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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #1601
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Don't get banned before the results are announced you muppet.

  2. #1602
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I have to carry out my first eviction tomorrow. It's a gang affiliated property with police presence required.

    When the police don't bother to show up and I get murdered, please ensure all my positive rep is left to the winner of Greg vs Josh.

  3. #1603
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    What's your job mate, sticking your head under the door to make sure they're out?

  4. #1604
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Nah, it's SHAGING YOUR MUM.

  5. #1605
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    That's some commute.

  6. #1606
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I was off yesterday with flu and really shouldn't be in today, but being off sick bores me to tears so I filled myself full of drugs and came in. The first couple of hours were shit but now I've reached such a magnificent narcotics-fuelled high that wild horses couldn't drag me out of here. Is a painkiller addiction that bad? I'm considering it.

  7. #1607
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    I have to carry out my first eviction tomorrow. It's a gang affiliated property with police presence required.

    When the police don't bother to show up and I get murdered, please ensure all my positive rep is left to the winner of Greg vs Josh.
    More importantly, which one do you want to posthumously vote for?

  8. #1608
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    More importantly, which one do you want to posthumously vote for?
    I survived, so the world will have to wait and see.

  9. #1609
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    You're a right tease.

  10. #1610
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    I am going to fucking crack up. I was off Friday and Monday. On Thursday just before I was about to leave, I discovered the village idiot on my team had overwritten some new code I'd committed with his own crap. Annoying but not too big a deal as it was a fairly minor fix. I stayed till half six to fix it as it was being released to the customer for testing on the friday.

    Come in this morning and it turns out he fucking overwrote it again on Friday when I was off and the customer is telling us it isn't working. Yeah, no shit.

    Then it's also been discovered today that someone else has somehow managed to remove another bit of code of mine from the previous release that has now gone into production with our latest release.

    Fuck me.

  11. #1611
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    #DevLife

  12. #1612
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    I am going to fucking crack up. I was off Friday and Monday. On Thursday just before I was about to leave, I discovered the village idiot on my team had overwritten some new code I'd committed with his own crap. Annoying but not too big a deal as it was a fairly minor fix. I stayed till half six to fix it as it was being released to the customer for testing on the friday.

    Come in this morning and it turns out he fucking overwrote it again on Friday when I was off and the customer is telling us it isn't working. Yeah, no shit.

    Then it's also been discovered today that someone else has somehow managed to remove another bit of code of mine from the previous release that has now gone into production with our latest release.

    Fuck me.
    Do you not have some kind of pull request process?

  13. #1613
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Nah, we just create a branch for our own features then merge it into the integration/release branch once it's ready to go. You should see any conflicts though so people aren't being careful enough about them.

    We're supposed to have a peer review system but in reality the peer reviews hardly ever get carried out. Guess who my peer reviewer is.

  14. #1614
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    They that sow the wind, shall reap the whirlwind

  15. #1615
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Write a load of comments in his code saying that he thinks the boss is a racist or something.

  16. #1616
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Write a load of comments in his code saying that he thinks the boss is a racist or something.
    You can see who added what.

  17. #1617
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    They can think that far ahead, but not far enough ahead to stop morons deleting other people's work?

  18. #1618
    I used to be funny.
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    "Boydys code, do not touch." Should do it. Also, there's probably two other coders moaning about how some eejit overwrote their code.

  19. #1619
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Newish lad in work thinks you've to be friends outside work

    That'll need a high level of ignorance to nip in the bud.

  20. #1620
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    How is he trying to instigate said friendship?

  21. #1621
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    How is he trying to instigate said friendship?
    I think it's more like he expects 'mates' and to give a hand with stuff at weekends and all. Like yesterday he asks what I was doing at the weekend and I just said I was going to the sisters for a few pints. "Oh, it's just that we're moving the son into a new house and could have done with a hand". I just laughed and then he says "bit of help would be great". In the end I just told him that it wasn't going to happen even if I was doing no more than sitting watching TV all weekend.
    He keeps telling me about his kids, etc too and not picking up that I sound completely uninterested and change the subject to something to do with work. I'm going to have to just tell him I couldn't care less if they all spontaneously caught fire.

