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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #3001
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Excerpt the p is kind of silent. Obviously the Americans say it in their centuries-long, doomed attempt to make English a phonetic language.

  2. #3002
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    It’s like Jimmy said, it’s there and it’s not quite silent but you don’t put any emphasis on it. Very close to being silent.

  3. #3003
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    I still refuse to acknowledge the r in February.

  4. #3004
    I used to be funny.
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    You've just acknowledged it.

  5. #3005
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Boom roasted

  6. #3006
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Obviously the Americans say it
    News to me.

  7. #3007
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    A colleague of mine got her identity stolen. Someone called her and left a message saying that blood was found on a car she had rented, and that she needed to call back the detective so that he could clear her. So she decided to call back, and admits that she found it suspicious that the detective, who had a very American name, had a thick Indian accent, but since she didn't want to make any assumptions, she proceeded to give him all her information: social security number, address, credit card(s) info, the works. Only after she was transferred to another detective, also with an Indian accent, did she decide that maybe something fishy was going on.

    Let's not forget, this is someone with a PhD, who has been working as a professor for over ten years.

  8. #3008
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    If the original message was left by someone with a thick accent too then she's a fucking balloon.

  9. #3009
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    It was and she is.

  10. #3010
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    Wow lol

  11. #3011
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    When was the last time she rented a car too?

  12. #3012
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    She did rent a car a month or so ago, after crashing and totaling hers.

  13. #3013
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    I still refuse to acknowledge the r in February.
    "Feb-u-ay"?

  14. #3014
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    Career suicide today.

    Told the VP of HR that their “target To have x% of senior positions held by women/minority” was causing external and internal people to believe there’s positive discrimination occurring within the company.

    Told him that his message of “we need to make bold decisions” to get there is clumsy wording that absolutely suggests they’re going to hire a candidate based on gender rather than merit.

    Apparently the solution to years of positively discriminating against women will be solved by a short term positive discrimination against men to get a better balance to meet a metric that someone has set.

    Good one. And now you’ve undermined the white male population and women/diverse applicants will/do doubt whether they got the job on merit.

  15. #3015
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Well at least you wont have to use any more helicopters.

  16. #3016
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    "Can't believe they're now discriminating in a way that doesn't benefit me. "

  17. #3017
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Positive discrimination is a fact of life now in any kind of organisation with a public profile. This isn't 1998. It's worth far more to them to have agreeable statistics than it is to have the marginally 'best' person in junior and middling jobs.

  18. #3018
    I used to be funny.
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    I'm stuck on the phones for two weeks because somebody's cat has died and they're taking the full bereavement leave for it.

  19. #3019
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    That sort of thing is absolute nonsense.

  20. #3020
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    That sort of thing is absolute nonsense.
    That’d be me.
    I'm a twit

  21. #3021
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    Two weeks bereavement for a fucking cat?

  22. #3022
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Came home from work to a letter about my tax code and it had car allowance on. I’ve not had a company car since I quit my last job in September 2018. Rang up and I’ve been overpaying. Hello “at least” £1000 rebate! The man was like “I dinnay nae how ye no noticed”
    I'm a twit

  23. #3023
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    What’s a typical annual pay rise these days?

    Got my pay review letter today and it’s a c. 5% rise which seems pretty good.

    Bonus this year is pretty

  24. #3024
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    Baz you going to use that rebate money to collect stickers with sincere?

  25. #3025
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foe View Post
    Baz you going to use that rebate money to collect stickers with sincere?
    Unfortunately blurted it out to the missus without thinking so will probably drop most (read: all) of it on paying off our holiday. Tbf I don’t mind that cos it’s not like I’ve missed it but it should mean from now on my monthly pay packet will be a little bit fatter. What this also means is I’ll probably get back into the horses
    I'm a twit

  26. #3026
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Unfortunately blurted it out to the missus without thinking so will probably drop most (read: all) of it on paying off our holiday. Tbf I don’t mind that cos it’s not like I’ve missed it but it should mean from now on my monthly pay packet will be a little bit fatter. What this also means is I’ll probably get back into the horses
    Equestrian is lame. Just collect the stickers.

  27. #3027
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Just tell her it wasn’t as much as you originally thought.

  28. #3028
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I've invested into Garden Soccer, love.

  29. #3029
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foe View Post
    What’s a typical annual pay rise these days?

    Got my pay review letter today and it’s a c. 5% rise which seems pretty good.

    Bonus this year is pretty
    Inflation rate is 2.48% according to my random Google search

  30. #3030
    I used to be funny.
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    Finished the week on a high. My last call was a claimant going, "I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!" refusing to take the call. This is after someone else in the household passed her over to speak to me. After I told her who I was, where I was calling from and what it was about.

  31. #3031
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I had to spend all yesterday looking after some French people. God, French people are a nightmare. I'm the only French speaker at the company, including both my age 65+ managers who run the show and try to tempt them into a relationship, so I have to spend all day translating the awful jokes and the anecdotes that go nowhere, line by line. It starts badly as the boss asks them 'So, how much do you think you will do with us in 2020?' We're thinking 30,000 would be a good start. 50 maybe if they really get going.

    'Six cent mille euros,' he says, without blinking. Six hundred thousand. Yeah, sure, Jean-Baptiste, fucking sure. We don't do that with the fucking Saudis, and you're saying your tinpot shed venture in Picardie is going to do half a million in the first year? Definitely believe you, mate.

