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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #4501
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    2-10 in a bank?

  2. #4502
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    2-10 in a bank?
    Wfh

  3. #4503
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I just spoke to a lady that was born in 1932 as someone fucked up her account whilst I was on annual leave. It was fucking painful. There's no way she knew who I was or what the problem was but she gave me all the details I needed without hesitation. Seriously considering moving to Mumbai / Abuja and becoming a scammer. It must be piss easy.

  4. #4504
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Send me her deets x
    I'm a twit

  5. #4505
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    She's DNR, Baz, not DTF.

  6. #4506
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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  7. #4507
    I used to be funny.
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    The office is all trained up now. Unfortunately, our boss wants to borrow people from other offices. Piss.

  8. #4508
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Oh yeah i start my new job on the 30th

  9. #4509
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    What are you doing?

  10. #4510
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Working for a charity. Been looking for jobs there for years, but it's always been fucking 60k management jobs or JAVA CODER jobs etc. Was just chatting shite to my mum about how even a warehouse admin job back home on a similar wage would make me much better off cus I wouldn't need to commute. Just typed in "jobs near me" on google to demonstrate the point, and the first hit was a job at the charity. The candidate spec was like I'd written it myself to most suit my experience - it asked for experience of CRMs, customer service and financial transactions, and that's exactly what I've been doing for the last 5 years. I'm not one to believe in fate and shit, but there was loads of synchronicity stuff going on - the deadline for applications was about 5 hours after I saw it.

    Fired off a CV, casual interview a week later, formal interview another week later and job offer two days later. Pretty excited to be fair.

    In terms of what I'll be doing, like, various adminny things. Opening letters, phoning up people and being like "yeah you donated £500 last year, how about this year you like...dunno...donate ten grand? cheers".

  11. #4511
    I used to be funny.
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    Sounds alright, that. Best of luck.

  12. #4512
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    That all sounded really good and I was happy for you and then you dropped in that you’ll be having to do cold call sales right at the end.

    Best of luck mate.

  13. #4513
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Your mum's deffo lined that up.

    "Oh really? Why not check Indeed to prove your point? No, Igor, not Totaljobs you loser. God, I hate to admit it but your father was right. Look I-N-D. Er. What's Indian Girl.. book-cake? IGORR!!!!"
    I'm a twit

  14. #4514
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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  15. #4515
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    That all sounded really good and I was happy for you and then you dropped in that you’ll be having to do cold call sales right at the end.

    Best of luck mate.
    Actually I've just re-read the job description and no I'm not expected to actually sell anything, it's more processing the donations once they've been made and responding to queries and telling them all about the amazing work being done with their cash etc. The closest i get is having to phone people who have cancelled their subscriptions and find out why. I can handle that.

  16. #4516
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Your mum's deffo lined that up.

    "Oh really? Why not check Indeed to prove your point? No, Igor, not Totaljobs you loser. God, I hate to admit it but your father was right. Look I-N-D. Er. What's Indian Girl.. book-cake? IGORR!!!!"
    Fuck

  17. #4517
    Senior Member mugbull's Avatar
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    As long as they don't force you to ask for donations a predetermined number of times regardless of what they tell you about how their life is going.

    Thank you for your generous 100 pound donation last year, shall I put you down for another one this year?
    Well my son died in January and my dog has Covid and I'm unemployed now.
    Sorry to hear that sir. We really do appreciate any contribution, maybe 75 is more reasonable for someone in your circumstances?
    I eat Cup Noodles for every meal
    I'm very sorry to hear that. Can I put you down for 50 then?

    Working at the Student Fund at university made me feel like a sociopath sometimes

  18. #4518
    I used to be funny.
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    Eurgh. I've got six people left to train but the fact they don't have accesses means emailing work back and forth at the end of each day. And sometimes other cunts will do that work even though I've marked them for another person.

    I just want to crack on and listen to Ice Cube.

  19. #4519
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    I think "I trust that you had a good weekend" is the worst sentence in the world. Do people actually think that comes across as anything but psychopathic?

  20. #4520
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Replacing 'hope you are well' as a throaway introduction I presume before actually getting into the matter? Not for me but meh, it's not that deep.

