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Thread: Health and sickness. A place to moan.

  1. #801
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    I once smashed some nerd's glasses - and I mean they exploded like something out of a cartoon - with a fucking prime Adriano-like rocket and it's probably the best thing I've ever done on a football pitch.
    I gave someone a nosebleed by serving a tennis ball straight at their puss, and it's the most middle-class thing I've ever done.

  2. #802
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    I knocked another kid out with a shot to the face playing football when I was about 13, I'd forgotten that.

  3. #803
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Are you attempting to blame your rimming of a stranger on poor depth perception?
    No, absolutely not. If anything, it felt like I was seeing the world a lot more clearly after I first put my tongue in a girl's anus.

  4. #804
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I haven't played football in about six years. I bet I'm ace now. When is the next kickabout?

  5. #805
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Dibs on being in goals.

  6. #806
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Club Lewis vs The Group, match abandoned when Taz gets absolutely smudged up the barriers by Offshore and Simon refuses to be subbed on because 'Who's gonna manage us?'

  7. #807
    I used to be funny.
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    Mert turns up with a basketball.

  8. #808
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Big night out and I still feel rotten four days later. Actually developing a full cold. FML.

  9. #809
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Club Lewis vs The Group, match abandoned when Taz gets absolutely smudged up the barriers by Offshore and Simon refuses to be subbed on because 'Who's gonna manage us?'
    I'm well up for this. Me and you up top would basically be Inter on Pro Evo with Ibra and Adriano just smashing them in from forty yards with ease. Meegs was the best keeper in Haxball too so we won't concede. Too easy.

  10. #810
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Luca could get us some kits like in Mean Machine.

  11. #811
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I'll hold one of your hands as you walk on.

  12. #812
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Club Lewis vs The Group, match abandoned when Taz gets absolutely smudged up the barriers by Offshore and Simon refuses to be subbed on because 'Who's gonna manage us?'
    Bring it bitches.

  13. #813
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    I'll make one bursting run/dribble in the first ten minutes resulting in a goal, then spend the rest of the game trying to get my breath back.

    Or I can do half time oranges.

  14. #814
    I used to be funny.
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    You're probably the only one qualified to be a physio. Quincy just does forensics so he'll wind up on VAR duties.

  15. #815
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I've got paronychia on two of the toes on my left foot and it's fucking agony.

  16. #816
    I used to be funny.
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    Eurgh. My ganglion cyst is no longer a concern. Apparently I popped it a few weeks back and it hasn't reformed. And my contact lenses are back to staying in for proper time periods. I must've had them in so little before that my eyes changed shape. That's probably a thing.

  17. #817
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Ive discovered right in my groin area a wound that is really painful. Could be an STI. When i touch it with a cotton bud, there is blood

  18. #818
    Senior Member Bam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel View Post
    Ive discovered right in my groin area a wound that is really painful. Could be an STI. When i touch it with a cotton bud, there is blood
    You've been brassing it up lately haven't you?

  19. #819
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    What the fuck does that mean?

  20. #820
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    You've been chucking it up prossies.

  21. #821
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Jesus christ. What sort of STI causes a wound? Syphilis? You been slaying with the homeless?

  22. #822
    I used to be funny.
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    Chlamydia. Should've rubbered up. And I don't mean tyres.

  23. #823
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    I went to the clinic and they took some swamps and all that stuff. Having watched Chernobyl and saw what radioation posinging does to your skin, I have a similar look to a pea sized area of my groin.

  24. #824
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Swamps

    Swabs.

  25. #825
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel View Post
    I went to the clinic and they took some swamps and all that stuff. Having watched Chernobyl and saw what radioation posinging does to your skin, I have a similar look to a pea sized area of my groin.
    She wasn't Ukrainian was she?

  26. #826
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    The do a lot of posinging.

  27. #827
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Poisinging the swamps.

  28. #828
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    https://www.calvertjournal.com/artic...own-Kryvyi-Rih

    I'm surprised I didn't come back with anything tbh.

  29. #829
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by randomlegend View Post
    Swamps

    Swabs.
    My life is at risk, and you comment on my grammer.

    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    She wasn't Ukrainian was she?
    This isnt a time for jokes. Im very concernced.

