They are fucking epic.Originally Posted by Lewis
They are fucking epic.
Go full Wimsey.
After an horrific curry and some Stella last night I've been up since 3 with a sore stomach. Finally lost my nerve around 5 and had the most prolonged painful sloppy shit ever. Why? I'm staying with relatives, there's absolutely no background noise and their bathroom door doesn't close properly because they area getting it done up. I managed it without a single fart.
Roll on to now and again I lost my nerve this time it felt diahorreary and this time it was very wet and windy. So lol. Feel like shit not set up for a day's drinking or watching us struggle in the freezing pissing rain against fucking Cardiff.
I'm on fire here too. 3rd drop and my hole is fucking red raw at this stage.
Omg I'm bursting again and still nobody is awake. Hopefully the next one will clear everything out otherwise I can't see me leaving the house. I'll have to wait as it'll be noisy as fuck. Torture!
Eventually got an arse explosion at 8:30. Much better and what I needed. Feel miserable can I cope on 2.5hrs sleep...
Boiler has lost all power, what an utter cunt. Turns out my home emergency cover won't touch it cause it's still under warranty and Baxi customer support isn't open until 8am.
Looks like it'll be all the pots I've got on the cooker for my 4am bath/shower.
My dad found out early on Monday morning that his beloved mother-in-law (who lives there in exchange for giving him 100k so he could have a bigger house) has been washing her stroller's wheels with the same brush that they use to do the dishes and just putting it back.
Fuck!
I've just seen an advert for Cancer Research in which they were asking to be written into your will. What sort of morbid bullshit is that to put on at seven o'clock on a Sunday?
Better than having to look at African children covered in flies or half-dead dogs. That shit used to be all over Nickelodeon and the like.
I just fucking hate all adverts, original thought I know.
Oh, except this one:
I wish job interviews worked like that.
Adverts are generally shit but you can occasionally marvel at the thought processes behind them. I particularly like this one, which I'm sure had a measurable affect on the crime rate.
https://www.youtube.com/shared?ci=Eee9zX8awT8
Dunno how to do video on mobile, but: the cage.
I'm sure I remember it having more pixels than that.
That rape advert was clearly made for Pavel.
Ebay. So while packing up the house ready for the move, I've found about 30 items of clothing I never wear, most of which are in great nick and cost me a fair bit. So I've listed everything on ebay with a 99p start, thinking it could earn me a hundred quid or so.
Fuck me. I'm just getting bombarded with questions. I've had 14 people messaging me today already. People questioning the colour (are you sure it's blue? it looks black), exact pit-to-pit measurements, asking how many times I've worn it, moaning that international postage is too high. What the fuck do these twats want? I'm just a person selling second hand clothing you nonces, you're not shopping at Marks and Spencer.
Gumtree maybe?
Remember that fud 'HeAt' who tried selling his tat on here? Two old Henry Lloyd polo shirts for a tenner, top bargain lads.
SvNs struggles remind me of the greatest craigslist listing ever
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That's great. This is my fave tho:
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Also, I got me the smoking cessation champix pills. Possible side-effects are sleep problems, weird dreams, constipation and in rare cases really low mood. No issue with sleep or constipation, but I've been having some really intense dreams the last few days. Don't really mind that, but today I've suddenly started feeling REALLY miserable. I just started crying over me pasta ffs (queue my mother saying "it isn't that bad, is it?" which did get a lol). It is worse than fucking mdma comedowns. Guess I'm just in the unlucky x% who are susceptible to it.
Meant to be doubling my fucking dose from tomorrow. Guess I'm just gonna have to be old-school and get back on the gum.
How much do you smoke?
Er, if I'm not working 15-20 a day. Workdays about 8-10, and when I'm drinking all bets are off.
They're almost always really thin rollies but still.
A few family members tried champix and they all had weird dreams and were quicker to anger.
My Mum then tried Desmoxan (a Polish one) and she stopped using them.
Films with audio that goes all over the shop.
whisper whisper whis... SUDDENLY A LORY EXPLODES IN YOUR FACE per whisper whisper
Get some decent speakers.
It's a tv, not a fucking nightclub.
Watching Ballers using my tablet on a packed out train tonight. Was using a dodgy stream when all of a sudden a porn advert pops up with some naked woman with her legs spread open starts flashing her gash. I panicked and couldn't close the page.
It's ok, the passengers probably thought you were looking in to a mirror.
That means you want to fuck me.
Why the fucking fuck is WhatsApp turning into Snapchat? Does everything have to be geared towards imbeciles now?
Facebook trying to get in on the Snapchat market.
They could have done that with their shitty bloated messenger app.
That's said, I may keep using it as everyone else does.
I think you just answered your own question
Eh? It's only started doing this stuff now. Everyone has been using it as it has been the only decent tri-platform messenger. Hopefully this doesn't mean that ads are next to come, that'll be the one to make people hit uninstall.
Well by doing this they'll probably take quite a decent chunk of dual app users away from snapchat and also perhaps bring some Snapchat only users in but as you say, I can't see many people moving away from WhatsApp because of this so it's a bit of a win win.
'Dual app' and 'tri platform' may just be the worst phrases I've ever heard.
Ah well. Would you rather I wrote out the three in full next time?
Shite Dundee bistro.
I've just seen one of the lamest things ever shared on facebook.
I'm not even fucked off, I can't stop laughing. The fucking CAT! What the fuck.
Bonus points for being shared from a group called "Unearthing Reality".
I saw an article shared the other day which claimed that some German scientists had proved the existence of an afterlife by 'inducing death' in some volunteers then reviving them 'up to forty minutes later' to ask what they'd experienced. You'll be surprised to know the answer wasn't irreparable brain damage. The comments were full of people who apparently lacked even the most basic facility for critical thought asking WHY IS THIS NOT BEING REPORTED MORE??!?
I'm giving serious thought to just binning Facebook altogether.
I unfollowed about 90% of my friends list and it's worked wonders. Even now, when people share total bollocks I can easily mute that source, so they're doing me a favour in some ways.
That picture (an accurate representation of The Cyber, btw) is pretty ace
It's always a German scientist (for good reason, I suppose). That Italian bloke who reckoned he could clone people should have billed himself as Swiss at the very least.
There was some bizarre story on the BBC the other day about some reporter who'd paid about £50k to some Mexicans to do some bonkers stem cell treatment. Sounded like a right scam.
That was legit, was it not?
I deleted my app and only go on now when I get an email about a tag on my name directly.
Also cleaned up twitter using twitter lists and it's fantastic. Like 5 little bespoke feeds and not one huge list of shite.
Facebook is absolute tripe. That deactivate was the best thing I ever did.
It's gotten a bit strange over the last few years.
No-one actually says anything anymore, at least not the sane people. My memories are full of conversations with people and loads of people commenting, now it's just like and move on or tagging and sharing everywhere.
You wonder if Facebook even care that it's morphed into something else, or if they're quite happy counting the money and buying a whatsapp every few years.
Yeah, very few people on my newsfeed seem to use Facebook like we all used to i.e. posting statuses and stuff. My newsfeed is mostly just Simpsons memes now.
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