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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #4101
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    It was great. He was basically Finch out of the Office.

  2. #4102
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    I think my favourite disciplinary write up went something like 'Drew a large phallic shape in sawdust in reference to a current Director and refused to erase it'

    Better than when I had to sit in a meeting and recount a report of one of our drivers shitting in a service station car park.

  3. #4103
    Fuck like you cook.
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    Quote Originally Posted by John View Post
    Do you work the kitchen on your own, Smiff? How many covers do you do on a good day?
    Three of us at the moment but normally five, reduced due to social distancing. Covers wise....anything from 100 - 200 a day, really. I don't understand this perception that people need help to eat out, we've been mad busy for weeks now.

  4. #4104
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Disco View Post
    I think my favourite disciplinary write up went something like 'Drew a large phallic shape in sawdust in reference to a current Director and refused to erase it'

    Better than when I had to sit in a meeting and recount a report of one of our drivers shitting in a service station car park.


    At my wife's spot a guy got sacked because he was sat in a client meeting with the directors, scribbling away on his notepad. When asked what he was doing he was forced to reveal a very detailed drawing of a cock. Immediate dismissal.

  5. #4105
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I had yesterday off (the first day since Feb) and honestly have returned to a complete bomb site. The others are completely incapable of covering my work even for 1 day, which makes me think either I'm a genius with the work rate of a Trojan (unlikely), or they are all literally fucking useless. When I cover their work it's a doddle.

  6. #4106
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Have they tried to do it and done it badly or just not really bothered?

  7. #4107
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Both. The morning stuff they botched, the afternoon they just didn't even attempt. Then one of them phoned me up to tell me he'd 'fallen out' with one of the others over it. All in all, a splendid display of teamwork.

  8. #4108
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    it's one of the joys of annual leave. I came back from a weeks leave once and one of my colleagues had been dealing with one of the biggest scammers on my patch without reading the notes on the case.

    She referred her for support, gave her a 'love to shop' voucher so that she can get some food in and promised 'no further action during this difficult time'.

    Which is great, except she was due in court the next month due to her boyfriend running a fucking drugs empire from their flat. Apparently the Gucci handbag and sun glasses weren't a big enough clue that she might just about be doing alright financially.

    It was a great look when she presented the court with a letter from us promising 'no further action'.
    Last edited by Spikey M; 30-07-2020 at 08:15 AM.

  9. #4109
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    I still need to break it to my new temporary team that I am planning on taking most of August off. I've proved myself to such a degree that I fear they may try to postpone my plans (which wouldn't be the worst thing as I'd rather have the time off after the great global fatty purge is complete). What isn't so great is they've lined me up to replace some absolute technical rainman of a geezer as he goes on leave next week. I've watched how this guy's mind operates in sheer awe for the last 3 months, it's truly something else.

  10. #4110
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I wouldn't mind so much if I hadn't just been covering their shit while they sat in the garden for a paid 3 month holiday.

  11. #4111
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    I've got my annual leave in 2 weeks

    (Another case for you to ask for a promotion/pay rise)

  12. #4112
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Gosh, aren't you all so great at your jobs.

  13. #4113
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Probably why we're still in them.

  14. #4114
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Boom!

  15. #4115
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    I've got next week off. I'm going to do my very best to switch off entirely.

  16. #4116
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Same.

    Been told today that it’s unlikely we’ll ever have “our own desks” again, at least not for the foreseeable. A lot of oddballs with family photos and potted cactus plants cluttering up their mouse space are gonna whinge when that news gets out.
    I'm a twit

  17. #4117
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    Yeah I’m quite concerned with that in the office. If you do a job where you don’t need a bunch of physical reference materials or work in a collaborative team it’s fine. Would be a nightmare for me.

  18. #4118
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foe View Post
    Yeah I’m quite concerned with that in the office. If you do a job where you don’t need a bunch of physical reference materials or work in a collaborative team it’s fine. Would be a nightmare for me.
    Same tbh, but I’ve been loving the life of a home worker for so long that I’m pretending it’ll be fine.
    I'm a twit

  19. #4119
    I used to be funny.
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    I'll never understand why people hold on to so much shit. Especially in my job where all the reference materials are on a website or in your inbox. And cuddly toys. Fuck off with that.

  20. #4120
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    You gotta "make it your own".

  21. #4121
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Clean desk policy for the win.

  22. #4122
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I’ve a week coming up myself. All calls diverted to the office from 3pm tomorrow.

  23. #4123
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    I'll never understand why people hold on to so much shit. Especially in my job where all the reference materials are on a website or in your inbox. And cuddly toys. Fuck off with that.
    I have been asked on a number of occasions why I don't have pictures of my family all over my desk. I live with them. I remember what they look like.

  24. #4124
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Cold.

  25. #4125
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I couldn't cope with a clean desk policy. I always have it covered in shit - 15 engine catalogues, pages and pages of notes from phone calls etc, post its stuck everywhere with orders written on them or people's bank details and so on. Calculator, ruler to measure things, pens, the works. If it wasn't my own space I just couldn't work properly.

