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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #5651
    I used to be funny.
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    This is exactly how our office drunk was dealt with. They’re all just waiting for the day she hits long-term sick.

  2. #5652
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    I've only ever worked with two office drunks that I knew of, both many years ago.

    One was sort of recovering from when she was bad with it in a previous job and fell hugely off the wagon on a work night out and the other used to hammer so many pints at lunchtime and then keep himself topped up throughout the afternoon that you could play pool with him in the evening and he'd genuinely think he was the other colour half way through a frame.

    Fun times.

  3. #5653
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Never worked with a in-work drunk before. One of the guys in my team basically can down booze at a rate of knots that goes from him being a decent guy to being embarrassingly drunk. One time, we all ordered a quick beer after a workshop that day and he polished off a bottle of white in the same time.

  4. #5654
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    I used to work with a woman that seemed to be drunk at work a fair amount (maybe once a week max) and had a lot of long-term absences. During the final absence she ended up falling down some stairs and died. This was around 2007/8 so it was before you had heroes like Baz caring about mental health and management appeared very sorrow despite causing her a lot of stress and likely worsening the situation.

  5. #5655
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    God bless her for paving the way towards my additional Ł8 a month.
    I'm a twit

  6. #5656
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    I worked with an alco train driver who ended up shopping himself to avoid the sack, then he was pissed and fell down an escalator and thought he was 18 again, lived in care ever since.

  7. #5657
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Wish I could go back to being 18

  8. #5658
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Might be a bit of a sour experience when you think you're 18 but they're keeping you in a secure unit, telling you you've had an accident and you don't recognise the person in the mirror.

  9. #5659
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    My dad used to be a van driver, would deliver catalogues and parcels all day, get home at 7ish, somehow manage to make himself a proper dinner from scratch every night, drink three bottles of cheap red wine, then be up at 5am to repeat the process, 5-6 days a week, 7 during the pre-christmas rush. This was pretty much his life from the age of 45 to 60. No wonder the mad cunt ended up having a stroke.

  10. #5660
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Actually went in work today. Well, the office building I worked in a while back. Wasn’t to do any work (was picking up free rugby tickets) so was there for all of thirty seconds but it’s well different!



    I’ll stay at home forever, ta. Saying that, work have inexplicably booked the next “team meeting” at a cafe in town.
    I'm a twit

  11. #5661
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I'm going to Spain next month. Five cities in five days. No working from home on the road

  12. #5662
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Christmas parties are back

  13. #5663
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Mans got a 1 month waiting list before being allowed to do their induction to the new office building and having regular access and these lot are doing work trips and xmas dos

  14. #5664
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    In September?

  15. #5665
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    I am going in to the office tomorrow for the first time since March 2020. I don't really want to, and it is 'optional' but I think not going would be a bad idea. I can't book a desk with the app because despite there being dozens of empty seats the app has deemed the office at it's covid limit, but my manager has said no to worry. Could be fun.

  16. #5666
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    God speed. I've got a brief induction on Thursday after which I wont be showing my face for another month (tactical holiday). I'm hoping during that period heads go and I can see the year out at home.

  17. #5667
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I had to go into the Office on Wednesday purely because a jobby cunt in Finance insisted that the information I had provided by email must be written directly onto the paperwork and accompanied by a big 1980's ink stamp that we still use for some reason. "Working from home does not negate company policy" she said.

    Today I contacted her about a refund that needs to go out via cheque and she's come back with some noise about only doing BACS transfers at the moment due to working from home.

    I've just attached the company policy on when Cheques can be issued and typed "Working from home does not negate company policy".

    I'm going to click send with my erection.

  18. #5668
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    She sounds horrific and wouldn't last five minutes on my watch. Finance should never ever get in the way of actually doing things.

  19. #5669
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I've not encountered her before, but to be that much of a twat she must have been around a fair while. She's probably moved to finance from another team.

    Either way, She's made a weak and powerless enemy and she will rue the day.

  20. #5670
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    I bet one of her favourites catchphrases is "I can't do that yet, it's month end".

  21. #5671
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    I had to go into the Office on Wednesday purely because a jobby cunt in Finance insisted that the information I had provided by email must be written directly onto the paperwork and accompanied by a big 1980's ink stamp that we still use for some reason. "Working from home does not negate company policy" she said.

    Today I contacted her about a refund that needs to go out via cheque and she's come back with some noise about only doing BACS transfers at the moment due to working from home.

    I've just attached the company policy on when Cheques can be issued and typed "Working from home does not negate company policy".

    I'm going to click send with my erection.


    Top work.

  22. #5672
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I’m proper bffs with our finance and accounts payable departments, it’s great. Even when I mess up (ultra rare, happened like twice in 3 years) they’re like ‘sorted it hun x’ and I’m back to watching TV.
    I'm a twit

  23. #5673
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    I've been covering nearly all the locum weekend shifts for quite a while so the consultant who does the rota loves me how.

    She's given me two weeks off over Christmas only using 1 day of annual leave

  24. #5674
    I used to be funny.
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    I'm still caning overtime when it's offered. Making the most of it until they inevitably hire agency staff to cover. Could be any day now or absolutely never.

  25. #5675
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    My boss leaves on Thursday and it’s gonna go one of two ways. She currently does bloody everything and I just mill around in the background, holding on to her pocket like Tweener, providing spreadsheets and mental health first aid as a when required.