  22. #1622
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    That's delinquent behaviour (from him). You can't stroll around asking random people to help you move your son into a new house. The fact that he has a son suggests he is 40+ and should know better too.

  23. #1623
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    He’s not really done anything wrong there, other than unknowingly approached an unusually unfriendly colleague.
    I'm a twit

  24. #1624
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Now when I say newish, he's been there 6 months but in that time there has been zero out of hours interaction to warrant it.

  25. #1625
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    He’s not really done anything wrong there, other than unknowingly approached an unusually unfriendly colleague.
    Being the main point here.

  26. #1626
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    No chance I'm helping someone I've just started working with to move house.

    I barely go out for drinks with the people I work with and I've known then for 4 years.

  27. #1627
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    A storm in a teacup brewing at work.

    The company expects me to go on some rota of on call, which is effectively about 4 weeks out of the year I carry a pager, can't be more than an hour away from the office and can't be drunk.

    It's not in my contract T and Cs nor my roles and responsibilities. The reward for giving up almost a month of the year of freedom? The equivalent of a 1.7% pay rise.

    Thanks, but no thanks.

    Trying to work out whether they are going to force me to do it against my will. If so I'm probably going to file a grievance with HR.

    Anyone ever had to deal with something like that? Any tips? I'm part of a "communication forum" which is effectively a stop gap between HR and the company employees so I brought it to the table there, apparently I'm not the only one just ignoring the emails at the moment.

  28. #1628
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    In my experience, rightly or wrongly, companies can do whatever they like a lot of the time. You'll end up having to do it.

    One certainty also is that HR is the company always. They won't help.

  29. #1629
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foe View Post
    A storm in a teacup brewing at work.

    The company expects me to go on some rota of on call, which is effectively about 4 weeks out of the year I carry a pager, can't be more than an hour away from the office and can't be drunk.

    It's not in my contract T and Cs nor my roles and responsibilities. The reward for giving up almost a month of the year of freedom? The equivalent of a 1.7% pay rise.

    Thanks, but no thanks.

    Trying to work out whether they are going to force me to do it against my will. If so I'm probably going to file a grievance with HR.

    Anyone ever had to deal with something like that? Any tips? I'm part of a "communication forum" which is effectively a stop gap between HR and the company employees so I brought it to the table there, apparently I'm not the only one just ignoring the emails at the moment.
    Yeah, 100% fuck that. If it's not in your contract then it's something they need to incentivise you to do in order to change your terms of employment. Maybe you could just stop working Mondays or have a three hour lunch break and see if they're cool with other arbitrary changes?

  30. #1630
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    I'm a selfish cunt but I'd laugh in the face of one of my actual real life friends if they suggested it would be nice if I helped them move into their new house. I have no problem with socialising with colleagues, but that's limited to getting drunk and occasionally shagging female colleagues. Not a trip to B&Q.

  31. #1631
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foe View Post
    A storm in a teacup brewing at work.

    The company expects me to go on some rota of on call, which is effectively about 4 weeks out of the year I carry a pager, can't be more than an hour away from the office and can't be drunk.

    It's not in my contract T and Cs nor my roles and responsibilities. The reward for giving up almost a month of the year of freedom? The equivalent of a 1.7% pay rise.

    Thanks, but no thanks.

    Trying to work out whether they are going to force me to do it against my will. If so I'm probably going to file a grievance with HR.

    Anyone ever had to deal with something like that? Any tips? I'm part of a "communication forum" which is effectively a stop gap between HR and the company employees so I brought it to the table there, apparently I'm not the only one just ignoring the emails at the moment.
    That's ridiculous. I pay Ł70 per day for people to be on call at weekends and bank holidays.

  32. #1632
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    The worst part about it for me is if you get screwed and end up on the rota over Xmas time.

    You get your days back so it doesn't actually cost you annual leave on the hope you don't get called. I'd be completely fucked though being stuck in Aberdeen and unable to go and see family as they live more than an hour from the office.

    This is in addition to the expectation that if there's an issue in my actual job/role they can call me and ask me for help. Last Boxing Day is spent about 3 hours pulling together a risk assessment for a platform issue.