  30. #830
    Senior Member Bam's Avatar
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    Life is at risk.

    Had your nob fallen off yet?

  31. #831
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I can’t stop pooing, and it comes out of me like a jet wash. Actually the “can’t stop” is a lie, thankfully. It’s more that I always need to poo, but thankfully I manage to contain it until I decide to go. Still unpleasant though.
    I'm a twit

  32. #832
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bam View Post
    Life is at risk.

    Had your nob fallen off yet?
    Its still attached but I'm preparing for the worst.

  33. #833
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I'm sure you'd make a decent tranny.

  34. #834
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Watch your mouth

  35. #835
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I hope you don't go down the pub or anything.

  36. #836
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry View Post
    I've got paronychia on two of the toes on my left foot and it's fucking agony.
    Cleared up but the two affected toenails have looked like they're going to come off and the other night my 4th toe's toenail came off. Doesn't hurt or anything but it feels weird.

    Big toe has a new nail growing in the bottom left corner which is pushing the old one away.

  37. #837
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Hows your cock Sincere?

  38. #838
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    *Hole/Nub/Void/Cavity.

  39. #839
    I used to be funny.
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    I can't wear contact lenses any more. I can get a lens in individually for 3-4 hours. Together, they immediately water up and my whole face goes into a reaction.

  40. #840
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Hows your cock Sincere?
    Its fine now and the surrodning areas. I didnt get any contact back from the clinic which means I didnt catch anything. It has all cleared up.

  41. #841
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Was helping my Cousin clear out our attic and as we were almost finished his ladder (one of those folding ones) decided to try and go horizontal.

    Took my right ankle and for a moment I thought it was broken. Felt like I was going to vomit and that I was going to faint.

    Still in a lot of pain but I've got ice on it. Don't think there's any real damage as I can move it.

  42. #842
    I used to be funny.
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    Yay, I got my lenses in for a few hours. Progress. Still have a nasty reaction on the left one but the right one's been fine. I think it's hayfever. Pollen or something must've gotten on it. I've never been bothered by it before but then we don't tend to have proper summers.

  43. #843
    Senior Member Alex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    Yay, I got my lenses in for a few hours. Progress. Still have a nasty reaction on the left one but the right one's been fine. I think it's hayfever. Pollen or something must've gotten on it. I've never been bothered by it before but then we don't tend to have proper summers.
    I tried contact lenses a couple of months ago and completely wimped out during the trial period, and just ended up cancelling the follow-up appointment to get them properly. I was absolutely pathetic at getting them in and out. I'm still disappointed in myself now over that actually, I should really try again. I've still got about five of the trial pairs left.

  44. #844
    I used to be funny.
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    It's something you get used to. I'd love to get back into some proper hours with them. My vision's better with them and I just prefer how I look without my coke bottle glasses. One of my colleagues is looking into contact lens implants. That's exactly how it sounds.

  45. #845
    Senior Member mugbull's Avatar
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    Instead of “contact lens implants” just get laser eye surgery. I’ll send you a PM If you want, the Czech place I got it done at will do it for $900, you can get it done again for free (i probably mentioned this earlier in this thread), and they also set you up with a hotel. It’s 100% worth it

  46. #846
    I used to be funny.
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    It does seem weird how that's an alternative to laser eye surgery. You're still getting your eye cut up. It's not my cup of tea.

  47. #847
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I couldn't recommend ICL enough.
    I'm a twit

  48. #848
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I've had to come home from work with an absolute cunt of a headache. Driving was probably not wise, but I didn't wrap my car around a lamppost, somehow.

    I think I've been migrained for the first time.

  49. #849
    Senior Member Bernanke's Avatar
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    I have my first ear infection at an adult age, and I want to blow my brains out. Now I get why kids with it scream like they do. Can't eat or sleep properly, and need to down painkillers like they're tic-tacs.

  50. #850
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    I woke up with what I assume must be an inflamed achilles tendon. I felt nagging pain in it when going to the gym yesterday (which happens, I think I strained it once and it's always been just a tad bit sore since then), but now out of nowhere over the night the whole tendon is insanely sore and I'm actually struggling to walk. What the fuck.

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