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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #5051
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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  2. #5052
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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  3. #5053
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Regardless of the sentiment, anyone calling themselves a fampany can gtfo.
    I'm a twit

  4. #5054
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I've thought for a while that when Barry Musk or whoever comes out with statements about 4 zillion hours of hard work being required per week to change the world, it's all really a load of horse shit, for the following reasons:

    1) most people don't want to change the world, they just want to put food on the table and enjoy life.
    2) these people are bloodsuckers overpaid by a factor of thousands and to justify this - to the world and to themselves - they come up with this fictional narrative in which their wealth was earned because they worked hardest (the same applies to professional sportsmen, 100% of whom, whatever they tell you, reached the top because of natural talent, not hard work)
    3) to maintain the status quo they need to keep people in their place, part of which is barking at them to work harder, like a 19th century mill owner

    The less we listen to 'business leaders', the more wise we will become.

  5. #5055
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    One of our senior management team actually just said 'without further adieu' on a company call. It's not often I encounter one of these outside the internet.

    However it has helped me learn that things like this (tender hooks, peddle stool, etc.) are called eggcorns, which pleases me.

  6. #5056
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    That article conflates hard work and productivity, which aren't the same thing, but probably seem like the same when you're struggling to write the same worthless article on different things every week.

  7. #5057
    I used to be funny.
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    Word. My productivity's class because the majority of the office work slower than me. I work to their pace, not my own.

  8. #5058
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    One of our senior management team actually just said 'without further adieu' on a company call. It's not often I encounter one of these outside the internet.

    However it has helped me learn that things like this (tender hooks, peddle stool, etc.) are called eggcorns, which pleases me.
    fucking hell, i had the football manager message board equivalent of how you'll start getting facebook adverts relating to stuff you have been talking about at the pub

    about 4 hours after you posted this, the IT guy started howling with laughter. when i asked him wtf he was laughing at he said "wait for my facebook post"



    for context, IT guy is a Polish guy my age (29) who moved to the UK at 16, and wasn't fluent until he was 19, and "JOHN L" is a 50 year old english man. excellent.

  9. #5059
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    One of our senior management team actually just said 'without further adieu' on a company call. It's not often I encounter one of these outside the internet.

    However it has helped me learn that things like this (tender hooks, peddle stool, etc.) are called eggcorns, which pleases me.
    Ffs.

  10. #5060
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    My work initially went to two/three days a week in January (by orders of the parent unit who apply their stupid rules to us), so I used some holidays and stayed home a bit longer, but then it just got closed properly in February and I've been sat off since. We were meant to be back in by now, but our section of the site has got some Legionella bacteria in its water, so that means another few weeks off. I have had seven of the past thirteen months off.

  11. #5061
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    That article conflates hard work and productivity, which aren't the same thing, but probably seem like the same when you're struggling to write the same worthless article on different things every week.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    My work initially went to two/three days a week in January (by orders of the parent unit who apply their stupid rules to us), so I used some holidays and stayed home a bit longer, but then it just got closed properly in February and I've been sat off since. We were meant to be back in by now, but our section of the site has got some Legionella bacteria in its water, so that means another few weeks off. I have had seven of the past thirteen months off.
    You know a lot about hard work then.

  12. #5062
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    My productivity proves the point.

  13. #5063
    Just Luca, but still a DJ Luca's Avatar
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    Lewis, how do you reconcile being lazy government worker scum with your worldview? You must bowl around like Ron Swanson.

  14. #5064
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I tell myself that I'm one of the actually important workers, and use all of my interactions with other areas/departments to reinforce it.

  15. #5065
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    This is great.

  16. #5066
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Amazing.

  17. #5067
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    that's great

  18. #5068
    I used to be funny.
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    Excellent.

  19. #5069
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    One of my colleagues has royally chimped out today, basically walking off the job (virtually) when it wasn't finished and due to be ready, then leaving both work related group chats. High level drama for a Tuesday.

  20. #5070
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    End of the line for him.