    We take them for lunch to this nice Italian place. One of them orders carbonara and doesn't eat it. The other one orders lasagne and barely touches it. What do you want, for God's sake?

    Then the guy buys some stuff and I have to get him to sign the paperwork. I go out back to put the stuff in his car, come back to the office with the paperwork and he's nowhere to be seen. 'Where would a Frenchman run off to?' I ask myself, and sure enough he's outside having a fag, and has also grown a mysterious leather jacket that he hadn't had all day. I ask him to sign the paperwork and he says 'why?'. Turns out he was hoping to pay cash and then just take his pistons and gaskets and pumps back through the tunnel hidden under some blankets. Yeah, mate, great plan. How many Citroen C5s will you need to do half a million Euros on the year doing that.

  32. #3032
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Sounds like a pretty slick businessman.

  33. #3033
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    A rarely spotted work anecdote from Jim there. A sad decline since the Korean days.

  34. #3034
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Nowhere near as much material in this racket, even though on the face of it there should be. The difference is that Koreans are mental and Europeans are pretty boring.

  35. #3035
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    I'm getting sent up to the arse-arse-end of Scotland in mid-February, and in return for flying up on the Sunday I get two days extra leave(!). Unfortunately, I have loads of leave left over as it is, so I would rather have had the Sunday. Thank you for your service.
    I fly on Monday to Inverness (overnight), Dounreay, Thurso (overnight), Wick, and then fly back from Inverness. I've had a look at the takeaways in Thurso to see where does a pizza crunch, but I might have to settle on some fried chocolate if I want to sample the local culture.

  36. #3036
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    You'll be able to get a pizza crunch in Inverness no problem.

    The real prize will be getting a munchy box, then if you really want to immerse yourself getting a fried breakfast munchy box the next morning.

  37. #3037
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I was working on that assumption, but our Inverness hotel is miles on the edge of town so that sinks that. It didn't occur to me until I sat looking at the map that Inverness itself is the middle of nowhere and that the Kessock Bridge is basically the end of civilisation.

  38. #3038
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Stick the postcode of your hotel into JustEat and you'll find at least one place you can get to. Thurso is big enough to have at least a few decent takeaways too. There's no group of ten thousand Scottish people anywhere who exist without a chippy.

  39. #3039
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I think Thurso is just hotels and takeaways.

  40. #3040
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    My mate's wife is from Thurso. Prepare yourself for the accent.

    https://youtu.be/Ein57OSrqoA

  41. #3041
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    I fly on Monday to Inverness (overnight), Dounreay, Thurso (overnight), Wick, and then fly back from Inverness. I've had a look at the takeaways in Thurso to see where does a pizza crunch, but I might have to settle on some fried chocolate if I want to sample the local culture.
    Inverness

    The airport at Inverness is quite something.

  42. #3042
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    I'm sure there's one round me that does a munchy box with a half pizza crunch in it, Lewis, so you may hit the jackpot.

  43. #3043
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I've been to Thurso. It is AMAZING. There is also a great account of it in Bill Bryson's 'Notes from a Small Island' which holds very true to when I visited years later.

  44. #3044
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    "Pizza crunch" sounds fun.

  45. #3045
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Yeah, can someone explain it?
    I'm a twit

  46. #3046
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    It's a pizza dipped in batter and deep fried. Usually sold in quarters.

  47. #3047
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    Going to visit a school with a view to apply for a position as second in department there; the current deputy used to be one of the assistant heads at my current school and after emailing the head's PA about the visit, the deputy emailed me back to arrange it all, so will be nice to have a familiar face there.

    For now though, half term, and I sure as shit need it.

  48. #3048
    Fuck like you cook.
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    Well, it may have taken nearly three weeks but tomorrow I start my new job and I couldn't have hoped for much better. Hours are 9.30am til 6.30pm so not far off a 9to5, daily specials, relatively easy menu and only around 50 covers a day which should be easy enough. Nothing frozen, everything made on site as it's predominantly home made and other than the two days off when someone covers me, I'll be the only chef in the kitchen.

    I don't have to move away from home and whilst I'll have extra responsibilities in the way of health and safety paperwork type stuff, it's way more than I could have asked for as I only applied as the advert asked for a minimum of two years experience, passionate chef, being creative with daily specials and what not. Slightly nervous as I wasn't aware of what I was getting into prior to the interview which ended up being close to an hour of non-stop conversation before being let loose in the kitchen so I did a pan-fried sea bass with lemon sauce and crushed potato then to my surprise the lass doing my interview said she wasn't expecting that then explained what sort of food they usually had under the last chef so I said I'd bring it down a touch if needed, more home cooked type foods than anything which is probably going to be easier, things like lasagne, pastas, a few vegan/veggie options etc. I have a month working with the reduced menu that is already on and then from April it's down to me. I explained I had very little experience as far as costing etc goes but she's willing to help. I thanked her not expecting to hear back but then they got back in touch and finished off the conversation with "sometimes it's about getting the right person and attitude and willingness to learn which is more important."

    Buzzing.

  49. #3049
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I've been called up for jury service. The maximum allowances for loss of earnings are about half of my wage. I know some employers will pay you something but there's more chance of Double Gloucester pyramids falling from the sky than of my lot paying me a single penny for two weeks.

    To think people moan about the BBC licence fee. At least you're getting something for that.

  50. #3050
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    My Mrs got the letter for service the other day too but she can probably get out of it.

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