  21. #4521
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I'm taking my managers place on a conference call with a load of debt charities and citizens advice bods at 10. I would rather shag the plug socket with a foil condom.

  22. #4522
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    I need to give my work an ultimatum about permanently working from home - or at least 3/4 times a week - but I’m not sure how to go about it. They can’t really lose me as I’m the only person in the whole of the Council trained to do business rates atm so I’ve got that bargaining tool.

    I’m buying a flat nearer where my missus’ family stay and really can’t be arsed with an hours commute (I know, lulz)

  23. #4523
    Fuck like you cook.
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    I almost feel like the campaigning is my new job. I don't really know where else to put it but if anyone watched the Treasury Questions then the debate over tiers yesterday then we were mentioned nearly 20 times with Starmer, Farron, Blackford and Thewliss just to name a few pitching in, even a few Conservative MP's now which is always a good sign as I sense they are backing a winning horse, we've got the treasury committing to a meeting with us and Jesse Norman, owed in part to Rishi Sunak outright lying on GMB recently. We managed to raise over £10,000 for our MH programs via our raffle and I even managed to get WBA to send a signed football we can auction off. I had a fair few say no but still at least 80 left to reply so we'll see. Anyone else have any fundraising ideas? I legit think we're going to get this done. We've got a meeting with nine of the countries mayors tonight which is great and another step in the right direction. I'm going to be sleeping outside all night on the 17th to raise awareness of our plight in partnership with a charity for the homeless. Live streaming it too. Ha.

    I never realised how much things would change for me personally this year but I'm excited about what we can do in the future if/when we win this battle. Reform of Universal Credit maybe?

  24. #4524
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smjffy View Post
    Anyone else have any fundraising ideas?
    Marathon WDYTOE livestream.

  25. #4525
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    MP edition.

  26. #4526
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Would you have rather just worked and got paid from whatever job you worked 4 days at, all this time, or do you prefer campaigning about not doing that?
    I'm a twit

  27. #4527
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    MP edition.
    "Alok Sharma, which one's he? Who does he support"
    *waits for updates from the chat*

  28. #4528
    Fuck like you cook.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Would you have rather just worked and got paid from whatever job you worked 4 days at, all this time, or do you prefer campaigning about not doing that?
    I do work now, Baz. After my GMB appearance a care home that I worked at a few years ago got in touch and offered me a job in the kitchen. It's only 14 hours a week but it's better than having to rely on Universal Credit tbh as I'll never understand how that works. I'm just going to stick with that and the campaigning until this Covid bollocks smooths out somewhat. I think this is one of the few times in my life I've cursed my lack of skills as with my industry being proper battered, it's hard to see when and how I'll be back to a kitchen full time.

    It's also work baring in mind that I returned to Wales and we had firebreak then the job I lined up in Chester got taken away when England went into lockdown. I applied for supermarkets, KFC even but not much luck in any. I'm most likely going to set up shop on my own after this is all over as I have an idea I want to pursue and I've got a little bit of backing to potentially make that a reality.

  29. #4529
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    At this stage, what are you campaigning for? What outcome would satisfy you?

  30. #4530
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    A hand job from Marcus Rashford

  31. #4531
    Fuck like you cook.
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    At this stage, what are you campaigning for? What outcome would satisfy you?
    The ultimate goal is backdated parity but that's probably wishful thinking at this stage although we'll have to see what's said during our meeting I guess. I'd settle for a scheme devised to support the hardest hit whilst ensuring those who still can't work because their industries are still closed such as freelancers in the events industries and the LTD companies that are at risk of going under getting some form of support to keep going because that's the part that worries me the most given the potential for millions more job losses if those 700,000 affected by that don't get the help they need.

    There's so many who have furloughed their employees but have been left without any support from the business schemes that if we go into a lockdown again in January as you'd probably expect us to then that's going to finish so many off. We've got a whole range of solutions to raise when we have a date for our meeting with Jesse Norman but it's a difficult one. It's all so dirty and corrupt. I think if I'm honest getting support for all 3M is a fairy tale dream as financially it'll cost billions but then there's the knock on affect whereby it'll cost more later down the line if not in terms of job losses, strain on the welfare and NHS, the MH crisis that's arisen from it and so forth. We've got many solutions but it's not so much about that at the moment, it's finding a way to do it whereby the govt save as much face as possible and paints them in a better light.