  21. #5071
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I got declined for an internal job because the person spec said a degree was essential, but chanced my arm anyway considering everyone knows I can definitely do the job, despite dropping out of university in 2005.

    Didn't mind so much cos I knew this when applying. What does annoy me is they've just decided to not fill the post because nobody else applied.
    I'm a twit

  22. #5072
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Should have just made up the degree.

  23. #5073
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    I got declined for an internal job because the person spec said a degree was essential, but chanced my arm anyway considering everyone knows I can definitely do the job, despite dropping out of university in 2005.

    Didn't mind so much cos I knew this when applying. What does annoy me is they've just decided to not fill the post because nobody else applied.
    This sort of thing pisses me off - what difference does having a degree make to actually carrying out the job? Why not just interview you and make a decision based on your (much more relevant) work history?

    I've sort of had the opposite today - denied the opportunity to interview as I'm now too experienced and therefore more expensive as 'just' a classroom teacher. The only way out of my school now is promotion (something I've thus far failed to achieve)

  24. #5074
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I didn't know they even advertised internal jobs without having already stitched the candidate[s] up. I wrote the interview questions for mine when we got upgraded.

  25. #5075
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Time has stopped moving.

  26. #5076
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Just came out of a three-hour workshop, so I feel your pain

  27. #5077
    I used to be funny.
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    Thank fuck for a three-day weekend.

  28. #5078
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    I'm (in work related written correspondence, not here) increasingly starting to drop my use of contractions like someone's turned the dial up on my autism. It's subconscious and I'm yet to bottom out the full impact so stay tuned for more.

  29. #5079
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    My current office had like ~75 people in a day pre-covid, now it's just the little team i'm in plus the odd handful of different randomers.

    My boss is absolutely sound, and incredibly easy-going, but I'm starting to get quite annoyed by her fear of upper-management. Like, I'm not expecting some us-against-the-world shit, with her LAYING DOWN ULTIMATUMS to her bosses whenever they do anything that annoys us proles, but still.

    Our team of 5 people has been split into two - me and the woman who mostly do one task have to sit at the far opposite end of the office to the other 3, apparently with the logic that if someone on one team got the vid, the other team wouldn't have to isolate. That's the logic of my manager's boss anyway. It's completely pointless cus after lunch time, the other woman on my team of 2 goes home and a woman in the team of 3 goes home, and i have to go and sit in the other bit for the second half of the day anyway with the remaining 2 people in the other team! We all have to intermingle constantly throughout the day anyway for various tasks so, clearly, if anyone got vid we're all fucking isolating, no questions.

    This decision was made about a month ago, and it's massive pain in the arse cus the bit us two get banished to isn't cleared for taking sensitive info on the phone, so we can't take any calls, and half of our overall team's stuff is down there.

    My boss made it sound like she'd pointed this out to HER boss, and her boss basically didn't get it/refused to listen. Today I pushed it a bit and actually asked "so, when you pointed this out, what did she say?" cus she's bit a bit evasive about it, and she blushed and said "well i haven't actually had a chance to...".

    Like, what the fuck. I am not expecting her to make some crazy ultimatum about it if her boss doubles down, but it sounds like she's just gone "okay", and not even bothered to explain why it's stupid. The thing that makes it even more perplexing is that HER boss is really chilled out and sound as well, and has almost certainly made a genuine mistake in making this decision. I'm almost certain that if she came in tomorrow and i was like "don't you think it's a pointless having us split up cus blah blah blah" she'd just go "oh yeah, good point, fuck it then".

    I don't get it, like there's being a bit in awe of your superiors and being scared of conflict, but this feels borderline deranged to me. I fear that if upper-management were like "yeah igor has to work sundays now" she'd just be like uhhh yeah sorry igor :/

  30. #5080
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    She sounds like one of those passive melts that's too afraid of confrontation and causing any kind of scene. Touch her up if you get any alone time.

  31. #5081
    I used to be funny.
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    Aye, it takes a second to raise it in a meeting or whatever. If it goes nowhere, she's done her bit.

