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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #12251
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    Low-intensity tennis.
    Why was he playing women's tennis?

  2. #12252
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    Playing pickleball with the office LADS today. Better than working, I guess.
    I lost.

  3. #12253
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Is that not something for over 80's?

  4. #12254
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    There's a comedy film being made about Pickleball, written by one of the Workaholics writers.

    I presumed Kyle Newacheck (Karl in Workaholics, and also a director) would be involved but apparently he's busy directing Happy Gilmore 2. A film nobody wants, surely.
    I'm a twit

  5. #12255
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Teenage Spikey loved Happy Gilmore.

    So no. They probably don't.

  6. #12256
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Adam Sandler's agent probably does.

  7. #12257
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Is that not something for over 80's?
    Yes.

  8. #12258
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I'm up for a promotion into a new manager role that doesn't currently exist, and they've asked me to write a business case (for the existence of the role). Obviously not being a director or whatever I don't have access to key stats and data, just a general idea of why the role should exist. Is this a normal situation?

  9. #12259
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Is anything there a normal situation?

  10. #12260
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    I'm up for a promotion into a new manager role that doesn't currently exist, and they've asked me to write a business case (for the existence of the role). Obviously not being a director or whatever I don't have access to key stats and data, just a general idea of why the role should exist. Is this a normal situation?
    I can picture it now: you’ll write a business case, the higher-ups will use it as a job description and advertise the post, you won’t apply cos they can get lost, someone with big nips gets the gig.
    I'm a twit

  11. #12261
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    They've already written and sent me the job description, so then being asked to write a business case strikes me as back to front, but I could be wrong.

  12. #12262
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    I can picture it now: you’ll write a business case, the higher-ups will use it as a job description and advertise the post, you won’t apply cos they can get lost, someone with big nips gets the gig.
    That exact thing happened to a mate of mine and he had to work for two years under the numpty they recruited that phoned it in every single day, except in his case he was pushing to create the role rather than being told there was one.

    I'd politely tell them to do one Jim.

  13. #12263
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    Not content with shutting my department down they're now looking to sell our customers to the highest bidder. Fucking bastards.

  14. #12264
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    I'm up for a promotion into a new manager role that doesn't currently exist, and they've asked me to write a business case (for the existence of the role). Obviously not being a director or whatever I don't have access to key stats and data, just a general idea of why the role should exist. Is this a normal situation?
    Sounds like a job for ChatGPT

  15. #12265
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raoul Duke View Post
    Sounds like a job for ChatGPT
    Isn't everything? I couldn't do my job without it, these days.
    I'm a twit

  16. #12266
    I used to be funny.
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    "Tractors are a four-wheeled vehicle often used for agriculture ..."

  17. #12267
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Isn't everything? I couldn't do my job without it, these days.
    Like swearing, it should be used sparingly for maximum impact and I despair at people who haven't even attempted to re-word what it spits out before rampantly passing it off as their own work.

  18. #12268
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    This is a genuine posting for an enormous company. Role is business development manager.

    What we’re looking for:

    • Proactive and Driven: You should be highly motivated to find and pursue new leads and opportunities
    • Exhibit relentless drive as a go-getter, with the confidence to pick up the phone and make things happen
    • Excellent Communicator: You must possess strong communication skills, allowing you to quickly build rapport with potential clients, through a variety of different methods (including verbal, written and presentation)
    • Innovative Thinker: Creative in your approach to sales, developing unique strategies to attract new business
    • Track record of selling: Possess an unwavering "hunter" mindset with a demonstrable solid sales background

  19. #12269
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I have to give a presentation for a second round interview in a couple of weeks time. What the fuck is that? I feel like just dropping out now.

  20. #12270
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    What if I have a "hunter" mindset, but it occasionally wavers?

  21. #12271
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Can you do it on micro-brewing?

  22. #12272
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    What if I have a "hunter" mindset, but it occasionally wavers?
    Then you become the hunted.

  23. #12273
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    What if I have a "hunter" mindset, but it occasionally wavers?
    Who are we kidding, you are a farmer.

  24. #12274
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niko_cee View Post
    Can you do it on micro-brewing?
    I presume I need to do it on the job in question. I could waffle about brewing for hours.

  25. #12275
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    What if I have a "hunter" mindset, but it occasionally wavers?
    Then you're a complete failure and don't have what it takes. You need to pick up the phone and MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.

  26. #12276
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    Who are we kidding, you are a farmer.
    Hadn't occurred to me they were referring to that old chestnut. My drive as a go-getter must have accidentally relented.

  27. #12277
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    Who are we kidding, you are a farmer.
    Having never heard of such claptrap this lead me here.

    Chris Leader, of course. I bet his son is called Hunter Leader, whether he exists or doesn't yet exist, as is the mentality:

    Hunters view every “no” as “not yet”.
    Rapey.

