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Just googled "Guru Sunak" to see if any sketchy news outlets had used it. I was almost disappointed to see it hadn't been picked up, but I suppose it's a really shit and tenuous pun and anyone who would know who guru Nanak is would rightly be offended.

  31. #6481
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Never knew guru was an Indian thing.

  32. #6482
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Never knew guru was an Indian thing.
    Isn't Josh a bit if a giveaway mate

  33. #6483
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Isn't Josh a bit if a giveaway mate
    Josh is a guru? Is he Indian?

  34. #6484
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Isn't Josh a bit if a giveaway mate
    Nothing's a giveaway to a man of Giggles' learning.

  35. #6485
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Interviews.

  36. #6486
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    There's some Drama brewing at work as one of the top managers is going off on Maternity leave and her collection has clearly received a less than generous reception.

    "We really want to give Jo the temporary sending off that she deserves"

    "I know it's nearly Christmas, but please dig deep".

    Now It could be Christmas, or it could be because she's a knob that breezes around being rude to people. I just hope the donated amount is offensively low. I might send 20p over.

  37. #6487
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    Put coppers in it.

  38. #6488
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    It's all being done by bank transfer, sadly. Otherwise I'd just tick my name and put nothing in.

  39. #6489
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Collections for senior people always strike me as bizarre. We all had to put in a couple of years back to fund a present for the big boss's 80th birthday, which was a large framed photo of all his staff, taken in the foyer, all wearing company hats/t shirts etc. We presented it to him in his office, he sat there looking at it for a minute like a dog looking at a Titian, and sent us all away. £10 well spent.

  40. #6490
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    I stopped contributing to collections since WFH. Fuck off, you melts.

  41. #6491
    I used to be funny.
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    Yeah, presents for team leaders always struck me as odd.

  42. #6492
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Every year my company expects people to volunteer to work friday and saturday nights to help with large scale events. There is no pay for this. It was observed by a senior manager yesterday that the number of volunteers this year was disappointing, immediately followed by a doom briefing regarding covid with no hint of irony

  43. #6493
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    Yep, if someone senior is leaving of their own accord then they buy the drinks. If they're leaving because they've been pushed, well, you won't see them anyway.

  44. #6494
    Senior Member wullie's Avatar
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    I'm still not happy about this idea of bringing sweets in for other people on your birthday, it's the opposite of how the day should work.

  45. #6495
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    Quote Originally Posted by wullie View Post
    I'm still not happy about this idea of bringing sweets in for other people on your birthday, it's the opposite of how the day should work.
    Yep, that's absolute horseshit too. I get a gift I don't really want and have to go out of my way to buy cakes for an entire office to get it.

  46. #6496
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    I still can't believe you lot do that.

  47. #6497
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    One of the women in work hid the tub of roses we were left in from a supplier because two of us ate ones she wated.

  48. #6498
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Applied for a new job internally today. Was unsure about going for it but the girl leaving basically persuaded me to apply and spent an hour today making my cover letter less shit. She thinks I've got a chance of getting it and it sounds like barely anyone else has applied so who knows. I am a bit raw and lacking in some of the experience they want, but I think it's about 5 grand below the going rate for the job (but also about 5 grand more than I'm on), so taking a punt on me is probably about the best they can hope for. I don't think anyone else internally is interested, so I reckon I'll be against other people similarly so-so against the spec but with the advantage of #knowingtheclub. A binman in a corporate t shirt who knows how to use the archaic CRM basically.

  49. #6499
    I used to be funny.
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    Or they'll pick someone outside the business. I fully expect our outgoing team leader to get replaced by someone not from within.

    Also, what a shit day I've just had. Nobody's managing their own workloads at the minute because we've all got 4 fucking side-jobs.

  50. #6500
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    Let’s not be dissing bin men nonchalantly. They’re an extremely valuable form of employment.

    I’ve got three days left, and I plan on doing 0 work on the last one, so technically two.

    However, we are currently working over a well and it is not going well. Entirely plausible it rumbles into next week and my lead demands I support it.

    We care about people and mental health, except when their mental health gets in the way of production and then we care about production.

    Hopefully it doesn’t come to that, but will be an option interesting test case.

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