The little things in life that fuck you off

[Raoul Duke]

Who's the guy with the batshit crazy Liverpool-fan brother? (not Mike, someone else).

[SvN]

Lewis, isn't it?

[CJay]

Randrew.

[Toby]

Randrew.

[Giggles]

I know I've asked this before but who is Randrew? Foe?

[randomlegend]

Randomlegend + Andrew (my name) = Randrew

EDIT: My name is actually Andy, nobody calls me Andrew.

[Toby]

As you wish, Randy.

[Magic]

We should put some sort of TTH Anti-Family together. Magic's in-laws, your cousin, my brother, Lofty's old man, whoever gave Floyd his hairline... I'm not sure what they would all do. Probably go for shit meals that my brother can criticise for the sake of it.

Somewhere a bit posh and different from the norm...like a Harvester.

[randomlegend]

Lewis tried to get that going before. Perhaps you'll have more success.

[Raoul Duke]

Is your bro still a quadraspazzed mongtard?

[randomlegend]

Somewhere a bit posh and different from the norm...like a Harvester.

Harvester

[Magic]

Cheers Randy.

[randomlegend]

Is your bro still a quadraspazzed mongtard?

He doesn't live at home any more so I don't get to witness his majestically retarded behaviour so often. He's honestly not been as bad the last few times I've seen him (relatively speaking).

[Baz]

Been having an argument over O2 Live Chat for a few minutes now. S/he is just fucking thick.

[Baz]

Who's being thick here? Like I know I didn't buy the phone through my contract, but he was being a proper cunt.

Toggle Spoiler

O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Hello, it's O2 Guru – Pushpanjali here. I hope you're well. What can I do for you?
Baz : Hi. I bought my phone years ago now from the o2 shop. It's an iphone 4S that I bought outright. could you tell me if it's locked to o2?
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Baz, all O2 phone which purchased from O2 is locked with O2 network.
Baz : Can I please get it unlocked?
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Have you purcahsed it in contract or as a SIM free phone?
Baz : SIM free.
Baz : I paid £499.99
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Then it'll unlock it in pay and go and unlocking fees should be £15 and you need to register any pay and go number with this phone.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Let me explain you with the whole process to get it unlock.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : You need to registered any pay and go number with this phone. To register your mobile number to the iPhone please insert the O2 Pay & Go SIM card in it top-up with more than £15 and make a chargeable call from UK. Also you need to insert your Pay & Go SIM card in your iPhone for at least 24 hours after making calls. There is a one off charge of £15 for unlocking. Once you have made a chargeable call please contact us after 24 hours and we'll help you with the unlocking.
Baz : I've been using the phone for almost 4 years with my O2 SIM only pay-monthly deal
Baz : It's not a pay and go sim.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Baz, all SIM free phone will unlock with pay and go, contract phone is difference and it should be purchase on same contract, then it'll unlock, if you purcahsed as a SIM free phone then it'll unlock in pay and go and unlocking fees should be £15
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : It's clearly mentioned in our webiste.
Baz : "If you're a Pay Monthly customer, then you can unlock your iPhone at any time, for free. This doesn't affect your contract though – you'll still need to see out the rest of"
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Please check this link : http://www.o2.co.uk/help/phones-and-...her-network#qs
Baz : I've just requested the unlock on the websit
Baz : We'll process the request within 10 days and will contact you by text or email to tell you what to do next.
Baz : for free. no mention of the £15 you're asking me for.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Baz, but you've not purcahsed it in contract, you've purcahsed it as a SIM free phone as you said.
Baz : yes, but i have an o2 pay monthly contract
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Please check the above link.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : But, you've not purcahsed this phone in contract.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Try to understand that which phone purchase in contract then we can unlock it free but if you purchase it as a SIM free phone then it'll unlock in pay and go and unlocking fees should be £15.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : There is 2 type of contract, which is SIM only contract and another is phone contract.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : So id you've phone contract then phone will unlock free.
Baz : Butit's still listed in My O2 as "Pay Monthly," not Pay & Go.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : If you've SIM only deal and you've purchase phone as a SIM free ( not in contract) then it'll unlock in pay and go.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Baz, are you not reading my text?
Baz : and the link you provided states if youre a pay monhtly customer it's free. if you're pay and go (ie you top up by paying cash when credit runs out) it's £15. so surely it's free for me? I pay £22 every month.
Baz : yes I am reading what you're saying but I'm also reading what your link says and it's different
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Let me check your account and then I'll help you with the details.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali :
Can I just confirm your full name & mobile number you're contacting us about?

