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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #12201
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Grass.

  2. #12202
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    'Your free trial of Pensioner Swindler 9000 expires in 30 days...'

  3. #12203
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikó View Post
    Anti financial crime. We try to stop the pensioner swindling.
    I genuinely thought you were a banker lol. Wow.

  4. #12204
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    It's a filthy lie shared by the powers that be.

  5. #12205
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Time to put you in the same bracket as Shindig.

  6. #12206
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Wash your hands Keeks.

  7. #12207

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    Probably better to be a banker than a "senior solutions consultant" or whatever wanky job title it was.

  8. #12208
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Regarding the job, Magic, is the qualified counsellor salary not a lot less than your current sales earnings? Might be aswell to take the crap wage and re-adjust now, at least you'll be doing what you want? Or look at jobs where they will actively like you doing your course.

  9. #12209
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Just win the lottery. Thats my plan.
    I'm a twit

  10. #12210
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ben View Post
    Probably better to be a banker than a "senior solutions consultant" or whatever wanky job title it was.
    I just want to be part of team sales.

  11. #12211
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Magic giving you counselling. It truly is 'Those that can't do, teach'.

  12. #12212
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    In unrelated news, I'm training to be a barber.

  13. #12213
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lofty View Post
    Regarding the job, Magic, is the qualified counsellor salary not a lot less than your current sales earnings? Might be aswell to take the crap wage and re-adjust now, at least you'll be doing what you want? Or look at jobs where they will actively like you doing your course.
    Yes. Like half. There are no real jobs that compliment it, unless it's like school guidance counsellor or something and most of them are part time just above minimum wage lol.

    I love the course, the first year is teaching you how to human on a much deeper level. Could always jack it in when they start preparing you for practice in year 2.

  14. #12214
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    If you're not intending to do anything with it you could likely get the same out of watching university lectures on YouTube and buying the set books suggested. Doing the actual course is only really worth doing if you need that bit of paper.

    I am quite surprised it's a low paying job though. Surely there's some money in listening to Big Banker Kiko's woes twice a week.

  15. #12215
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Is the plan to counsel people through gluten intolerances?

  16. #12216
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    I hope a module on the replication crisis comes soon.

  17. #12217
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    I am quite surprised it's a low paying job though. Surely there's some money in listening to Big Banker Kiko's woes twice a week.
    They'd probably want someone, if not with medical training, then not Mr fucking Mackey up there.

  18. #12218
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    If you're not intending to do anything with it you could likely get the same out of watching university lectures on YouTube and buying the set books suggested. Doing the actual course is only really worth doing if you need that bit of paper.

    I am quite surprised it's a low paying job though. Surely there's some money in listening to Big Banker Kiko's woes twice a week.
    Ł29-Ł40k if you work for someone. You can probably up that to Ł50k in private practice and maybe more if you have a proper niche. It's really limited by your own mental capacity. 25 clients a week @ 50-55 minutes is the max recommended.

    I got dealt a rough hand in life as I'm sure some of us on here did, I crave connection and meaning and I desperately need to heal. That said, it doesn't put food on the table and I feel like chucking away my career in toxic capitalist land is probably a bad idea at the moment. I am devastated my plan (working here for 3 years, saving then quitting and trying to build my own practice) has fallen through so quickly.

  19. #12219
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Just win the lottery. Thats my plan.
    Ditto. Tonight might be the night.

  20. #12220
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    Interview tomorrow. Only applied today.

  21. #12221
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Seems legit.

  22. #12222
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Passed the first HR hurdle and the hiring manager already liked my profile. Salary isn't an issue either. Might be a goer this one.

  23. #12223
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    It must be the season of job moving! I'm hopefully about to land my first client secondment with a video game & entertainment company, which probably has the potential to either br the coolest 6 months of my career or just a period where I get fucked by the US & Japanese overlords.

    Keen for a short-term change either way, plus an excuse to have a taste of the in-house life. Win.

  24. #12224
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Is it CA?

    Secondments always sound a bit shit unless you get to go somewhere on a jolly as part of it. You're just being leased out to manage relationships at a higher level.

  25. #12225
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    I've got my first consultation next week. The guy that's shutting my technology team down is a director of plumbing and HVAC. And he'll have a trainee HR assistant with him. Employment lawyer calling me tomorrow lolz.

  26. #12226
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    Quote Originally Posted by niko_cee View Post
    Is it CA?