    After Sunak lied on GMB (Ofcom released figures and it topped the complaints list), he got called out numerous times yesterday too and his excuses don't wash because we have so many case studies that fly in the face of what he says. We also had a meeting with Blackford and Thewliss last night which was insightful enough. I guess it's just a case of getting the direct meeting with the treasury in the next week or so and going from there as we'll for sure have to compromise but it's more about saving lives at the moment. I do think people like myself who missed out as a new starter or those simply denied furlough are going to get a raw end of any deal but it is what it is.

  32. #4532
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    You can tell you've been overexposed to politicians and media sorts. Brevity and substance have been sacrificed.

    The handjob's more likely than the backdated compensation. Negotiate for a 10% discount on private vaccinations for your boys and be done with it.

    What's this lie Rishi told?

  33. #4533
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Platform shoes.

  34. #4534
    Fuck like you cook.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don View Post
    You can tell you've been overexposed to politicians and media sorts. Brevity and substance have been sacrificed.

    The handjob's more likely than the backdated compensation. Negotiate for a 10% discount on private vaccinations for your boys and be done with it.

    What's this lie Rishi told?
    Overexposed is one way of putting it tbh but the media picked up again in recent weeks. You also got to bare in mind the first 4/5 months we were told we didn't exist whereas now we've got them admitting we do and there's not a single HoC be it PMQ's or debates that we aren't raised. Even throughout the debate yesterday about the tiers were kept getting mentioned as reasons why they such and such would be voting against the new tiered system but most importantly, a fair few were Tory MP's who are only now mentioning us because there is chaos on the backbenches. It truly is a murky world in Westminster. It's crazy some of the stuff our core team has been told. Hopefully tonight's conference call which we'll be live streaming with the nine city mayors raises further awareness but the media are hit and miss.

    Sunak said outright that he'd been back and forth in meetings with us but he hasn't had a single one with us, then they backtracked and gave a different reason when called out in parliament over it, then backtracked again when that was proven to be false too.

  35. #4535
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Smiff doing his best to derail my Sunak for next Tory leader bet.

  36. #4536
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Sunak for next PM is a truly great bet imo at 3/1 or whatever it is. 4 years until the next election and there's no way Sir Boris Johnson is lasting that long, on health grounds if nothing else. Then Squishy Rishi would have to lose a leadership election to Michael Gove or someone, and I really can't see that.

  37. #4537
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Don't go shouting for help when Smiffy sees that. You're on your own.

  38. #4538
    Fuck like you cook.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Sunak for next PM is a truly great bet imo at 3/1 or whatever it is. 4 years until the next election and there's no way Sir Boris Johnson is lasting that long, on health grounds if nothing else. Then Squishy Rishi would have to lose a leadership election to Michael Gove or someone, and I really can't see that.
    Rishi Sunak was the greatest thing since sliced bread only a few months ago but the mask has been falling and my prediction a few months back is more likely to happen, I feel.

    "Here's what will happen.We'll go into a second national lockdown because the spread caused by EatOutToHelpOut amongst other things, the failed track and trace ensures thousands more die and Rish Sunak will do a runner to his billionaire family and toast after robbing us blind." 2/3 so far.

  39. #4539
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    I had quite a few friends furloughed in March.

    Most of them did fuck all for 6 months, and used it as a break from work while getting full pay. As one of them said to me - "When in your life are you going to get months off work, spending time with kids, etc. and still get paid?" Which is fair enough.

    One of them saw it as an opportunity. He lives alone, works nights in a factory and earns around £60k per year with overtime, so he was still earning a fair amount at 80%. But the day after he was furloughed, he went and got a delivery job for Amazon, and a few weeks later picked up some part time hours at Sainsburys.

    He went back to work in September when their factory re-opened and he reckons he saved about £12k since March.

  40. #4540
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smjffy View Post
    Rishi Sunak was the greatest thing since sliced bread only a few months ago but the mask has been falling and my prediction a few months back is more likely to happen, I feel.

    "Here's what will happen.We'll go into a second national lockdown because the spread caused by EatOutToHelpOut amongst other things, the failed track and trace ensures thousands more die and Rish Sunak will do a runner to his billionaire family and toast after robbing us blind." 2/3 so far.
    Look at the polling numbers, he's miles above other politicians. Your issue is a valid one but affects a narrow portion of the electorate and he's done the rest of us a right number.