  28. #12278
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    "Your body, my choice".

  29. #12279
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Sales must be the worst job of all time. You need a neck like a jockeys bollocks and even then it all depends on the mood of the cunt you're talking to.

  30. #12280
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    My approach to being a salesman is to do the opposite of what sales experts / charlatans want me to do. I don't chase new leads. I don't follow up on contacts. I'm not persuasive and I'm not a people person. I simply give them what they want while talking as little as possible. Currently up 23% year on year, sales theory books on the bonfire.

  31. #12281
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    My approach to being a salesman is to do the opposite of what sales experts / charlatans want me to do. I don't chase new leads. I don't follow up on contacts. I'm not persuasive and I'm not a people person. I simply give them what they want while talking as little as possible. Currently up 23% year on year, sales theory books on the bonfire.
    Inbound is cute. The challenge is either you don't have what they want, or they don't know what they want.

  32. #12282
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    If you're trying to sell things to people that don't want them, then, I mean, you're probably selling to the wrong people. It's much better to try and sell things to people who do want them.

    You don't get this sort of insight in the business section at Waterstones. Read it and live it.

  33. #12283
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    If you're trying to sell things to people that don't want them, then, I mean, you're probably selling to the wrong people. It's much better to try and sell things to people who do want them.

    You don't get this sort of insight in the business section at Waterstones. Read it and live it.
    I meant you aren't selling something anyone wants. Hence why you need to MAKE THINGS HAPPEN and be an UNWAVERING HUNTER.

  34. #12284
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Maybe sell things someone wants?

  35. #12285
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    I guess Magic isn't getting a John Deere crankshaft for Christmas, then.

  36. #12286
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    Quote Originally Posted by niko_cee View Post
    Maybe sell things someone wants?
    Bingo.

  37. #12287
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    My approach to being a salesman is to do the opposite of what sales experts / charlatans want me to do. I don't chase new leads. I don't follow up on contacts. I'm not persuasive and I'm not a people person. I simply give them what they want while talking as little as possible. Currently up 23% year on year, sales theory books on the bonfire.
    The amount of cold calling emails I get because I sign up to a webinar drives me mental. I'm not the decision maker and even if I was, this is not the process for buying software. Fuck off and stop emailing me.

  38. #12288
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niko_cee View Post
    Having never heard of such claptrap this lead me here
    I only heard of it recently because my wife applied for a sales job and was asked if she was a hunter or a farmer, which made both of us lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    My approach to being a salesman is to do the opposite of what sales experts / charlatans want me to do. I don't chase new leads. I don't follow up on contacts. I'm not persuasive and I'm not a people person. I simply give them what they want while talking as little as possible. Currently up 23% year on year, sales theory books on the bonfire.
    This is the way. The number of salespeople I have contacted who then don't answer or not give me the information I need is astounding. You have a website, I know the product. Just give me the fucking price and how long it will take me to get it.

  39. #12289
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikó View Post
    The amount of cold calling emails I get because I sign up to a webinar drives me mental. I'm not the decision maker and even if I was, this is not the process for buying software. Fuck off and stop emailing me.
    Rule no.1: Don't pitch to the bitch.

  40. #12290
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    This is the way. The number of salespeople I have contacted who then don't answer or not give me the information I need is astounding. You have a website, I know the product. Just give me the fucking price and how long it will take me to get it.
    Your asking the wrong questions. You need to be asking 'where do I sign?', 'can I pay it all upfront before the project starts?' and 'do you do 10 year contracts?'.

  41. #12291
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Can we set up a time for a call to discuss your needs?

    I already told you my needs. Now fuck off.

  42. #12292
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Following up on my last 15 emails,

  43. #12293
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    "Just checking in."

  44. #12294
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I've just been speaking to a man that has been "basically made homeless" after assaulting his wife, mum and son and having restraining orders taken out against him.

    "I slept in the car last night mate. Where am I meant to go?"

    To hell, ideally. Save me the tears.

  45. #12295
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    People like that should be conscripted into the army. There's my progressive, forward-thinking opinion for the day.

  46. #12296
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I'd prefer prison.

  47. #12297
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    They just get packed off to hostels like the YMCA and Salvation Army, where they become addicted to substances.

    I like to think of it as job security.
    I'm a twit

  48. #12298
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Not down here he won't. Single straight men spend years on the street. He will eventually be picked up by HARP, but they're massively overstretched and offer very little support anymore.

    There are basically no support services left in Southend. Which is normally very sad, but in this instance lol. Unlucky m8.
    Last edited by Spikey M; 12-11-2024 at 11:47 AM.

  49. #12299
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    Got my redundancy pay schedule (£1,400) lol.

    I'll be on gardening leave for my 4 weeks' notice which starts either late next week or early Dec.

  50. #12300
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    What's your next move?

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