    Seems to be empoyers with a view that society is willing to basically just devote their life to the company. No thanks. I work hard but there's a line which is the work/ life balance and I'll be the person to decide whether I cross it, not you.

  33. #1633
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    One of either two things should be happening:

    • They either pay you a very large amount when you're called out, but a smaller/no amount for being available
    • You're paid a decent amount whenever you're on call, regardless of whether you're called out


    It looks like they're trying to get away with neither.

  34. #1634
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    I'm a selfish cunt but I'd laugh in the face of one of my actual real life friends if they suggested it would be nice if I helped them move into their new house. I have no problem with socialising with colleagues, but that's limited to getting drunk and occasionally shagging female colleagues. Not a trip to B&Q.
    I've previously thought that I might actually be able to get along with you irl but now I think you're probably as much of a twat as your posts make out. Why would you not help out a friend?

    Anyway, I helped a girl at work move something once and I massively regretted it. At the time I got on with her quite well and, although it was effort, I guess I just thought I should do the nice thing. She offered to buy me a pizza to say thanks, but I declined. These days I find said girl incredibly irritating, as she's the type of twat that assumes having neighbouring desks means you want to hear about how her dad has sweetcorn as part of a roast for the tenth time, so it had a huge impact in helping me realise that giving up your own time for nothing is thick as pigshit.

  35. #1635
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Offshore Toon View Post
    I've previously thought that I might actually be able to get along with you irl but now I think you're probably as much of a twat as your posts make out. Why would you not help out a friend?
    Ohhh no the thing is I'd happily offer to help my pals move a piano or whatever, I'm more objecting to the kinda passive aggressively suggesting it. If my mate said "i'm moving out, it's going to be a right pain in the arse" i'd offer to help, and if my mate said "igor you twat, help me move out" i'd also help. To be honest if they said "it would be nice if you helped me" I probably WOULD help them. I'd just think it was a weird mealy mouthed way of asking.

  36. #1636
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    The first vote saving CLIMB DOWN of the competition.

  37. #1637
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Yep. Should have just told him to do what he likes and fuck off

  38. #1638
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    The pressure has completely got to him. Finish him Shinners. Your time is now.

  39. #1639
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I helped my friend move and their idiotic approach to things like moving all the small shit in before furniture just ended up annoying me.

  40. #1640
    I used to be funny.
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    He sees the lasses at work as only shags? I'll sound the phonics signal.

  41. #1641
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    I helped my friend move and their idiotic approach to things like moving all the small shit in before furniture just ended up annoying me.
    That is literally the wrong way round.
    I'm a twit

  42. #1642
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    He sees the lasses at work as only shags? I'll sound the phonics signal.
    He's coming up with the justice hashtags as we speak.

  43. #1643
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    I'm with Igor on this, the point wasn't about not helping a friend it was people you work with assuming that sort of relationship.

  44. #1644
    Senior Member Bam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikó View Post
    I barely go out for drinks with the people I work with and I've known then for 4 years.

    Not even if it was informal and your wife was walking past by chance?

  45. #1645
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    wankers

  46. #1646
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Ohhh no the thing is I'd happily offer to help my pals move a piano or whatever, I'm more objecting to the kinda passive aggressively suggesting it. If my mate said "i'm moving out, it's going to be a right pain in the arse" i'd offer to help, and if my mate said "igor you twat, help me move out" i'd also help. To be honest if they said "it would be nice if you helped me" I probably WOULD help them. I'd just think it was a weird mealy mouthed way of asking.
    Okay, we're cool.

  47. #1647
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Offshore Toon View Post
    Okay, we're cool.
    You helping me build a shed cool, or just not calling me a twat cool?

  48. #1648
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Are they mutually exclusive? Because I'd help you build the shed and call you a twat.

  49. #1649
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I'll have to listen to every detail of the house move tomorrow

    I'll have to nip him with something really rude early on.

  50. #1650
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Are they mutually exclusive? Because I'd help you build the shed and call you a twat.
    You're not building a shed properly if you're not calling someone nearby a twat tbh.

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