I would like to clarify that I am a man who has a beard, rather than a "beard man". The whole pseudo-subculture, beard-as-personality thing is tedious and I refuse to be tarred with the same brush, you cunts. On balance I'd rather have the occasional spacker beard-bro give me a high five saying "nice beard man!", than look like a 14 year old.

I can't make any excuses for the rest of my personality, though.