    Secondments always sound a bit shit unless you get to go somewhere on a jolly as part of it. You're just being leased out to manage relationships at a higher level.
    CA?

    We've got a pretty large commercial team and so there's usually half a dozen secondments on at any one time, with some of them definitely being more valuable for the secondee than others (some are dross).

    My guess is this will fall somewhere in the middle - some work will be simply negotiating templates and pulling together playbooks, but there should be scope for some more strategic level input on more interesting workstreams.

    Worth it for the name on the CV, if anything. And some of the team are based on the West Coast so there's an outside chance of a jolly, otherwise it's the continued joy of central London.

  27. #12227
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Not CA then (creative assembly) although I think they only have Japanese overlords (Sega) so sort of realised straight away. Doubt they're really big enough to be getting lawyers seconded to them.

  28. #12228
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    Ah, got you. Yeah, it's one of the big boys in the sector, rather than a UK-based games studio or anything like that.

  29. #12229
    I used to be funny.
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    Clearly he's been drafted in to fix FM 25. Sega of America demands it.

  30. #12230
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    In unrelated news, I'm training to be a barber.
    For some reason I thought you owned your own company, no?

  31. #12231
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Wasn't it a self-bald joke?

  32. #12232
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    He does. He's too shy to admit it but he's actually a bit of a tycoon in the hair and beauty game. Bought out Nicky Clarke several years back.

  33. #12233
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niko_cee View Post
    Wasn't it a self-bald joke?
    Ah, was not aware of that fact.

    Commiserations SVN on the lack of hair, but congrats on being a tycoon.

  34. #12234
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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  35. #12235
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    Thanks m8

  36. #12236
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    I'm trying the self belief thing and it seems to be really working, even if it's almost delusional.

    So either I'm exceptionally negative or people only care about can, not can't.

    Anyway whatever it's working. Blag it, lads.

  37. #12237
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    On Thursday our area manager (for lack of a better term) was down pretending everything isn't terrible, and when she asked if anyone had anything they would like to raise my line manager did a full Rafa Benitez - piece of paper from his pocket and everything - pulling her and the organisation to bits. The next day she sent him a properly shirty e-mail calling him unprofessional and playing to the gallery, so he came in today and retired. I am proper lolling at that for a move.

  38. #12238
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Are you applying for the job?

  39. #12239
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I would last about a week so there wouldn't be much point, but we've all agreed to refuse to take on any of his duties if they fail to replace him. Fun times.

  40. #12240

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    Brilliant.

  41. #12241
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I'm getting up at 5am to go to Sheffield tomorrow. I'm going with the newish Romanian, who is a proper legend. We got him from McLaren. He's about 5 foot 1 and in his spare time he sells trainers on ebay. This involves having a dodgy connect somewhere in the arse end of the Mike Ashley empire, who gives him a call if and when a shipment of rejected trainers is about to leave. He then hotfoots it up the M1 to the national distribution centre (in Newark or Hucknall or some place like that) and sits around for hours waiting for this mythical lorry to turn up. If it does then he shoves as many of the rejected boxes as possible into the back of his boat of an Audi (doesn't even hire a van, because bang goes the margin), drives back down south and then catalogues and lists them all for sale under retail price, even if he makes a loss. Makes something like a 4% margin overall from this charade. Says he could do it full time if he wanted, but it's too boring sitting around in lorry parks so instead he just does it on the side and sells parts for us, which he is bloody good at.

  42. #12242
    Pretty Much Amazing Mike's Avatar
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    Well, he sounds top!

  43. #12243
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    What's the margin on Jimmy's organs?

  44. #12244
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Sheffield is a dump. Jesus. A pit. I nominate it for destruction should we have to offer anywhere in particular up to Sir Vladimir Putin for nuking.

  45. #12245
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I think Threads is still on iPlayer Jimmy. That should cheer you up.


  46. #12246
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Yeah, I was going to say you're 40 years late on that opinion Jim.

  47. #12247
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Playing pickleball with the office LADS today. Better than working, I guess.

  48. #12248
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Pickleball?

  49. #12249
    I used to be funny.
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    Low-intensity tennis.

  50. #12250
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    It's a paddle racket sport played with a hollow ball that has holes in it.

    You play on a half-ish sized tennis court with a low net.

    Played it at Centre Parcs and it's pretty fun, you can get some sweet spin action when hitting the ball.

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