    So either people are gonna start coming to me for all the stuff she did and I’m gonna get FOUND OUT as not knowing “policy and procedures” at all.

    Or somebody will pick up her work and ignore me and I’ll have even less work to do.

    Either way, it’s not gonna be positive.
    I'm a twit

  26. #5676
    Fuck like you cook.
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    May as well update.

    I returned to the job I couldn't be furloughed from in April, anticipated working alongside another chef but he no showed so I was on my own whilst guests were allowed on terrace or takeaways, waiting patiently whilst someone else arrived for the proper opening....no one did. Then one did. Then he fucked off. Twat. Ex head chef arrived from Poland so we've worked the last few months together but he returned a few weeks ago.

    Here's where I am at though. I am in a different area and different pub but under same owner, I have complete control of the kitchen, it's my specials every day, I do all the ordering etc. Every last bit goes through me which is ridiculous as I am still very inexperienced but as tough as it is, it's enjoyable all the same. Nothing special but I like how far I have come. I keep trying and doing better, now winter is coming and things are quieting down I feel I could really make some further improvements as I'll have more time to play.



    Loving me poached eggs. Ignore the excess water, it's just the plate I rest them on. Pretty though.



    Not entirely happy with me breakfasts but truth be told, I stopped giving a shit when we stopped serving to the public. Short staffed, you see. As seems to be everywhere in hospitality.




    Me ploughmans. I like this because it flies out at lunch so it eases things for me on the hot side. I've got my coleslaw locked down now too, I think.




    I do love both salmon and hake but I didn't manage to get a picture of the other. Under the tasty fish is beans, crushed garlic potatoes and courgettes. Most the veg is from the allotment around the corner which is cool. I've had mackerel, muscles, linguine, prawn risotto, mushroom tagliatelle, three cheese mac attack and I have to have a curry of the day so since returning I've had a few firsts. I can now make a decent chicken korma from scratch, the last Tikka Massala I did was a hit. I've managed to do a dhansak and a few others. But yeah, stable and smashing it.


  27. #5677
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Nice one, Smiffy. Those pictures look banging.

  28. #5678
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Good to hear from you Smiffy. Where in the UK are you these days?

  29. #5679
    Fuck like you cook.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikó View Post
    Good to hear from you Smiffy. Where in the UK are you these days?
    I'm back down in Cornwall but the winter is going to be a challenge as things will die down so I'll have to adjust, it should be a decent enough experience if not too quiet.

    Sometimes I can't shake the thought that it took a global pandemic to shake me into action.

  30. #5680
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Amazing food that Smiff, can't beat the classics.

  31. #5681
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    That one you posted with the fish and the prawn sauce all over it is still the best one.

  32. #5682
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    We need to talk about that Hash Brown situation Smiff.

    What the fuck are you playing at? You need atleast 12 of those. Come on lad.

  33. #5683
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    The ploughman's is British food at its absolute lowest level of shit.

  34. #5684
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    The ploughman's is British food at its absolute lowest level of shit.
    Agreed.

    But well done Smiffy for....cooking food. Jokes aside, it is good that you are happy. Namaste.

  35. #5685
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I've just had someone from James Duddridge's (local MP) office on the phone demanding information about a case without a consent form. He's not at all happy about my GDPR compliance. I'm going to enjoy this.

  36. #5686
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    I've just had someone from James Duddridge's (local MP) office on the phone demanding information about a case without a consent form. He's not at all happy about my GDPR compliance. I'm going to enjoy this.
    It's quite common to get the police rock up in A and E demanding information about patients with absolutely no authority to do so.

    Someone I went to med school with gave a police officer a load of information about a patient (which they shouldn't have done) when they were a fourth year student on placement. It was stupid of them and they should have known better, but absolute scum behaviour from the police officer to target a medical student.

  37. #5687
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Just received an email saying that the voter in question is unwilling to give written consent and that I am standing in the way of them helping.

    First up, you're not trying to help me, are you fuckbag? Second up, my legal requirement to obtain written consent to comply with GDPR was enacted by your boss. What a burk.

  38. #5688
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    They never understand rules when they are hindering them. Police do it all the time on the railway. If a crime is being committed on a station/train the civil police palm it off as not their jurisdiction unless it is an emergency.

    They happily just walk around on the railway running lines without asking for permission/informing signallers etc though.

  39. #5689
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    went on linkedin for the first time in ages. in my news feed, @kiko wrote about attending a conference in person for the first time. i clicked on his bio, and i saw this:
    Toggle Spoiler

  40. #5690
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Thanks for sharing my face.

  41. #5691
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    What a beauty.

  42. #5692
    I used to be funny.
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    Like a posh Guy Martin.

  43. #5693
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    That's Jack Torrence.

  44. #5694
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Wait until the baby turns up.

    Toggle Spoiler

  45. #5695
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    All parts of the face below the nose look like they are from a different photo.

  46. #5696
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Looks like he’s been force fed a full bag of Tangfastics, made to watch Norwich vs Burnley and been told if he blinks his wife will leave him for phonics.
    I'm a twit

  47. #5697
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    The size of that nose, could smoke a pipe in the rain

  48. #5698
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    The picture changes to your LinkedIn profile when you look at it.

  49. #5699
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Kiko, you look fine mate.

  50. #5700
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    why didn't your company provide you a proper headshot on a white background? why did you have to edit out the background yourself?! why?!!

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