Baz : Baz Awesome : 0********9
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Have you purchase this phone in this contract?
Baz : Nope. I paid £500 for it in 2012.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Then how can we unlock this phone is it is not purchase this phone in contract??
Baz : But you could for £15?
Baz : I've already submitted the unlock request on My O2. Would it not have said it wasn't possible, if it wasn't possible?
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : You can try but I'll like to tell you might be it'll get rejected, because this is not a contract phone.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Are you the account holder?
Baz : Yes
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Great, Thanks for confirming.
Can you tell me the 1st & 3rd characters of your security answer please?
Baz : * & *
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Thanks for the security checks.
Baz : It says I'll be notified within 10 days. Does it usually take the full 10 days?
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Baz, I can see that you've purchase this contract as a SIM deal, there is no phone in this contract.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : So it'll not unlock it in pay monthly.
Baz : I'll take my chances.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Okay,
Baz : It says I'll be contacted by text OR email. Will it be both?
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Yes you'll get both.
Baz : Okay. thanks for your help.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : Thanks for being very patience and kind understanding.
O2 Guru – Pushpanjali : You're most welcome.

It was lovely and pleasant chatting with you. Have a great day ahead.Take care & Bye bye :)

When he bolded that text I could've hit him.

[wullie]

I'd be amazed if you get either a text or an email, the live chat seems useless. On the O2 forum one of their own mods told me not to bother with it any more and just ring up.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You should have invited Pushpanjali to the forum.

[Pepe]

I thought he was a bit pushy to be honest.

[wullie]

Max was a knob when I did it

MAX: Sure, everything has been forwarded to the concerned team.

MAX: Result will be in positive.

MAX: You can take this chat as confirmation

Not a fucking peep.

[SvN]

I tried to unlock my brothers phone from Three. I had about 6 failed unlock codes and gave up and bought one for about £8.

[John]

Reading between the lines there, it sounds like you bought the phone and put a sim card you already had into it, is that right?

If so, you're both being thick. You for not explaining yourself properly, and him for parroting the same stuff constantly.

[wullie]

When I phoned up Mohammed sorted my issue out immediately. If I asked him to publicly denounce the Paris attacks he probably would have done that too.

[randomlegend]

I thought sim free phones were already unlocked.

[Baz]

Me too.

I was just majorly pissed off to start with cos I opened my new iD (carphone warehouse) SIM card with such glee, put it in my phone and then realised it might not be unlocked to work with other networks.

I rang and spoke to someone at ID who said to leave it in for 24 hours and the "SIM card invalid" message will hopefully disappear. Can't not have my phone for 24 hours though, cos I use it for sat nav. Close to fucking it all off and carrying on as I am. But even that's effort cos I've set up the new direct debit. Wouldn't mind if my phone wasn't already a bashed up 4 year old piece of shit.

[Baz]

Just had an e-mail from O2 saying my phone is now unlocked. Fuck you, Pushpanjali.

[Magic]

Apple software locks the phone to the first SIM that goes in it. UNLESS it's bought from Apple direct.

How this is legal I'll never know.

[Giggles]

Just had an e-mail from O2 saying my phone is now unlocked. Fuck you, Pushpanjali.

Get back on the chat to tell him,

[Magic]

I really hope Baz formatted his text in red, as if we wouldn't have been able to figure it out.

[Baz]

The "print this transcript" did all the formatting for me. I was too angry to add BB code myself.

The first draft had my mobile number on it.

[Manc]

It's a victory for the West.

[Boydy]

My feet fucking stink.

[Pepe]

Liberal in being a dirty hippy shocker.

[John]

After tonight's extended visit with my grandmother, two things have irritated me.

Firstly, the time I spend watching TV in her house is my only real exposure to whatever advertising the BBC are currently doing for themselves, and tonight produced an absolute cracker. That thing with footage of Luther, Sherlock, and Scully in The Fall spliced together as though they'd somehow stumbled into the same murder scene, complete with Sherlock saying 'so you're a real genius too' to Luther, is the worst I've ever seen. It was well realised and the lines did make sense out of their actual context, but who the fuck came up with that idea and where should I smear shit to cause them maximum discomfort.

Secondly, and more importantly, her mental condition is deteriorating and it isn't being properly addressed because I'm the only person seeing it. She's always had a somewhat goofy personality, so I can understand some of her less lucid interludes being mistaken for jokes or whatever, but we're long past the stage where my grandad should be noticing the difference so I've sort of confirmed that he's losing his edge too. She provided me with perhaps the best yet of her many 'I shouldn't be laughing at this because it's clearly indicative of a serious problem, but fucking hell' outbursts tonight when she was absolutely certain that her mum lived in Ken Barlow's house before he did. She goes to the doctors often, but on the occasions where she's losing time and doesn't make it they obviously aren't seeing it, and on the occasions she does make it she's by definition lucid enough to appear normal, and also to make excuses for the missed appointments. She's been fiercely independent all her life, and I don't want to betray that by going around her to force a home visit when I'm there and she's a bit batty, but I'm not far off the point where concern for her health is going to outweigh the betrayal and whatever shit I'll have to take for it.

[Boydy]

Liberal in being a dirty hippy shocker.

