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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #5251
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    The Lean Machine will ground you into dust, boy.

  2. #5252
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    Automation Lad is my workplace nemesis.


    "Damn you Automation Lad, stop creating macros"

  3. #5253
    I used to be funny.
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    I could be those macros.

  4. #5254
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Just had an absolutely brutal phonecall with a man who's wife died yesterday while they were on holiday. He was driving home from Devon. He was in floods of tears and I don't think the anxiety of expecting him to crash at any second will ever leave me.

  5. #5255
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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  6. #5256
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    She's in Devon now.

  7. #5257
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    lll

  8. #5258
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Fucking hell.


  9. #5259
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    You are all deeply terrible people.

  10. #5260
    I used to be funny.
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    Crisis calls are the worst thing I've ever had to deal with, to be honest. When a call takes the turn, I shit bricks.

  11. #5261
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I don't know why this annoys me so much, but two of my six bosses both call each other 'Mister' in emails (as in: 'Hi Mister', 'Thanks, Mister', 'Have you called the customer, Mister?') and it's becoming close to a resigning matter for me.

    They're both English, so there's no excuse.

  12. #5262
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Sounds like flirting to me.

  13. #5263
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Just run of the mill twattery I think.

  14. #5264
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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  15. #5265
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lofty View Post
    Just run of the mill twattery I think.
    Public School boys no doubt.

  16. #5266
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    More likely to go with just surname if that were the case.

  17. #5267
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    They're not public school boys, just old. Public school boys are more 'Fancy sharing a prostitute, Johnners?' and all that.

  18. #5268
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Very frugal. Yuppies get atleast one each.

  19. #5269
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Yeah but for the public school boys the prostitute is just a cover.

  20. #5270
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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  21. #5271
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I've been sent this and have been told not to book any [internal] meetings on Friday afternoons for the whole of July.
    I'm a twit

  22. #5272
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    That'a a great idea, I'd wonder how some of these people get anything done given their entire day is b2b calls if I didn't already know the answer.

    On getting to work news, the flexi season tickets are a load of horseshit. Only really work for me if I don't go in more than 2 days a week.

    https://www.theguardian.com/money/20...id-19-pandemic

    Some anomalies were apparent: the new flexi fare appeared to be more expensive than a daily anytime return on at least one route, with Brighton-East Croydon costing more than £30 a day on a eight-day flexi season ticket, compared with a peak anytime return of £27.20.

    The fact that can even occur shows what a complete shambles the whole pricing structure of rail fares is.

  23. #5273
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Called my boss a lying dick head to HR and then put my resignation in 15 minutes later. 3 months notice and I'm going back to the UK after give or take 15 years in Switzerland. Pints are on me lads.

  24. #5274
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Bloody men all the same 😡😡

  25. #5275
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Called my boss a lying dick head to HR and then put my resignation in 15 minutes later. 3 months notice and I'm going back to the UK after give or take 15 years in Switzerland. Pints are on me lads.
    Why? Got to be some juicy story in this

  26. #5276
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    He's bit.

  27. #5277
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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  28. #5278
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Haha an AIDS joke, top shelf stuff as usual from late-period Lewis.

    Has been an ongoing issue and my lease/period of notice lines up so seems the perfect time to jump.

  29. #5279
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Who else had 'misunderstood something and kicked off'?

  30. #5280
    I used to be funny.
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    I was thinking that, to be honest.

  31. #5281
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    It was actually a Zombie joke.

  32. #5282
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I'm working from the office today and it's terrible. Deeply, deeply terrible. The norm must be resisted. Embrace the third wave.

  33. #5283
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    I don't think it's gonna happen any time soon but our managers clearly want us back in the office at some point. Fingers crossed for a limited number of days per week but I'm just gonna assume it'll be back to the 5 day commute when it happens and anything less than that is a bonus.

  34. #5284
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    My 'unreliable' colleague has gone off sick, and then emergency holiday (which he phoned in at 4.57pm to arrange) in consecutive days. Not sure I've seen that one-two attempted before.

  35. #5285
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    You should take a few days sick to allow your stock to rise.

  36. #5286
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I had a text message from my manager asking if I could attend an "Emergency" at 2am last night because I'm "closer".

    Now, I slept through that like a freshly titted baby, but the audacity is still impressive.

    Firstly, I'm not on call and receiving the MASSIVE 20p per hour or whatever the fuck it is, you are. Get your arse in the car.

    Secondly, you live 10 minutes from me. How much fucking closer can I be? Not close enough that waiting for me to reply, get ready and head out is a game changer. I know that much.

    Thirdly, "emergency"? I don't know what's happened, but I reckon any of our Emergency Services can get by without my help.

    She was almost certainly pissed and couldn't drive.

  37. #5287
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    I am keen to find out what this emergency was.

    Also fuck the 20p per hour for being on call. That's not remotely worth it.

  38. #5288
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I've not had a reply to my response but will update when I do. Hopefully she's been up all night.

    It probably isn't 20p per hour, it will be whatever the standard going rate is (everything is). I just remember it being a very underwhelming amount, although this must be the 2nd or 3rd time I've heard of someone on call actually having to do something and it's usually as simple as an alarm going off somewhere.

  39. #5289
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Is this the one who was pissed on a video call?

  40. #5290
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    The very same.

  41. #5291
    Senior Member Andy's Avatar
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    100% she would have been pissed.

    We have to do emergency call outs at my place and I'm constantly having to.l cover other areas fir various reasons and I'm betting 95% involve drinking you can tell as soon as they ring the phone.

    The money is really good though, usually £300-600ish for my callout week. A 2am callout like that would get us the next day off paid as down time. Its a pretty sweet gig.

  42. #5292
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    We have to do an on-call weekend one week out of about 8. It fucks your weekend but it works out quite well. An extra £2k a year for being on that rota and then without going into the boring admin of it you'll usually end up claiming £250- £500 for each on-call weekend depending on how much time you've actually spent on callout. Sometimes even more than that.

  43. #5293
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    She's not emailed and I can't see anything that hints at an "Emergency" having happened anywhere. God damn it. I need closure.

  44. #5294
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    May she was out of booze.

  45. #5295
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    My version of on call is varying degrees of “the platform is broken and we need to get 75 people off ASAP and help fix the broken thing” to “the helicopter has crashed into the sea and everyone is dead. Help manage the phones”.

    Works out as something like an extra £250 for the on call week about 6-8 times a year. A lot of inconvenience and potential life changing event exposure for a nominal financial reward. No thanks.

  46. #5296
    I used to be funny.
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    You know what'd be cooler? Speedboats. Big Oil should fund that.

  47. #5297
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    The project I'm currently on has run out of work and the expectation is that I just stare at my fucking screen until the end of my shift.

    Is there any way to amend Teams so it appears that I'm active? God I miss Skype.

  48. #5298
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    What do you do that there's literally nothing else they could have you working on?

    If they literally are just expecting you to sit and do nothing then will they even notice if you show as away?

  49. #5299
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Touché.

  50. #5300
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manc View Post
    The project I'm currently on has run out of work and the expectation is that I just stare at my fucking screen until the end of my shift.

    Is there any way to amend Teams so it appears that I'm active? God I miss Skype.
    I've never tried it to confirm it works but try putting your mouse laser ontop of a watch with a rotating seconds hand

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