  32. #5082
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    i'm sure it's no coincidence that she's also exactly the worst kind of work martyr who arrives an hour early and leaves an hour later and answers emails at the weekend despite being in some pointless 30k middle-management job supervising divs like me

  33. #5083
    I used to be funny.
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    Frig that. We had a lass like that at our level once. She dropped a clanger then desperately tried to hang around the office whilst it was fixed. She did it enough to get warned about it. Just go home and survey the damage tomorrow.

  34. #5084
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    There's a similar dynamic in my office. My manager always dresses up quarterly / end of year performance as a scary thing because she has to explain our performance to her managers manager.

    This makes little sense, because the manager she reports this to is one of the nicest people you could meet and would almost certainly look for any reason to give people the benefit of the doubt.

    In fact, we ended just shy of 1% off our team target (I beat my target because I am a hero) this year, and she gave us all a gift voucher and said it was a miraculous achievement considering everything that's happened over the last year.

    So, either she's an absolute dragon once her office door snaps shut OR this is just the technique that ineffective low-level managers use to avoid having to justify their bull shit.

  35. #5085
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Personable girlbosses running the show whilst their underlings vent on their little computer game forum.

  36. #5086
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    The top, TOP boss is a geezer, so we're still keeping the feminist lobby out of the board room.

  37. #5087
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Bitchboss or bossbitch?

  38. #5088
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    There's a similar dynamic in my office. My manager always dresses up quarterly / end of year performance as a scary thing because she has to explain our performance to her managers manager.

    This makes little sense, because the manager she reports this to is one of the nicest people you could meet and would almost certainly look for any reason to give people the benefit of the doubt.

    In fact, we ended just shy of 1% off our team target (I beat my target because I am a hero) this year, and she gave us all a gift voucher and said it was a miraculous achievement considering everything that's happened over the last year.

    So, either she's an absolute dragon once her office door snaps shut OR this is just the technique that ineffective low-level managers use to avoid having to justify their bull shit.
    lol yeah sounds like your boss is exactly the same as ours. she was freaking out foe weeks because our team was "massively over budget" for the quarter.

    turns out the reason we were MASSIVELY over budget was that we got a really high invoice from one of the agencies people can donate to us through. so, er, it was because we'd gotten MORE money, it's just that the agencies ostensibly fall under our adminny department, whereas the money in goes into the fundraising department. it isn't like she had any control over it - she doesn't even choose which agencies we work with. so whenever she'd panic i'd be like "yeah, but...we're not ACTUALLY over budget, it's just that we were charged more cus we got more donations?" and she'd sorta flap and not really reply.

    once she finally had the end of quarter meeting she came out really relieved and surprised, saying "well they didn't care about being overbudget because it was just because we had a higher than usual amount of donations, and obviously out of our control anyway"


    er...well, yeah. she's worked here for like 30 years as well.

  39. #5089
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    'it says "hated by the daily mail", 'cause i'm the sort...'
    'Right, and do you think that's an appropriate thing to wear for work?'
    *invents reasons to hate her*

  40. #5090
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    I would watch the movie about Igor written by Lewis.

  41. #5091
    I used to be funny.
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    And narrated by Jimmy.

  42. #5092
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Some cunt was complaining about me and all sorts a month ago but in his most recent email he has included a light pun which I feel needs acknowledgement in what would otherwise be 'thank you for the report' response. It's an external so it needs to also be professional. Is there a solution for this incredibly difficult position I find myself in?

  43. #5093
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    What's the pun?

  44. #5094
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    It's just some bollocks surrounding the topic of the report. It's not actually funny ffs. What I need is a formal business equivalent to the laughing crying emoji that I can chuck his way and we can both continue to live our lives in peace.

  45. #5095
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I would probably just ignore it and thank him.

  46. #5096
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Just ignore it. Power move.

  47. #5097
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    I never realised Taz was such a beta.

  48. #5098
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Replying with another (better) pun is the obvious answer.

  49. #5099
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    "LOL m8 :*******), thanks for the report."

  50. #5100
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    #FlanterFriday #OOOOHWORKFRIEND

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