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Thread: The little things in life that fuck you off

  1. #4201
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    TBF to your Dads dodgy accountant it sounds like your Dad was up to some naughty stuff.
    He was.

    He used to buy houses under various different names to cut down on tax and shit. He'd over order as a builder, then taken the materials home for free etc.

  2. #4202
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry View Post
    He was.

    He used to buy houses under various different names to cut down on tax and shit. He'd over order as a builder, then taken the materials home for free etc.
    So he was a successful conman that then got conned by a fucking hooker? Get this movie going.

  3. #4203
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Just went down for diesel and some headscarf wearing suicide bomber wench in a jeep decided to wait for a pump (4 others were free) by stopping and waiting right across the gate while 3 of us had to sit indicating on the road to try get in.

  4. #4204
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    That's worth the points. Fair play.

  5. #4205
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Offshore Toon View Post
    That's worth the points. Fair play.
    Fuck that. If I said she was a baguette toting french surrender monkey an eyelid wouldn't be batted. Same for countless other types too.

  6. #4206
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Yeah, but those stereotypes are true. Not all headscarf wearing wenches are suicide bombers.

  7. #4207
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    How old's your step-mum now, Mahow?

  8. #4208
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Early 40s I believe.

  9. #4209
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    She still fit?

  10. #4210
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    You're far too poor.

  11. #4211
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Would you sign the lot over for a bit of motorboating?

  12. #4212
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Take that as a yes, Boyd.

  13. #4213
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Post some revenge porn, Mahow.

  14. #4214
    heavy like led Dark Soldier's Avatar
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    Suddenly Mahow makes so much sense.

  15. #4215
    Senior Member Adamski's Avatar
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    Poor cunt never stood a chance.

  16. #4216
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    The radio is infested with horse racing this week, the very shittest of sports.

  17. #4217
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Just hire a fucking Hitman Mahow. Get a Ukranian one and then blame it on her dodgey life before she fled to Cyprus.

  18. #4218
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Disco View Post
    The radio is infested with horse racing this week, the very shittest of sports.
    Yeah, does anybody appreciate horse racing as an actual sport? I thought it was purely for gambling.

  19. #4219
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    About the only point to it really.

  20. #4220
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    It would die without bookmakers so no.

  21. #4221
    I used to be funny.
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    Would be awesome if they bigged up the horses like prizefighters but they'd rather slap the trainers on the back.

    The internet at my folks is awful. What am I meant to do with 1.8MB down?

  22. #4222
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Why has my phone undergone some sort of update whereby the way you used to answer it instead now rejects the call? Is someone having a fucking laugh?

  23. #4223
    I used to be funny.
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    Actors who refuse to age. Coronation Street's gone super weird. Sarah Lou's back in at the ripe old age of whatever side of 40 Tina O'Brien is on and she's going out with grown-up Chesney who was about 7 when she left the first time around. They both look 18. Meanwhile David Platt is still acting like a 15 year old.

    Age, you cunts. Or act better.

  24. #4224
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Tina O'Brien's daughter looks older than her. Considerably older.

  25. #4225
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Had a tooth ache for a day or so, been popping Senna tablets four hourly ever since because they look identical to Ibuprofen and I'm a fucking idiot. Still, the coming arse piss should help with the weight loss.

  26. #4226
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    When you forget about your cup of tea and it goes cold.
    I'm a twit

  27. #4227
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Cold tea :s

  28. #4228
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Get another one.

  29. #4229
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Microwave it.

  30. #4230
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    We're currently staying at Centre Parcs and the boedroom is so fucking hot its ridiculous. No idea how my wife and baby are sleeping in it. The thing on the wall says it's 27c in there. Would be great if said 'thing on the wall' controlled some Air-con, but no, it just controls the heating which is set to 18c.

  31. #4231
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    I've been stuck in the local Tesco car park for about an hour now. Fucking Mother's Day bullshit.

  32. #4232
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    I've been stuck in the local Tesco car park for about an hour now. Fucking Mother's Day bullshit.
    In the car like?

  33. #4233
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    On foot. Won't admit he's got lost.

  34. #4234
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    How can Mother's Day cause traffic? Is there only one card shop in Ireland?

  35. #4235
    I used to be funny.
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    Repeal the 6th.

  36. #4236
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    How can Mother's Day cause traffic? Is there only one card shop in Ireland?
    I know you're only trolling but I still feel obliged to correct you and tell you he probably didn't venture from Ballymena to Ireland for the card.

  37. #4237
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    In the car like?
    Yeah, there were plenty of spaces but just a massive queue of traffic all around the car park waiting to get out which was holding up people getting in too. Took about half an hour to get around to where there were spaces and get into one then about half an hour to get out of the car park again after I'd been in the shop for five minutes.

  38. #4238
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    How can Mother's Day cause traffic? Is there only one card shop in Ireland?
    Shit small town with a couple of big supermarkets on the outskirts of it. I was in the town centre earlier but there are only two card shops left these days. Had a look in them both but they were shit. Also wanted to get some chocolates and Tesco was probably the best place to do that.

  39. #4239
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Yeah, there were plenty of spaces but just a massive queue of traffic all around the car park waiting to get out which was holding up people getting in too. Took about half an hour to get around to where there were spaces and get into one then about half an hour to get out of the car park again after I'd been in the shop for five minutes.
    It's not because of mother's day, it's because it's a standard Saturday and women are fucking obsessed with parking as close to the door as possible. You'd swear a 30 yard walk would kill them.

  40. #4240
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Nah, I don't think it was that. Saturdays are always pretty busy there and it seemed worse today. It's a terribly designed car park too. Traffic doesn't flow in and out of it well at all.

  41. #4241
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    I know you're only trolling but I still feel obliged to correct you and tell you he probably didn't venture from Ballymena to Ireland for the card.
    He could, if needed, have driven to anywhere on the island of Ireland. He didn't mention any marine transport so it's unlikely he'd have been somewhere else.

  42. #4242
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Nah, I don't think it was that. Saturdays are always pretty busy there and it seemed worse today. It's a terribly designed car park too. Traffic doesn't flow in and out of it well at all.
    Good weather too (if it's anything like here) so every cunt has the need to buy a tray of Tennents and a disposable barbeque.

  43. #4243
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    He could, if needed, have driven to anywhere on the island of Ireland. He didn't mention any marine transport so it's unlikely he'd have been somewhere else.
    Yeah still, it'd be like constantly referring to Spain and Portugal as Iberia. Which you don't. So like I said, trolling.

  44. #4244
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Your national rugby/cricket teams must be trolling as well. From now on I will always refer to the rock as 'Ireland', and the nation state as 'the Irish Republic', to avoid confusion.

  45. #4245
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Good weather too (if it's anything like here) so every cunt has the need to buy a tray of Tennents and a disposable barbeque.
    Ha, there were quite a few fellas with crates of beer. I think Fosters was on offer.

  46. #4246
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Calm down, the pair of you. Martin McGuinness didn't die for this.

  47. #4247
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    My mother parks miles away from the mass because she thinks everybody is out to open doors into or scrape trolleys against her car. This isn't that annoying in itself, but when you combine it with her being the worst and least considerate driver in existence you have to wonder what sort of world she lives in.

  48. #4248
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Your national rugby/cricket teams must be trolling as well. From now on I will always refer to the rock as 'Ireland', and the nation state as 'the Irish Republic', to avoid confusion.
    That's fine, even though you're completely wrong. Never underestimate a British education though.

  49. #4249
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    What is this?

    Toggle Spoiler

  50. #4250
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    For the sake of clarity, what is the island called then? Great Ireland?

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