Fucking hell when did I become a football arguer. Maybe Giggles was right.
Fucking hell when did I become a football arguer. Maybe Giggles was right.
I see James as the knowledgeable journalist type that has to go up against Jermaine Jenas and Rio Ferdinand's unrivalled thickery, who starts off acting respectably but loses all standards within an hour.
Can we get Angelsaint in as the Norwegian 'expert'?
Saint would be better off on TTH Love Island.
Saint would be better off on one of those flights to Rwanda.
Pointing out the exits?
Someone dropped out of cricket due to an 'impending family bereavement'. This is quite understandable so isn't what fucked me off. What did fuck me off was what on earth am I supposed to put as a tawdry phrase of best wishes in response. He was cracking jokes in the same message, so I guessed it wasn't a close one like a parent.
'Hope it goes well' - erm no.
'Hope it's all ok' - they're about to die, it's not all ok.
'Hope you're holding up ok' - needlessly sentimental.
'Best wishes to them' - they're going to die, my wishes are frankly immaterial.
'Best of luck with it' - it's a death in the family, not a game of bar billiards.
'Hope it works out ok' - they'll be in a box by Sunday morning.
'Hope you don't have to do too much' - because you obviously don't give a fuck about your dying relative.
In the end I went for 'Hope it's as painless as it can be', which in hindsight is probably a 3/10 effort for someone who may well be dying in throes of horrendous pain. I know for sure that it definitely didn't describe the message-writing process.
"ok make sure you're back next week"
Cricketers come up with the worst excuses.
"Sorry I'm blowing up balloons for my [adult] sister's birthday party."
"I'm going on holiday next week so I need to get my hair cut and pack my suitcase."
"I can't play there. Their ground is surrounded by farmer's fields and hayfever is really bad at the moment."
"My car is on the red. I don't want to put another fiver in to get there."
These are all genuine. 1st XI as well, so it's not like they're shit cricketers or anything. It's why I refuse to be captain now.
Is Ben the brother of Jimmy?
"Ok, thanks for letting me know."
That's the best I can come up with and it still sounds a little off. Maybe just a robotic, "Understood." will do?
I'm sorry to hear that mate, thanks for letting me know.
Is this an autism support forum now?
"Now"?
This being Surrey I've not had the can't afford the petrol one, but I have had 'I have an appointment with my interior designer'. I stared at that for a good couple of hours wondering if people actually have interior designers or, if not, why you would cover up something else with that.Originally Posted by Ben
This being the North East I've not had the interior designer one.
That's for someone you barely know, cricket has a dynamic whereby you spend hours with people all the time so you need to be a bit more chatty.
You're overthinking it. Igors response is fine, but in reality there's no corrent response because they are incredibly unlikely to be particularly bothered by whether you can be perceived to care the correct amount. They won't even think about it.
I know this very well from my own total apathy in the reverse situation, but without getting these things right (or trying to), the wheels of life don't turn.
It's like when someone makes me a cup of tea and says 'oooh is it too light/dark for you???' I couldn't give the first shit what colour it is, and they know I don't care, but they have to go through the rigmarole of caring nonetheless.
Last edited by Jimmy Floyd; 16-06-2022 at 10:54 AM.
If it's cricket try a joke about innings/overs/bowled out etc.
try "ah what happened, did the stupid old twat have a bad stroke? And I don't mean like Crawley edging to slip again hahah no but seriously, I expect you back next week"
A good joke obviously.
This shit
Oh noes, there's more women teachers than men. Oh noes, women don't want to work on the Bin Lorry.
So fucking what? Despite the desperate clamour to make women more masculine and men more effeminate there remains differences between the genders. And that's fine. Everything doesn't have to be 50/50. We don't need male teachers if males don't want to be teachers.
I remember once reading there was only one female slaughterhouse worker in the whole of Britain (the abattoir is always my go-to for comically shit workplaces, thanks to this video). Hopefully the meat processing industry has developed an effective gender equality programme since then.
This whole thing does absolutely fall on its arse when it comes to (not) pushing women into jobs that could be described as horrible.
In similar news I see Tom Hanks reckons he couldn't do Philadelphia now, but seemingly has no issue with Castaway or Captain Phillips.
The gay characters not being played by straight actors thing I find absolutely mental. I'd have thought it would be highly beneficial for gay people for a straight person to have to get into their shoes in such an intimate way, as it promotes understanding. Many seem to just like setting up dividing lines.
https://www.theguardian.com/film/202...y-philadelphia
Yeah, this is utterly daft. The natural conclusion of this line of thinking is that it's also inauthentic for a gay actor to play a straight role.
So actors are now only allowed to play the person they actually already are?
It isn't, though, obviously:
David Sedaris had a great bit on the word 'queer', when he heard that a woman identified as queer because she was tall, and he realised it was just a word people run to when they felt 'othered' in any way, thus making it meaningless and self-defeating. God, that man can write.In 2021, Russell T Davies asserted that only gay actors should play gay roles – a credo adhered to when casting hit drama It’s a Sin. This September sees the release of Bros, an LGBTQ+ romcom starring Billy Eichner in which all the cast members – including those playing heterosexual roles – identify as queer.
Takes all the acting out of it.
And speaking of queer actors, Ezra Miller has kidnapped a woman he groomed.
He's had a wild year thus far.
I read that in the voice of a Canadian Kermit the frog.
Imagine having that jawline and playing sissy paedo dress-up with your life.
This backfired massively on the railway as they decided they needed to address the gender split and now have loads of women in shift roles who take 18 months off for a baby then come back and demand they can't work the unsociable hours aka the bit that props the salary up.
Sorry sweetheart. We can't carry malingerers on *squints* the railways.
It has always been malingerer heaven but now it is bursting at the seams with them, even the most brazen never used to try it on saying they could only work shifts between 9 and 4.
You should all be grateful you'll never know the pain of walking all the way to the car and realising you're still carrying a bleep.
I have never came across such a convoluted mess that is the whole Microsoft exchange/office/apps setup. A complete shit show.
My IT guy says they're planning to phase out all their apps and do everything on the web. That will probably be an even bigger shitshow.
Having just replaced my pc I have to say it's much easier than it used to be, even Microsoft/Windows accounts were simple to restore (most of it is cloud based so almost nothing had to be copied over). Actually the hardest part was finding a pc case that doesn't light up like a christmas tree at every available opportunity.
Same with keyboards/laptops, that.
RGB.
I'm a twit
You can just turn it off/set it to one colour if it bothers you.
Yeah, I should really turn mine off. For the planet, like. Plus I never really see them.
It’s fine for a user but horrendous on a business account. I have two accounts added to a business plan but neither have access to the actual plan. And all that’s before you get to the mess that is office/sway/sharepoint/OneDrive or whatever other guff they have for doing the same thing.
The search function on Outlook and Teams seems to get worse with every iteration.
Cyclists, although not in the traditional way.
Every Sunday - at least now it's hot enough to sleep with the windows open - I am woken up at 5am by a load of Lycra clad, 50 year old gammons, shouting to each other.
"PACE!! PACE!!!!!! KEEP THE PACE!!!!!!!"
"LEAD! WHO'S ON LEAD?!"
"SWITCH!"
I'm struggling to think of anything more tragic than this. Get a fucking life lads.
Last edited by Spikey M; 26-06-2022 at 07:53 AM.
It'll be you in 10 years fella. It's like the menopause, inevitable.
Shouting about? Must be a bunch of fucking amateurs.
Cheesewire.
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