I'm not a fucking liberal.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Boydy]

Secondly, and more importantly, her mental condition is deteriorating and it isn't being properly addressed because I'm the only person seeing it. She's always had a somewhat goofy personality, so I can understand some of her less lucid interludes being mistaken for jokes or whatever, but we're long past the stage where my grandad should be noticing the difference so I've sort of confirmed that he's losing his edge too. She provided me with perhaps the best yet of her many 'I shouldn't be laughing at this because it's clearly indicative of a serious problem, but fucking hell' outbursts tonight when she was absolutely certain that her mum lived in Ken Barlow's house before he did. She goes to the doctors often, but on the occasions where she's losing time and doesn't make it they obviously aren't seeing it, and on the occasions she does make it she's by definition lucid enough to appear normal, and also to make excuses for the missed appointments. She's been fiercely independent all her life, and I don't want to betray that by going around her to force a home visit when I'm there and she's a bit batty, but I'm not far off the point where concern for her health is going to outweigh the betrayal and whatever shit I'll have to take for it.

You could call and chat to the doctor that she sees and tell him/her what problems you've been seeing and get them to ask more probing questions so they can discover more? They can hopefully help her out then and she won't have to feel she's been betrayed by you.

[Pepe]

I'm not a fucking liberal.

That's not what Harold says.

[Boydy]

Fuck him.

[Pepe]

I'm not into transexuals.

[Foe]

After tonight's extended visit with my grandmother, two things have irritated me.

Firstly, the time I spend watching TV in her house is my only real exposure to whatever advertising the BBC are currently doing for themselves, and tonight produced an absolute cracker. That thing with footage of Luther, Sherlock, and Scully in The Fall spliced together as though they'd somehow stumbled into the same murder scene, complete with Sherlock saying 'so you're a real genius too' to Luther, is the worst I've ever seen. It was well realised and the lines did make sense out of their actual context, but who the fuck came up with that idea and where should I smear shit to cause them maximum discomfort.

Secondly, and more importantly, her mental condition is deteriorating and it isn't being properly addressed because I'm the only person seeing it. She's always had a somewhat goofy personality, so I can understand some of her less lucid interludes being mistaken for jokes or whatever, but we're long past the stage where my grandad should be noticing the difference so I've sort of confirmed that he's losing his edge too. She provided me with perhaps the best yet of her many 'I shouldn't be laughing at this because it's clearly indicative of a serious problem, but fucking hell' outbursts tonight when she was absolutely certain that her mum lived in Ken Barlow's house before he did. She goes to the doctors often, but on the occasions where she's losing time and doesn't make it they obviously aren't seeing it, and on the occasions she does make it she's by definition lucid enough to appear normal, and also to make excuses for the missed appointments. She's been fiercely independent all her life, and I don't want to betray that by going around her to force a home visit when I'm there and she's a bit batty, but I'm not far off the point where concern for her health is going to outweigh the betrayal and whatever shit I'll have to take for it.

My parents went through this with my nan. It was getting pretty dangerous too as she was putting things on to cook and forgetting about it.

Just be careful the doctor you get appreciates the full extent, maybe make a journal or something. The one my nan had was adamant she was fine and didn't have Alzheimer's becuase she could count back from 100. Despite the fact she wouldn't recognise where she was, or that she had been there before. It's not pleasant but if you genuinely think they need help then be stern with your point.

[Baz]

If there's one thing people with dementia are great at, it's covering it up.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Toby]

They did those number and literacy tests with my granny too, and she wiped the floor with my mum's oldest sister, who had accompanied her to the meeting. A life of doing crosswords and number puzzles and watching Countdown every day made it a pretty pointless test, because if they'd just asked her to make a cup of tea they'd have realised she was doolally the eighth time she asked if they wanted sugar.

[Magic]

The internet.

I knew feeding ducks with out of date bread couldn't be good for them, I looked it up. It told me to feed ducks with their natural diet: lettuce, seeds, rice and oats instead of bread.

Fine, so I took some lettuce and also some 9 oat wholemeal bread too.

The little cunts went fucking rabid for the bread, biting my trainers and everything. Whipped out the lettuce expecting them to go wild at the fact some nonce had brought organic lettuce for them. I kid you not as soon as they saw me get it out of the bag they turned around and started walking away. I ripped off a few bits and threw it at the ungrateful fuckers but they took no notice. Even the gulls lolled at us. Other parents that were there must have thought we were total wrong 'uns. Maybe this shit is more psychologically damaging.

[Disco]

Lettuce. Just use some bird seed or something you mong.

Reminds me of a kid at the school my mum worked at, a few of his mates were going to egg the headmasters car but his mum was too scavvy to buy eggs so he improvised. They caught him smearing Flora on it.

[Magic]

What? I'm not going to go out and actively buy bird seed you lunatic. The whole point of 'feeding the burds' is to get rid of out of date shit in your house.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If my dog or indeed myself is anything to go by, animals mainly want food that they aren't 'supposed' to eat.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What? I'm not going to go out and actively buy bird seed you lunatic. The whole point of 'feeding the burds' is to get rid of out of date shit in your house.

Yet you decided to Google if ducks are fine with 'out of date shit'...

[Disco]

Basic class ladder error there, every middle class family puts out bird feeders in winter.

[Magic]

Yet you decided to Google if ducks are fine with 'out of date shit'...

I Googled is white bread bad for ducks.