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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #6351
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    Fucking hell, he just mentioned that he's proposing to his girlfriend at Christmas.
    Oh no.

  2. #6352
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    So tomorrow morning everyone gets the email 'Please note that Mr Jacob Marley is no longer employed by SvN Enterprises' and he is never seen again?
    It will be an announcement/meeting rather than an email, but basically, yes.

  3. #6353
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    "We wish him and his future suicide wife well."

  4. #6354
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Sorry, I'm projecting from seven years at this place and Korea. Direct verbal communication from management, that's unthinkable.

  5. #6355
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    * Blue Christmas starts to play *

  6. #6356
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    Good luck SvN, never a pleasant thing to have to do.

  7. #6357
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yevrah View Post
    Good luck SvN, never a pleasant thing to have to do.

  8. #6358
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    I always find it goes better when you inject a bit of entertaining into proceedings...

  9. #6359
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Can you live stream it?

  10. #6360
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    You can literally see the moment his heart breaks.

  11. #6361
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Can't you just put him on some sort of PIP for a couple of months or something?

  12. #6362
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Shinners will tell you PIP is a difficult benefit to claim so he'd have to really fuck him up.

  13. #6363
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    What's the return policy on engagement rings like?

  14. #6364
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Can't you just put him on some sort of PIP for a couple of months or something?
    Honestly, I wish I could, I'm sat here watching the clock knowing that I've got to do it in just over 2 hours. But he's had 3 reviews already where he's been told how and where he needs to improve, and if anything, he's got worse. And he's only been here 4 months.

    It's a fucking nightmare to have to do, but it's the right call.

  15. #6365
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Shinners will tell you PIP is a difficult benefit to claim so he'd have to really fuck him up.
    This is superb

  16. #6366
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Shinners will tell you PIP is a difficult benefit to claim so he'd have to really fuck him up.


    Lol

  17. #6367
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Get down on one knee and hand him his P45.

  18. #6368
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    He's probably firing him right now. Poor bloke.

  19. #6369
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Poor form not providing live updates after getting us all to buy in like this.

  20. #6370
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Fuck me. That was awful.

    Tears, begging for another chance, talks of financial peril, the works. I feel like subhuman scum.

    On his way out of the door, he even had one final "Are you sure there's nothing I can do?" plea.

  21. #6371
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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  22. #6372
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    You should have reached for your zip to see what the reaction would have been.

  23. #6373
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    fuck sake

  24. #6374
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    Fuck me. That was awful.

    Tears, begging for another chance, talks of financial peril, the works. I feel like subhuman scum.

    On his way out of the door, he even had one final "Are you sure there's nothing I can do?" plea.
    How do you sleep at night?

  25. #6375
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    On a waterbed filled with the tears of former employees.

  26. #6376
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry View Post
    How do you sleep at night?
    Comfortably I’d imagine seeing as he requires competent people to work for him.

  27. #6377
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    @phonics You're looking for a new position, right? I hear tell of a design job that just opened up.

  28. #6378
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    And then you can have your life destroyed a few months later.

  29. #6379
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    What do you say when you sack somebody simply for being shit? It must really blow your confidence to bits (as it should the mug who hired him).

  30. #6380
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    "I love you, and that's why I'm setting you free to fulfil your full potential."

  31. #6381
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    The problem is interviews are inherently flawed. The amount of times I have clocked someone as a chancer/warned the relevant people about appointing a clown only for them to do it anyway because they aced the interview, only to shit at the job as predicted.

    Interviews don't tell you someone is mental, they don't tell you someone is a lead swinger, they don't tell you someone is a tribunal waiting to happen. We once got a glowing referral for an internal candidate from their manager purely to palm off a tribunal timebomb on us, they interviewed well but were absolute dogshit at the actual job.

  32. #6382
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    You really wanted that driver job didn't you?

  33. #6383
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Panda Bear View Post
    @phonics You're looking for a new position, right? I hear tell of a design job that just opened up.
    PM me.

    edit: didn't read the thread. whoops.

  34. #6384
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    Baz would send a polite heads up email, and BCC in the company owner.


    Like I said at the time, incompetence should not be tolerated. Glad you sacked him.
    I'm a twit

  35. #6385
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    Baz would send a polite heads up email, and BCC in the company owner.
    With a dodgy affiliate link.

  36. #6386
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    The guy will be fine. Jobs market is chocker at the moment. We're having to use nepotism to get half-decent people (kids of senior people at least have the motivation of not embarrassing their dad, whereas useless people off the street are just useless).

  37. #6387
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    The Arab is taking us out for lunch for his birthday today (and paying). Slightly weird flex for the newest and most junior member of the team, but I guess that's Arabs for you. I'll take the free lunch.

  38. #6388
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Does he have nice shoes?
    I'm a twit

  39. #6389
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    that is weird. Nice though.

  40. #6390
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Teach him the ways of the gammon. Kindness, generosity and morals have no place in this society.

  41. #6391
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    He was certainly in for a shock when he asked Bitch Alpha from the shipping department, who snapped back 'NO' upon the invitation. Then again she also once told the IT guy his baby pictures were 'horrible', so I don't think she's ever topping that.

  42. #6392
    I used to be funny.
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    Yesterday we were emailed about a woman trying to claim PIP for their 7 year old. The claim was in the stepmother's name but the forms were written from the point of the 7 year old. In their mother's writing. "Someone told me I could do that." seems to be her response.

  43. #6393
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    He was certainly in for a shock when he asked Bitch Alpha from the shipping department, who snapped back 'NO' upon the invitation. Then again she also once told the IT guy his baby pictures were 'horrible', so I don't think she's ever topping that.
    She actually lives in London doesn't she?

  44. #6394
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    He's a bit of a character, this Arab. He insists on pronouncing John Deere as 'John Derry'. I told him that customers will laugh at him. He says he doesn't care, he finds this a better pronunciation and he's sticking to it.

    He also poured around 60 cashews onto my desk earlier. He said he thought I would be hungry, as he's never seen me eating at my desk. Is this how people behave over there? It must be exhausting.

  45. #6395
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I got a kebab a few weeks ago and the supplier was in there at the same time. I had to stand and watch as they argued and repeatedly handed a £20 note backwards and forwards. Performatively putting it in each others pockets and hands and holding the back of each others heads.

    "I can't take it from you brother. Keep it".
    No, no, no. You must. Treat your daughter
    "I WILL, I WILL, BUT KEEP YOUR MONEY AND TREAT YOUR DAUGH..."
    BROTHER PLEASE HOW LONG HAVE I KNOWN YOU?

    It was like one of those weird mating rituals the Birds of Paradise do. Utterly bizarre.

  46. #6396
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Bizarre to an infidel, yes.

  47. #6397
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    It just sounds like the same as what my mum and her friends would do when I was a kid over who was buying the teas or whatever if I had the misfortune to be dragged out with them.

  48. #6398
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    It's all that time you spent in the desert.

  49. #6399
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    The basic rules with Arabs seems to be that whatever the given situation, you maximise the drama, conflict and general spectacle. Sort of like the opposite of being British.

  50. #6400
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    And that's exactly what it was. It is the whole "No you're alright Jim, I'll get these".... "No, honestly, put your money away" that Ian describes, but turned up to eleven and they're on the brink of actually fighting over who has the £20 and treat's their daughter.

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