  26. #4126
    Pretty Much Amazing Mike's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    I'll never understand why people hold on to so much shit. Especially in my job where all the reference materials are on a website or in your inbox. And cuddly toys. Fuck off with that.
    You’ve not seen anything until you’ve seen the crap TA’s keep for no reason at all. I worked with someone for the last 3 years, both supporting the same child, she had two sets of draws (three dreams in each set) full to bursting with stuff that ‘might come in handy’
    I’m looked on as some sort of weirdo because all I had was the pack a speech therapist had left.

  27. #4127
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    They will be testing each and every one of us every two weeks.

  28. #4128
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    Really not looking forward to have to cart all my stuff with me all over school in September (I’m a messy desk person). Going to be a fucking nightmare so trying not to think about it for the time being.

  29. #4129
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    It's ages since I've been in a school, do teachers normally have their own classroom and stick there?

    I seem to remember at my gaff you'd have the big names in their own fortress like Mr McBay in room 10, Dr Harris in room 5, Mr Orr in room 3 and so on but I'm sure there were some floaters as well, further down the pecking order.

  30. #4130
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    The only time we had it like that was when there were teachers who did a couple of subjects. Science and IT teacher crossing over or PE teachers who taught something random like geography.

    Otherwise I think it was pretty set.

  31. #4131
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Of course Jimmy's school had Dr's for teachers.

  32. #4132
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Rotations have been reinstated so I've got 4 months in colorectal surgery from tomorrow.

    Joy.

  33. #4133
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    That sounds like a pain in the arse.

  34. #4134
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    My worst medical school memory is standing in theatre at 8am watching some poor bugger have their haemarrhoids cauterised. Nothing like the smell of charred anus in the morning.

  35. #4135
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Of course Jimmy's school had Dr's for teachers.
    I looked into private school teaching when I got mine. They don't care about formal teaching qualifications, so I was told that it was a decent route for no-mark academics. I think I only applied for a couple in the end, but from the websites I found the real money is in tutoring. If you have a couple of languages under your belt there seems to be no shortage of criminals and human rights abusers willing to pay you megabucks to babysit their cunt kids.

  36. #4136
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    That sounds like a pain in the arse.
    Just wanted to acknowledge this. KUTGW

    Quote Originally Posted by randomlegend View Post
    Nothing like the smell of charred anus in the morning.
    Luca will be in here shortly with a fancy Italian name for it, claiming it's a Sicilian delicacy or whatever

  37. #4137
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Not as poncey as charred lettuce I assume.

  38. #4138
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    When you assume, you make an Ass out of U and randomlegend.

  39. #4139
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Yeah yeah, tell me about it in 18 months time diary boy.

  40. #4140
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    First day off today and won't be returning till 1st September

    First week of break has been tarnished by having to rest from my near fatal accident and I'll have to do a fair bit of life admin with the house situation and some bits of work to ease my return but FIRST OF SEPTEMBER, YOU CUNTS.

  41. #4141
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Bastard.

  42. #4142
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Three weeks will fly by.

  43. #4143
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    I came off my bike a month ago and my ribs still ache. It was worth it for the week off, but it's delayed my progression in becoming Jersey's top heavyweight boxer.

    I'm back working from home again doing 'training' and it's a struggle. Might ask to go into our office as I know it's empty.

    They're giving us £200 in our wage to make our home working environment more comfortable, though. Straight into our wage with no questions asked. Gotta love 'em.

  44. #4144
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Are you suggesting you wouldn't return it if you didn't spend £200 on wheely chairs and a mouse?

  45. #4145
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Rumors going that we will be required to download an app that will use gps and wifi for contact tracing. Not gonna happen.

  46. #4146
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I know it's America, but even there surely that's against some freedomz law.

  47. #4147
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    I would assume so. The biweekly testing is annoying enough as is.

    EDIT: I will just ignore it and my guess is nothing will happen. Just like that time I got a MANDATORY sexual assault training assigned. I emailed back asking what was the punishment for not doing it, what with it being mandatory and all, and basically got a 'dunno lol' reply. Have yet to complete it, even though I get it assigned every year.

    EDIT2:

    Pepe –



    I’m sorry for the delay in my response. Any penalty will be up to the individual school to determine. Are there any questions I can answer that might allow you to complete the complete the training? It takes 30-45 minutes.



    Thanks.



    jwk

    Director, Title IX Office & Title IX Coordinator
    Last edited by Pepe; 05-08-2020 at 03:55 PM.

  48. #4148
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    Rumors going that we will be required to download an app that will use gps and wifi for contact tracing. Not gonna happen.
    You could just download it voluntarily like the civilised world.

  49. #4149
    I used to be funny.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    EDIT: I will just ignore it and my guess is nothing will happen. Just like that time I got a MANDATORY sexual assault training assigned. I emailed back asking what was the punishment for not doing it, what with it being mandatory and all, and basically got a 'dunno lol' reply. Have yet to complete it, even though I get it assigned every year.
    There was a big opportunity there for the punishment to be a mandatory sexual assault.

  50. #4150
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Who's going to volunteer to sexually assault a Mexican?

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