  41. #4541
    Fuck like you cook.
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    Quite a few saw the schemes as an opportunity to be honest, whether it be CJRS or SEISS schemes. Some have actually come out in profit which I don't really begrudge but then on the other hand I do because we're all going to foot the bill but from different starting points. In March you couldn't really say they weren't good but now they are poorly targeted as even the latest round of grants for example has seen people who don't need them be able to claim them still and at 80% now too. Furlough itself isn't what it was cracked up to be but people will see that soon enough as the job losses are going to be horrendous. I think if I am honest I would have been like your friend in a different set of circumstances so I contradict myself a little. Myself personally I'll come out of this the other side too but I do fear about what is about to come for the entire country as so many who were furloughed are still going to lose their jobs, essentially it was just a sticky plaster for some. Your friend earning £60K a year is one thing so fair play but those who earn £20-23K a year or so, take my industry for example, you were still taking 20% less than usual, tips were no more and even now places are open, depending on what tier you're in could be the difference of whether you keep your job or not. What use is a chef if the pub can't even sell food and so forth.

    I don't think the wider public are going to realise the extent of what has happened until it's too late and it grinds because I'm not the brightest, I'm not the most political yet I've been seeing precisely what is going to happen for months. Watching parliament TV on a daily basis, all the media etc certainly doesn't help but at the same time it does as you see the lies exposed and how politicians spin what they say, manipulate language, outright lie, make false promises and so on.

    In short, 2021 isn't going to be any better than 2020 and the news of this vaccine should be taken with a pinch of salt too.

  42. #4542
    Fuck like you cook.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Look at the polling numbers, he's miles above other politicians. Your issue is a valid one but affects a narrow portion of the electorate and he's done the rest of us a right number.
    Does it really affect a narrow portion of the electorate though? 3M is 10% of the workforce and doesn't take into account family, many being the very same people the Tories appealed to once upon a time and that's just those who were excluded. You think sectors who have been royally screwed by this govt will forget? Big sectors too in hospitality, travel, arts/tourism, even the culture recovery fund was a pile of BS and went to save buildings more than the people who actually make the industry what it is.. He's above every other politician because he hands out the cash, that's all but that will change and to some extent it already has. He's all about Brand Rishi. Perception of him will change by April and I'd even take a punt on that being when he stands down.

  43. #4543
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smjffy View Post
    In short, 2021 isn't going to be any better than 2020 and the news of this vaccine should be taken with a pinch of salt too.
    Give your head a wobble.

  44. #4544
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    The vaccine is in hospitals now so no need to be so overdramatic.

  45. #4545
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Working from home is phenomenal when compared to the alternatives, isn't it? I've been wrapping presents as they arrive, keeping on top of the dishes, watch stuff I'd otherwise wait ages to watch, sometimes have two poos in a day, and loads of other perks, and all while keeping really on top of my workload and nobody higher up giving me extra to do cos I happen to catch their eye as they glance around the office looking for a drudge.

    Infact, I've given more work out than I've done myself this week.
    I'm a twit

  46. #4546
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Fuck off, you domesticated piece of shit. I should be balls deep in jagers and titties tonight and prepping for my beloved Fridays in the office hanging out my arse.

  47. #4547
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Got a virtual Christmas party tonight. Somebody ITK has told me there'll be a scavenger hunt, which sounds dreadful, but I imagine it'll mostly be people drinking on mute pretending to laugh for two hours.

  48. #4548
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Ours is next Friday. I asked if people actually gave a shit (given that it has to be a remote thing), and the answer was they all wanted to do something. It's going to be dreadful. I haven't even thought about organising anything yet.

  49. #4549
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    Mine is next Wednesday. SVP sent out $25 gift cards to a liqour store in the area for people to get prepared. I have 7 a side about 30 mins after it ends so I used the GC to buy something nice for this weekend.

  50. #4550
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    I'll let you know what they do. I imagine a quiz will be involved, although they haven't mentioned anything. I'm definitely going up have to drink up break up the awkwardness. Might start now since they sent some prosecco in the post.

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