Don't be silly, we only have 7 immigrants down here.
Don't be silly, we only have 7 immigrants down here.
Having to use 5 sources in an English Language 'project' which consists of using critical discourse analysis and multi-modality (language used as well as the underlying meaning plus text, fonts etc) to pick apart a newspaper advert.
I could write it without using a single one, 5 is mental.
Here is the advert that I've picked out:
Toggle Spoiler
Should be getting the life insurance payout today.
Look out camwhores, Mahow is back
Can you pay off my credit card please
No webcam, no money.
I'm not hearing a no there 'how.
I have a webcam but no inclination to reveal my sweaty vinegary bits to someone who looks like a bearded, bespectacled Triceratops turd.
I'm sure he'd take the glasses off if you asked nicely.
I thought I'd treat myself tonight so I had a mooch down to the local (supposedly) British restaurant. Their bangers and mash was right on the money so I went one further and ordered their English trifle. Twats brought me two pancakes with whipped cream on top. Seething.
Originally Posted by 7om
how the fuck?
As always, airports. They definitely bring out everyone's inner wanker. Doesn't help that this is no time to not be in a duvet either.
These days I find the whole flying experience completely grim. Having to turn up several hours in advance, the ridiculous prices you're forced to pay after the security check and the flying conditions just seem to get worse and worse. The fuckers are slowly taking more and more room in economy to the point where I can't even sit properly anymore. The food is shit and after all that you've got the prospect of waiting God knows how long going through immigration.
My friend is scared of flying, so he drinks in the airport and then gets on the sleeping pills waiting to take off. That might be the way to go.
Just ordered some stuff from Prime Now and the driver brought his kid along with him and he decided to give me one of the Amazon freezer bags which he wasn't supposed to leave me.
So I got a nice cool bag thing but it also had 4 or 5 small packs of dry ice inside
What fucked me off was my butterfingers dropped one bag on the floor and once picking it up stepping on some very small dry ice fragments which had escaped from the holes in the bag. Hurt like a fucking bitch.
Dry ice is awesome though and I get why chefs are all pissing about with it now.
Left my cunting phone charger in our hotel room.
I flew to the USA a few weeks ago and all they had for entertainment was Finding Dory on repeat on a TV about 30 feet away from me. I couldn't believe it, it was like being back in the fucking 16th century or some shit.
I got 5 flights with American Airlines and there was only one where you got the TV in the back of the chair in front of you.
I'm the reigning and defending world champion of that. Reckon I've gone through easily six in that manner.
American Airlines are about as shit an airline as there is. Just count yourself they didn't lose your luggage for a few days.
I was the champion of losing gameboys.
I left about 8 or so of the bricks in airplane seat pockets.
I'm home today waiting for a fridge to be delivered and I doubt I could have timed it worse. Virgin are laying fibre optic cable literally right outside my house so I'm in for a full day of complete fucking racket outside.
On the plus side, I plan to spend all day playing FM.
I've got a picture of me an a mate scuba diving with my Blades shirt on. Me and him are in front of a shipwreck near the Cayman Islands. My mate is a Wednesdayite and I thought it'd be funny to get the picture in the programme describing us both as Blades, and they used to have a little section for pictures of Unitedites in different places around the world.
I've got in touch with sufc and they've got back to me saying that it costs £35 to get it in there?!?
Maybe I'm looking at things in an old fashioned way, but this doesn't seem on to me. For one thing, I thought they had a section for that kind of thing. In any case though, charging fans £35 to stick a picture in the programme seems a bit out of order, but then again maybe I'm just being sentimental?
Are you suggesting that something in the football industry is more expensive than it should be?
Is Unitedite the worst name for a group of fans in history?
It's Blades usually. Just 'ite' at the end when referring between Wednesday and United. Otherwise it's baffling as there's millions of Uniteds out there.
Got into the office and realised I'd just done the entire commute in to work with my fly open. This must be one of the signs of getting old.
There are so many middle aged women in my building who just traipse around like zombies. They look like they need someone to shake some life into them.
Do they lose like 50% of their ability to function with the menopause or something?
They don't lose the ability to be annoying cunts.
The NHS blood service.
I'm a massive girl when it comes to needles but I signed up a few months ago just in-case I'd ever get over it. They seem to ring me every other week now trying to get me along.
Why can't they just add a little note to my account 'beta cuck who needs time to be less of a pussy in regards to needles'.
I might book a sky dive just in case I'm not scared of plunging to my death at some point.
I didn't book anything though, I just registered an account so I can see where/when they take place.I might book a sky dive just in case I'm not scared of plunging to my death at some point.
Equally, why not wait until you were ready to do it before signing up?
You're what, twenty five, Mahow? If you're still shit scared of something now you're going to have to actively try to get over it.
Fear of needles is one of those sort of rational fears that I've never been able to get my head around. With heights at least there's the risk of falling, spiders are cunts, etc, but it seems to me a fear of needles must actually be a fear of psychotic murder nurses or Harold Shipman or something.
It's as if they take registering as an expression of interest, the weiro's.
Which is why I understood them calling the first few times.
They call me up every other week.
Have you deleted/deactivated the account?
It doesn't have to be fear of actually dying, it's pretty easy to see how someone could spin out a dislike of being poked with pointy things so much it becomes a genuine fear.
Really?
Fear of needles is most likely either due to the very mild pain involved, or due to seeing your own blood. Either of which makes you a pussy.
That said, I'd let my whole face go rotten before going to a dentist so glass houses and all that.
This.
I imagine they're in touch because they desperately need blood.
His type of blood, probably. He's got foreign stuff in his veins.
No, it's still active.
I don't know what it is. Dentist needles are the worst (they're fucking massive and leave them in for so fucking long), but I hate the normal ones too.
They don't hurt and I can look at all my blood coming out (and do) but I hate the needle going in.
I don't even know what my blood type is.
Went to get contacts today and I monged it up so much.
Spent about 25 minutes making myself look like a fucking spazz in front of a hot girl. She said you have to put them in and take them out 3 times before you can take some home. I took them out twice on my left eye, putting them back in once. In my right I took them out 3 times and put them in twice (the optician put them in first time as they needed to test if they were the right prescription).
Dropped four or five on the floor and I went through all the ones they had ordered in, they have to order more and I need to go back in next week.
That'll be why they're still contacting you then. Fucking hell.
It sounds like you should probably just turn around and leave if you're about to be served by someone attractive.
Did any spaghetti fall out of your pocket?
I should but it seems that 90% of the people that Specsavers hire are attractive females, probably to target people like me
Fucking hell Mahow. You make Uni-Samadini look like an absolute world beater.
I have actual furniture though, I win.
Nobody actually likes needles. I really don't like them because I don't like blood or gore or any of that stuff, but you just have to get on with it and realise its a bit pathetic. Same thing with the dentist.
Mahow in action
Fucking hell.
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